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Sunday, March 20th, 2005
2:25 pm
I just got back from Florida last night. It was a pretty swell time. Even though my mom was sick for part of it, and I was tired for a lot of it. It was nice to get away from most everything for a while. And it's good to be back too.

I hate to think about track though, I wasn't able to run as much as I should've. There simply wasn't time really. But hopefully I'll be okay.

Not much else to say really. I miss my friends and I hope I can see them soon. Before school starts would be nice.

That's about it.

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Thursday, January 6th, 2005
1:10 am
I can't for the life of me get to sleep tonight. So I sorta gave up on it for a little bit. But now I have nothing to do. I'm really exhausted, but I think I'm just too tired for my brain to allow me to go to sleep. I just can't stop thinking about anything and everything. My mind just keeps going from real-life to the absurd, and everywhere in between. I toss and turn and can't get comfortable. And it's starting to piss me off. I'm so tired that I'm irrationally angry right now.

Part of me feels empty, but part of me thinks it's just because it's late and I'm tired.

GRRRR I'm gonna go try to sleep again.

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
6:22 pm
I'd just like to respectfully say to my orthodontist tomorrow: You can't make straight straighter.

(Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
7:28 pm - "Today you'll wake up and do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep."
So...blurty time.

I guess I'm going out of town tomorrow evening. So I want to do something tonight or tomorrow, but I told my friends not tonight because I thought I could do something tomorrow night, and it would make the parents happy if I stayed home. Now I'm kinda upset about that, given that I'm going out of town until Sunday night, and who knows when I'll get back then. That and Caitlan's going out of town...Tuesday I believe. So I really need to do something Monday.

I'm gonna write Caitlan three notes. One for her on the way to where she's going, one for while she's there, and one for the way back. Hey...I thought it was cool.

Anyway, summer's here, and it's not quite the total blast I thought it'd be. The crap they assign at school for over the summer (that's what it is, complete, unadultered crap) is always hanging over my head. I hate that. My parents are all weird about me being out late, because they stay up for me when I'm out, and they never want to stay up late. That's really annoying. I hate being the first one to go, it pisses me off so much. That and I'm looking for a job. Erg. So there are some minor quibbles and I've decided that except for the summer after senior year, it's impossible to have a perfect summer.

...well not impossible. But something earth-shattering amazing would have to happen...and that's highly unlikely given my track record. Although, for what it's worth, I'm trying. Hard.

Anyway, I'm gonna go now.

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
7:10 pm - School, movie night, people, etc.
I'm doing pretty good. Kinda tired, but that's okay. School is almost out! I'm so happy. Things are looking up more.

But because I can use it, I'll use my blurty as a complainer's corner for the small things.

Basically the biggest complaint I have is movie night. Which is tomorrow. Baird can't go. I haven't talked to Brad. That last one's my fault. And I need to tomorrow afternoon. Also, it was gonna be Shrek 2. In fact, I was all for putting Shrek 2 at 8 on my xanga to tell everybody. But then I got into a convo with Alison, who said some of her friends were iffy on going (even though I had just talked to him, so it was weird). And it's because we're not as close anymore, there's a bunch of other people over, and I was told that the movie (since they had seen it) was the thing that was kinda pushing it into might not be going territory. Part of me wanted to say, that's up to them, and just try to talk them into it. But I decided to discuss it anyway. Van Helsing was suggested, but I was totally against that. Because it's supposed to be bad, and some people have seen it. (Namely Melissa, and I'm trying to earn any Melissa brownie points I can, but more on that later). So I, yes me, suggested the movie Mean Girls. Which is a compromise. Not too many people have seen it, I guess it appeals to the one's who were iffy more (Who knows why), and Caitlan and Melissa had talked about wanting to see it earlier. So I said, screw it, it's not about the movie, and this seems to work better. Slightly true...slightly not. A lot of people were visibly dissapointed in the movie choice. And that hurt, because I did the best I could, and I just want people to realize what it's about. Melissa gave me crap about it, and said she'd probably go...maybe. Because I guess she doesn't want to see it now. I just took it, but more on that later. So...it's a mixed bag. But I really appreciate the people who are excited about it. Amanda's comment on my xanga made my day about shooting for 6:45 so she's there by seven. Brittany said she was excited. Tim had the right idea. He said something along the lines of, even thought it's a chick flick, I understand and still want to go. Exactly. I don't know why this means so much to me, but I think it can be fun. So, crap or no crap, I'm going to this movie tomorrow, and I'm going to enjoy my time, if not the movie.

So anyway, as I alluded too, Melissa and I finally had our big blow out. Basically we both had kinda a crappy night hanging out at Caitlan's, and she was talking about it to me on the internet. She said she was pissed at some people and I just said yeah, not really meaning to go into it or anything, but she seemed to take it that I was agreeing with her. So she asked, and I told her that I was pissed at her. Haha, which is kinda funny now, but anyway. So I told her all that, and basically she told me that I bother her a ton, for less concrete reasons than I have. So I said, okay what are we gonna do about it? And she said she wanted space. So we pretty much didn't talk. Online or other. Which was weird because she's always talking. But after that whole discussion, I'm not mad at her at all anymore. I got it all out, I know she knows what I felt, and I can move on. So basically I'm ready to talk to her again. Anyway, she started talking to me again today. Which was cool. So I think things are getting better.

