47's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2005-10-26 19:30

I got an EMG-81 installed as the bridge pickup on my guitar.

I think I blew an orgasm fuse. I can't stop cumming.

Maybe if I stopped jerking off over it....


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Date:2005-10-24 17:47

*typical Fish-ism lacking dramatic entry into exclamations*

My face hurts.

I now have 2 piercings.

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Date:2005-10-17 19:48

More monkies betray more families, and I stop caring.

Cheryl and I were fighting. Over it now. Bigger fish to fry. Recording the demo EP soon with David from Bundy. Will be good to have something to concentrate on other than family members and shite. I have alot of free time coming up because of the Uni term ending for something like 4 months... Not sure what I'm going to do with myself. Probably what I do now: not alot. Vilify will play Brisbane shows, though. We will be armed to teeth with shirts and CDs, so all you people in Brisbane I know (all,..what...3 of you?) better tell EVERYONE to buy our shit when we're down there.

We've been playing some Bundaberg shows, 3 now. I'd like to believe we're getting a following up there, but I'm not sure. Everyone is into Emporium more, I think, because they're more accessible and nice to listen to. Apparently not everyone is into heavy metal (who knew?). I have nothing against Emporium's music now. I used to, as they were too slow, but now it's obvious that they're branching out and possibly accepting some aggression, though not completely. But people were thrashing around to our stuff and running into each other WITHOUT our encouragement, so I took it as a sign that they liked our songs. (That, and 'Damage Me' is pretty damn obviously circle-pit material)...

I have been devious. But the more I am devious, the more I'm reminded of how damn old I am. *sigh* I'll always be 15 at heart, I guess. I hate that expression, it gives the impression that I live life by "my heart"... my heart's dead, and cold, and small, and black. And has some defects that will kill me in my later 40s. Oh well.

Oh, one thing before I go...

1st Design

What do you guys think?


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Date:2005-10-17 15:42

From this date forward, I want it to be known:

I have no sister.

The person who was once Caitlin Patricia Fisher to me, is now nothing. I officially divorce her from my family, and deny any connection to this human by blood or soul. Betraying enemies is one thing, betraying blood is unforgivable.

See you in Hell.

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Date:2005-10-14 23:15
Subject:Written on the spot. Right now. No editting. I'm stupid.

I want to die.

All of these dipshits, and all of these liars,
All of these monkeys, and all of these spiderwebs,
All of these angry religious fanaticals...
Looking for someone to blame for their sins...
And I will not be lumped in with these things,
I will not be compared to these primates.
I'd like to believe I'm better than all of them,
I'd like to believe I'm better than some, but I don't and
All of these assholes, and all of the posers,
All the moneymen, all of the lollypops,
All of the posing and stature parading...
Puffed out chests covered by small hands...
And I will not be seen with all of these,
I will not be compared to these primates.
I'd like to believe I'm better than all of them,
I'd like to believe I'm at least better than some, and
I'm a gun in the house of God...............
I'm a gun in the house of Man...............
I'm a barrel held to the temple.............
I smile and then I scream...................

A monkey holds the weapon, ignorant.


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Date:2005-10-09 16:24
Subject:I love these lyrics.

"Instilled the ways of hate,
please understand that it is too late
To save you now
From all the dirt in Hell.

There, you saw it
You know - It's all inside the eyes...
The weakness & sadness
to feel you've burned alive.

I forgot I could feel it & and fear it, and be it -
The thought that I'm alive -
Unchanging my standing
I feel used up inside.

I can't can't bear anymore
The screams have fought inside my dreams
& the snakes, the speak
Just like me." - Nothingface 'Piss & Vinegar'

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Date:2005-10-07 16:40
Subject:an update...

Last weekend was hectic. And painful. And a mental strain. And I loved every bit of it. It really gives an idea of how awesome touring on the road will be, including how friggin sore I was. But I still felt GOOD. We played to next to no-one on the Thursday night in Bundy in the M-Bar, but I still liked it, because it showed us at our worst. I didn't really dig The Jonestown Sindicate... too much pausing between songs... If they cut out those fucking DRINK BREAKS between EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG then they'd be good. Oh well. Maybe they were having a shit night.

Then drove home that night, then back up to Bundy again the next afternoon. Then played to slightly more people, and cleared the room because all the Fist Full of Salamanders fans decided we were too scary. The whole time the freaky girl was standing in front of me and just staring... not moving, not nodding, not anything, just staring at me... I got freaked out and tried to focus on all the shiney people who actually seemed to be enjoying themselves. They were cool.

