I LOVED the Play! OH MY LORD IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! Hilarious! I wil write about it in my other journal..

but i will say.. that on the first act...i felt sssssssooo freaking ackward and uncomfortable because why? I was sitting next to brettandscott. I so did not enjoy that play at that scene. FINALLY intermission Thank GAW for intermission.. I talked to lucy!! and then Jaimie! and I asked travis if i could sit in his seat and he was sooooo freakin nice that he let me.. he SERIOUSLY saved me from being upset.. thanks so much Travis!

anyway, yeah...... :)

I've been watching way to much charmed. Oh my lord. It's freaking sad when you dream about being one of the charmed ones and fight demons in their attic. I like charmed though... I don't know why.. maybe its cause of the sisterly bond they have or it's because they're strong beautiful women who freakin kick ass or maybe it's because their boyfriends are freaking gorgeous and tall. hahaha.... haha.. all in all.. i like that show.

it'll be nice to know what someone's thinking... really, it would.

okay.. tons of homework! lets see if i do it!!

i had a dream last night, and i was holding hands and cuddling with this person... I don't actually remember the face, but I felt it was brett. Brett has been in my dreams sometimes. and it's never been a hateful one. it's always been a nice one, a romantic ones, a pleasant one... something that I longed for in a relationship. I don't know what to think of that. Don't dreams tell you your deepest feelings? I'm sure I don't like brett like that and i'm sure that he most likely doesn't like me like that, and I know it probably could never work out... we're too different... and sure, i hate him when he's being a hypocrite and when he thinks too highly of himself - thinking he's this when he's not.... but whats do those dreams mean? I wish I knew.

sometimes I wish I knew what people think of me. well, let me rephrase that. I wish I knew what certain people think of me. At times I feel like they're hiding something from me. and I want to know the truth... so that I'm not wasting my time being their friend.. or i'm not wasting my time wondering if they like me back. for some reason, It would be nice to get ride of insecurites. I think not having those insecurities will make me happier and more condfident in myself. But who knows, insecurites probably shape personalities and we probably have them for a reason.

I watched 4 movies this weekend. @_@ and I earned 40 buckaroos. WHOO!

i took a nap today.. like i ususally do ... and Chris calls me.. and invites me to one of this things again.. it sounded really fun... o_o it was ending a 930pm and chris wouldn't be able to drive me home >_< sucks sucks sucks! blah, sooo much for THAT! I was in Warm Springs.. i haven't been there.. and my sister said that basically all you do there is "swim"she said that they would've made my put on a shirt since my bathing suit is too revealing. ahaha..mormans ;-) hehehehe <3 but i would've enjoyed it anyway.. because chris is awesome!!! and if scott manning was there.. he's awesome toooooo....


while i was taking a nap... i had the weirdest dream ever. oh man. it was really weird. excpet i don't really remember much of it.. i kind of do. but sit was weird. dammit. i wish i remembered it!

oh oh... i also dreamt about Jeremiah twice. hahah i barely see him either. he's in Tech with me.. but i still barely see him. how does he end up in my dreams!?

it's like 1150pm right now...and i'm hungry. i jsut feel like eating and eating and eating and eating and eating. and just never stoipping.. oh man.. especially with ice cream! i can eat that straight probably! hahaha and as what lucy says "it makes you poo fire" .. hahahha! so trueeee hahahah

oh yeah, my sister is annoying me.. she really is.. i just can't stand.. the way she is... she goes to Manga/Anime sites...downloads them...she's fucking impatient.. i mean like WHOA... she's speeds when she drives even though she doesn't have to be anywhere... she gets fustrated too easily whens he doesn't have to be (she's already going like 20 above the speeding limit... and she gets mad over drivers who's going the right speed_ ...she's easily offended... has an annoying laugh.. she slams her door and she has no life. heck, atleast i have real friends, she has her LJ friends... and she's 26. she makes me realllllllllllly upset.

okay that is all..... byeeeeee!

