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Without You I'm Nothing

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Kill them all [08 Feb 2004|10:02am]
[ mood | murderous ]
[ music | Follow - Richie Havens ]

The monster who killed 6 year old Casey Williamson may escape the death penalty because his girlfriend has claimed that he suffers from schizophrenia.

The abomination that murdered 7 year old Danielle Van Dam is trying to escape the death penalty by saying that he didn't kidnap her (before he raped and murdered her), but she sleepwalked out of her house.

The scum that kidnapped, violated, and took Samantha Runion's life has yet to get any breaks, but I'm sure his lawyer will pull something shameful out of his mendacious hat of tricks before the trial is over.


What does schizophrenia have to do with snatching a little girl from her home and hitting her with a blunt object? Was he paranoid of Casey? That's what made him snatch her from her house in the 5 seconds that her dad was in another room? I'm tired of diseases being used as an excuse to do horrible things. You have medication. Take it. All of us are responsible for the actions that we take, and we all have control over ourselves, period. Claiming that a girl sleepwalked out of her room (and to your cabin in the woods?) is as ignominious as it is ludicrous. I really hope the jury doesn't buy this one.

I guess what's bringing all of this up is the case of Carlie Brucia's abduction and murder in Sarasota, Florida. It was actually captured on the surveillance camera of a car wash...and well...she didn't seem to put up much resistance at all. Did her parents ever warn her about situations like this? What was going through her head when she let him lead her away? Could her life have been saved by one of those lectures about not talking to strangers?

Her parents, like many of the other parents of abducted children, said that they moved to that nice, small, quiet town so that they wouldn't have to deal with the woes of the world. When will these people see that small towns are ideal for criminals? They know that you guys don't lock your doors, and they know that your children are gullible and easy to grab without anyone seeing them. Everyone should just move to the city.

Now you know some disgusting defense attorney is going to take this case and try to get this creep off. I know it's a job and everyone is entitled to a fair trial in this country under the Constitution and everything but I'll never feel at ease about it. He murdered a child. A FREAKING CHILD. They all did. All of their victims were young and defenseless, and these men stole their lives from them. So in my opinion, they all deserve the death penalty. No matter what their childhoods were like, or what mental disorders they have. Because of them, those children and their families suffered so much more.

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Long, unintended religious rant [08 Feb 2004|10:01am]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Time - Sarah McLachlan ]

I hate the gospel preaching speech pattern. Ugh.

If God is responsible for everything (or just the good things, if you're a Christian), when do you come to the point where you find it useless to talk about him all the time?

How come every single human vice is attributed to the Devil? Feeling too tired to go to church? It's not that your body is sleep deprived, it's THE DEVIL. Trying to quit smoking but just can't ignore those cravings? Could it be nicotine's chemical addiction? No, stupid! THE DEVIL. Ticked off at some jerk who cut you off in traffic? Well, the reason you're mad isn't because the guy just did something asinine. THE DEVIL's trying to wrap his spindly claws on you.

Who do you need to help you through these tough, tough, situations? The "Great", "Almighty", "All powerful" God, that's who. The "great" God will make sure that you don't skip church, pick up that cigarette, or flick that guy off. Not your own self restraint - because you have no free will. It's only through God that we can act morally and responsibly.

The more I hear about this God, the more I question his existence. Perhaps if I'd been exposed to this propaganda from a very young age, I wouldn't be questioning it all right now, but I'd like to think I would anyway because it's all a big steaming pile of cow dung and it's followers are the flies just eating it up.

Why is it that when someone dies, everyone comforts the griever's loss - and their own - by saying that it was his or her time to go? It was all in God's plan. God has special things for that person. BUT, when someone is close to death, but manages to beat it, people say that God was looking out for that person.

You can't have it both ways, people. Which one is it?!

If it's all in God's plan when we die, why is it that most of us, supposedly, aren't even making it to Heaven? He's taking away our lives so that we can burn in hell? Well, that spiteful asshole isn't exactly the kind of God that I'd want to waste my life and happiness worshipping.

Also, if God controls everything and he does have a "plan" for us all, what's the point in us even getting out of bed? If God wants you to go to Harvard, he will put straight A's on your report card and give you a 1600 on your SAT. If God wants you to die at a certain time you can ignore good nutrition completely, cease all exercise, and put yourself in as many dangerous and idiotic situations as possible. It's all on God.

To me God is just something that people put their faith in because they're not strong enough to cope alone. They need to believe that there's someone up there watching out for them, giving them strength, and that everything does happen for a reason. I only wish that they could look inside of themselves for the strength, and religion could demising. Too many terrible things happen in the name of this deity whom we have no proof of.

