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Wednesday, March 4th, 2009
7:15 am
I think I'll never catch up on blogging at the rate I'm going! I've just come back from that long-awaited vacation in Hanoi and I have about 700 photos from the trip. Yes, I was quite the trigger-happy tourist trying hard to capture the essence of the bustling city but it was often difficult to take photos when we were walking around as I was too concerned about my personal safety and had to be alert with my belongings as well. The traffic in Hanoi is notoriously chaotic and motorcycles rule the roads. No one ever sticks to their lanes and you can forget about blindly crossing the road even at designated pedestrian crossings. For someone like me, it can be a quite a nightmare venturing out on foot. One has to be brave and confident while crossing even a narrow street ... there is no such thing as slowing down or stopping once you've stepped out! Most of my street scene photos had to be snapped from the inside of a moving car.

Amidst all the disorder and incessant honking, I must still admit that I was really impressed and amazed at the way people drove or rode their bikes. Everyone was in full control of their vehicles and I didn't witness any mishaps in the city although we did pass by a couple of accident scenes in other areas. Thankfully nothing major though. A typical Singaporean motorist would not survive 5 minutes on Hanoi roads! 4 adults riding on 1 motorbike is not an uncommon sight ...

Anyway, that's all I have time for as I'm just ended my night shift and I really can't wait to get home as Aunt Flow has stubbornly forced herself upon me despite the fact that I've been taking hormone pills to keep her away at least for the duration of the trip.

I will try to sort out photos and put them up on Facebook once I get my energy back.

(1 spanking | Spank Me)

Monday, January 19th, 2009
5:06 am - Got Milk?
What a boring night shift. My eyes are tearing up from all that yawning and watching too many clips on YouTube. I never knew I had an inner political activist lurking inside me. I do try to keep up with the news although most of the time I don't let myself get too bothered with the shit that's going on in the world and what little I do know is usually from the occasional glances I take at the newspapers or from reading some newsletters in my e-mail. Of course I do have an opinion just like everyone else but it's normally very passive.

We went to watch Milk on Friday evening. I had read some good reviews and thought it might be interesting but that was the only reason we ended up choosing that over the other offerings. It totally surpassed my expectations. I was so moved by the character's passion and found myself shedding tears during many a scene, not because they were especially poignant but because of the sheer emotion that the theme of the movie invoked. Sean Penn delivered an amazing, absolutely incredible performance and I'm now a fan of this man who I never liked before and only remembered as Madonna's paparazzi-punching abusive ex-husband. I never imagined he could pull off portraying a gay man so flawlessly. I guess what made the movie extra special was the fact that it was a biopic and until that evening, I had never known of Harvey Milk's existence and the extent to which he fought for gay rights back in the 1970's.

I found myself thinking about the movie long after it was over ... even after the shopping and karaoke session that followed. It was nearly 4 am Saturday morning when I reached home and all I could think of was how awesome the movie was. I felt (and still feel) so compelled to tell everyone I know to GO WATCH MILK. Every gay person in the world should watch it. Every person who's ever felt discriminated against because they were part of a minority should watch it. And every heterosexual person who has ever had even a fleeting homophobic thought should watch it and perhaps learn something from it.

I spent my weekend doing a bit of online research and found that there was an award winning documentary called The Times Of Harvey Milk which I promptly downloaded but have yet to watch. I know it's going to send shivers down my spine. If only this man was alive today, maybe Proposition 8 would never have come about. I've just spent the last few hours watching footage of the protests that took place in some US states when Prop 8 was passed. I'm proud of the fact that so many celebrities and even Obama and Biden were opposed to it. I can't believe those fucking self-righteous, hate-mongering Mormons who voted YES. Mormons ... Morons are what they really are.

I also watched many clips of Sean Penn's anti-war speeches and criticism for the Bush administration. I really have a new found respect for the guy. That stupid rumour about him being a homophobe cannot possibly be true! He's definitely a supporter of gay rights. My thirst for more information led me to several clips of Ellen and her take on the whole Prop 8 fiasco as well as a number of hilarious remarks from many celebrities about what a fucking IDIOT Sarah Palin is.

Sigh. Why am I getting so fired up about American politics? I don't even know the answer to that. All I know is that MILK made a huge impact on me and opened my eyes to a lot of things. He was famous for saying "You gotta give 'em hope" and indeed, HOPE is all I have for the world to someday change it's attitude towards human rights. I consider myself pretty lucky to have been able to live my life all this time without being in the closet. I've always been open about my sexuality and that's the one thing I truly believe in and you know what? I'm rather proud of myself for having that one defining characteristic. I am not the type to shove it in your face but I sure as hell won't deny my identity to anyone.

"If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door."

That was a line from Milk's recorded message before he was assassinated and even though many closet doors remain closed today, I do believe that with the right education and motivation, we might live to see the day when our dreams are realised and the GLBT community will no longer be ostracised.

Oh man ... I'm so inspired now I could lead a march down Pickering Street. Hahaha.

current mood: thoughtful

(Spank Me)

Sunday, December 28th, 2008
3:41 am - T'was The Night Before Christmas ... and all manner of creatures were stirring
Ooh look what we have here - a journal entry after more than 2 months! That could only mean one thing ... I'm on the night shift again. Not feeling so healthy today... a touch of the sniffles and a little throat irritation. I must go look up that article on how to prevent this from becoming a full blown cold or flu. Maybe it's just the over-indulgence in food over this festive season. I've had 3 whole days off work starting on Christmas Eve and all of today to sleep and yet I still feel tired and listless.

Threw a party at my place on Christmas eve which was fun but in retrospect, I feel like I wasn't really part of a lot of the activities that were going on. I don't really know why ... was I too busy playing host or was it just too overwhelming having so many people at my home that I ended up not actually having the opportunity to sit down and chat with any one group for long? All I know is, I could have and should have had more fun. I hardly drank, which is disappointing 'coz I really wanted to. I hardly ate during the actual party ... just a small plate of a little bit of everything and some finger food. I kept going into my room to burn the CD's which I gave out as door gifts to everyone who attended. I feel like I missed out on a lot. All I can take pride in is the fact that I think most of them had a good time. It was certainly very noisy and the food provided was definitely up to standard. The turkey I ordered turned out to be MUCH better than expected ... so tender and juicy and the mushroom stuffing was superb. I also sponsored a 2 kg boneless leg of lamb from Orchard Hotel. Then there was the beef rendang, chicken masak merah and bergedils that Natasha's mom made. All in all, I spent over $400 on everything related to the party.

I'm so thankful that Azsmi came through for us with his HUGE contribution to the spread. He made a big tray of nasi minyak, platters of fish fingers, boiled prawns with cocktail sauce, sandwiches and a potato salad. Last but not least, his very impressive apple strudel with strawberries which was so well presented. Without his contribution, there would not have been enough food to keep everyone happy. We had about 30 people at the party, some of which were not even on the guest list.