Anyway, those are the things going on. I'm in a pretty good mood now. And things are looking up from where they were. I'm still determined to make summer rock. Hard. Anyway, I'm out.

current mood: optimistic
current music: "Where have all the rude boys gone?" -Ted Leo and the Pharm.

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
9:13 pm - Blurty gets used, but it's a long one
The toll wears on me, and I'm about to break. It's not just school. It's my relationships, it's my exhaustion, it's my sin, it's my lack of direction at times. I've really messed up sometimes. Maybe not in front of anybody, but I saw it. God saw it. Okay, breaking is probably a little harsh. I'm not that depressed. Actually, I don't think I'm depressed at all. Just exhausted. And I feel like I can get no rest. So I guess that it is depressing. And then when I botch things, it's all the worse. To some it might not be a big deal. But to me, I think it is. And I feel like I can't get back on track. That I've done this one too many times. And the jig is up.

So, as I told myself many times, I'm done. No more messing up. I can be forgiven. Even if I don't feel like it. God's there, even if I don't feel like it. And I'm done. I need to put myself back on track.

Besides that, I'm tired from some of my relationships. Including friendships. Melissa really bothered me a lot lately. In church the service was on relationships that take from you, and drain you, and relationships that give. It's a balance. And through the whole service Melissa was the draining one that kept popping in my mind. I talk to her a lot on the internet. About her. Which is fine. Because I get akward when I talk about myself, at least at a deeper level, as many of you know. I enjoy giving her advice, I feel like I'm helping her. And I like helping her, and I'm pretty sure she likes the help. She keeps talking me expecting me to give her advice anyway. But it got to the point where I felt she was taking me for granted. She never seemed appreciative of my help. Even on something as trivial as English. I helped her edit her English paper. And since I was having a good day, I felt like I was gonna put all the Melissa crap behind me and just accept her for what she has and work to make a better friendship. Then she only sorta edited my paper. And when I truthfully, sincerely, and not in a mean way at all, tried to help her paper. Gave her exactly what she asked for, about the exact parts she asked. All she did was say I made her feel bad or stupid. She even told Thomas that on the internet when she got back. I got no appreciation. Okay fine. But that's not it. She wanted to go swing dancing the past Friday. Fine, except I didnt' want to go, but this is beside the point. She calls and asks if I want to go. She then proceeds to tell me how I'm gonna dance with this person, who is really beautiful, and if we like each other, then she'll hook us up. "Because, well, you don't like anybody Larry anyway." Which of course she knew wasn't true. And so she said, "well you do, but still." Didn't give a flying frick for what I felt. I opened up to her once about who I liked. I figured, well, she's bore her soul to me a few times, and she was asking, and so I had told her. I told her not to tell. Which she did. And you know, I never got any support, any advice, anything whatsoever, because of her preconcieved notions. Even if she doesn't think it'll work, which is fine, because I don't think it'll work, she could at least realize that I too am a human being and have feelings. And at least respect that as my so called friend. I got none of that. Plus how she's constantly a jerk, and so therefore I was a jerk too. It got to a point I couldn't take it anymore. I was ever just gonna give up trying on a friendship, and probably really piss her off in the process, because I would've blown up, or I could try and give her a call, and talk about it like rationally people don't do. And I've lost friendships in the past for no good reason, and I don't want it to happen again. So I called her. (This was after arguing with her about not talking on the internet, because I felt it needed to be talked about, not done on the internet. Of course, she wanted to do English. Which is fine, because I asked if there was a time I could call her when she wouldn't be busy. She said now, but still wanted me to talk to her about it on the internet. Finally I got her on the phone). And I told her that I was tired of the pissing contest, both being jerks to each other. Her first response was, "I'm not" and I almost hung up the phone right there. But I kept talking about it, and I told her what I felt, rationally, calmly, and we talked for a bit. She did apologize, as did I. And we both agreed to work on it more. Which we are doing. So basically, the point of that is that, things are better, and hopefully I saved a friendship.

I realize that a lot of that came off as self-centered, and jerk-like. And some of it probably is. But at the same time, sometimes I want some care from my "friends". I do have a lot of friends who care, and I love them all a lot. I don't just say that. I'm not unappreciative, this was just one that was draining me and I needed that to change a bit.

I need to get some stuff straigtened. I shouldn't fall into "if-then" thinking, but I feel that if I can straighten stuff out a bit, make sure my priorities are in the right place, and stay strong through this last few weeks, things will improve. Sorry if I've ever been a jerk or anything lately, to anybody that reads this. Let me know how I can help you, or pray for any of you. My phone is still on the hook, don't be afraid to call. I try my best to listen. Or give me a shout out on IM. Or email. Or note. Or comment. Whatever. And for those of you so inclined, pray for me too, if you would. Thanks. Have a great week guys. You're all awesome. And Tyler, you're story rocked. hard.

current mood: optimistic
current music: Lifehouse -"Everything"

(3 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
10:05 pm - Back by popular demand...
Well, I guess it's been awhile. And I think I was sorta told to update. So I will.

School...is a terrible, awful, no good, very bad thing. I can't stand it. And stealing from Amanda (for slightly different reasons, I'm sure), the only parts that make it half way decent are six simple minutes between classes. And even those...sometimes...are take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. It's better than nothing. Or English. Which, if it were a person...I'm not sure I'd have any problem strangling it and leaving it to die. Okay, yeah I would, but only if it were a living thing. I'd just completely try to avoid it. But, I have to do it anyway, and complaining about it isn't gonna help.