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Van Helsing Trailer [18 Jan 2004|11:18am]
[ mood | giggly ]

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/van_helsing/

Hugh is sex given human form. View the full screen version if possible, it's freaking amazing.

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[25 Oct 2003|05:42pm]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | Chocolate Jesus - Ghost of the Robot ]

My dad just told me that a man's daughter's aren't supposed to treat him the way that my sister and I treat him. So my sister asked why it was girls and not boys as well, and my dad told her it's because men treat their sons differently.

Ahh, here lies the problem! Why so many men turn out to be rapists, serial killers, and absentee fathers. Their own fathers show them no affection, or at least not as much as is shown to their sisters. They're taught from a young age that they have to bulk up and be a man. Their that their purpose in life is to support their family financially, and that crying or any other display of emotion is strictly forbidden. It's considered girly.

Um...how about breaking the cycle?

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[25 Oct 2003|05:07pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult ]

I haven't updated in like 50 years. Sorry...anyway. Here's something crossposted from my livejournal.

A nasty chubby chaser hit on me this morning. I had an apple in one pocket and a cd player in another, and my braids were all over the place because I was braiding them as I was walking. So sexy dude. Are you getting turned on just by reading this? I sure am. Was this guy thinking that I'd be so taken with his words that I'd blow off school and we'd have wild, crazy animal sex? Is there a specific number of times they have to utter "hey shortie, whats up?" per day?

Some freshman died subway surfing last night. Apparently he was dared to get on top of the train by one of his friends while changing cars but as soon as he got up there he hit his head on the cieling and was subsequently run over by another car. You always see stuff like that in crappy action movies, but I didn't know that people were actually stupid enough to try it. Does finding this guy's death completely hilarious make me a terrible person? Am I going to hell for being grateful that he didn't produce any offspring? Slandering someone who practically killed themselves doing something that no one with even an iota of common sense would never even consider should be an excepton to that whole not speaking ill of the dead rule.

Is cutting yourself the new trend or something? Everybody seems to be doing it. It's freaking lame...not cool at all. Stop bragging about it and be ashamed like you're supposed to.

These loud, obnoxious girls were picking on two boys from Bangledesh on the bus the other day. They were making fun of their language, and one girls asked if one of the boy's father works at a gas station, and that he should stop raising the prices. Stupid, childish, offensive crap like that. Then this one girl goes "Girl, you better stop picking on them. They might blow up the bus!" ::chokes on ignorance and stupidity:: Because all Arab(?) people blow stuff up. When the boys got off the bus another girl said "Man, I meant to ask them if they wear turbans!"

If there is a God, why does he allow people like that to live? No, forget living...why did he allow them to be born? Things like that make me seriously contemplate the plans of action that Keri ashtreenymph joked about earlier where we tricked all of the morons in the world into stabbing each other to death.

I swear, not a day goes by that the human race fails to disappoint me.

<333 the pants I'm wearing. They actually fit so I don't have to wear a belt. For me that's a big freaking deal.

I officially have a case of Senioritis. Yup, I swore to myself that I wouldn't slack off Senior year but that's pretty much what I've been doing. My progress report was bad...84 average dude. On one hand I want to bring it up, but on another hand that would require trying. Good thing I don't set my goals high enough to want to go to an Ivy League.

Right now my list of colleges I should be applying to is...
Sarah Lawrence
Bates
Connecticut College
Gettysburg
SUNY Binghamton
SUNY Purchase

My friend lost like 80 lbs in a year by going on a water diet, throwing up everything she ate, and doing power taebo. Now I'm not condoning bulimia/anorexia or anything...they're both vile...but that's some freaking willpower. Willpower that I will never have concerning food or anything else for that matter. I couldn't do that...ever...and the thought of shoving my finger down my throat and making myself throw up makes me...want to throw up.

I'm actually an asset to my soccer team in gym! Isn't that great...they think I'm a good goalie/defensive player. Ah but I got yelled at by that prick for "just standing there". Apparently the goalie isn't supposed to block the goal because he told me to run with the other people. 14 people all going after one ball is a good idea. Right. So is leaving your goal wide open. What really pissed me off was looking around everyone had a goalie. Why's he picking me on?

That prick gave me a 75 for the term too. Jerkoff.

DBQ and essay to do about some more Declaration of Independence crap. I find it highly hypocritical that the same men who crusaded against persecution were the same ones that owned slaves and that that you didn't matter unless you were a white male landowner. Life liberty and the "pursuit of happiness" by arse. This entire country was founded on a crock of bull.