Here is where I bitch. I can't help feeling like a freakin' doormat now that I think back on the night's events. It was supposed to be a potluck party and everyone knows what that means. Contribute something and whatever you bring STAYS at the party! What kind of lowbrowed philistine goes to someone's house party empty-handed, doesn't bother to even acknowledge the host and then happily leaves after having their share of food and drink that was provided by everyone else at that party? And how shameless and stingy can you be, bringing a bottle of liquor as your contribution only to drink most of it yourself and then still have the cheek to bring home the remainder? What is really disappointing is that the very person who committed this social boo-boo supposedly comes from a rich family and is known to be a highly intelligent, educated person whom I respected and liked.

Then there's the issue of overstaying your welcome. Ok, so you tell me from the start that you'll have to crash at my place until morning because you haven't got enough money to go home. I have absolutely no problem with that. But when morning comes and the last of the guests (ones who made very generous contributions to the party and even helped out tremendously with the cleaning process) leave, shouldn't you get your arses moving as well? Especially knowing full well that the hostesses are exhausted and want to just get to bed and fall into a deep sleep without having to worry about letting the lot of you out when you eventually decide to leave? NEWSFLASH folks - I DO have to answer to my mother who was already kind enough to let me throw this party, nevermind the fact that our electricity bill would rocket sky high after so many hours of air-con usage. I could hardly believe my ears when this person had the audacity to ask me to turn the air-con back ON for her after I shut it off. It was a cool night, I had the windows open and the fan full blast for you people. Even I would have been able to chill out in the living room without the need for air-conditioning. Where do you get off making such demands when you're ALREADY OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME?

Holy Shit. I can't believe how worked up I get when I think back on all this. Let's get one thing straight though. Anyone who knows me well enough can attest to the fact that I am pretty easy-going when it comes to accommodating my friends. But that night, the line was crossed. I am NOT some rich bitch who can afford to feed all of you, pay an extra high electricity bill thanks to your princessy demands and replace the sofa that broke probably as a result of your rowdy mates jumping up and down on it. I would do all this and more if you were a true friend - someone whom I know would do the same for me. But when I found out that you actually sent your lackey into my room to take back the bottle of Johnnie Walker you "contributed", that sent me over the edge. Nevermind the fact that I didn't even get to drink one drop of it. I heard there was only a little bit left when you took it back. WTF? You seriously need a lesson in social graces.

*Deep breath*

I apologise to my pumpkin if this makes her feel bad. It certainly isn't my intention and I know she's just as disappointed in them as I am. She did her best to chase them off in the morning, hinting ever so strongly that we were tired and needed to sleep and asking them what time they intended to leave but they were either too dense to take the hint or too damn selfish to care. I was so tired that I fell asleep for a while around 7-ish but woke up to find the 4 of them still outside at 9:30 am. And to top it all off, they were helping themselves to coffee and the rest of my turkey stuffing which I had been looking forward to having. It was only when Natasha and I started to pack up the table and put away things that they finally decided it was time to go. Guess what time it was by then. Almost noon. Do I have the right to be a little pissed off? You tell me.

Poor Natasha was so exhausted from lack of sleep over the previous 3 days as there's lift upgrading works at her house and the drilling is right beside her room. The kind of drilling noises that would drive me totally insane. She had come to my place the previous evening after only a couple of hours sleep as she had gone home from her night shift and had to help her mom with the food preparation. As for me, I had been up the entire night before, trying to record my stupid thank you message for the CD door gift. I kid you not. I worked on that damn thing for more than 6 hours straight before falling asleep at past 6 am. When I woke up before noon, I still wasn't satisfied and re-did it, spending at least another hour. Then I had to clean my room up and help mom straighten the house up a little before dashing out for an emergency haircut followed by the collection of the lamb from Orchard Hotel. On the way home, I stopped by a petrol kiosk to buy 2 bags of ice.

Anyway, I guess what's done is done. I have learnt a valuable lesson from this and I'll be sure not to throw anymore big parties at my house in the near future. I prefer small gatherings which are easier to control anyway. Don't get me wrong ... I have absolutely nothing against Natasha's friends and their extended group of friends even after all I've ranted about. It's just that I'm disappointed in that one person because she was the one I would have considered myself to be closest to out of all of them. Even the one who accidentally broke an ashtray had the decency to sms me later and the most darling of all was Harlina who sent us a thank you message on Facebook expressing her sincere appreciation for the food and proclaiming us to be the "hostesses with the mostestest". Now THAT is all it takes to make me happy. A little expression of gratitude goes a long way. Contrary to what some may think, I don't have terribly high expectations of people but I do however have very little tolerance for lack of common courtesy and disrespect.

Thank goodness for decent folk like Joel who is such a sweet guy, always chauffering people around and being generous. He brought 2 bottles of red wine, a 10 pack of Heineken with the free festive mood light (which I requested for coz I broke the first one) and also gave us a whole tub of Famous Amos cookies. He also went to Gelo's house to pick up the Leche Flan dessert which Gelo made for us even though he couldn't come to the party. That was also such a nice thing to do on Gelo's part. Showing gratitude just for being invited! Of course Aszmi and his 2 best friends Pauline and Yus are absolutely lovely people as they always help out with the cleaning up. These are the people who make everything worthwhile.

Ok, my temples are literally throbbing now from this long rant. I'm going to try not to let myself get too bothered with the bozos who are oblivious to the simple rules of decorum. I get more than enough of that from our callers. Screw this. I've never felt such disdain for mankind but it seems to be growing by the day.

current mood: bitchy
current music: Rage Against The Machine - How I Could Just Kill A Man

(Spank Me)

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
4:29 am
Haven't been blogging for almost 3 months though it seems longer than that. Right now I feel the need to unload and as much as I prefer to express my thoughts vocally, that really isn't an option so I have to try and do it here.

I am troubled. The future looks so bleak at this moment, it scares me. We had been looking forward to mid October so much as it was finally bonus time for Natasha after enduring this job for more than year. With this relief from the financial constraints we've been under, we had planned to enjoy ourselves a little ... make some necessary purchases, go out on dates again and of course put aside some for a trip next year.

Now I'm forced to repeat what I've always believed about the best laid plans. If there is a God, he does indeed have a sick sense of humour. Or we are just cursed with horrible luck and timing.

The very day before payday, Natasha's father was admitted to the hospital with breathing difficulties. It's been more than a week and he is still there. At first they said it was pneumonia but now they are finding more complications with each passing day. The incredibly incompetent team of doctors at NUH were initially ready to discharge him after a couple of days but after she wrote them another complaint via e-mail (the 1st was after her own unpleasant experience staying there when she had severe stomach pains last month), they finally sat up and paid attention. It was a good thing she put up a fight as her dad's condition worsened the next day and they discovered a lot of blood in his lungs. And to think they were going to send him home with nothing but a course of antibiotics and a guarantee that his fever would go away in 3 days. Such is the APPALLING standard of this hospital's medical officers. After her e-mail, the management finally got their act together and now he is at least getting the care he needs.