Um.....other than school...my life is boring. I can't do anything Friday night. so that leaves Saturday. No real new girl options. Just the same old ones that will never work.

I'm tired, so forgive the pessimistic mood. I'm just so worn out from school, and people, and everything. And I have absolutely no room to talk compared to the sports players, I know, I know, yadda yadda yadda.

Well this is a waste of an entry. Maybe I'll come up with something better next time. Maybe. I'm out and have a great week.

current mood: pessimistic

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
8:21 pm - An entry writen under the influence...of over the counter medication
Man, I don't know if this is just particularly vicious allergies or a cold, but whatever it is, I hate it. I tend to think it might be allergies because it started when I woke up the day after I mowed. But seriously, they could stop now. It sucks.

I took a nap today for like an hour. And then I got really disoriented about the time of day. I realized it must only be 5:30 or so, but it felt like I had slept all night. And I didn't want to get up (I never like waking up). It made today seem really long.

It used to be that I would come home and start my homework. No joke, I was actually at one time responsible like that. And it was nice too, because then I got it down and didn't have to worry about anything and just had the evening to do whatever. Then it got so I would do some stuff before I did my homework, so it would take an hour or so until I finally got started. Still pretty good. Since Spring break, I put it off and put it off. I hate homework so much. It's getting bad. And I don't really care. That's the real problem.

You know the end of those based off a true story movies? Like October Sky, or Miracle, or Remember the Titans. The part at the end, either right before the credits or as the credits roll and they talk about what those people went on to do afterwards. They show a picture of the real person and say that he became a mechanic, had some kids, and wrote a book or something. I wish I could follow my friends lives like that after high school. I was thinking about that. High School's gonna end and I'm gonna lose touch with most of my friends. Well, if most of the adults I know live's are any indication. My mom is still friends with only one of her friends from high school, and that's a pretty long distance relationship anyway. I don't think my dad know's anybody from high school anymore. I don't want to lose touch with my friends. I wanna follow them. I want to see them get married (some of them I want to be like best man or something, lol). I want to hear that they had kids. I want to see how they've made a difference. I always wonder if any of my friends will become famous. And really, I don't want to just hear these things, I don't want my relationships with these people to dwindle into Christmas letters. "Oh little Johnny, our fourth, broke our stereo and we had to replace it last month..." kind of thing. I'd like to be involved. I'd like to still be friends. I'd like to go out and grab some food with them on some days. We'd make room for the new people, wives, husbands and such. It would be fun. It would be fun to still have people over on a friday night and watch some movie we've seen about a billion times anyway. I'd say it'd be fun to still have guys nights, but that's something that probably dies when you get outta high school. I'd definetely think it would be cool just to head over to the beach and surf with these people I've grown up with. And as the sun goes down, and we're sitting on the beach, laugh about the crap that happened in high school. "Dude, do you remember that time you asked so-and-so out and she turned you down? haha that was hilarious no offense man." "Yeah but it wasn't as bad as the time you got punched in the stomach by that..." I know, I know, I'm a bit of an idealist, especially when it comes to friendships and guy-girl relationships (which may not be a good thing if my luck so far is any indicator). But isn't this possible? Okay, maybe not the surfing one, and I realize people move. But at least to stay close friends somehow? I don't want May of 2006 to be the last time I say "hey" to my friends. I don't want it to be the last time I see some of these people. They mean so much to me. Who's to say they can't later too?

Man, that was pretty muddled, I know. But cut me some slack, I'm on sudafed, and I'm still off a little bit from that nap. Anyway, I'm out. Have a good week.

current mood: sick
current music: AFI

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
8:59 pm - School, guitar
Man for some reason I got this dry skin going on. I hate it.

So today was the first day of school after Spring Break. Nice to be back. Not. Okay it really wasn't that bad. And I find if I don't look forward to anything, like the end of class or whatever, then the day just goes by faster. I'm kinda tired though. I might go to bed early. Call it an early night and hope I can get to bed faster than I did last night.

Oooh, I was bad today. A rebel. During 5th hour I find out we have an assembly at 2:30 so 6th and 7th hours are cut short and the end of the day will be spent in an assembly honoring our 6A boys B-ball champs. I think to myself, "Hey, I'm out of math early today," and go on with my day. Getting towards 2:30, I think to myself, what exactly is stopping me from skipping the assembly. I didn't plan on it, I just wondered. Well, I get out to the commons and see nobody that I want to sit by. Well, I found Baird, and just to be me I asked him what was stopping us from skipping, figuring he'd say, "haha that's a good question" and we'd go inside and sit through it. Instead he was like, "Skip. I am." So that's what I did. I guess some people really did hear it was optional from some other kids, although I'm pretty sure it wasn't. Anyway, as we were leaving Mr. Ferguson stops us all, (there were a bunch of kids with the same idea). After some talking, Mr. Ferguson goes, "Go. I didn't see you leave. Just drive carefully." And so I left. And I went home. Does this make me a bad person? I'm not above saying I felt a little guilty. I mean, for one, all my peers were back there sitting throug that. And for another, I kinda did feel like I was breaking a rule. Although there were enough other kids doing it. And I missed my daily afterschool chit-chat. That was almost worth staying for. I like those. But oh well. It's over. My big rebelious streak for the year.

