FHiL's Blurty
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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in FHiL's Blurty:

    Saturday, February 28th, 2004
    1:50 pm
    so i've come to the conclusion that to find a girl who actually likes me I am either going to have to A. Change my name, B. change my apperance, or C. just fucking shoot myself so i don't have to deal with this.

    Current Music: Contingency Plan, The - One Day I'll Stop Breathing
    Friday, February 27th, 2004
    2:18 am
    it's amazing how many times i can fuck up in one night.

    Current Music: Armor for Sleep - Dream to Make Believe
    Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
    1:22 pm
    so it's been a while...
    I haven't updated this thing in quite a while, but those few of you who read this should know what's going on in my life. So... l8r

    Current Music: Tech N9ne - This Ring
    Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
    5:49 pm
    can't breathe...
    me llamo felipe. me es el stupid uno.

    so yeah, things are definetly not looking good. maybe it's because i always think the worst. actually though, i'd say it probably has more to due with the fact that it may be the truth...

    Current Music: Punchline - You Mean the World to Me
    Friday, January 16th, 2004
    11:49 pm
    Dear Phil,

    yeah dickhead, you managed to fuck things up again. i didnt even get to have any fun you stupid fuck. stop fucking up my life. you know i have no fucking patience when it comes to this type of shit. and yet you manage to fuck up every single fucking time you try to do it. you just couldn't do it could you, you couldn't just allow yourself the time to think this through, instead you got fucking attached and fucking hurt, just like every other fucking time. you seriously should lose your right to care. you just suck so much. cant find one out there that isn't too good for you can you? if i could leave you i would because i am sick of all this pain caused by your stupidness. go fuck yourself loser.

    Your H & H
    Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
    9:40 pm
    you know you wanna hear something funny
    someone today said that i hate them. wow, it was seriously news to me.

    Current Music: Marz f. ICP - Fuck Them
    2:54 am
    so i lied in my lj post about that one thing, obviously... im sad and pathetic, i know.

    nothing i ever do will be good enough for you though

    Current Music: Fighting Jacks - Your Lurking Shadow
    Friday, January 9th, 2004
    10:48 am
    I'm really sick of having wasted all this fucking time on you. None of it was worth it, not a single second of it. Glad to know you still don't give a shit either.

    Current Music: Hush - Run Ya Jewelz
    Sunday, January 4th, 2004
    12:45 am
    ha what a joke
    so yeah, i thought today was a great day and all, then reality hit.

    so i was going to write a nice long journal about what's bothering and what not... but then i realized that none of you care whats bothering me. i'll get the typical, "its ok phil, things will eventually get better" and thats not what i need to hear.

    and i thought 2004 was going to be different than 2003

    im just sick of trying only to get fucked in the end. its like, this is how it was meant to be. phil likes a girl, girl doesnt like phil, phil gets hurt, repeat.

    whatever, not like you cared.

    Current Music: Atention Deficit - Stacks of Heartache
    Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
    11:13 pm
    omg today was great. was at a surprise party for jennifer, which was awesome. im glad she was so surprised. kady, jackie, stokes, roxy, stephanie, toni, jenny, kellie, mr. lentz & mrs. lentz, jenny's grandma and her sister were all there.

    then later, the majority of us we're up at DQ. that was fun too.

    i would go into more detail, but yeah.

    Current Music: Violent J & ABK - Mr. Sesame Seed
    12:47 am
    so... would anybody be interested in a game of monopoly tomorrow night? i know it sounds dull n all, but its something to do

    anyone interested? if you are call me. if you find out at 4am you wanna go, fckin call me damnit, cuz i wanna know. so all y'alls who wanna have a semi-dull time with The FFP call me and we can play some monopoly. 212-3275

    Current Music: Zug Island - We Live
    Thursday, January 1st, 2004
    4:09 pm
    happy ny
    im updating just for kady.
    Thursday, December 25th, 2003
    11:13 am
    december the 25th
    merry f'n christmas kidlets
    Sunday, October 12th, 2003
    11:07 pm
    "hey kady, i think you sat on something" ~Kyle
    yeah, a 'Her Pleasure' trojan. lol.

    Kady and Roxy told us to get them for the "orgy" we were going to have, and they were specific on the 'her pleasure' ones. So we bought some at Krogers for them. It was funny, none of them have been used yet though, lmao.

    Today, I went bowling, which sucked like always. Got all my shit done for City tournament cept for mixed doubles cuz Roxy needs to find out if she can bowl them with me or not.

    After bowling we all played some football at Kady's. All the cool people were there, Jen, Kady, Roxy and Kyle. But Kyle was a bitch and left early. I got fuckin tackled by Kady and Roxy. Took both of them to bring me down to one knee though. Not like I could really do anything about it. It's immoral.

    Today's closing thoughts:
    Never let a golden opprutunity to get laid pass you up. (And that has nothing to do with me since I haven't had an opprutunity in a very long time, let alone a golden one.)

    Current Music: Mae - This Time is the Last Time (Acoustic)
    Thursday, October 9th, 2003
    6:10 pm
    what a fuckin shitty day yesterday was
    Auto response from FFP Belcher (5:33:36 PM): "I've broken both my legs falling for you." ~Silverstein

    "when i'm without you things just fall apart" ~Spitalfield

    "my self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low. i know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me" ~Sense Field

    whatever the fuck! 212-3275

    Auto response from FFP Belcher (5:40:48 PM): this is me almost pretending to give a fuck.

    i'm way past given up... but then again, im not a fat fucking loser actually... i am, so what the fuck!

    i don't even care anymore.

    Auto response from FFP Belcher (5:46:15 PM): i sit here
    and alone
    because once again
    i have ruined
    my life

    seems like its the only thing im good at.

    Auto response from FFP Belcher (6:04:12 PM): i can't do this anymore.
    i really can't.
    every move i make
    is the wrong one
    every step i take
    is in the wrong direction
    life, love, laughter...
    who want's to buy me a clue?

    "Sometimes I'd like to know, the insides of my wrists. Sometimes I'd like to do what does not happen after this. It's crazy but its clear, I do nothing but let down." ~As Friends Rust

    Auto response from FFP Belcher (6:39:43 PM): wondering why i say some of the things i say. i can be such an asshole. i still can't believe i said that though. it makes me cry. for real.

    "I've broken both my legs falling for you." ~Silverstein

    "and now i've broken my own heart by being an asshole to you. pain, love, tears... its all one in the same" ~FHiL

    "Sometimes, walls run into you." ~Spitalfield

    "yeah? and sometimes my knuckles run into the wall. but what can you do? it's not like i can talk about this because that doesn't work, and i'm already upset and teary as it is, so might as well break some knuckles too." ~FHiL

    you can tell how wonderful my day was.

    Current Music: Psychopathic Rydas - Skrilla 4 Rilla
    Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
    8:58 am
    "your just making it hard, i like you phil i really do"
    yeah so. i always make it hard.

    went to dinner with roxy, kady and jen yesterday. it was fun i guess. too bad kady didn't know how to get there and almost got lost. lol.

    so yeah, i want this girl, and its very confusing. always confusing. sigh.

    "My heart bleeds no more; now, it's been turned to stone. You're stomach feels sick for someone else. I've broken both my legs falling for you. Drag me on the ground. Powerless I stand, tarnished blade, cutting through, pushed into my vein. Blood still stains my hands." ~Silverstein

    Current Music: Silverstein - Bleeds No More
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