Unfortunately, the latest news is not good. After conducting numerous tests, they found that his kidneys are failing and his immune system is apparently attacking his other organs as well. She is worried sick and under tremendous duress because her mom's not exactly in perfect health and they have both been staying by his side at the hospital, night after night. I can only imagine what she's going through, having to come to work when she's barely getting any sleep at the ward. All I can do to help now is to make sure her cat doesn't starve to death with no one at home to take care of him. Her brother is in army training somewhere deep in the jungles of Australia and has absolutely no clue of what's been going on.

I've been spending some days staying at her house alone, keeping Oreo company and making sure his litter box is cleaned out. The poor little guy must be bored to bits now that no one is home most of the time and he's such a hyperactive little rascal. I have never felt completely comfortable staying at someone else's house for too long as I'll always miss my own bed and computer but I was doing ok over there up until Tuesday. I was on the 4 to midnight shift and somehow, the thought of going back to her place at that hour all by myself was a little depressing. Something about the quietness of the house, the dimness of the lights, the solitude and listening to the monotonous drone of the fan in her room sparked off this feeling of despair in me. I suppose it also had a lot to do with PMS. It did not help that I hadn't brought a change of clothes so I was sitting at her computer table naked after my shower when Oreo the Insane decided to do a fancy display of cat gymnastics but lost his balance and ended up clinging on to my bare thigh with his razor-sharp claws as he fell off the table. I have the scars to prove it.

I broke down and cried myself to sleep, waking up at 5 am with a nasty tummy ache. I kept going to the toilet all morning, at least 4 or 5 times and I was feeling extremely giddy. That's when I knew I had to go home at least for the day or I would not make it through the night shift. So after scooping out the kitty poop, filling up Oreo's food bowl and taking the last batch of laundry out of the dryer, I left around 11-ish and went back home to sleep. My tummy was still feeling uncomfortable.

Right now I'm at work, feeling morose and trying not to let all the unhappy thoughts overwhelm me. I feel like life has been put on hold for the time being. Our upcoming 2nd Anniversary on the 8th of next month may not even happen if her dad doesn't get better. She wants me to go out and catch up with my friends instead of pining for the attention she can't give me at the moment but I don't have the mood for that. How could I possibly enjoy myself when I'm so worried about her? She's an emotional girl and she's trying very hard to be strong. I worry about her own health as all this stress and lack of proper rest will take it's toil on anyone.

Sigh. It's 6:08 am now. All I can do to escape reality is to play mindless games on Facebook and watch some TV shows online. I just watched the latest episode of Dexter. It made me cry. I swear that show is in a class of it's own. For the past month, I've been quite obessed with Law & Order Special Victims Unit as I've developed a sudden intense liking for Mariska Hargitay after finding out that she helps real-life sexual assault victims heal through her non-profit organisation called the Joyful Heart Foundation. If only I was in New York ... I have a feeling meeting Mariska would do a whole lot more for me than any amount of therapy I get here.

I haven't seen my psychologist in over a month. Cancelled my last appointment at the last minute 'coz I was just too tired and not in the mood to talk. I seriously don't see a positive outcome to all these sessions. I've already given up on the super annoying, worthless panel of psychiatrists at IMH who don't fucking listen to what I have to say and just keep prescribing me anti-depressants. Why the fuck do I have to waste my time going to see them just for a drug I could probably get elsewhere? All they seem to be interested in is to get me to attend their group counselling sessions which is SO not my thing. It's like going for freaking Narcotics Anonymous meetings. They don't care that the reason I went to them for help in the first place was NOT because I'm addicted to Dormicum! There's so much more to it and I'm beginning to wonder what is the bloody point in me telling all my problems to the psychologist when she can't make the stupid psychiatrists read her notes.

I feel like giving up on all this. Even the polyclinics. I haven't been back for my liver functions blood test as I don't understand why they need to keep re-testing me when they already know I have a fatty liver. It's not exactly convenient making appointments with them and spending hours there for every visit. All this stuff going on in my life right now has not helped me maintain a healthy diet. I gotta eat whatever's convenient. After I was diagnosed with diabetes in August, I stopped drinking Coke and ate a lot of grilled chicken or fish with celery and carrots and amazingly, managed to shed 4 kilos in less than a month. Now I've probably put it back on. I don't really know since I've lost interest in going to the doctors for the time being. I have too much crap on my mind ...

I guess blogging isn't the best idea right now considering I DON'T want to think about my problems. I'm going to watch the 1st episode of Cold Case online now since a few friends have recommended the show to me after hearing about my Law & Order SVU fixation. My tummy is STILL not feeling right as Aunt Flow has crept up on me. After I get off work in about an hour, I have to go rescue Oreo again from possible starvation before getting some other errands done. Damn this tummy ache!

current mood: stressed
current music: David Archuleta - Crush

(Spank Me)

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
9:26 pm - SINGFEST Review
Before I procrastinate any further, here are my personal thoughts on the musical event of the year.

It was my first time ever setting foot in Fort Canning even though I pass it everyday on my way home from work. We got there around 1:30 pm and the queue was already miles long. When we finally made it to the entrance, the energy inside the grounds was just buzzing. Local bands were rocking on Stage 1 but naturally, hardly anyone was interested in hanging around to watch them when the big international acts awaited down at the main arena. We changed $30 for food and drink coupons, grabbed an iced cold coke and mineral water and a $10 kebab before heading down the steps to the waiting area. There was no way we could have squeezed in with the earlybird crowds so we settled down on the steps and waited. The good people of Starhub handed out plastic sheets to sit on and fans to relieve us from the heat.

The main doors finally opened way after 3 pm which was the time Staci Orrico was scheduled to kick off the festival. We found a spot not far from the sound technicians and cameramen and settled down. The heat was INSANE and we had to wait longer before the Muttons finally came on to introduce Staci.

Ok here's my review of each act in the line up.

Staci Orrico - Looked good, had a powerful voice which makes me wonder why on earth did she have to lip synch??

Jamie Scott And The Town - Brit band I'd never heard of before. He was really cute but I thought he sounded like a girl on the 1st song. Since I was unfamiliar with the music, I wasn't paying much attention but I did appreciate the musicianship. The guy kept complaining about the ridiculous heat and the girls in the audience were yelling at him to take his shirt off but he didn't.

One Republic - I only knew 2 of their songs so I was looking forward to "Stop & Stare" but the band was surprisingly good and I have new found respect for them. More complaints about the heat though. I think they ended up dousing the audience with water.

Panic At The Disco - Started off their set with a major technical screw up which resulted in the audience not being able to hear the vocals but they just played on like nothing was wrong. The sound was not coming out of the main speakers at all so it was quite annoying but they seemed oblivious to it all even though the audience was gesturing madly at them. The sound came back on after a few songs so all was well again. Must confess I wasn't paying much attention by then but I know the band did a kick ass set.

Jason Mraz - Obviously the crowd favourite of the night. It was already dark by the time he came on and I was happy he started off the set with "The Remedy" which is like the only song I know of his. He was absolutely brilliant with his innovative ad-libbing and he really got the crowd going. Superb band as well.

