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[20 Feb 2008|02:35am] |
On one hand, there is a tingle of excitement at the thought of going. Thinking of the things i would like to do, a tiny little bit of excitement.
But then tehre is teh crippling, physically painful agony, can't bear to think about it, talking about except for when I am doing my best emotionless self brings me near to tears.
And teh panic attacks.
I am trying to sleep, and I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
I haven't had panic attacks for months and months, not since the call center.
I was doing so well.
And these are so much worse.
Tommorow I will be ok, in daylight I will be able to pretend i'm ok, that i kind of want this.
I don't know what to do, but I can't sleep, I can't breathe, and I can't stop crying.
Somehow I don't think I am making the right choice.
But everybody else thinks so.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like I can't stop.
Help please
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