Played some guitar today. Tim's song. I figured out the c sharp minor chord. I love the progression from that to A. It's awesome. I love talking about musical stuff, and actually knowing what I'm talking about. Haha it's great. Well, I'm out.

current mood: tired
current music: Brand New (geez, that's like 3 or 4 times in a row)

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Sunday, March 21st, 2004
10:39 pm - I'm too apathetic to write a subject line, it's Spring Break.
Ladies and Gentlement (because this applies to you both): the hormones are flying this week aren't they. It's like a moraled Johnson county version of MTV's spring break. Except not. I watched in hilarious joy as two sets of people took the plunge and finally held hands. The first set Amanda and Tim, was great to watch. All I can really say since Amanda reads this. But, haha, it was so great. And then today Caleb grabbed Melissa's hand. And Melissa made a joke out of herself again. But that was later. From what I hear, because I was on the other side of Melissa in a movie theater, Caleb said, "Hold my hand" just like that. Which, while not as funny as Tim and Amanda, was pretty good initofitself (what a fun phrase to make into one word). Then Melissa started pissing me off by not taking me home, but that's beside the point.

I'm making a website...which come to think of it, I forgot to mention on my xanga. Anyway, it's not even close to being done. So I'll post the link later when I have something to look at at least.

I'm stupid. I never really listened to Brad when he swore Brand New was the greatest band ever. While it may not be that, they are amazing. Really though, that's beside the issue. I miss that guy a lot. Frankly, I'm not sure what exactly happened, and I don't want to really explain what I think may have because I could be wrong. That was a relationship I shouldn't have let go of like I did. I feel so stupid when I'm even around him now.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna go take a picture of myself, maybe work on my website a bit more, and talk to anybody that may pop up on the internet. A normal evening. Tomorrow is the last night of Spring Break where I can stay up insanely late if I want to. School starts in two days, and it feels like a looming mountain that I can't take. I'm not ready for this quarter. I'm truthfully not sure I can handle it. I don't know how I'd "not handle it" but that's what it feels like. It's like the end of LOTR 3 where they're on Mt. Doom, and Frodo just can't take it any further. I'm gonna go spray myself with nerd-b-gone. Actually, I think just saying that made it worse. I'm out.

current mood: caffeinated
current music: Brand New

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Saturday, March 20th, 2004
12:15 am - Gordy Skips, bands, songs, chillin, girls, internal clock, etc.
First, let me just say, I heard Gordy Skips tonight. And that was freaking cool. Because I know the drummer and it sounded neat. It inspired me to want to be in a band. And then I thought, "Hey, I can be in a band! And hey, we've talked about it enough that I pratically am in a band." And that was a nice thought. I mean really, we haven't had a practice, or anything as a band. Unless you count the other day when we took turns playing stuff. Tim told me to come up with a name. I've got a list. We'll come up with something. Actually, I'm not that great at guitar to be in a band, but I figure being in a band would give me something to strive for and a more...constant desire to practice. So it's all good.

Actually, I started writing a song today. I felt like writing a song, and since I had nothing being worked on really, I just came up with power chords. I'm gonna call it "Yet Another Power Chord Song". I don't talk about the powerchords or anything. I just put it in the name. So far, it's sorta about that looming fear of after high school and how all your friends are stripped away. I hope it's cool anyway. I'd still like to write that pop tab song someday...

Chilled at Melissa's crib today. Then I looked at my watch and realized that I was lizate and needed to bounce. (Okay I'm done with that.) Anyway, that was really fun. We went to this school nearby because it's freaking gorgeous outside. We played hide and seek. And by some miracle Caleb and Melissa didn't tag me when they were it. I have no idea how the crap I got away with that one, but man... Then we played pool, and like I said, I lost track of time and realized that I should've been home five minutes ago. But my dad didn't care. I think it was probably like, well, he screwed up tonight, and if he does it again then it will be a problem.

I find myself thinking about Melissa a lot lately. Kinda weird. Sorta. I dunno, she likes Caleb, and I'm cool with that. In fact, I'm trying to help. Melissa comes to me for help in that area, so I play cheerleader and encourage her and give advice if I can. So it's sorta weird. I dunno. She's weird. Caitlan's cool too. But there's a thing between her and Thomas, and there will always be a thing there. And there's no room for me there. And that's fine too. I just have to practice my self described "koo" program. "Keeping Options Open." And I'd like to have fun with it. So I just kinda press on, and do my best to be a friend to my friends, girls or guys (not that I like guys, because I'm completely straight, I'm just saying). Because that's more important to me anyway. Also it's getting to the point where I'm a little more willing to take risks and have fun. I don't know with who yet, but it won't be such a complete huge deal when I ask them on a date or something. It is, but it won't be so hard, I guess is what I'm saying. Ah, I'm such a dork.

Slightly worried as school approaches about my internal clock. I've reset myself to stay up late and sleep in. School is gonna be really crappy when it comes. I was pretty mad at myself today. I slept in until literally 12:12. I woke up at 9 something and thought, oh I'll get up at 10:30 or so. And I didn't wake up again until then. I felt like I wasted half my day. I hate that feeling, but I love sleep. Once I'm there anyway. I like the night too.