Then came home again that night with Quan. Then slept in (!!!) then woke up and walked to the Maryborough show. I'm so rockstar. We played Hate-Machine first, which I liked, because it psyched some people up. Too many "Too cool to mosh" people at the start, though. Then we managed to EXCITE THEM and they got up and hurt themselves for the 2nd half of the show, and even asked for an encore... which freaked me out. But we did it anyway, and it was awesome.

Then I got home and had an argument with Flick on the net and then went and shredded some skin to punish myself, and got unnecessarily happy from doing this. It was quite funny.

Moved house on Monday. It's a nice place, but has a few little quirks (cupboards not closing because of their gayness and my straight(edge)ness, etc.)... I like the shineyness of it, because of teh polished floors. More of you would know what it looked like if you showed up for drinks tonight, but nooooooo.... *glare*

I will be consuming energy drinks mixed with alcohol tonight. For fun. Fuck not drinking, I want to for this one event... and then Quan will arrive and then the insanity of Fish-and-Quan-at-a-party-on-substances will happen... hehehehe..

I love you all, and if you payed me enough, I'd fucking kill you, too.


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Date:2005-10-03 01:12

I don't want to lose another friend. I'm not very good at making new ones, and I like the ones I have right now.

Just cut the shit out of my arms thighs and torso. Punched myself in my temples til my eyes watered and my nose bled and then knocked myself unconscious. Woke up choking on vomit.

You know, because I'm a hypocrit.

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Date:2005-09-27 16:59
Subject:I am the fire-starter...

Getting tougher guitar strings from now on. Movin on up to .54s... I'm usually .52s... Oh well, will be even better to downtune to C. Initeresting stuff? I fuckin know! Plus I'll be getting strings for cheaper my Boom Music thing because I'm in a band. LOL. I rock. *cough*

Vilify's basically decided on a logo. As such, this one.
The Vilify V logo...

Shiney, hey?

Playing in Bundaberg on Thursday night, opening for Loe and Jonestown Sindicate, who are coming up from Adelaide. Should be pretty sweet, with a guaranteed (*crosses fingers childishly*) moshpit, and metal-appreciating crowd. Just found out Rachel and Richard can't make it. *is sad*. Well, they'll just have to here the bootleg, if it does in fact, get done. *considers selling bootleg as a EP cd rarity thing*...not a bad idea that, even if it is only half-an-hour long. Suprising the Bundy crowd with a different side of Vilify they wouldn't have heard, let along expect. Playing 'deadstarface'. Anyone who's heard that will understand how fucking cool it is compared to one of our "normal" songs... It's for the ladies ;) lmao. No really, the chicks dig it, for some reason. I mean, sure it's a pretty sexy-sounding song... I don't know. But yes, they will hear it, and the hardcore kids who will be fight-dancing to everything else will be confused and strangely turned-on, hahaha.

But yes, will be shiney.

Then playing Bundaberg PCYC the next night, which I'm told is a horrible, horrible venue for sound. Oh well, bad sound hasn't stopped us before. If anything it just makes us sound scarier cuz we play so god-fucking loud. Meh.

Next night will be Maryborough. I'm looking forward to that one more, solely for the fact I'll know some people watching, and will be meeting new friends. Well people I want to call friends, even if I do seem like a dirty old man for even seeming to associate with them. *sigh* Oh well. Shit, we haven't worked out setlists for those two PCYC shows.......

Oh well. We'll improv, lmao.

Oh, got a house. Hospital-end of Rocky St. *hums "Eye of the Tiger"* Place looks like a shithole from the outside, but it's pretty shibby inside, polished floors and all that jazz. $210 a week, another 6-month-only lease. LOL. We'll learn one day....


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Date:2005-09-24 16:39

Your best friend is you.
I'm my best friend too
I share the same views and
Hardly ever argue.


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Date:2005-09-20 15:18
Subject:posted this as a reply in AJ's journal, found it again today. fuck me, i'm so funny.

i met a hampster who was running for president who was going to be elected because his only other running partner was a toaster and even though the toaster gave a rather convincing speech regarding his planned policies on global warming and the environment the hampter was shoe-in simply for the fact that he could poop just like the regular president and the toaster couldn't and then when i was playing Mortal Kombat i recieved a phonecall and it was the medical centre in washington and they told me mr Hampster had passed away.

and that's how i became God.


