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[01 Jul 2008|11:55pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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Summer is my least favorite time of year. Always has been.
And now with summer upon us, I am.... contemplative.
I had nightmares last night, which is a normal enough occurence, but ofcourse they have a tendancy to make me think morbid things.
Or at least, more morbid the the usual things I think.
So today I was think about what I would do if I only had six months to live.
Lovely thoughts huh? It's not something I wanted to think about, it's just when I get an idea in my head, well it sticks.
And that made me reasess everything.
I don't know why I'm here.
It seems so pointless. I'm really not getting much out of it.
Money I suppose. But what I want is to be with Tim.
thats obviously not all I want, but life is just kinda empty without him.
But I can't move back home, and I still have no money.
So I have to wait.....
And because of the nightmares, the paranoia has crept in again....
We are so far away, he has so much so much closer. I would even understand if he moved on.....
But I don't want him to. I Miss him.
He would probably tell me these thoughts are stupid. I agree,
and they are pointless to fret over.
I agree.
But like i said, when I get a thought in my head, I can't make it go away.
Maybe tonight I will have good dreams, and tommorow will look brighter....
maybe.
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