I think I'll stop now.

current mood: amused
current music: Brand New and the Starting Line

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
10:41 pm - A long entry, but I thought it was interesting
Okay, I'm definitely going to take advantage of Blurty's unusual speed here tonight. Not really sure what to say, but I feel like writing something.

Man the last few days have been great. Minus the slight cold/post nasal drip thing. I hope I don't give it to anybody, because I've hung out with my awesome friends a bunch this week so far. Spring Break kicks total tush. Mos def. (By the way, mos def may have been a popular eubonics saying, but I claim credit for bringing it to the internet in it's current form. All my friends use it now. Of course, I stole "haha" and the overuse of "yeah" from Tim, and "bummer" from Amanda, but they took "mos def" from me. It's gotten so bad that I caught myself saying it outloud to my mom the other day. Wow. Anyway...on with the entry.) "Guy's Night Minus Baird" as Mike called it, was a blast. (See, I told Baird that I wouldn't call it "Guy's Night" since he wasn't there, but it's an easy name to call it, rather than going through all the trouble of saying, "we had a little shindig at my place where a group of males spent the night.") Anyway, what's said and done for the most part, stays there. It's the first rule of "Guy's Night", with or without people. I will say we stayed up until six talking, and I realized yet again how frickin' cool Tim, Mike, and Thomas are. Even with two of the males "attatched" so to speak (not to each other you sicko), the conversation was still awesome. I was suprised that Tim knew something about me. But it's all good, because we've got so much crap on each other that it's all okay. Plus I trust them, for the most part. Some people say Mike has a mouth on him, and that's probably true, but I think he tries to use it for good at least. Anyway, that's all I can probably reveal without breaking the bonds of man-hood.

Yesterday I went to Thomas's but had to go home ridiculously early. 9:30. My dad's been really fascist about times in the last month. It used to be okay that I stayed out until 10:30 or 11, but now everytime he throws a fit. I talked to him about it last night though, so I think things will get better. My mom's been cool about me being out later. I did have to go home at 10:30 tonight, but that was okay I guess, even though I was the first to leave.

I realized something today on the way out of Caitlans when I threw away my Pepsis (what exactly is the plural of pepsi anyway?). It's cool that I don't have a girlfriend because then I couldn't play the pop-tab game. Of course, I'm not a traditionalist on that game. I pull until I get the lettter I want (I use last names) and then I yank it off. Others say you have to go randomly and whatever you land on when the pop tab breaks off is what you're stuck with. I never liked that. Too much chance and luck (note the irony). Actually, lately I have been going the random rute a little bit. It's because I'm not as attracted to anybody as I used to be. But I usualy still pull off when I want to. I had an idea to write a song about the pop-tab game, but I can't figure out how to do it without sounding idiotic.

I'm gonna go now. It's been a long entry.

current mood: caffeinated
current music: Leaving to Live

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Saturday, March 13th, 2004
10:12 pm - stuff
Okay, so I know, twice in one day. But maybe this time I have something meaningful to say.

First, before I get to anything supposedly meaningful or what not. I went to the state bball game and watched the Falcons kill the Demons and win the state 6A championship. Wohooo. That was pretty fun.

My question is, why the crap are people so weird about accepting things? I'm talking, gifts, rides, crap like that. And it's truthfully no problem and you do it out of the goodness of your heart, and they're like "oh I'll pay you back" and all this stuff. I don't wanna be payed back. I don't care. I did it, or offered, because it was nice. And then when they obviously want to do something and you offer, they refuse because they think it's a hassle when it's not at all and you try to explain it to them, but no. Just learn to accept things!!!! You don't have to pay back, don't worry about us. We're gonna do it anyway. Ah, it drives me nuts.

Oh well.

We played Win a Date With Larry Ditton on the way home from Emporia. No winner was determined. There was some general interest, but, then again, the interest was more on a joking level, as was the game in the first place. Some day...

So that's about it. Basically I wanted to rant about people not accepting things. So I'm done now. Have a good day.

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

11:10 am - Spring Break, Pep Band, arm rests and rear ends, etc.
I feel this crazy desire to update on here. I guess I don't like to just let things sit. Plus it's 11:10 in the morning on a Saturday and I have nothing better to do.

Last night was one of the boys 6A state tournament games. I went with the band. It means I got in free, and I was with a bunch of my friends who were in band. Now I need to convince others besides Tim and I to come tonight. Right now they're only half convinced. It was fun though. Well except there weren't enough seats on the way down so I had to sit three to two seats. So I sat next to Malea and Caitlan. I was on the end, meaning the little hand rest thingy, which was down, was under my butt. It wasn't comfortable. It was fun to talk to everybody though. It was reminicsent (sp) of the trip to Florida. And that was a blast.

Spring break is here. It's glorious. Last night I came home and felt like I was putting off doing some sort of homeowrk, but I wasn't! It was great. I hope it lasts a long time and doesn't go by fast. I'm really hoping it's going to be awesome. I had to work for this though (well, at least it felt like it). The test we took over Julius Caesar in English was crazy and idiotic. I looked at the first question and knew. This was a ridiculously subjective test, meaning basically I had to guess, yes completely randomly take a stab in the dark, what the teacher was thinking. I was kinda pissed about it. But what can I do? I dunno either.

