St. Patrick's Day   
08:43pm 17/03/2004
mood: gloomy
music: Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria
The subject really has nothing to do with this entry at all except that until I got in the car to go to school this morning, I didn't know it was St. Patrick's Day. I know that doesn't really mean much, but I think I'm losing my mind, or going insane. I've been forgetting a lot of things lately.. Things I've been doing everyday for months. Its confusing. I guess it doesn't matter too much.
With all the school we've missed this week, I've been feeling more depressed than usual. I feel lonely. I think I would rather be in school, surrounded by happy, smiling people than sitting at home alone for hours. I am jealous though, of all the happy people. God, doesn't that sound pathetic. I can't help it, it happens.
Have you ever just sat down and listened to song after song, and every one of them reminds you of yourself and your life? I've been listening to Brand New lyrics a whole lot, I love their music, but I can't help but feel that they're singing about me. It's driving me insane, though I sort of enjoy it.
Let me break away from the sad, depressing shit for a minute and just say YAY.. report cards come out tomorrow, the first of the new semester. I'm excited, I passed all my classes with outstanding grades(for ME anyway). At least I didn't fail anything. That should get my mom off my back at least for a little while. I can't tell you how many times a week I get the "You'll never get into college if you don't get better grades!" speech. Its like nails on a blackboard. CHRIST!
Speaking of my mom.. It's been what, about 2 weeks since she moved out? I feel okay about it. Of course its not a cause of celebration, I haven't thrown a party and am definitely not jumping for joy, but I feel that things will be all right. Divorce is definite, and maybe things are better this way? Dad's not happy, of course, why would he be?... But mom is, well, trying to be. And I think that's good. Good for her. So yeah, no anger here.
Right now, with everything that's going on, I'm just trying to find some reason, ANY reason to smile. Its a lot harder than I think it should be. I wish I knew what's holding me back...

[[Can't pretend that I'm alright, and you can't change me]]