stair at the sun: i made lucy upset today
yummiepeachie: ?? what happened?
yummiepeachie: =\
stair at the sun: umm
stair at the sun: during the pledge...she sits down and doesn't even stand up
stair at the sun: and i asked her to stand up and she said no
yummiepeachie: and then
stair at the sun: i got upset and told her to go to a different country then
yummiepeachie: ohh
yummiepeachie: you know, she doesn'thave to do the pledge if she doesn't want too
stair at the sun: it's disrespectful
yummiepeachie: ms. natividad never made is...
stair at the sun: i can't make her
yummiepeachie: us*
yummiepeachie: that's right.
stair at the sun: if i went to france or wherever
stair at the sun: and i was at a ballgame where they
were saying their national pledge, i would stand up
yummiepeachie: okay
stair at the sun: i don't care if lucy doesn't agree with the united states...or she doesn't stand because it says under god...it's rude and very disrespectful especially when you have people in your family dying for your country
stair at the sun: she doesn't need to say the pledge...or even put her hand of her heart...but it's very rude to not even acknowledge it's being sais
stair at the sun: said
yummiepeachie: well, what may seem rude to you, may not seem rude to her
yummiepeachie: and vise versa
stair at the sun: do you not understand where im coming from
yummiepeachie: i undersrtand completely
stair at the sun: i really hate the whole ' i hate the u.s. thing...and im not gonna say the pledge'
stair at the sun: if it's so bad here....leave, your free...you know people don't even appreciate what they have...they don't know what it's like in other places of the world and how they could be killed for saying something wrong there....they don't appreciate anything they have
yummiepeachie: just because lucy doesn't say the pledge does notmean she's unhappy to be here
stair at the sun: and it pisses me off when people don't respect people who do especially when my dad serves this country and he's made so many sacrifices and so has my family as a result
stair at the sun: if she had any respect for this country whatsoever, she would at least stand
stair at the sun: and her not standing, to me, shows that she doesn't care
stair at the sun: it's like...when i say 'that's gay' she finds it disrespectful and i do my hardest to not let it slip when i'm around her because i know it bothers her
stair at the sun: it's the same concept
stair at the sun: i don't agree with not being able to say that but i don't because it's respectful
yummiepeachie: ok
yummiepeachie: ..
stair at the sun: lol...this gets me irritated
stair at the sun: i don't know... i know i was a little harsh in what i said
stair at the sun:but it needed to be said because i hold it in everytime the pledge is said
stair at the sun:(on another subject)
yummiepeachie: it interesting though because after high school.. no one says the pledge anymore you know
stair at the sun: i know i wouldn't say it in my house
stair at the sun: but if i was at a public event where they said it...i would say it
stair at the sun: or stand up for it
yummiepeachie: ok
stair at the sun: i got this japanese import movie in the mail today
stair at the sun: i've been waiiiting for it
yummiepeachie: whats it called
stair at the sun: 'casshern'
stair at the sun: id give you a link to the trailer
stair at the sun: but you stil have 56k no?
yummiepeachie: yeah, unfortunetly
stair at the sun: ah
stair at the sun: http://casshern.com/
stair at the sun: it looks so unique
stair at the sun: just the graphics...it looks almost all digital
stair at the sun: take a look
stair at the sun: i'll be back
yummiepeachie: okay, yeah brb.. sister needs phone
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

I hate his fucking ass! I was sooooooooo holding everything in... oh my god I SWEAR TO GOD THIS BOY THINKS WAY TO HIGHLY OF HIMSELF WHEN HE THINKS HE HAS ALL THIS RESPECT WHEN HE DOESN'T. SURE, HE HAS RESPECT FOR HIS COUNTRY (because big deal, you know, he says the pledge.. he's fucking awesome now!!!!!! POO ON HIM!) BUT HE SHOULDN'T BRAG ABOUT HOW RESPECTFUL HE IS WHEN HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FOR OTHER PEOPLE!! FUCKING MORON!

HOW DARE HE CRITICIZE LUCY FOR THAT. HOW DARE HE SPEAK ABOUT HER THAT WAY. I HATE HIM

HOW DARE HE CRITICIZE THE RELIGION OF PEOPLE. HOW DARE HE MAKE FUN OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVE IN

HOW DARE HE TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE AND THEN CLAIM HE DOESN'T TALK SHIT UNLESS HE REALLLLLY HATES THE PERSON

HOW DARE HE CRITICIZE OTHER PEOPLE'S FAULTS WHEN HE DOESN'T REALIZE HIS OWN. HOW DARE HE TALK ABOUT STUFF AND CRITICIZE WHEN HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE'S TALKING ABOUT

I think this boy is a follower. he doesn't know what he believes in. he doesn't know what he is. he doesn't know anything. he follows other people. he claims he liked all this stuff on his own but REALITY CHECK: THERE'S ALWAYS AN INFLUENCE ON EVERYTHING...you'll always like something because of influence!!!! HE'S SUCH A JERK!! i HATE HIM i HATE HIM!!

HOW DARE HE THINK THAT i DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM AND THAT I'M FUCKING TOO SENSITIVE. HOW DARE HE CLAIM THAT ALL HE MEANS IS WELL WHEN IN FACT HE NEVER MEANS THAT BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN'T STAND HIM! WHO THE FUCK CAN STAND THAT BASTARD??

DAMMIT... I WONDER WHAT AMY STIMPSON THINKS OF HIM.. FOR HE HAS A "THING" FOR HER.