After Jason, there was a LEVI's Fashion Show featuring some breakdancers and super hunky models who took off their shirts to reveal amazing abs and pecs. With my muscle fetish, they were quite droolworthy indeed.

Rick Astley - The man I was there to watch. At least I knew each and every song he performed! Looking suave in his black suit, he must have been stewing in his own juices. Poor guy seemed out of place in the line up but he was good-naturedly self-deprecating making comments about how a lot of the audience members probably weren't even born when his songs were popular. Those darn kids at the front of the stage probably did not appreciate his set but the 30-somethings were grooving along to those familiar tunes. He was the only artiste to get several pairs of granny panties thrown at him plus one bra. That must have been one sweaty, stinky bra if whoever gave it to him took it off on the spot! At the end of his set, he strapped on an acoustic guitar and announced that he was playing his last song. I was taken aback 'coz he had not sung his biggest hit yet and I didn't think an acoustic guitar signalled that he has going to perform that particular song but I was pleasantly surprised when he started strumming and then those immortal lines came out. I think he mixed up his verses but who cares? Everyone was singing along and it was super cool. Best part was, after a few lines done acoustically, he launched into Kylie Minogue's "I Should Be So Lucky" chorus which was quite amusing. After that, the band started and "Never Gonna Give You Up" came on in it's full original glory.

The Pussycat Dolls - The other act I was looking forward to not because I was really that big a fan but because I figured they'd be quite entertaining to watch and would provide major eye candy. I underestimated them. They were AMAZING. Their performance was even more spectacular than I had expected and my only regret was not being upfront and closer to the stage for a better view. I was so busy taking pics and video taping some parts that I couldn't concentrate on enjoying their moves. Nicole sang to pre-recorded tracks but she was pretty awesome and she came across as a really genuine and sincere person. Natasha and I hope we will be able to catch their concert when they go on tour next year. I'm so jealous that my cousin Des got to meet them in KL and here as well.

Alicia Keys - It took AGES to set up the stage for her set but I guess it was well worth the wait. She was beautiful and so amazingly talented. The crowd went wild when she asked if she could play her piano for us. Her band and backing vocalists were fucking awesome as well. They were without a doubt the most awesome musicians but the music was getting a bit boring by then as it was the end of a VERY long concert and most of the audience had reached breaking point. What a pity. She performed until past midnight but we missed her best song at the end.

Most people left during her set as it was already well past 11 am and the majority of the crowd was probably dead tired by then after enduring such a long humid day. Even Natasha who was really quite a fan decided to leave before the set ended as she was exhausted and feeling sticky as hell. She was also starving after having only 1 kebab in the afternoon. As for me, I was dehydrated from not drinking enough water because I did not want to go through the nightmare of needing to use the Portable Toilets. I was holding in my pee for hours!! After we left, I found a nice clean toilet outside and relieved myself. We then called a cab and got home around 1 am.

What a night. A true test of endurance for me and I managed to survive it :)

Pics and videos will be up on Facebook soon!

current mood: tired
current music: Alicia Keys - No One

(Spank Me)

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008
5:20 pm - I Am Officially a Depressed, Diabetic with Hypertension :(
ARRGGGHHHH I'm so pissed off I just HAD to rant while I wait for sustenance to be delivered to my doorstep. I have gone for more than 24 hours without food and endured not only the 10 hour night shift but had to go to the Polyclinic right after for my blood test results. I was SO fucking tired but had to spend 2 hours there followed by another 2+ hours at IMH. I was starving and exhausted so when I was finally done, I went to the food court to pick up some take-away. Ordered Spaghetti with combo fish and chicken and when the guy finally handed it to me all packed, I took off and rushed my tired ass home wanting nothing more than to eat and sleep.

When I was all settled down to start my feast, I opened the box and to my dismay, found nothing but a measly portion of plain spaghetti and some baked beans. What the fuck happened to my fish and chicken??? I couldn't take it ... it drove me over the edge especially since I'm so freakin' broke now and paid $5.50 for my meal which did not even come with the main components! I felt so ripped off I immediately rang IMH and they connected me to the QSM who was so nice as to personally go down to the food court to have a word with them. She called me back promptly and the boss of the stall came on the phone to apologize for the error and offered to send the missing items to me. I felt bad but hell, I was absolutely famished and plain boring spaghetti was not going to make my tummy very happy.

Anyway, the food's been delivered. So nice of them!

So anyway, here's the news. One of my worst fears has been confirmed. I have Diabetes Mellitus Type II. Mom was at the Polyclinic with me so she heard everything and it looks like my diet's going to be under close scrutiny from hereon. Sigh. I am so screwed. Fortunately, my kidneys and cholesterol levels are alright although my liver functions aren't exactly in tip-top shape. I had to go for Diabetes counselling and then I had to get a rather painful jab for Hepatitis B immunisation. 3 doses over the next few months for $55. Luckily I can use Medisave to pay for that. Now I have to take medication for that on top of my blood pressure pills and anti-depressants.

That's all for now. I've been typing this with my eyelids drooping and I really really need to rest.

I shall be back with SINGFEST news! In a word, it was amay-fucking-zing.

current mood: exhausted
current music: Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up

(Spank Me)

Friday, August 1st, 2008
9:14 pm
Oh My Gawd, I haven't felt this excited in ages! I can barely believe I won a pair of tickets to 1 day of SINGFEST 2008 and that I managed to get the ones for Day 2 which is the one that is sold out!!!

Thank you Time Out Singapore! And of course I probably wouldn't have won if not for my Super Creative Girlfriend who gave me the idea for the Question "What would you ask the Pussycat Dolls?" She told me to enter, "If a movie was to be made about the Pussycat Dolls, which actors would each of you choose to play yourselves?" Quite the creative question :)

More to come ... I have to sleep!

(Spank Me)

Sunday, July 27th, 2008
3:03 am - Randomness
It's a quiet night so far ... thank goodness. The only thing bothering me is my frequent urge to pee and this annoying body itch that I've been having for the past couple of days.

My brain has been so dead lately. Perhaps I really do need to exercise my mind as well as my body. According to the Brain Age game on Natasha's new Nintendo DS Lite, I have the brain of a 56 year old. It was 71 on my first try. How awful is that?

July has been a surreal month. I had 7 days of hospitalisation leave and 3 days of Annual Leave which means I barely came to work and yet, I feel so tired and sick of the job. It's been getting harder and harder to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. It's like my feet are made of lead and my head is somewhere high up in the clouds. All I want to do is sleep and dream. Maybe it's just this past week of PMS making me feel so lethargic.

Natasha's birthday was on the 19th and she had been prone to bouts of depression before that so I tried my best not to disappoint her even though I hadn't been feeling like myself lately. Took her to Pete's Place for dinner on the 18th and she was touched to tears when I gave her the birthday card at midnight, together with the sparkling rose wine and the mini mango cake. The next day was spent having lunch with her bro, Nadiah and some colleagues at Popeye's and then I decided to get her the stuffed elephant she so desired from Build-A-Bear even though I had gone a little over budget already. We went to Sim Lim next to buy her DS Lite which was a gift from Farez and her mom. After that, we went to meet her birthday buddy Jia Yuan at a vegetarian restaurant in Rowell Rd for more celebrations before topping off the night at No. 5 with a couple of rounds of Martinis. Emma joined us and the 4 of us went back to my place later as Natasha had left some of her things there that she needed to bring home.

