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Ashley

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[ website | VOGUE,W mag. ]
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I've Decided to be like Everyone Else [11 Jun 2004|07:33pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I'm tired of it, I can't do it anymore, and its not as if its making my life any better. Fuck this so called pride that I have, this higher self-esteem that I THINK I have. It has never gotten me anywhere.

My friends suck ,and my lifes a bore. I'm giving up, I'm giving in to be like every body else.

.........I'll be the sterotype that they always wanted me to be, if that means becoming a much happier person. I'll do everything I said I would never do.


I'll be just like the rest of them, if that means I'll feel better today.

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heart sings. [20 Apr 2004|06:05pm]
Hm, my heart knows when its in love or when it has crush..but for 2 years now I haven't be attracted or liked anybody. Not even to the point that I wanna hook up with anyone for anything.

hmmm.
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heart sings. [20 Apr 2004|06:03pm]
Hm, my heart knows when its in love or when it has crush..but for 2 years now I haven't be attracted or liked anybody. Not even to the point that I wanna hook up with anyone for anything.

hmmm.
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Allergy Alert:seems like pollen is everywhere [20 Apr 2004|01:36pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Ugh, I have like the worst allergies ever. : sneeze, : sneeze, : sneeze, that's all I seem to do. My eyes are very itchy also, time to go to take my medicine soon.

Ugh, lets see I have an English essay due Thursday, Part II of Math prj. due Friday, A quiz & test to make up in Government. I think I better start writing my essay tonight, and take my quiz tomorrow morning.

So anyway, I survived school, I guess by sneezing the day away. I didn't have to work on that project with my annoying partner in Gov't. Everyone was talking about Prom, which I'm not going to. I should have went last year while all my friends was still there..but no I thought "Ah, 12th grade won't be like 8th grade all over again," wrong my Senior year is very reminiscent of my 8th grade year. I guess I just don't really get along with my peers very well, not all -- but most.


I wanted to go somewhere today, but then I feel like just taking a nap..maybe tomorrow ..But I usually never feel like doing much on week days.

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I'm Back and for the better [19 Apr 2004|11:33pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Watching Sixteen Candles ]

I got 36 days before graduation, and I cannot wish any harder that they would hurry up. I should be happy and joyous because "hey, I'm a Senior," well all my friends have already graduated. So here I am this year at this stinkin' school.

I'm back with vengeance, saying fuck you to all the "stupid" who posted "bad" comments on my journal.

But anyway, theirs a concert I wanna go next month.. its to go see HIM. Their one of my favorite bands, though some people think their so "poserish".

*I feel so perfectly fine right now and I'm happy, but by 8am tomorrow I won't be. Ugh, I hate school, and can't wait for it to be over. :)

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SJP,looks FAB! [11 Nov 2003|02:49pm]
[ mood | happy,but i gotta go pee soon. ]



Carrie'd Away: No, Sarah Jessica Parker isn't under house arrest. Those aren't security monitors around her ankles, they're very expensive designer shoes. The "Sex and the City" fashionista makes the scene in New York in super-strappy bronze stilettos, a silver sequined Gucci dress, and a gold fringed evening bag. It's a look her Jimmy Choo-craving alter ago would covet. Come to think of it, with Parker's mane back to its early "SATC" length, the fine stylistic line between fiction and reality is blurring. Is Parker influencing her character or the other way around? Only Mr. Big and Matthew Broderick know for sure.

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Back Again, from 10 day absence [04 Nov 2003|01:59am]
Its been ten days since I've posted on my blurty. Nothing has really been going on,just rhe regular school -- and I'm starting to volunteer.

I wish I had something more intresting to say ,but I'm really sleepy.. so I'll post later.