Well, I'm out. Everybody have a great Spring Break (not that I might not update, I'm just saying)!! And let me know what's going on. And Tyler, if you read this today, (Saturday the 13th ) come to pep band!! It's awesome.

current mood: awake
current music: Coheed and Cambria

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Monday, March 8th, 2004
6:56 pm - Questions to nobody (Oh my goodness...that is a flipping cool song idea)
Four days until Spring Break. I think the weather man said something about it being cold pretty soon again. But then again, they were the ones who predicted 17 inches and we got one. Then they predicted 1-2 and we got nine. So there ya go.

You know that feeling of possibility? The one where it feels like you are flying, you're so exhilarated? Often it happens when there's an opportunity with a girl, or better yet, when that opportunity is taken and something amazing comes of it. Yeah that one. I miss it. It's been a long time since I felt that, and I really would like to again. I don't even remember how it goes, just what it's supposed to be like. Unfortunately, I can't find anybody. Truthfully. I'm at a loss. Am I too picky? What's my problem? I go to a school with 1500 students. Don't you think there would be somebody, shoot, multiple people that would catch my eye? Well, okay there are a few girls who "catch my eye", but I couldn't date them for various reasons. At the risk of sounding...dorky...and emo...which I prefer not to be...I wish I had a girlfriend. Somebody to talk to about anything. Somebody who when I look in their eyes I melt. Somebody who would feel something for me (that's the real problem). A girl I could go on walks with. Where the crap are you oh girl that I can't find? Am I missing you because I don't think you are who you are? Or are you there and you're just out of my league, or untouchable? I give up...maybe.

AFI rocks.

English doesn't.

This day has gone by ridiculously fast for a Monday. And it's already seven. I hope the rest of the week does this.

Well, I'm out.

current mood: indifferent
current music: AFI "...But Home is Nowhere"

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Friday, March 5th, 2004
11:11 pm - I don't know insert your own subject line
Ah man. I'm so stupid at my own house. It's because I'm akward about having people over and I try to cover, but it just doesn't work. It's horrible. I'm ashamed of my...unfunny-nerdness. But oh well, dem's da breaks.

So basically if you couldn't tell, I had people over at my house, and made a complete fool of myself by saying really stupid things and being insanely nerdy. Nerdier than even I feel I am. It was fun, but you could tell everybody was bored. Bored out of their skulls at times. It's because all I had were movies to do. So we watched X-men and part of Jurrassic Park. Which I haven't seen in forever, and had forgotten how much I liked it. Anyway, I hate having ultra nice friends. I mean, granted, you don't want friends who always want to do what they want and are mean. But you try to honestly ask what they want to do and nobody responds. It's bull crap. Everybody is ultra-intimidated of saying something. Speak up!

I think I need to just sit and do nothing so I can regain the coolness lost tonight.

Tim played nerd part time with me tonight though. But he's cool even in nerd mode. I mean granted, there were probably some reasons he didn't want to act stupid. But it was awesome of him to partly anyway.

Mike is hilarious and cracked a few jokes and generally laughed at the nerdiness and sarcastic comments.

Thomas just sat there bored. Although he seemed to have some fun too.

Caitlan hated Jurassic Park and sat there insanely bored. She was probably the most bored of all of us...or that could've been Amanda, it's hard to say. But Caitlan's pretty funny because she doesn't pay attention to the movie. Not that we help by talking constantly.

Amanda was offended by Caitlan's past relations with Tim (only kidding, Amanda), and also sat there insanely bored (maybe the most too).

I just played idiot for the night and scared my friends. But it was fun. And they know me well enough to shrug it off as just Larry.

Anyway I have a ton of homework to do this weekend, and I have started none of it. I have to type an entire rough draft to an essay (so much crap it sorta pisses me off). Math. And tomorrow I'm gonna spend probably most of the afternoon frantically trying to come up with something, along with Tyler and Thomas to do for yet another english project. That class can just roll over and die for all I care.

Well, I'm out.

current mood: amused
current music: none

(3 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
9:49 pm - "When you say my name..." -Thursday "Signals Over the Air"
Ah, "Rough Draft" by Yellowcard. Next up: "Signals over the Air" by Thursday.

Today was mediocre. It was a lot like the food at lunch, edible but just barely. The fries are hard, the hamburger gross, and the only saving grace was the cake. That was what my day was like. Mostly just merely okay, but with a few cool parts.

So one of my friends is ridiculously pissy with me lately. At least on the internet. I realize that I haven't really hung out with her a lot anymore, but neither has she, and it's never been a problem. I was just talking to her and everything she said was a mean sarcastic comment. And I asked her and she just denied it. I think it's, well I won't put that here, but I'll say that it has nothing to do with me, and will end shortly...if you catch my drift.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. The middle of the week. Whatever you want to call it. Usually not too bad of a day because I can put off my homework till Thursday since none of it is due till Friday. So we'll see.

Lifted weights for two days in a row now. I feel so awesome. I'm not, but it's nice to feel that way.

I talked to my parents a little bit about the Thursday/AFI/Coheed and Cambria concert. They didn't seem against it, they just wanted more details. My dad said, "I don't see a problem with it if you can give me a few more details and let me know who's going." So I'm pretty psyched about that.

