LIKE WHOA!   
01:52am 24/12/2003
 
mood: crazy
music: "the girl all the bad guys want"~ bowling for soup
well, a lot has happened since the last time ive written in this thingy. There's this guy Roy, dont know how to 'splain him to y'all... hes 24, a really great guy, we have a lot in common, a smartass like me, really really nice and he makes me SMILE... thats all i can do! Life is definately something special now-a-days, i regret ever feeling so down and wishing i no longer existed. I can't imagine what my life would be like if didn't have the people in it that make it all worth while. All my friends and family and a special someone have just made everything i need and want seem so easy to get. woooo.. sssooooooooooo

Christmas is soooo close, im not even in the xmas spirit and as im typing its officially xmas eve. I have a lil party thingy to go to tomoro at work... then who knows what afterwards! wow, my feet are cold and im tired, so i think ima call it quits and maybe write some more tomoro, haha, who knows ! peace yall		  
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need-sleep-now...can-not..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   
11:22pm 09/12/2003
 
mood: crazy
music: "pass dat dutch"~ missy elliott
Man, too much has gone on!

The semister is almost over, i finally told my dad that i dropped my english class so it wouldnt bring down my GPA! He was all " i wish you would've said something earlier, im not mad u dropped it, im just mad u didnt come to us first!" Meh, frickin supportive daddy, i was expecting to get YELLED at, but its all good! He told me i would just pay for that course next semister, but he'll pay for the other.. n hopefully for the books AGAIN! Besides that, i have all my finals coming up next week, im already feeling stressed. But on a happier note, yesterday i ran into this gurl, debra, from my speech class (lucky b-otch is 26 but looks 18)... but anyways, i ran into her at Leow's theatre, shes a manager there, and we talked for a lil while about speech n finals n such.. and she asks me what im gonna see, so i told her i was seeing bad santa. She asks "oh the 10:10 show?" .. me: "no i think its 10" and she n her bossy ass, tells me to come over to the puter while she checks it out! so i do, and as i got there, she says "yah, ur right its ten".. n i look at the screen and it says "printing tickets" so im just standing there all silent and then she hands me 3 courtesy tickets.. so andy returned mine, jinahs and his tickets... i thanked her then and at class today. hehe, so nice of her!

Then i called up a buddy of mine, i dunno if i was happy with the conversation him and i had, i dunno maybe i draw conclusions way to fast. I think i'll give myself time to think about everything in my life that is going on.... AGGGHHHH so fuckin confused.

well, i know its not much of an update, but eventho my life has been somewhat hective, i dont think any of it would be very entertaining..lol.. id just be complaining. BUT if u would like to hear me ramble on and on, IM me and ask me how ive been dealing!

im tired as shit, so im gonna go to bed .. love to all my chicas n thugs :-D muah muah :-*		  
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Just call me BooBooKittyFuck   
02:18am 11/11/2003
 
mood: exhausted
music: "numb"~ linkin park
Well, today was wonderful! NOT!! It was full of nothing.. than an anxiety attack, wooohooo!
Anyways, the past couple days have been meh. I withdrawaled from english on friday, sat. me and my sis moved a lot of shit from her bfs house back to this house(shes moving back here), then sun me n my daddy went to home depot to pick out the fan for my room. I get to paint part of it blue, to match the rest of my BLUE room, yay! and as i said b4 today no fun!

I'm so stressed out these days, im sorta numb on the inside! I'm afraid to let anyone get close to me, cuz i dont want them to know anything about me, considering i dont think im in the right frame of mind to be dating anyone. I'm so stressed about my image.. my parents are pressuring me to go all the way thru college, the whole freakin world of anorexic chicks are forcing me to be thin. Its kinda sad, all this pain on the inside has completely taken away from other feelings i should have. For example, im never hungry anymore i barely even think of food, but people make me eat so i dont become another one of them. Altho im not complaining about the rapid weight loss, i honestly feel like need to shed quite a few pounds. I dont think it matters how many times my friends tell me im perfect the way i am, im always gonna want to be better, its a neverending cycle of not feeling good enough. And i really dont know how i got to this point, i was fine for a while. But lately, depression has gotten the best of me. I'm not telling y'all this so u can pity me or anything. I just want you all to know why i may seem withdrawn.. or ive been told ive acted "pissy" .. well either one, if u notice them.. just know that im in a deep state of depression. Well, my sis is nagging at me to go to bed, n well, since the basement is her bedroom now, i have to leave it!! ill update soon..mucho love, shell 		 
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Yay! My first entry!   
02:28am 05/11/2003
 
mood: lethargic
music: "I hate everything about you"~three days grace
Well kids, my life is not as peachy keen as everyone may think! I'm trying to keep my emotions calm, despite everything that is going on around me! I'm failing one of my college courses.. so ill have to withdrawal b4 nov.11th so it doesnt bring down my GPA! One of my friends has not talked to me in about a month, he's never online, so he'll never see this journal! I will not use any names but i will use intials. CG and i were good friends, but he liked me way more than i liked him and it was a lil scary to me, I've never had anyone feel so strongly about me and the thought of getting close to him and then letting him down.. was not an easy thing to come to grips with. So i ended it before it started, we fought a few time n now that he has a g/f i'm wishing i could have him back! hey, im one of those gurls that wants what she cant have! I guess i need to go out n find myself a guy, seems CG will never be coming back to me, ive tried calling him, emailing him, sending messages his yahoo s/n, but not even a hello, seems i really screwed that frienship up, eventho he did his equal share of it.

Besides that, most of my friendships right now are ok.
Jinah- gurl, u is my bestest friend and no one can ever take that away. its really great to have a friend to share all your good times and bad times with. mucho luv my chica
.... n to everyone else i love muah muah muah muah muah muah ... hehe kisses for all

Sorry bout that! and to all the nay-sayers fuck y'all! you dont matter to me! :-D

Life right now is extremely confusing. I don't know whats going on around me anymore. I wish sometimes i knew what the purpose to life is.. instead of sitting around lettin life pass and "letting the answers come to me!" Some guy randomly IMed me and was talking to me about not worrying and living life to the fullest, i never told him i had a problem or anything he just IMed me and randomly brought up all this stuff! i barely said a word to me and he was saying how nice of a gurl i am and stuff, eventho he doesnt know me! i swear he must have been a preacher with nothing better to do on a sunday than IM random young gurls and talking about worrying too much. But, he told me he was a vaccum salesman, jesus freak.. vaccum salesman, all the same!

Well, i def. could go on and on about all the details of my life, but for right now, i think im gonna go dream cuz its 2 in the AM and im tired as shit. Catch up with y'all later! much love, shell		  
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foreversended