*Oh my report card comes out soon. Oh and I'm doing way better in Drivers Ed ..... and thats it.
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Stalker. [25 Oct 2003|07:47pm]
If you've got so much courage why do you keep posting anonymous


actually, different person. that was the first comment i posted, and i was being as critical of the other anonymous poster as i was of those not posting anonymously. i wasn't attempting to guess your actual age or that of any of the other people commenting on that post; rather i was suggesting that such was the impression that your and their posts left on a casual reader.
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(Anonymous) Vistor(cough:same person over and over) [25 Oct 2003|08:49am]
(Anonymous)
2003-10-25 02:13 (link)
Is everyone who uses this blog, like, 14? jesus.

No sorry get your facts straight before you judge people,I'm 17 years old
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I played Sick today [24 Oct 2003|02:48pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I played hookie today,instead of having a boring lame Friday at school. Its the weekend I didn't feel like being surrounded by my bitchy Math teacher,who always rushes everyone through quizzes/test. Or go to the Simulator in D.E.,to only fail again..because my car is sooo old.

*I'd write more but my hands are freezing from the cold.

Have a Good day :)

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Updated [20 Oct 2003|05:49pm]
Well I went into the Simulator (Drivers Ed thing) for the first time, I didn't do hot.. I got a 40 grade.I need for my 10 times in the Simulator to average a passing grade(hopefully a low B or C). Anyway today I had a good day because I didn't let shit get to me,I said to myself "I tried my best,gave it my all" -- really thats all I can say and do.

I'm sorry if anyone has felt that I've whined or whatever too much. Its just I'm a perfectionist and very hard on myself,very hard .. I overanalyze almost everything. I stress myself out,I'm learning to correct these mistakes and personality flaws. I'm trying :)

Anyway I got a 92 B on my History test,or maybe its an A..not sure. Tomorrow I won't get to school until 12PM,for certain reasons..that means only going to 5th period ! Also my Math teacher sucks big time,she's such a bitch..she's always rushing people during quizes and test. Going to her also for tutoring just sucks,she's not help at all..err! On my latest Math quiz I got a 75,well thats better than the past 65's I've made.

Hmm what else,well I just exercised for the first time in months(I've been so busy with school stuff).

*Well,I go I don't wanna ramble on.
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Can I live in Peace? [15 Oct 2003|12:16am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Can I ever have peace in this house? Supposdely I use the computer more than everyone, AHH FUCKING NO I don't(no more). From the time I get home,take a nap and wake up my dad will be on the computer(usually playing a card game). I get hounded by my brother at night asking me "You still up". Can I check my email,write in my diary,listen to Joy Division if peace..damn.

Men can get really on my nerves,actually just living with people of all shapes of form/sexes is annoying.

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The Real Me No Bullshit. [14 Oct 2003|12:56am]
I fucking dont care what the celebrities wear,they dress like shit w/o their stylist.
I fucking dont care what people say because most people in America/world,are afriad of hearing the truth.
I fucking don't care if I never see anyone from school,I'll be quite happy not knowing stupid AH's.
I fucking don't care if people think the friends I do keep around me are lame.
I fucking don't care if I swear too much,and this sounds really lame.
And I F'n don't care if I die alone romantically speaking,long as I have my family & friends.

I dont want to be like everyone else,and being accepted into society is something I do not want/aim for anymore.

And I don't fucking care if I don't dress trendy,or keep up with the jones.
I fucking don't care that I don't act in a sterotypical manner & conform.
And I fucking don't care if liking Manson,Shania Twain,Xtina,Yeah Yeah Yeahs.. makes me a poser
And I fucking don't care if someone hates me for disliking all of Emo(specially that MTV shitz)

I'm not sorry for who I am.
I'm not sorry for thinking outside of the box.

I'm not of shamed of my hair,how I dye it , wig it, weave it, cut it.

Why do other peoples opinion matter,when I have children or nieces and nephews.. I'm going to teach them the truth. The truth is what saves us in the end,I only want to hear the truth(which is scarey for many people).

Label me as you will, curse at me, try to embrarrase me, try to shame me...because I love myself(who Isurround myself with) and who I am.
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I Loathe Mondays [13 Oct 2003|02:02pm]
I hate Mondays. And I hate when nosey people ask questions. I hate how people think other peoples matter over their own> people focus in America way too much on "keeping up with the jones"(w/ everybody else).

