||[27 Jan 2004|10:38pm]
||alive & content
||coheed & cambria
i'm so glad my life does not relvolve around . there was a time that it did. several years ago. i have had to battle it even so much as a year ago. but though it may try to flare up in me time and again. it is no longer nt in my heart.
such a battle rages in me
one as i have often experianced
yet each time in a deeper intensity
a battle between and love
good and evil
power and defeat
of which i know not the outcome
only the pain
of which much is inflicted
a sorrow so deep and painful fills my heart
olny seldom does it come
but seldom - too much
the black intensity of it grows like a vine
reaching its snaking coils around my source of life
around my very exsistence ....
around my heart ...what it left
as to choke and strangle out the very breath of my soul
the web it weaves grows thicker and tighter
locked inside me is such a pain
....a living .....
oh Great Light! redeem this sickened heart.....
i wrote that almost exzactly 3 years ago. and even then i knew that something wrong. no one can know the amount of darkness that lived in me...the ....and how well i masked all of it. occasionally some would catch me off my guard....and they would be so completely amazed by the that poured from me...they could do nothing. my heart was a prison....and in it i kept and cared for each of my prisoners. watching over them well and keeping lists of every crime committed against me. the stuff above was a cry for help....not what was in me. what was in me was to dark to go into. i d any and everything. but as always...God came through. and slowly i released each prisoner...free to go their way and burnt the lists. i am still in my journey. for so long now i have lived without and darkness....but with only a measure of love. now i must learn to love.
well today was not much to speak of. i worked from 9 to 7. with 2 fifteen minute breaks. it was crazy all day. everyone and their brother called out because the "couldn't get to work". haha. and this was supposed to be my day off. oh well. more money i guess. i am so siked about this weekend. jess, jenny and i are going to paint the town! what color? pink of course! right jess? what else? well the plans are in the making...and i will let you know what we actually end up doing. oh and thing are finally starting to fall into place for pensacola! and jessie might be coming now! yay! i am so happy! i will get to go swimming! it will be freezing....but the beach is the beach. a little cold can't stop us! well so much for my exciting day...hopefully i will be able to post some pictures before too too long. peace out
bobby! it is my song!!! ahhhhh!!!!
||[27 Jan 2004|11:20pm]
Let me not the marriage of true mind s
Admit impediements: love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempest and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rose lips and cheeks
With his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
Then I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
shakespear ... sonnet 116