I HATE BRETT ANDERSON!!

---------------------------------------------------------------

anyway, i had a good valentines... for Jaimie got me a rose, caryl got me some hershey kisses and caitlin gave me a card and chocolates!! mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!

I heart them :D!

I didn't expect anything today. so i guess it made me even more happier!

I don't want to go to school tomorrow :( I don't have any of my homework done! I hope I will get to finish my homework, well, my world lit homework in tech. I have to code the robot site tonigth and it's almost 11pm! @_@ maybe i'll wake up early? I dunno =/ I'll see what I can do... =| I'm so sleepy

We went to Auntie mommie's house today and after eating lunch, we prayed. All of us. Auntie Mommie, Connie, Mom, Ate Zel, Me, Ate Cindy, Lola, Auntie Dori, Uncle Danny, Uncle Dad, Dad, and two other people. hahaha. The prayer took a long time. I kept laughing sometimes because Lola would randomly pop up. Or she'll just be on her own prayer. And so with Auntie Dori. I kept laughing. I"m trying to hide it, so that auntie mommie wont get mad, but it was really funny...

Valentines Day is tomorrow :-| I'm kind of glad I don't really like anyone right now, that way I won't be expecting anything. Come to think of it, I shouldn't have expected anything before. I shouldn't ever expect anything so that I won't be disappointed. And that way, I can be suprised if something does happen. Usually I'm not to fond of V-day, but I probably only say that become I am alone and single. But actually, as of right now, I don't really care, I don't like anyone, and perhaps no one likes me as more than just a friend. So i'm alight with it actually :)

The Grammy's are on right now...... The Killers didn't win. It sucks! They were up against Green Day and U2. UGH! That really sucks! >< I'm happy for green day though. XD haha, it'd be cool if morrissey won, but aha.. I could only dream.

last night, scott and I had a cool convo on my LJ comments about NIP/TUCK that was awesome. I love that show! haha scott is so funny.. he's all like "omg omg omg.. ava's a man!" haha.. he's so girly. I can' t but glare when I see them though. Actually, I think scott is over brett... as what scott wrote in his journal. they're still gay though. I think. seriously.

uhm yeah.. i also really dislike richard. everything about him. Everything. Ugh. okay

bye,

Ate Cindy, Ate Zel and I went to Barnes and Noble today. I haven't been to the bookstore in so long! :) I read Spin's article on The Killers and it was awesome. I like The Killers a lot :D!

I got a credit card from clout (some company to help college students or so). I don't want to activate it ...yet.. but I have a $500 limit. It isn't much at all, but I guess it would help when we really really really i mean, really need food. Otherwise I'm not using it at all!

I don't know what else to say. ♥

Well, today wasn't so bad. I felt kind of nervous for tech. I told Gauthier about how we should change groups and I was nervous what the class might think. But, they accepted it and I'm with Randy and Benny! Hee.

I won't deny that I never liked Richard. I really liked him. But, as school started and he started to get all conceited and arrogant... it was just a plain turn off. Over summer, he was great - caring, sweet, very nice. Then school started, and he turned out to be totally conceited, and he brags about EVERYTHING. holy fuck, he has nothing to brag about. He also bragged bout how rich he is too... i didn't think any harm to it.. it was more like "hm.. whatever" but as school started and I just started to resent him. I also honestly felt that I could NOT ... NOT even a tiny bit see myself with him at school especially. And usually that wouldn't bother me, but it did. I really did, and I didn't want to appear shallow and say it. But, If i really liked him.. i mean reallly really liked him, then it wouldn't have mattered to me. I guess, i just didn't like him as much as I thought.

from my livejournal:
Anyway, I told David in english a few days ago that I was going to ask for an application at starbucks but then when I went there, I saw him, and got shy. Hahaha. So I just got coffee and left. He didn't see me. SO I told him that, and when I went there today (finally, I was having starbucks withdrawls), he let me have coffee for free annnnd he asked if I still wanted to have an application, I said yes, and he said to put him down as a reference :) I could also put my sister's friend Noel for reference too because he also works at starbucks. Oh man, I hope I get a job :) HECK I get out at 11am, I don't have anything to do, but watch DESIGNER GUYS and sleep! hahaha yayy! ahaha. LITTLE things that make my day!

yayyyy!
uhm..yeah. okay

I LOVE JOAN OF ARCADIA! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! I hope it lasts for a long time. <3 <3 <3

I don't know what else to say <3

though, i kind of wish there was something between mike and i. pooooh. a close friendship, perhaps, he seems fun to hang out with in bookstores and chit chats in coffee shops.