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Big, bad, scary lesbians. [05 Jul 2003|07:55pm]
[ music | Anon - Capitol K ]

Nameless Person: so, plz answer me
Nameless Person: are u a lez?
Nameless Person: im not being mean or nuthin
Nameless Person: cuz ive been wonderin now
Me: I already told you
Me: I dont think so...
Me: as I'm not sexually attracted to women
Nameless Person: ok
Me: but I've never dated/kissed ANYONE
Me: so I could be
Nameless Person: ohh. ok
Me: I guess I consider myself bisexual since I'm pretty open minded
Nameless Person: alright


So, no more playful homosexual innuendos w/ her anymore because she obviously can't tell that I'm just kidding. Because you know...they make me look like a LESBIAN. My other friends laugh and join in...but not her. Oh no. So now she thinks that I'm freaking gay AND that I'm hitting on her. Although I've never met her in person...

What I should have said is "YES. I am a lesbian! And what I would like more than anything right now is to shove my hands down your pants. Because all that us lesbians do is hit on straight people.

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You saw it coming...very poorly written Independence Day rant [05 Jul 2003|07:54pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace ]

I would much prefer it if our country was still under British control. All that independence day means to most Americans is a day off of work and a reason to gourge themselves on barbecue ribs. Jesus christ, we're not even allowed to light our own fireworks! So what does that mean? Well you can sit in your living room and watch some fireworks show on tv like a pathetic loser, or you can get in your car and drive over to some overcrowded park near a lake that smells like rotting cheese and is swarming w/ mosquitos and watch an actual show.

We can't use fireworks because it's for our own safety? Why, because all of these idiots who don't know how to use a lighter properly end up setting themselves on fire and/or blowing themselves up. The world can do w/o people that stupid! The guy who dies trying to light a Roman Candle doesn't go on to have children of his own! So now we're left w/ those annoying firecrackers. Who gets a kick out of throwing little balls on the ground and pissing off every neighbor within a 20 mile radius w/ its pointless suck? Deidra and I were trying to enjoy Dead Like Me tonight and that's all that we could hear. Well that and the crap R&B and Rap that was being blasted at full volume from every house on our block.

But I guess everything has a positive side. One thing that I do like about the 4th of July is that they showed "The Patriot" on TBS two times in a row. Hmmm...Jason Isaacs in those pants with that hair and the sword. Ick but it is on network tv which means no fastforwarding through all of crap Mel Gibson scenes and the pro Revolutionary Army propaganda, but network tv does have a sort of novelty about it, doesnt it?

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SAT scores [01 Jul 2003|08:00pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Just One Kiss - Violent Femmes ]

I recieved my SAT scores in the mail this afternoon. I got a 620 on the verbal and 560 on the math adding up to an 1180! The highest combined score that I had gotten on my practice SATs as an 1130 so I can say that I'm reasonably pleased. I know...to most this is nothing to celebrate, but to me it's a big deal. I decided long ago that I would never set my goals too high, thereby sparing myself the disappointment gained when those goals are not met. I plan on going to a SUNY (State University of New York), most likely Purchase, after high school and you only need like a 1000 on the SATs and an 80 average or something to get into most SUNYs so I'm all set

There will be no furthur need for anymore college anxiety induced nervous breakdowns and panic attacks until next December when college applications are sent and I have to fill out ALL OF THOSE FORMS.

Damn the forms.

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Grades and junk [26 Jun 2003|10:45am]
[ mood | pleased ]
[ music | The Devil You Know - Face to Face ]

Here are my final grades for this semester...

US Government...90
Aerobics...95
African American Lit...95
Spanish 6...98
Earth Science...96
English 6 Honors...98

Overall Average...95.40

Earth Science Regents...86
Spanish Regents...96


And here's my program for next year...

AP Literature
Government Honors
Math 5 (?)
Physics
Spanish 7 Honors
Guitar
Aerobics
Lunch/Lab

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Jess is an internet predator. [21 Jun 2003|04:49pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Touched - Vast ]

I gave my dad a package for Jessica that I needed taken to the post office yesterday. Being the nosy guy that he is he looked at the address and saw that she lived in New Jersey. So he pieced it all together in that brilliant little mind of his and asked me if I met her over the computer. Me, being unable to come up with a believable lie at the moment said yes. That was the end of the conversation.

So later on I was doing...something, and my dad calls me into my parents room and gave me that old you can't trust anyone online spiel. Apprarently everyone that uses the internet that isn't me is some child predator just itching to find out where some young impressionable child lives so that they can follow them home and murder them.