Little did I suspect that she would get totally piss-assed drunk on beers and tequila and end up throwing up all over my room. It was one hell of a morning but I won't get into the embarrassing details. Let's just say it was all very emo and it got quite ugly at some points but all's well that ends well. Good thing Farez and Emma were there to help me out even though Farez was not exactly sober himself.

During my hospitalisation leave from the 9th - 16th, I stayed at home and rested but was not spared the stress from the home front until I finally put in all my effort to have a long talk with Mom and we finally made peace. It was quite liberating. Let's just hope things remain peaceful for a long time to come. With her support, I finally made the move to switch over to the Polyclinic for my medical needs as it's so much cheaper than all the private doctors I've been going to who aren't even worth their fee. Don't get me wrong - I still hate Polyclinics with their ridiculously long waiting times and doctors who rush through everything but at least I can afford to pay for all the tests I have to go through which I've been putting off for years. I've even taken the next major step which was to get a referral to see a psychologist about my depression. That stupid Poly doctor simply put me down as a "dormicum addict" in his referral which pissed me off but I cleared that up when I went for my 1st visit to IMH on Tuesday 22nd July.

I was full of apprehension about taking that big step. Natasha was incredibly sweet to spend the previous night with me so that she could accompany me to the clinic early next morning. I had no idea how much I was expected to reveal and what the whole course of treatment would entail. I saw a counsellor first, a nice lady by the name of Kim. She asked me a lot of questions about my family background and what I was like as an adolescent. It was really just a get-to-know-you session before I had to wait my turn to see the doctor. He was quite nice as well but I was rather unnerved by the presence of another lady counsellor in his office and the endless interruptions by some annoying people who kept barging in. He asked me about what I hoped to achieve and then explained the course of treatment he was proposing. They don't prescribe Dormicum so he asked me to try switching to Valium together with a mood stabiliser known as Fluvoxamine.

So now I've got 2 weeks worth of these meds to take before I see him again on 5th August. Frankly, I haven't been able to make the switch to Valium 'coz it does nothing for me. The 1st night I tried the Fluvoxamine, it put me to sleep quite well but I woke up feeling stoned and had to take an hour time off from work the next morning. Since then, I don't really feel like it's been working. So yeah, I guess I'm not very enthusiastic about this drug. Maybe when I have my 1st session with the psychologist on Monday, I will get a better diagnosis but the skeptic in me is not very hopeful. I guess I can't expect top notch care when I'm paying subsidised rates.

I really wonder what I'll be subjecting myself to on Monday ... To say I'm a little nervous would be an understatement.

I had to get another blood test done on Friday which cost me $30 and I haven't even got the results from the previous one. I'm really quite afraid of what they'll find. My arm is bruised from all that manhandling 'coz they always have trouble finding my vein and the nurses poked me twice before they could draw out the blood. Good thing I'm not terrified of needles.

While I was on leave yesterday, I apparently missed out on some excitement when the entire wooden hoarding outside our office building collapsed in the midst of a freak storm. That must have been scary to see. Luckily no one was hurt. I'm actually quite glad it's gone. I always felt it was a bit of a nuisance. By the way, this office is beginning to look like the headquarters for the Formula 1 fan club or something. I gotta take photos of these decorations they've put up.

Okay, I think I'm done writing for now. 3 more hours to endure. I'll go hunt for some more gold with my Facebook Fairy and play some Pathwords.

current mood: restless
current music: Flashing Lights - Kanye West

(Spank Me)

Saturday, July 5th, 2008
4:16 am
I'm at work now trying not to have a stroke. It's been an annoying morning dealing with dimwits and drama mamas and for some reason, I'm feeling really really stressed. I have not taken my blood pressure medication for 3 days. Maybe that's it. I feel a throbbing in my temples and I might have had several anxiety attacks in the last 2 hours. Just hope I live to see daylight.

3 and 1/2 more hours ... I must find a plastic bag to breathe into.

I thought of passing the time by writing a major update but I don't think I'm feeling up for it right now. Honestly ... I am afraid my blood vessels are going to burst any moment. My jaw is clenching involuntarily. How do I relax? I may well have to give up doing night shifts in my condition. Not that it's any better during the day but at least there'll be lots of people around if I do suffer a stroke.

The situation at work has been getting more unbearable of late. They've forced Natasha to move to another desk and she's really upset about it. She now has to sit next to the most annoying person in the entire office and even though they say he'll be leaving soon, I think she's feeling rather isolated in that dusty corner. I'm certainly not happy being separated from my pumpkin. They claim that the reason for the re-shuffling is for the newbies to be seated with senior staff but we do have our doubts.

Anyway, thinking about all these grievances is not helping me to calm down so I shall try to stop. I haven't even touched on the crap I'm getting at home.

Happy thoughts please. Hmmm ......

Baby's birthday is in 2 weeks and we still haven't arranged anything yet. All the damn chalets in S'pore are fully booked on that weekend and I don't know if we can afford a getaway. Blame me and my lack of organizational skills. Sigh :(

There's so much I want to do but lack of energy and money is such a hindrance. I've been meaning to catch up with some long lost friends from school days but goodness knows when I'll get around to it. I haven't exactly been feeling so healthy anyway and I know I need to drop some weight and get a haircut.

Where's the motivation when I need it?

current mood: anxious
current music: Frankie Smith - Double Dutch Bus

(1 spanking | Spank Me)

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
9:52 am - Anyone who misses DEXTER, TV's favourite serial killer is committing a grave offence
I was going to brag about how I like things before they get popular but I'm too tired :P

Let's just say I'm pretty pleased that Dexter is finally getting some publicity here in S'pore. Baby spotted this parody of the Mas Selamat poster this morning pasted on a lamp post near Golden Shoe and sent it to me via MMS. This is so cool! I guess FOXCRIME is finally promoting the channel and what better way than to use their best TV series? :)


I hope to see more of these posters put up all over the island and I wanna steal one for myself!

Fucking LOVE Dexter Morgan!!!

current mood: weird
current music: Dexter theme song

(Spank Me)

2:19 am
After Sunday's long shift, I was exhausted and wanted to get to bed early but couldn't tear myself away from the Dexter marathon on Foxcrime. It was 1 am when I finally turned the TV off and tried to sleep but no matter how I tossed and turned, I could not get into a comfortable position. My feet felt weird like kinda sweaty in between the toes and there were spasms around my knees and calves. It was super frustrating as I kept having to get up to massage my legs. Furthermore, my tummy was all bloated and I felt so gassy and nauseas that I had to throw up.

