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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
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6:38 pm - In times of lull.
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At times, the monotony drives you crazy. The sort of crazy you'd experiance in the gyno's office with a loaded conscious. The sort of crazy you'd experiance the day before an exam you never studied for.
It's a busy sort of crazy for a life with nothing going on.
I broke up with Adam on Sunday. The car should be fixed sometime this week. Freedom's being held right under my nose, but I can't sniff it yet.
current mood:  crappy
current music: Piano Magic - Help Me Warm This Frozen Heart
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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6:13 pm - In the event of an apolcalypse...
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Adam, Mike.
Adam vs. Mike.
Adam vs. Mike + another random person I hardly know.
Love isn't easy and neither is breathing sometimes. I have to make a decision in the next week: Stay with Adam, or persue Michael and all of the lofty ideals I had for our love.
How. Did. Life. Get. So. Fucking hard?!
Everything was perfect this summer. I had a plan, I had a home away from home, I had the perfect love.
It's too depressing.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Tori Amos - Winter
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| Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
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12:35 am - Whoa, look.
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I haven't updated this in MONTHS.
Oh well, my livejournal is much cooler.
current mood:  excited
current music: Radiohead - Idioteque
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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9:34 pm - lol.
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sPECIAL fRED 3: do you have a hairy ass?
megarificus: haha no
megarificus: im not hairy
sPECIAL fRED 3: haha
sPECIAL fRED 3: i think i'm a wee hairy
megarificus: lol, wee hairy?
megarificus: that sounds like some local midget in a bar
sPECIAL fRED 3: yea, like a wee hairy
sPECIAL fRED 3: haha
sPECIAL fRED 3: lol
megarificus: "oh, thats only wee harry, he comes here all the time"
sPECIAL fRED 3: HAHA
sPECIAL fRED 3: that's great
current mood:  happy
current music: None.
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003
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10:22 am - my audition
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i hope the audition went well... i can't really tell.
i just know i need to go to this school. it was great, i actually felt like everyone there LIVES because everyone is doing something. it's so much different from Naugatuck, middle of nowhere. i'd really like to give city life a try. and i met some absolutely killer people. i had no run-ins with stuck up singers, which was really cool (but i'm sure it's inevitable that there are many at the school already) so if in fact i do get it and i go, i think it will be a joyful experiance.
one of the girls i was talking to who lives in the city told me that their photography program is less than good, so that sort of disappoints me. i would have liked to minor in it. i mean, i'm going to check it out anyways and get my own opinion of it, but maybe i should think about other things im interested in and would be good at with some training.
so anyways, i'll stop going on and on about my boring life. it's not too important.
current mood:  apathetic
current music: yo la tengo - tears are in your eyes
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| Friday, April 11th, 2003
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3:35 pm
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well, tommorow I audition for The University of the Arts! I'm applying for a major in vocal performance, and I'm toying with the idea of minoring in photography... the only other music-oriented minor is music ed and I don't want to do that.
so tonight my parents and I are driving down, staying in a hotel, and tommorow morning I go and register, and then take a placement exam (for music theory and keyboarding) and FINALLY my vocal audition. I'm really excited and I'm not really nervous at all, I can't wait to do this!
be back Sunday! :)
current mood:  bouncy
current music: None.
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
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10:19 pm
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why does it feel empty all the time?
all he was was a gigantic emotionless penis. i'm glad to be rid of him.
but there's one that i want and have wanted all this time and he's so far away.
i wish i wasn't this weak.
current mood:  indifferent
current music: Radiohead - Optimistic
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| Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
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12:40 am - life is short, get a big tool! nothing to lose and inches to gain! size does matter
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well, today i was talking to emily and i told her i'd like to ask mike to prom, and she seemed pretty glad about it. she's going to give me his number tommorow (as i only have his address and time is of the essence) and i guess i'll call him and see what he thinks about it. in return mike and i will be riding in a limo with emily, her date and des and her date which i dont really mind. it just feels good to have a few things planned out.
so here is what i want to have happen that weekend: after prom, mike and i will drive to long island and we'll rent a hotel room to stay in for the next two days, and we'll go to the fieldday festival. then sunday night after the festival, we'll drive up to cape cod to stay the last night with the rest of the people at des' aunt's house or something.
all in all a good plan, imho. but i dont even know if he'll want to do this after all i put him through... and the thing is i'm realizing now, after all this time, that it was him that i wanted instead of all the other guys i dated. *sigh*
so anyways, i think i'll call him tommorow night if i get his number. wish me luck!
current mood:  exanimate
current music: None.
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2003
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8:41 pm - BRRR!