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Date:2005-09-17 22:18

Never mind that previous post. All fixed now.

Finally, a song I want like having stuck in my head, playing over and over and over........



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Date:2005-09-14 22:36

This band will not be torn apart so early in its conception by stupid, mindless behaviour.

Not on my watch.


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Date:2005-09-11 19:01

Never playing a show without Quan ever again. Never playing that early ever again. Probably never growing my hair ever again. Might be cutting it all off again. It just pisses me off, and the novelty's worn off. I remember why I cut it off in the first place, too. 1) No matter what, it looks stupid and doesn't suit me, and 2) You have to do something to it - every day. Fuck that. Bye hair.

I want someone to carve "WAR" into my skin. Don't care where. Who wants to do it?


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Date:2005-09-09 13:24

Adam's an old fuck like me today.

Happy Birthday, you shithead. :P

Also, about the sharing-of-a-house thing, I'm not askin for people to sign on the lease with us, just promise to move in with us for 6 months to help with rent and not be a shithead backstabbing CUNT, then you can fuck orrrf if you want. 6 months. That's it.

Grrr. Being antisocial DOES have it's downsides afterall... I know no-one...


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Date:2005-09-07 23:53
Subject:housemate wanted...

Well kids, I'm fucked. We need someone to move in with us at the end of September, when this lease runs out. Ben is moving to Brisbane, and I know NO-ONE (that I'm aware of) about our age looking to move into a house in Maryborough to help with rent. The afformentioned rent would be one 3rd of $190-ish per week, which is pretty fucking cheap in the end. Sure, it's Maryborough, but fuck, come on kids. If you're interested, or know anyone interested, please please please let me know as soon as possible. Pretty damn desperate, actually....


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Date:2005-09-07 02:44

Anyone who knows me know that i've got a score to settle with my creator. But this is aimed at christians. it is FUCKING BRILLIANT. and where did it come from? why, the tshirthell newsletter of course. :) enjoy.

tshirthell... go there.

"[What if God Was One of Us? Like Topper Harley?]

You may have a hard time believing this, but I have an excellent
relationship with God. I know you probably think I'm an atheist, but
nothing could be further from the truth. I love God. If God was here right
now I'd suck his big divine dick.(I'm a woman, so fuck you gay haters.)

See, the problem with most people is they have no idea how to have a
relationship with God. That's because they're caught up in the infinite,
the indefinable. Or worse, you've been listening to your minister, priest,
rabbi, or mullah. These people are not experts on God. They may know
about pedophilia, embezzlement, where to buy lean pastrami and/or bomb
making supplies but they don't know shit about the Lord.

You need to think of God in human terms. Instead of worrying about your
relationship with God, imagine you're trying to have a relationship with
Charlie Sheen. Why Charlie Sheen? Because like God, most people wish they
had a better relationship with Charlie Sheen. Like Jesus, Charlie Sheen
hangs out with a lot of prostitutes and has great hair.

The first step in improving your relationship with God/Charlie Sheen is to
stop asking him for stuff. Sure he's got tons of cool stuff, and probably
wouldn't miss it. He's fucking Denise Richards in the ass and all you want
is enough money to buy a new toaster. Well unfortunately, Charlie has that
money earmarked for nipple waxing and crack so he's not going to just hand
it over. Like God, Charlie gets requests from people he doesn't know all of
the time. Even if he did know you, he can't just hand you everything you
want. That would make God OJ Simpson and you would be Kato Kaelin. Do
you want God to be OJ Simpson? I didn't think so. Are you starting to
understand how God works?

The second thing to do to improve your relationship with God/Charlie Sheen
is to stop holding him responsible for things that you did, or didn't do.
Nothing is more annoying to Him then you saying, "If I don't get that job,
it was because Charlie Sheen didn't want me to get it." or "Charlie Sheen
will get me out of this speeding ticket, even though I'm shit faced on
Percocet, Crestor, and Peach Schnapps." I'm not saying Charlie will never
help you, but you really need to take some personal responsibility.
"Charlie Sheen wants me to beat up this prostitute. After all, did he not
shoot Kelly Preston?" Believe me Charlie Sheen probably does want you to
beat up that prostitute, but you're still the one holding the sock full of

The third thing to do to improve your relationship with God/Charlie Sheen is
to stop talking shit about him. Don't be bragging about how well you know
Him, and how everyone else should get to know Him. Your relationship with
Him is not special. Plus, Charlie Sheen has more friends than he knows what
to do with. If other people want a relationship with Charlie Sheen they
only need to go to the nearest topless club.