This went on for the next few hours and I was wondering how the heck I was going to make it to work at 8 am. Didn't manage to sleep a wink and before I knew it, it was 6 am. Natasha called me to wake me up and after whining to her about my restless night, she so kindly offered to go to work for me instead even though she had not slept all night either. She was supposed to be on the night shift. I felt really bad making her cover for me but taking sick leave on a Monday morning was something I was trying very hard to avoid. Of course she wasn't exactly thrilled about having to go to work for me at the last minute when she was so tired and we ended up debating over this for an hour before she actually left. I felt like crap and was rather hysterical but calmed down eventually.

Thought I'd have to hobble down to the shops to get food but luckily Mom brought home some leftovers from the party she had gone to the night before so I had that for breakfast before going back to bed. The food was delicious ... rendang, chicken and brinjal. There wasn't much though so I had to refrain from taking more than my share. I had a fitful sleep the rest of the day as I kept waking up with tummyaches and my mind was just not at ease for some reason.

Now I'm at work with a very raw feeling in my throat and drinking 100 Plus instead of my usual iced tea. It was surprisingly busy since I came in at 10 pm and the fucking calls kept coming in way after midnight. Why do these dipshits like to call in at 1 am to enquire about stuff that can so obviously wait until morning???

Let's see ... what shall I do for the next 6 hours? Ahh yes ... I should go do some research online. Is it just me or do local websites suck? It's so hard to find something in Singapore through a search engine. *Grumble*

current mood: sore
current music: Lady GaGa - Just Dance

(Spank Me)

Sunday, June 15th, 2008
10:52 am
I hate this long Sunday shift. Especially when I had to work yesterday as well. It's bloody exhausting not having a day off. I'm so sleepy and I just hope I can last until 5:30 pm without having to take a crap 'coz I think I ate something bad this morning. I've been having tummy upsets for the past few days. Not fun.

Watched The Incredible Hulk for free yesterday at Suntec City 'coz Natasha's friend had free tickets courtesy of Cycle & Carriage. We had the best seats in the house too - couple seats right at the back, with tables to put our food and drink. The movie was alright but then I suppose I always have way too high expectations whenever I go see a big budget blockbuster. And can someone tell me why The Abomination had no visible genitalia while The Hulk has to keep his pants on?

Next on our list of movies to catch ...

1) You Don't Mess With The Zohan
2) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

I still have those free movie tickets given to SingTel staff about a year ago rotting in my wallet. The problem is we can only use them at Eng Wah cinemas but luckily they're still valid until May next year.

Man I am soooooooo bored. Can't wait to go home and sleep. I feel so listless these days. Not even interested in finishing those games I downloaded. And I really think my inability to control my anger is becoming more and more apparent lately. I have absolutely no tolerance for stupid, annoying people and it's getting rather alarming how it affects me physically.

Good thing I don't have gamma radiation or there would always be 0 days without incident ;)

current mood: bored
current music: September - Cry For You

(Spank Me)

Thursday, June 5th, 2008
8:19 pm - Morning's will never be the same again
I've lost my morning perk. For almost a year now, I've been a loyal listener to Radio 91.3's Morning Show with Petrina & Joe and now that they're no more, no other radio station can replace that. How could the stupid management fire the best freakin' voice on national radio just because his partner quit? At least that's what they say is the reason. The news has left many a convert indignant and upset.

I was recommending the station to so many people I know and I only became a fan because the 2 of them were so likeable with their intelligent and witty banter. Joe Augustin with his incredible voice and quick wit and Petrina Kow with her charming, infectious laughter and original games. Of course they also played great music. If not for them, I would never have even heard of Fedde Le Grand and my absolute favourite song in the past year, The Creeps. They were the reason I'd been thinking so much about becoming a radio DJ - something I've always just shrugged off in the past as something I could never do.

Check out the comments from angry fans on the dynamic duo's blog -> and look out for mine and Natasha's comments.

I bet the station is getting bombarded by angry letters as we speak. I have boycotted the station since I heard the news about the unjust way the management treated Joe Augustin. I also enjoy The Married Men, Rod Monteiro and Andre Hoeden although their humour can be a little crass. Their slot is from 5 - 8 pm but I haven't even bothered to listen to them on my way home the past couple of days. Maybe when I get tired of my mp3's, I'll tune in to them again and I will call them and advise them to quit the station, join forces with Joe and maybe set up a new radio station! They would certainly get a lot of supporters and Radio 91.3 will die a quick death which they deserve for making the biggest mistake of terminating THE most popular radio personality in Singapore.

Now if only someone who knows Joe Augustin personally would introduce me to him, I might be able to convince him to take me under his wing so that I can get in on future projects! Wishful thinking ... ?

current mood: distressed
current music: The Veronicas - Untouched

(Spank Me)

Saturday, May 31st, 2008
2:08 pm - Space!
I was listening to my favourite radio station 91.3 on my way back from buying lunch and they played a song from the 90's that I used to love but forgot all about because I couldn't remember the band's name.

Space! How could I forget? The Female Of The Species is more deadly than the male ... *chuckle* Can't help but want to sing along to that catchy chorus ...

How can heaven hold a place for me
When a girl like you has cast a spell on me

I just downloaded it and remembered I loved another one of their hits "Neighbourhood" so I'm downloading that as well. It's taking fuckin' ages though.

Oh well, back to lunch!

current mood: ditzy
current music: Space - Female Of The Species

(Spank Me)

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
5:08 am - A Rant To Remember
Life hardly seems worth living sometimes. I've had countless bouts of depression before but lately, even the smallest things get to me and I feel so hopeless that the only means of escape I can think of is sui caedere ...

I can't even begin to list the reasons that drive me to the edge ... from things that happened in the past to the things I have to deal with at present, from the horrible things that are going on in the world to the unpleasant things that are happening to me personally. The future looks bleak and I don't know how to right the wrongs, how to change the way people treat people, from my own family members to the people I work with. It's all so overwhelming and I suffer from such extreme mood swings that it's no longer something I can just toss aside as a temporary situation.

It doesn't help when you're surrounded by people who don't take you seriously. I can't even bring myself to write about the pain I feel in my own home where even hysterical sobs and bountiful tears get completely ignored. It hurts like a motherfucking bitch. How can I not question the point of staying alive in a cold, heartless environment like that?

I'm so sick of being nice and considerate to people who wouldn't do the same for me. Sometimes I feel like I should just be like all of them - selfish, calculative, fake and uncaring but a small part of me still refuses to stoop to that level. Don't ask me why. It's not like I believe in heaven anyway. I'm just making myself miserable during my stay on earth.

I cannot tolerate injustice. Sometimes, I read something in the newspapers and end up obsessing about it for days like a complete psychopath. What the fuck is wrong with me? I worry I'll snap one day and start putting my dark fantasies into action.

When I do take leave from this existence, I want to make sure that everyone who ever played a part knows how much their words or actions can affect another person. It's probably not going to change anything but at least I will have that small sense of satisfaction letting them know how I felt when that seemingly insignificant event took place. I wouldn't be able to rest in peace unless I did that.