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fuck, it's cold out. it's supposed to snow like a foot or something tommorow. no more snow. i'm sick of it. :P
so my audition is coming up this friday. i'm not nervous, i'm actually rather excited. my parents and i might be getting a hotel room and going down the night before as i need to be ready for my audition at 9 am, and phili is 4 hours away.
um, in other news, there is no other news. i need to go to this!!!!!
current mood: bored
current music: Bright Eyes - June on the West Coast
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
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9:08 pm
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I feel worlds better... today was absolute hell for me, but after school i had time to think and gain a better perspective on things.
I received a letter from Uarts confirming my application got there and I am qualified for an audition, so that made my day pretty good. Then I had time to think while reading at my grandmother's house before my piano lesson. Then my father picked me up from my lesson and on the way home he told me the classes he's been going to at night are Alcoholics Anonymous meetings... I can't even say how proud I was when he told me he didn't want to drink anymore. I cried, but I wouldn't let him see my tears. I'm so happy.
Right now life is a travestry of all different colors and I know I'll come across dark and bright threads in time. I'm just getting used to the texture. :)
current mood: hopeful
current music: None
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(comment on this)
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2:25 pm
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Mike and I broke up two days ago. Last night I made a fool of myself. I feel sick and tired, and I keep blacking out. All in all, I'm scared of falling back into what I used to be two years ago.
Love ridden, I've looked at you
With the focus I gave to my birthday candles
I've wished on the lidded blue flames
Under your brow
And baby, I wished for you
Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed
And I wanna crawl in with you
But I cry instead
I want your warm, but it will only make
Me colder when it's over
So I can't tonight, baby
No, not "baby" anymore - if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave
My hand won't hold you down no more
The path is clear to follow through
I stood too long in the way of the door
And now I'm giving up on you
No, not "baby" anymore - if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave
No, not "baby" anymore - if I need you
I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave - Fiona Apple, Love Ridden
current mood:  crushed
current music: Fiona Apple - Love Ridden
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
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8:41 pm - something groovy
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so day 2 of my diet... things were rough yesterday, but today i started getting used to being hungry. i've had control over everything i ate and didn't eat and i really think that i can do this. i was looking through delia*s catalogue today and i thought that someday i'll be able to wear some of that stuff again and look darn cute. that's exciting to me. i can't wait to be healthy again; i've missed my old self.
so today i had a scare when i came home my eye suddenly started to throb with pain. so i look in the mirror, and i notice a rather large bubble ON my eye! it was like a blister... ON MY EYEBALL!! so that really freaked me out, so i take out my contacts and go downstairs and tell me father, and i start getting nauseous and dizzy, and i blacked out! i've never blacked out like that before, so i got really scared and started shaking, crumpled on the couch. i'm such a drama queen, but it really really hurt. so after a while the pain went away, butt he bubble did not, so i took a nice long nap, and i woke up maybe 2 hours ago and it shrank a bit. but man, that was scary. yeah, so maybe i'm a baby. :P
and i feel so bad because today at lunch courtney kind of drilled mike... because he hasn't asked me to prom yet. he just kind of sat there saying "no" and all i could do was laugh, but i felt really bad. (well not as bad as i've felt because he hasn't asked me yet, hehe). oh yeah, and he still hasn't asked. blah.
i guess that's enough of my exciting day. tommorow is another day of control and balance and taking my mind off of food. I can do it!! 'night~
current mood: okay
current music: Josh Gracin on American Idol in the background.
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003
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3:23 pm
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i'm finally doing something about it.
i want to lose 40 pounds.
i will accomplish this.
i will be me again.
current mood:  determined
current music: sigur ros - von (live)
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3:04 pm
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all i want for easter is a funshine bear!! i better get one.
so my weekend has basically been wasted. i think today i'll cram some psychology in as the ap test is slowly creeping up on me. oh, and i'm awaiting something in the mail from uarts confirming my application got there and i can audition on april 12th. i'm so excited! there is nothing more exciting than a big audition. i know i'll be prepared and i have one really kicken aria on my side that i sing very well. so i have everything to look forwards to. and if i dont get in, i'm not completely lost as i will be spending time away from home, most likely in California with Daria. i'll then get a full-time job and save up some money, and i'll go back home for december-january to send out my applications/audition again and on time. i have my future for the next few years hopefully planned out. that is such a good feeling.
now i'm big-time rambling, so i'll stop now.
current mood:  calm
current music: none.
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(comment on this)
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12:08 am - Wheee....
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Thank you Gabe for making me feel a lot better. Even if this doesn't hold true for Mike, it's good general boy knowledge to have I suppose.