Speaking of my dad. He just randomly called me down stairs today and asked me what type (version) of bible I read. So I told him NIV and grabbed it for him. And we actually discussed the different types a little bit. (Like how annoying King James is to read, and what they do for the NIV). Then he just kinda kept my bible and it's sitting on the table downstairs. But that's just fine by me. I just won't read tonight. Kind of cool/interesting...

Well, I'm out.

current mood: tired
current music: "Age Six Racer" by Dashboard (so long sweet summer...)

(3 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Saturday, February 28th, 2004
11:23 pm - A really long one, if you don't wanna read, the last two paragraphs are the most important
Hey, warning: This one's long. The good stuff is in the last two paragraphs. The ones about God and then my friends. If you want to read this, but not everything, just skip to those, they're the most important. Otherwise, read the whole thing and brag about it because you are one cool dude or dudette.

Today was the first day this weekend I saw none of my friends. It was still a pretty cool day. I went to Best Buy and Borders. At Borders I got the MLA Handbook, and at Best Buy I got the Coheed and Cambria CD. It's pretty good, in a weird, violentesque, morbid sorta way.

Anyway, I saw The Passion of The Christ today with my dad. It was really well done. I'll admit that I almost cried like three times. I didn't, but almost. It's pretty powerful. My dad said it was really well done, but he felt that the flogging scene was overdone, and that the flashbacks were for him, the most powerful stuff. My biggest complaint was the addition of Satan. He just sorta hangs out on the sideline watching. It's not in the bible, (although other stuff isn't either and I didn't have a problem with it) it's just that his (or from what I hear possibly "her") character was kinda useless. I gotta say that the scenes of him getting punctured with those nails, and then when he's hanging there, and through all that blood and weakness still says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" is the most powerful part for me. That and where Jesus says, "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" That's probably where I came closest to crying. I don't believe it's required watching to be a Christian, and I really wish Christians would stop advertising like they do sometimes. It's not helping anybody doing that, and it pisses me off to be blunt. I will say that it helped me visualize things a bit more. I killed Him. And now I can picture how exactly I did it.

Anyway, back to what my dad said about it having more of the flashback and "good work" scenes. I kinda wish it did too. I mean, at the same time I wanted it to show how bad it was so I dunno. Minor quibbles to a very good movie.

And so while I'm on it. Let's talk about my dad and God. I don't know what to think. It's almost like my dad believes it, but has some problems with it. One time he told me, "I mean let's face it there's a billion hindus (or was it muslims?) running around. Are you gonna tell me they're all going to hell?" He believes in God. I think he believes in Jesus. But he doesn't really think that accepting Jesus is the only way into heaven. My question though, is if you believe there's a God, wouldn't you think that God would want you to include Him in your life? I do. I don't think that God is just gonna sit up there and watch and make sure you're "good" so you can get into heaven at the end. God's a little more important than that. To me, he should be apart of your everyday life. After all, it's God. I believe that Jesus died for us too. The fact that God would forsake His own son. I don't know if you've ever watched anybody die in real life. I have, well I watched part, and then left the room and heard the rest of it. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. And this is God we're talking about. And to have His own flesh and blood die, to have that stain in His mouth permanantly, to have that blemish, that scar there. That's amazing to me. It's not my job to judge who's going to heaven. People who say that so-and-so went to Hell or what not are wrong. They have no idea. They're not the one's judging. And that's judgemental of me, but sometimes, in cases like that, it's okay. Anyway, I will say that Jesus died for everybody up there. Even the ones who did it to him. Because, we all did. I did. The stupid crap that I've done...yeah, give me the hammer. I know how this looks. Really religious. Preachy. Weird. And in a way that sort of bothers me. Because that stuff (done wrongly especially) always sorta has. But I believe it. I'm conflicted with it constantly, but I always come back to it. I find peace in it. I find purpose in it. I find love in it. You don't become stupider when you're a Christian. And it's unfortunate that some people tend to act blind and ununderstanding and judgemental when they are. It gives Christianity a bad name. A lot of stuff does. But in the end, human's still aren't perfect. But we do have the hope for eventual perfection. I'm afraid of typing this, and being misinterpreted. But that's a risk I'm gonna take.

This weekend has rocked. Hard. Running around. The weather. My brother's awe of my friends. It's all amusing. My friends though, why the crap do I have such freakin awesome friends? I mean seriously, who decided that I was cool enough to know these people? It kills me to think that I may never see some of them again after a few years. And I did go through a "shift", if you will, of friends this year. I met Tim, and (I wonder what he thinks though) him and I are becoming pretty close friends. I love the conversations with Amanda, because she's easy to talk to. We had one last night at Thomas's, and after I peer pressured her (and felt bad about it) into telling me something, we talked for awhile and I thought the conversation was pretty darn cool (it nearly made me late though). I've known Caitlan for years, and even though we aren't probably "closer" friends, we hang out a lot more. Thomas and Mike too. Something I've always wanted to do. Melissa, who pisses me off, but is pretty cool too, and I wouldn't trade our friendship (however based on poking fun at the other it is) for the world. (If nothing else, there's always a laugh at her expense, or mine). Baird, who told me he thought about being mad, but decided against it, is a great friend too. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of people, see his faults. And there are a ton of people who don't like him. But our friendship is deeper than that, and he's still a good friend to talk to. Tyler, who I can talk about movies, books, and music with (he's cooler than me about movies, I know more about music, so we trade thoughts). I've known him since I've moved here almost. I'm really happy to still talk to him. Alison and I are close enough that, since our personalities are such that we need to be right, we butt heads sometimes. But that's another relationship I wouldn't trade for anything. But when I say shift, I mean that my friendships with Morgan, Jenna, Beth, Alison, and Brad (which pains me every day in math class) are either gone, or definitely aren't as close. In a way that's okay, we all went our seperate ways, and we all still talk and on occasion get together. But kinda sad since we were insanely close for a year or so. Anyway, it's getting towards midnight, and I've had a long day, so I'm not sure how many typos there are and what made sense. But I'm gonna go. If you read this (I mean who are we kidding, people do read these), you're pretty flippin awesome. I'm out.