This train of thought is not good for my blood pressure! I can feel my temples literally throbbing as I sit here in the cold office trying to refrain from bashing this useless piece of shit computer into smithereens.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention I'm on medication now for my hypertension? Blame work of course. I spent a few harrowing days feeling like I could have a stroke any minute and it scared me enough to change my diet. I never thought I'd see the day when I could say NO to luncheon meat, corned beef and all that high sodium processed food but I did for a few days. Now I've sort of gone astray again but I'm a little more cautious. Hey at least I read food labels now to check for sodium content.

current mood: anxious
current music: Simple Plan - Your Love Is A Lie

(Spank Me)

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
6:54 am
How quickly April has passed. I've been too stressed out from work to notice and when I do have free time, it's usually spent sleeping or playing my Hidden Object games. I've been so mentally tired and my skin is flaking. Can't do without my Evian facial spray these days.

The trip to Redang was nice but MUCH too short to be really satisfying. It was a welcome escape from the horrors of the workplace though. It felt good to cast aside all the worries that had been dogging me both at work and at home even if it was just for those few days. I must admit I felt a little more relaxed when I came back but that feeling didn't last very long. Not with PMS and coming back to this hellhole of an office.

Invested in a new camera for the trip but ended up with a Samsung i8 instead of the Olympus 'coz the salesman convinced us it takes better pictures. Now I'm not so sure ..... I guess we shouldn't have left the camera shopping for the last stop of our busy day as we were so tired and hungry by then and our judgement might have been a little impaired. Never thought I'd buy a Samsung brand anything really!

Actually, it's not so bad. I think I just need to figure out which settings work best. It comes with a camera bag, mini tripod, speakers (yes, it's an mp3 player too), 2 GB SD card, USB card reader and cleaning kit and the guy even threw in a spare battery so I guess it was worth the price tag. I do feel the pain of having to fork out so much more in interest though! Kinda regret taking up the instalment plan now but it's too late to undo the damage :-/

Pics are up on Facebook and here's a summary of the trip in a cute little movie clip put together by video editing genius Natasha :-)

She put in a lot of effort into this but I might have to bug her to add in some more music to the beach footage ;-)

I'm looking forward to having all of today to rest once I get off this graveyard shift and tomorrow's a public holiday so that's more time to chill and hopefully go out and do something nice.

current mood: lazy
current music: Estelle Ft. Kanye West - American Boy

(Spank Me)

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
9:54 am - I Love My Friends ....
Everytime I'm on the night shift, I'll happily spend the entire day sleeping but when it's time to wake up in the evening, I always feel very depressed for some reason. It never fails. I should be thankful I escaped the manic Monday and that it's been a quiet morning so far. For once, I took the bus to work and didn't buy anything to drink or snack on. I am so broke it's not funny. One more week to go! I haven't even paid my internet bill for March and I have less than a hundred bucks to live on. Cutting down on bluey at this time is out of the question since work has been even more taxing than usual. *sob*

We are SOOOOOO looking forward to next week when we both get to take our annual leave. As soon as our pay is in, we're going to buy all our necessities, change some money to Malaysian Ringgit and hopefully get that new camera before we fly off to Redang. I really hope it's going to be a good break. We both REALLY REALLY need to get away from it all, even if it's just for 2 short nights.

It's 3:17 am and I'm bored. Wish I had a laptop and all my cool PC games with me. I've been downloading lots more of those hidden object puzzle games, some of which are quite intellectually challenging but I still love the Mystery Case Files ones the most. Can't wait 'til they release a new one. I'm almost done with Dream Chronicles 2 but can't seem to get out of that final maze.

I guess now's a good time to catch up on stuff that's been happening in the last few months that I haven't been blogging. Just a quick summary starting with last December when my long awaited bonus finally came and I got a little too enthusiastic about sharing the wealth. Gave quite a substantial percentage of it to Mum. I can't really pinpoint what I spent the rest on though. All I bought for myself were a new pair of shoes, bedsheets, a comforter and a new lamp. I bought Baby a new DVD player and a small computer table & chair set from Courts but that didn't cost a lot. Ahh yes ... the new computer. Even though it was free, I did have to fork out $129 for the upgrade to a 19" LCD monitor which I must say was worth every cent. And then there was the cost of the new modem.

The new Compaq was finally delivered to me in January and I had to get Mr Dave Tan to come over and help me transfer all the important data from my old PC as well as increase my RAM. Armed with my fast new machine, I proceeded to download the entire 2nd season of Dexter using Bit Torrent. It was fucking awesome. Much better than the 1st season and even Natasha was as excited as I was to watch it. I doubt it will ever be screened on Foxcrime though. Too much nudity and profanity that they won't be able to censor without mutilating it beyond sensibility. When we were done watching all 12 riveting episodes, I just wanted more. It'll be an agonisingly long wait before Season 3.

February was a fun month like it usually is every year. Dave & Stef came and ended up staying for 18 days. Of course I couldn't afford to see them each and every day as I had work and was worn out a lot of the time but the days we did spend together were priceless. Took them for dinner at Timbre where they loved the pizza and we had a bottle of white wine as well. They came over on the eve of Chinese New Year after reunion dinner was over and the 4 of us holed up in my room drinking and making happy smoke signals. Took turns listening to our favourite songs and what I didn't have, I downloaded on the spot. Stef didn't partake in the passing of the mini baton and ended up getting rather sick.

On the 8th, my sweetie came over in the late afternoon bearing not 1, not 2 but 3 birthday gifts which I loved - a Casio watch, a Ripcurl cap and a bag (I suddenly forget the brand but it has something to do with Attitude). Dave & Stef had gone ice skating with Ali & Rosa and we met up with them later in the evening at Kallang. Dave injured his hand and we ended up accompanying him to Raffles Hospital to get it checked out. Everyone was bugging me to decide what to do and I was getting quite pissed off at the way things were turning out but we finally decided to go ahead as planned and headed to Cafe Del Mar where we spent the rest of the night. Rosa & Ali gave me a water tumbler and polo shirt from Harley Davidson. We had a pretty chill-out time lounging around in our cabana, drinking and playing "I Spy". This is how us old folk party ;-) I wanted to get in the pool but no one else seemed up for it. Rosa & Ali left a little earlier than the rest of us who stayed 'til about 3 am (I think). I don't know what happened after that but Baby and I got into this huge fight back at home and nearly broke up. Honestly don't even recall now what the hell brought it on but it certainly wasn't the best start to my birthday.

The next afternoon, we dragged our very exhausted asses over to Royal Plaza where Dave & Stef had booked me a hotel room as a present. They had the softest, most comfortable King sized bed which was what we needed the most after such a rough night. Went over to Far East Plaza to buy some food back as the hotel food was exorbitantly priced. After eating, we had a lovely nap followed by a relaxing soak in the tub. In the evening, Farez and Nadiah came over and we went to the hotel lounge for drinks. Dave & Stef joined us for a round before heading off to dinner and the 4 of us went back to the room where we just had some KFC. Nadiah had a curfew so they had to split early. Baby and I then went to Cash to meet Dave & Stef for karaoke from 1 - 4 am. It was hard to leave the comfort of the hotel room the next day but we managed to get a late check out so that was cool. Went to Marina Square with them for some food but my tummy was feeling awful and I was just so incredibly tired that I couldn't wait to go home.