Dad: Jasmine, you know you've got to be careful over the internet. There are a lot of people on there who will try to trick you into giving them information. It's dangerous to send packages to people and put your return address on them.

Me: I'm 17 I'm not an idiot. I've known her for over a year and I've spoken to her on the phone before. If she's been scamming me all of this time and I haven't noticed then I deserve to die. It's natural selection. =

Dad: Don't even joke about that. I'm just warning you to be careful.

Mom: Yeah it could be some 50 year old guy. ::mimics man trying to fake teenage girl's voice:: Or it could be a 50 year old lesbian ::laugh::

Me: SWEET!

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[14 Jun 2003|11:40pm]

Which Family Guy Character are you? Take the Quiz!
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Ice cream at this time of night? [14 Jun 2003|11:22pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | Mr. Softy's song ]

My grandmother's church now has an ATM machine in the lobby. Gee, now why would they put that there? They're not even trying to hide it anymore are they?

It's 11:20 at night. Please explain to my why the Mr. Softy truck is parked right outside of my window, and playing that god forsaken music nontheless

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Never Again [12 Jun 2003|05:39pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Girl - Tori Amos ]

No matter what state you're in
No matter what your school's budget
No matter how many janitors are employed
By the end of the day there will be urine all over the bathroom.

Today I suffered the misfortune of having a full bladder during school hours. Having seen what the girls bathroom looks like around 9th period, I contemplated holding it until I got home. Finally admitting to myself that it was physically impossible for me to do so for an hour I decided to take my chances on the bathroom. I opened the door to the bathroom and it seemed safe enough. Dim lights, puke green tiles, eternally empty paper towel dispenser, potent smell of piss, and all. I made my way to an empty stall and lined the seat with toilet paper.

That's when things started getting bad.

Toilet paper is pretty nifty because it not only serves as a border between your behind and the junk on the toilet seat but also sops up any extra fluids that may not have made their way inside. A couple of specks...totally understandable. But not a whole puddle. So anyway, as disgusting as it is, I grabbed some more toilet paper and wiped off the entire seat about two times, lined it again, and then plopped myself down.

While I was sitting there I noticed that I was standing in a large pile of another person(s) bodily waste. Note that I wear long pants that tend to drag on the ground. It was already all over the bottom of my shoes, the last thing that I needed was to be walking around with urine all over the bottom of my pants. I think that they escaped contamination, but as soon as I got home I took them off, rinsed down the bottoms, and threw them in my laundry bag just in case.

The bathroom stall didn't have one of those hooks that you put your backpack on. In most cases I would have just placed it somewhere on the stall floor and prayed for the best. There must have been some sort of devine intervention (totally kidding) because today I realized that I could use the door hinge as a makeshift hook. God I can just imagine picking up my backpack and watching yellow liquid drip off and land back in it's source (which I was standing in) or better yet on me.

You'd think that after 12+ years of practice these people would know how to use the bathroom without peeing all over everything. I mean, on the floor?! I might be able to understand if I had been in the boy's bathroom. But I wasn't. I was in the girls'. How do you miss the toilet completely?!

Next time I'll just have to hold it. I'd die before I stepped foot in that room again.

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[12 Jun 2003|05:38pm]
Poor neglected blurty journal.
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Hmmm... [17 May 2003|02:53pm]
nightcrawler
Your ideal mate is Nightcrawler. His appearance
may be a bit off-putting, but his heart and
personality more than make up for it. He is
shy and isn't very sociable and comes off as a
bit of a loner (but you'll fix that). He is
also devoted and strong, and he always seems to
just *pop* up whenever you need him the most. :
)


Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
brought to you by Quizilla
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Damn homeless people and their begging (from yesterday) [30 Apr 2003|04:25pm]
This guy that I'm assuming was homeless or playing it came up to me this afternoon. He said that he hadn't eaten all day and he needed some change for food. I knew I didn't have any money...I never carry money on me, but I took my wallet out and looked through it as if there was a possibility. When I was done showing him the emptiness I expressed to him how sorry I was, and then ran to get on the bus.

I feel so awful about it though. Its not rare for people in NYC to come up to you with some sob story about how hungry they are, and most of it is probably garbage, but I feel terrible all the same. There's no way to approach the situation without feeling guilty.

If I do have money and I give it to them I know that there's a huge chance that they're going to buy drugs or alcohol with it. If that happens I just aided in their addiction and wasted my money at the same time. Then I feel guilty for assuming that all homeless people are homeless because they're junkies.

If I do have money and don't give them any I feel bad because I just told them the same lie that most other people that they ask do. They probably see right through it too. You're walking on the avenue...all that's surrounding you is shopping plazas. How could you not have any spare change?! And of course there's that aching feeling that maybe they really were going to use the money to buy food, and because of you one more person is going to go hungry tonight.