If everybody could mine their own business,and do their own thing .. the world would be a better place.

I got an 86 C (which is two points from a B) in Drivers Ed.... so when I do this project due Wednesday.. I should have a 92 B. My teacher in Drives Ed,said I'm one of his favorite people.. I feel special.

Anyway I'm going to go, have a great day. I'm gonna go take a nap & watch some old movies or cartoons
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I don't fucking care for the damn Card anymore.. [13 Oct 2003|07:11am]
Its so fucking early 7:11AM, I mean I've been up since 6AM. Today I'm going to practice driving,shit I don't fucking care anymore about my damn lincense. Its not like if I get it I want to go anywhere with anybody,or I'd hardly find anywhere to go. Thats the fucking problem with me and my worries, me worrying if I'm ever going to get that card made out of plastic that says DRIVER. Well,I don't care and I'm not going to let some card get me down & all in a bundle.

I'm going to drive to school,but I'm leaving early so nobodies going to be on the road. I might just leave now. The reason for me going to the school early is because I need to go to the Library. I need to go to the Lib. and get my paper preread & print it out before LOADS of people come in their with their computers & problems.


* Like I said I'm tired of Drivers Ed driving me crazy and ruining my life, I hate worrying about something so stupid and I'm not going to anymore!
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life as it seems [13 Oct 2003|12:14am]
[ mood | going to bed ]

While brushing my teeth I just realized "I'm having fun and I haven't hung out with a single person my age". I haven't hung out with any of my associates/so called friends from school. Haven't seen Tiffany in months,she called me last week & I didn't call back. I like hanging with Tiffany but I'm tired of some of her bullshit.

Lately I get on the net & communicate w/ people, go to school and communicate some,go to mall communiate some,or talk to my parents > thats fine with me.

I've decided I'd like to go to college on the Spring term,hopefully that is possible.

P.S. I get interims tomorrow. And my dad just tried to sneak up on me,to tell me to go to bed "Its 12 0'clock don't you know you got school tomorrow".

P.P.S. I have to wake up early to get into the lib. so I can get my paper proof-read,also finish it.

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headache [09 Oct 2003|09:59pm]
My head fucking hurts from studying Math.
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Paper Writer [09 Oct 2003|03:00pm]
In english I have to write a paper on a personal memory, mines is the year (when I was 9) 4 family memebers died. 1st my grandma,then great grandma a month later. I started to almost cry (because I was thinking of my uncle ,maybe having cancer again),i think my teacher noticed. But I lied ,and said something was in my eyes.

I don't know how I'm going to write 5 pages(due monday) on the most important event so far in my life, that before broke me but has made me stronger.
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scared [08 Oct 2003|01:29pm]
No Drivers Ed Test or Math Test...ah But I do have a Math Test Thursday.

I'm so scared I'm going to fail,specially Driver's Ed. In Ed I've had a few 100s(from turning in forms..getting things signed ect) Test I've gotten I believe 60,high 70, and finially an 86.

My D.E. teacher asked me if I think I would pass,I think he was teasing me.. I hope so I really do. I've tired of hardest,even through getting a car isn't the biggest thing on me mind(that would be SATS).

I'm so frantic, I just ate two poptarts really fast.
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a [08 Oct 2003|07:57am]
I'm not sure if my clothes really match that way,but I don't care. I have a math test,but haven't studied that much. I believe I'll do well if I just focus,use common sense,and get help. Then in Drivers Ed we have a test its on the same stuff I had to take to get my Learners,but I didn't study. I will through. I just wish this week would hurry up and be over with,them adding extra minutes to class doesn't help. I hate our new schedule for hte year because Fridays I have Math and Drivers Ed..its annoying. Before this some weeks I had more Odd than Even, & vice versa.

Monday is the day for interims,I am scared :( I just really hope I have no Ds or Fs(I highly doubt it,but you never know ).
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