Alright, gotta wrap it up for now since I couldn't finish my update at work when a sudden surge of calls kept me REAAAALLY busy from just before 7 am. Now I'm home and starving to death.

current mood: worried
current music: Sugababes - Push The Button

(Spank Me)

Saturday, April 5th, 2008
2:20 am
I thought being on the quiet night shift would give me some relief from the stress that's been engulfing everyone this past week but so far it's not exactly been smooth sailing. I'm just glad I'll have the weekend off and all of next Monday to rest before I come back on the night shift on Monday night. Escaping the day madness is cool but at least you're not alone and have peers to consult should any problem arise.

I was right to be anxious about the new system. We've had a week of absolute chaos and confusion because of the countless errors and bugs we encountered during the course of our work. It was really super frustrating and all you could hear was whining, bitching and moaning from our team, especially during toilet and lunch breaks. Service levels dropped to unrescuable new lows especially on Monday but they couldn't fault us.

I will not diss the IT people who developed this software even though it has so many flaws. I respect the fact that it's no simple task and I'm sure they do possess a certain level of brilliance to be able to come up with something that's like rocket science to me. The blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the Powers That Be who decided to roll out the system even though it was not properly tested. They were fully aware of the risks so why the fuck did they give the go ahead? Idiots.

We've all had to work extra long and hard this week. I'm pissed off that the lot of us in this service have to suffer the most in the whole company and we're not even appropriately compensated. We're at the absolute bottom rung; the lowest of the low. Honestly, I wouldn't complain so much if we were treated fairly and given due recognition for the amount of effort we put in. I know there are a handful of lazy and irresponsible ones who don't deserve squat but surely they're the minority.

Sigh. I know I've bitched about this job for the past few years and yet I'm still here. Don't ask me why. It's just not that easy for me to move on.

The more I think about how my life has turned out, the more depressed I feel. I should be on 91.3's Morning Show with Petrina and Joe!!! I'm sure I can do whatever that Elliot Danker does way better than him. I don't know why but his nasally voice just irritates me.

I don't care what people might think or say but I still blame that asshole father of mine for screwing up my life. Everything's his fault. Yes indeed.

Gawd how I detest him.

current mood: distressed
current music: Duran Duran - Falling Down

(Spank Me)

Sunday, March 30th, 2008
11:53 pm
Look in the newspapers everyday and all you see is bad news. Horrific accidents are happening more often than I can ever recall. Even innocent bystanders are not spared when you have irresponsible, reckless speed monsters with driving licences (and probably some without) zipping around on the roads. I've always had this innate fear of getting horribly maimed in a traffic accident, which makes me wonder why I take cabs so often. After all, a LOT of taxi drivers have a reputation of being reckless and here I am putting my life into their hands.

Then there's inflation. Prices rising for everything from a plate of chicken rice at the hawker centre to public utilities. It is getting more and more stressful to be alive these days!

I am already overwhelmed by things happening at the workplace and come tomorrow, all hell is going to break loose again just like it did 2 years ago when the client implemented some major big ass changes and I decided to abandon ship when my contract ended 'coz my health was too bad for me to cope with all that stress.

I am nervous about the new software. I'm afraid of the chaos and confusion that's being anticipated when the Minister announces a supposedly "SENSATIONAL" News Release at some point tomorrow which will cause an influx of calls and drive everyone bonkers because we've all not had enough time to familiarise ourselves with the new softphone which means a drastic change in call handling time. I shudder at the thought.

I better go relax and prepare myself to face the battlefield tomorrow morning.

current mood: pensive
current music: Yael Naim - New Soul

(Spank Me)

Friday, March 21st, 2008
6:00 pm
What an absolute crap week it's been. It all started going downhill from last Saturday afternoon when I ended up going home alone instead of with Natasha as she decided to join her family to visit Nadiah's mother in hospital. She had gone for a friend's wedding reception that morning while I was at work and came by in her friend's car later on to pick me up from the office. We went to Cineleisure to see if we could find sandals for her and a birthday present for Rosa but ended up with nothing. I was grumpy from lack of sleep and hunger pangs so I wasn't exactly in the best state for a game of Wii but we spent an hour on it anyway and I just got super frustrated from not being able to co-ordinate my movements. All I wanted was to go home for food and cuddle time with my pumpkin but after I grabbed my take-away, she got the call from her bro saying that they were off to the hospital so I dropped her there before heading home.

Started feeling a little raw in the throat later that night and spent most of Sunday lounging in bed catching up on sleep and playing more hidden object games whenever I could but by Monday morning, I had lost my voice and was in no shape to go to work. I figured I would just need a day to recuperate and that I'd be well enough to attend the Dinner & Dance the next evening but boy was I wrong. My flu got worse, my bronchitis started acting up and I was laid up in bed for 2 more days. Went to Raffles Hospital on Wednesday morning after my voice failed to come back and the doctor put me on the nebuliser which only gave me a headache and left me feeling a little light-headed. I was there for nearly 2 hours. The doctor told me not to talk to anyone for the next couple of days and to avoid cold things but I was already feeling bad for taking 3 days off work so I came back to the hellhole yesterday and managed to survive my shift with the help of a newbie answering calls for me and a couple of hours off the board printing and deleting e-mails. I was feeling faint, nauseated and breaking out in cold sweat but after a hot drink and some biscuits, I felt slightly better. Had to attend a brief training session for the new softphone that's going to replace our current system and that culminated in some overtime but I bolted out of there as soon as I could.

I hate how public transport is out of the question when you're ill. All these unfortunate, unforeseen additional expenses couldn't have happened at a worse time. I've already been quite depressed recently about how I didn't manage to save anything from my December bonus. How could I have spent all that money when I had planned on setting aside at least a month's salary to be left untouched? It's a rude shock. And a big blow to my confidence in my own sense of planning. I can't bloody believe I'm back to square one financially. *Sob*

26 days to go before the trip. 25 more days to survive on the little that's left of this month's salary. Am I being foolish to think we'll get our hands on that new Olympus waterproof camera in time? I just received my Courts easy access card last evening. Maybe we should pay them a visit before it's too late.

I fucking hate the fact that I'm working today. It's Good Friday and I'm far from being fully recuperated! And of all the sucky shifts to be stuck on ... GRRRRR. Time has been dragging like never before. It's always worse when you're feeling under the weather. Every freaking minute is torture. When 10 pm finally comes, I will be SOOOOO relieved.

Speaking of the weather ... It's been swinging from one extreme to another lately. Last week, we experienced thunderstorms and heavy rainfall for a few days which is unusual for March and this week, some days start off blindingly hot like today but the showers soon put in an appearance. I wonder if all this plays a part in my feeling very sleepy, dreamy and almost in a trance-like state most of the time.

It's been a week without any cuddle time at all. How I miss it :-/

current mood: morose
current music: Tegan & Sarah - I Know I Know I Know

(Spank Me)

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