The last possibility is that I don't have any money to give them, making it impossible for me to help out. When this happens I feel bad for spending my money of crap that I don't even need while this poor person standing in front of me can't even eat a good meal.

Here I go...turning other people's problems back to me. Why am I so narcissistic in my self loathing?
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Everything all jumbled together...the way I like it [30 Apr 2003|04:23pm]
[ music | All That Jazz - Catherine Zeta Jones ]

Jelly Bellies are the single coolest creation ever. I've been having fun eating them one by one for the past 5 minutes. It's amazing how you can make a little ball of sugar and goo taste exactly like toasted marshmallows or butter popcorn.

We went to the auditorium yesterday during African American Literature and listened to a Holocaust survivor's story. It was surprisingly boring. He spent more time talking about the minor injustices before he was actually thrown in Auchwitz than the time that he spent in the concentration camp. When we were walking out a kid (who happened to be Asian if that matters to some people) asked his teacher a very relevant question. It was "Why are there Holocaust museums but there aren't any slavery museums?" I think the teacher tried to explain it but I didn't have time to listen. It is a very good question, however, and I wish I could have heard his response.

I got my Frederick Douglass book report back. Got a 96 on it. I was fairly pleased. If I would have proofread it I would have caught the spelling and grammatical errors and maybe gotten a higher grade. June got the same score as me and she didn't even read her book. Hers said "good report" while mine said "excellent report" though. Hahaha... It's been a competition between her and I. Seeing who could get the higher grade. So far she's gotten 1 point higher than me (she got a 95 on the essay that I started crying while I was writing because I thought it was so terrible), but I'll upstage her someday.


When he gave it to me he asked if I had ever done a report on it before. It happened earlier this year when I wrote a summary on "Wit" referring to Vivian Bearing as a "former professor turned lab rat." It's strange...every time I do a pretty good job he thinks that I'm using someone else's words...

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snurdle [09 Apr 2003|03:25pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve ]

It rained all day today. Pigeons look really funny when they're wet.

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I'm out of precalc! [28 Mar 2003|08:19pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Echo - Trapt ]

My mom and I got a lot accomplished at Open School Day today. We talked to my counselor and she fixed a thing or two on my transcript. I don't get honors credit for taking Honors English in the 9th grade and Honors Global History in the 10th because they're both 9th grade classes and this school doesn't offer honors classes to freshman. But I wasn't in this state and I still took honors classes...why shouldn't I get credit for them?

My mom hates this school too.

I'm getting out of my Precalc class. My mom talked with Mrs. Millar and explained that I don't have any experience for this class. Mrs. Millar is going to talk to the math AP and get me switched to MQ5. If there aren't any MQ5 classes available I'll just drop math completely. I feel bad though because I'm moving backwards. At least my teacher noticed that I was working my butt off. She said it's not fair for me to struggle in that class and just not understand it because I don't have the foundation to learn the harder problems. She's a nice lady. I'm going to miss her. What I won't miss is that 55 dragging down my average to an 84.

And we talked to Mrs. Testa (African American Literature) about that 90 that I got in her class. I was worried because I've handed in all of my homework and I got a 96 on the only test (I missed one problem). She said that I shouldn't worry because a 90 is pretty much the highest grade that she gives first marking period and I'll most likely end up with like a 98. My mom really liked her. She said she gave off great energy. She gave my mom this book that satires the slave narrative.

She's also going to try to take care of my journalism for me. It may be impossible for me to get into journalism as a senior but hopefully she can work something out. I'm taking AP Literature and Composition and I really hope that I get her.

Then I went to physical therapy with my mom. Her physical therapist is really fruity, and very nice. They talked about dieting just about the whole time. He reminds me of Jack from "Will and Grace" only he's not as bouncy and is a tad less flamboyant. My mom asked him if he had any children and he said yeah and pulled out a picture of a white poodle-like dog. He has it wearing little outfits and everything ::shiver::. He doesn't even call it his dog. It's his "baby".

Physical therapy seems really awful. He has to dig his finger into the scars from where the rods were on her external fixation. She has to take pain killers ahead of time but she still screams while she does it. She calls him a sadist. He was working on another lady and she was praying the whole time. I hope I never break anything really badly.

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I'm not THAT pure [22 Mar 2003|01:08am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Acrobat - U2 (see what you have me listening to Keri?) ]

pure
pure


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla

Why do I always get pure? I'm so boring! thespark.com actually said I'm 100% pure.

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