Date:	2005-02-10 22:17
Subject:	"...but I don't want to look like a cute boy!"
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

Well, today wasn't half bad :) Finished, sort of, my homework that was due today. I also just finished a part of my Socrates apology! yay. I thought that would take forever, but I think i have a lot more to add to what I just wrote. Ah well, I'll finish it over the weekend. :)

I'm so happy tomorrow is friday. FINALLY, i can watch Joan of Arcadia! AH! I love that show. It's fucking awesome.

Dammit, I just remembered I have some physics homework! D'oh! I kinda think that Mr. Johnson looks like Alex Trebeck. Or Maybe it just me. Whatever.

Today, after my classes, I talked to Mr. Gauthier about how I don't want richard in my robot group. I told him I'll be very uncomfortable with him and I just can't be with him in a group anymore. I just can't. I hope ithappenes. Heck, I'll FUCKING be happy with ANYONE. Seriously ANYONE! I can't stand richard at all, I really can't. Maybe it's just personal, but I can't stand to be around people who will take ALL the fucking credit and be fucking arrogant about it. I hate him. I really do. Maybe more than brett because atleast brett is modest about his achievements. Although, he can be too arrogant to think of other people's point of views. But I dunno. I just really can't stand him. Lets take a clip of one of my Dear You's I did back in October:

Dear You, (aka richard)
You are a great friend. You're considerate, caring, and thoughtful. But, I just don't get you at all with the things you do and the things you say. I have a very very strong memory of what people say. I never forget. (I usually forget stuff like what I did yesterday, but not with what people tell me). And sometimes, you would tell me totally different things.. like you tell me about something and a week later you would tell me something different about that same thing. It confuses me. Why do you do that? If you're going to lie, I mean for the love of god please be consistant. And why do you have to lie in the first place? Do you want to look/sound better? Are you trying to impress me? Because I don't F'ing care about what you have or how much money you have. I liked your company. (NOTE: Liked) Now I just find you annoying. I don't even think you realize the things you say. It annoys me that you don't know. I can tell when you're acting fake or when you're trying to make yourself sound smart. You don't have to do that. I hate how you give such lame excuses about everything. I feel that you are such a baby. That you can't do this or that. Here you try to defend your masculinity, but my god, I probabl have more guy in me than you do yourself. You're so spacey, so flighty, you never listen... no wonder your parents are like that with you. They yell at you but I don't understand why they spoil you. You care so much of what people think of you that you AREN'T yourself. I can't STAND that in people. I have never said anything about this, so you probably won't know who you are. I feel that you never get things right. You think you know me, but you don't. You never talk about anything intelligent and that just fustrates me. You have a mouth because all you do it talk, but fo r the love of god, please, say something smart and not some random unfunny remarks. UGH. The more I write, the more I can't stand you!

I kind of take back me saying he's considerate.

Anyway, I love this journal. I'm so happy. With this, I don't care if anyone reads this.

I think i'll go apply to Starbucks at Sahara/Nellis! eeee! David works there. I was gonna ask an app. before, but then i got shy.. so... yeah ^_^

I don't think I have feelings for mike anymore. Fuck insecurities you know? FUCK THEM! It would've been nice if we were close as friends, but blah, whatever, I guess. What can I do? I also hate his friend

I feel like i'm separating from Jaimie! :( We haven't talked in ages.. like real talk. I miss her. She got a 1350 on her SATS i'm so happie for her! yayyy!! I heart her, no matter what!

I guess it's time to do some physics homework. POOOH!

♥ Maureen

Date:	2005-02-09 20:42
Subject:	"he was so sad and tall............. and you're so loose and cheap"
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	Janis Joplin - piece of my heart

Hey, I feel like updating here more often now. I don't want to update my livejournal. But of course, i'll say that, and STILL update my livejournal. Oh well. I like how no one knows about this and it's so.... public. And if someone happens to find this. then well.. yay for them

I have so much homework tonight. It's amazing how much homework one has in a night. Tsk!

I <3 my last post down there. I <3 it sooo much. Though, somthing has changed! Actually is hasn't. I'm STILL unsure of my liking towards mike. How my mind changes so fast, no? He IMed me last night.. which is rare... and he noticed that we haven't seen each other at school for the past couple of days.. which was nice of him to say since i almost had the feeling he was avoiding me somehow. Maybe it was because our conversation (which we rarely have) was lacking a connection. IT PROBABLY IS JUST ME. So I got kind of doubtful (yet, again) But JUST WATCH, I'll probably start liking him tonight, tomorrow .... etc. Because my mind inevitably changes a lot. It would be nice to get rid of insecurities. I'd be much happier and confident in myself. Then again, perhaps insecurities shapes a one's personality. Hmm...

I don't know what else to say. So, ciao

♥ Maureen