current mood: contemplative
current music: Coheed and Cambria

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Thursday, February 26th, 2004
10:55 pm - Lots of stuff that I don't feel like listing out tonight.
Whoa, somebody must've took my complaints seriously this time. The site's faster. Or maybe it's just less busy at almost eleven at night, so it's therefore faster. Anyway.

Today was pretty cool. Except it was my turn to seriously piss my friend off. But he'll get over it. I didn't go to his band thing today. I went to Scarborough. Hung out there for a bit. Got chased off by a five year old. Felt like I was interrupting something. Started to walk Tim home, because I didn't have to be home till later, then turned and walked to my house. That was neat. So yeah, I went home then. I played Tyler in checkers. But he "got disconnected" I'm sure that's what happened. So we called it a draw. Haha, and I spent a lot of time looking at the Musician's Friend catalog. I love that thing. It's so cool, and I learn a lot as I'm being relentlesely advertised to.

Mae's what I'm currently listening to, and I'm still pissed about that concert.

So it's like 7 tonight. Nobody has called, everybody seems to be doing something. So I figure it'll be a night at home. Which wasn't too bad, because I figure, heck, I can do stuff tomorrow. My dad kinda was starting to watch this Ben-Hur movie. So I might've started to watch that, or played guitar. But my doorbell rang. Whoa. People don't come to my house that much. It was Mike. Caitlan, Thomas, and Melissa were out in Melissa's car. So after arguing with my dad about what time I was coming home, I went with them. (If it was my mom, it would be cool, but since it was my dad, he was like 9:30, and so I was like 10. He settled for that, I still thought 10:30 was reasonable though). They went and got Amanda. And we all just chilled at Caitlan's crib. (I'm sorry, I just said chilled, and so the "crib" thing just comes naturally after that). We played cards. It was actually rather enjoyable. I feel bad for Thomas though. Everything is his fault. At least in Caitlan's mind.

Oh, and Melissa says to mike,"Hey I thought I was supposed to meet that guy with the reall big-" and Caitlan hit Melissa, with seemingly a lot of force, to shut her up. Melissa swears she was gonna say nose, but we all knew the truth. Then Mike said something about, "well he does wear size 13 shoes." And I said, "I wear size 13 shoes!" Everybody found that really funny. I don't know what they were laughing at, I mean, I was just mentioning my shoe size. They were the one's putting things together in their mind.

So yeah, except for the fact that I feel bad about missing the band thing, I had a pretty awesome day. Tim is the coolest guy I know. Seriously. My brother came with me to Scarborough. It was funny, he didn't say much. Just took it all in. After we started walking back towards my house, he says to me, "So that's what your life is like?" I didn't know if that was a compliment or not. But I found it funny.

Anyway, that was about it. I know this was one of those day entries. But I guess there are times where I want to talk about my day. And so...I will. Hahaha. Everybody...nevermind there is no everybody. I'll just put that on my xanga. I'm out!

current mood: complacent
current music: Mae

(2 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)

Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
4:12 pm - Blurty, my friend, Thursday (the band), concerts, four day weekend, tired, etc.
Does anybody else have annoying problems in trying to get to this site, and then trying to update and stuff? It either takes forever, or the website appears to be dead until you refresh it three times. It's annoying.

Yeah, so I'm sorta pissed at my friend, for a stupid reason. I'm trying to get details on this battle of the bands thing he's doing tomorrow, because my parents said they needed to know details, so I'm trying to get them down. And he started to answer my questions, but then the last few he didn't and just signed off. He was kind of a jerk about answering the first question too. I'm like, okay then I won't go. You don't seem to want me to. I'm probably misjudging the situation, and he had to get off or his mom had to use the computer or something, but geez. Just the way it happened made me mad. lol I'm stupid.

Speaking of bands I'm listening to Thursday. Who has a concert coming up with AFI and Coheed and Cambria on the 17th of March. Man, I would love to go to that concert. It would almost make up for that Mae concert being cancelled (not that I'm bitter, or continue to be insanely dissapointed about it, or anything). So yes, Amanda, if there's room, and it's okay with you, and my parents let me, I would love to come. haha.

Four day weekend. Bliss. Well except for the major crap of English. But that's it. No other homework but that. Guitar. Sleep. Friends?? Something? I dunno, but I'm ready to find out. I hope this weekend lasts a long time. I'm about tired of this school thing. Physically and mentally. Just tired.

Well, I'm out. Have a good weekend, not that I probably won't update, but...Larry, stop rambling. Bye

current mood: tired
current music: Thursday

(1 Answered | Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?)


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