The fourth thing to do to improve your relationship with God/Charlie Sheen
is to stop going to his house. Would you want someone coming over your
house every Sunday? Even though you're going there to praise Him, it's all
a little much. Plus, look at the douchebags all around you. They're not
really friends of Him. They all just want stuff, or want to blame Him for
stuff. You don't need to be associated with these people.

Finally, stop questioning everything he does. He has done good things like
"Wall Street" and "Hot Shots!" I and II. And yet, he has also done "Men at
Work" and "Two and a Half Men"? He broke up with porn star Ginger Lynn.
Some things he does are beyond our human comprehension

Try being a good friend to Him for a change. That way when you die, you can
go live with Him in Malibu. I hope you take comfort in that. Next time
I'll explain why loving the Devil is like a giving Paula Abdul a Slippery
Rocking Horse."

that needs to be shown to every christian bible-basher on the planet (who know who the fuck Charlie Sheen is, lol)


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Date:2005-09-06 21:33

Met 2 new people this week, Richard and Rachel. They're currently in Bundaberg, but may or may not be moving down to Maryborough. Either way, they're awesome.

Rock n Roll, motherfucker.


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Date:2005-08-30 13:55
Subject:Damn good saying, Copyright Fish, 2005.

I remembered something I said on the way up to Rockhampton. I swore then that it would be my saying, but after all the bullshit and drunkeness that occurred in Rocky, I forgot soon after returning home.

Now in order to pronounce it correctly, it has to be yelled... or "exclaimed" quite loudly. The words all have to be the same fast rhythm, and the phrase rolls off the tongue smoothly and with a smile on your dial.


"Sombody FUCK me I feel so good!!..."

Yes, it's that simple. Next time you're happy that something went your way, just yell that out. It fits many occasions. Middle of a shopping centre, you just found the perfect-fitting belt/pair-of-pants/underwear/beanie/tshirt... "Sombody FUCK me I feel so good!!..." Not only will you let everyone know how happy you are, but you'll get glares from other people you wanted to piss off anyway.

Okay, you're probably wondering why I said this in the first place... What fantastic event spawned a FANFUCKINTASTIC saying such as this one?... I have no idea. I don't remember. But it was funny, cuz there were only my band-mates around. Hmmm...

Next Vilify show is September 10th, day after brother Adam's deathday, in Bundaberg, at Across the Waves Sports Club for the Bundy Battle of the Bands. Rock-n-Roll, motherfucker. Then we support Loe and The Jonestown Sindicate on the 27th, in Bundy, at Bundaberg State High School (I think). There's another one in there somewhere, but it gayer than a gay bar.

And I don't mean a gay bar where there's just a bunch of gay guys listening to pop or disco, or even a gay bar where there's all these gay guys wearing bondage gear and leather and latex listening to pop and disco music. I mean gay like a gay bar where there are gay guys in bondage gear and leather and latex WITH DOGS AND OTHER GAY ANIMAL SEX... listening to pop and disco. Yes. THAT GAY. I don't know, it's just on a stupid day, in between a whole bunch of other shit, and sounds poorly organised.

Remember, music can define your perception of reality. Emo music, emo and gay-dog perception of reality. Violent music, violent perception of reality. Thus, why I am in Vilify. Listening to shitty pop music doesn't give you a shitty pop version of reality to perceive, though. It just makes you a fuckhead.


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Date:2005-08-29 15:54
Subject:Listening to Floyd, and I'm depressed as fuck, and I choose to exercise my rite to bitch about it.

"There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb."

"I don't need no arms around me
And I dont need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need anything at all.
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall."

"All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon. "

I'm not sure whether I want to continue writing in these journal things... In essence, they're how I keep track of myself, and I guess, how one or two people keep track of me. I'd rather be happy than dead... most of the time. But happiness is preprogrammed into the human mind to be met with an equilibrium, so inevitably I'll be depressed for an equal amount of time to readjust the chemicals in my brain. Fanfuckintastic.

I haven't written a decent guitar-riff since Quan joined the band and 'Damage Me' was created. O god.

I'm going to go write a concept album. Right... fucking... now.


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my journal