( Read more... )
So anyways, I did nothing all day but watch Noir and I'm still only on episode 15! I was going to watch the rest tonight while waiting for Daria to come back online, but I'm way too tired. What's with me getting tired all the time now? I used to be a pro insomniac. Oh well.
current mood:  relieved
current music: Noir - Salva Nos
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
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9:53 pm - Laaaaa...
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Well, today was decent enough. I was barely at school (out doing concerts and such) and the fews classes I did have usually had subs. It was nice.
Tommorow I face the wrath of my english teacher.
Anyways, the next few days will be a slight change in my daily life as Mike will be at All-State. As easy-going and lazy I tend to be, I get used to a certain schedule and this will be a bit weird, but oh well. I really hope he has a good time, a better one than I had at All-State. It was really bad last year, I didn't enjoy it at all. Maybe being around so many stuck up music snobs got to me, hm? Even though I had a much better score than most of them. >:D
So I'll miss him a bit, but I'll see him at the concert on Saturday so that's ok.
I really desperately feel the need to relax. Something inside of my right shoulder decided to tie my muscles in knots and make a home there... very painful. Knowing me I wont take any meds to help it either.
Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that Ryusan sent me the entire season of Noir Monday. I watched the first three episodes and I'm so hooked; I wish I had more time throughout the week to watch it, but I'll make up for this Friday night. It's such a good anime, and since I never really get into anime that much, this is saying a lot. And some of the music is really really good.
So anyways, I'm off to sleep or read or something involving a nice soft bed and relaxing music. Actually, I could use some Chai before I go to bed. Hmm...
current mood: indescribable
current music: Belle & Sebastian - Seeing Other People
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
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10:36 pm - this is the world that i create.
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thank you Steph and Jim for talking with me. what i'm going to be doing in the next little while is figuring things out and looking for any signs of improvment. if nothing happenes, it's over. i can't take feeling so unloved for so long.
i want it to work, though. sigh.
can't he just say, "i appreciate this or that" or maybe "you look nice today" or "hey, i noticed you're alive today."
or perhaps just "you you you you." anything where he aknoledges me.
current mood:  tired
current music: Bright Eyes - Padriac my Prince
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
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8:17 pm - Tirades and Parades
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Well, nothing got done this weekend except for researching more for my research paper. I'll just bang it out tommorow since I have all the facts written up.
I wrote this in my livejournal a couple of days ago in response to a *cough* "debate" in someone's livejournal, and I figure it's worth something to put in here too:
"It is absolutely incredible how much this war of sorts has completely warped some people's ability to be clear-headed and try to see someone else's point of view. Recently I have been degraded and personally attacked because of my standing point in the conflict in Iraq, and I do not believe I, or anyone else in my similar position, deserves to be so belittled.
I love America as a country of diverse people and openess. To suggest I'm simply waiting here to be bombed because I am too "naive" truly does hurt. You people are the type that make matters worse by breeding more hatred and differences in our own country between common citizens.
Do not call me an anti-patriot. Because I do not long to see bloodshed and I strive to convince people to find an easier way, do not call me ignorant or stupid.
I never personally attacked you, I simply said you were not debating the way a balanced and honest open person would debate. Don't turn back and tell me I wish Iraq to bomb the hell out of every one of us.
And as far as this matter goes, I am near done dealing with people of your type. But unlike you, I will continue to keep an open mind and I will continue to try to find answers that suit both sides of the argument. I could link people to your journal, but I wont give you the satisfaction.
Please everyone; if we can, keep the peace between us as a society. It hurts when I can't trust someone from my own country to be as open as we have come to expect from intelligent Americans.
Oh, and please, if you so desire and you support the cause, pick up a banner here. "
So there's my little rant. I'm done now.
So this week I have so much shit due it isn't even funny. After it's over I'll be so glad. Mike has All-State this weekend so I can't wait to go to the concert on Saturday with Emily. Things are ok I guess.
I've been talking a lot to Daria about moving out there sometime soon (California) and I'm getting really excited; despite this, I need to go into my audition (April 12th) and sing my heart out expecting to make it.
current mood: lethargic
current music: Coldplay - Daylight
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| Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
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11:14 pm - STEPH FOR PRESIDENT
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steph (11:07:31 PM): this is REALLY pissing me off.
meg (11:07:40 PM): what is
steph (11:09:06 PM): bushie boy
meg (11:09:12 PM): ooo yes
steph (11:09:33 PM): reality check, mr. president.
steph (11:09:37 PM): you're a fucking IDIOT.
meg (11:09:45 PM): maybe you should tell him
steph (11:09:55 PM): XD
steph (11:09:57 PM): call him on the red telephone
meg (11:10:02 PM): then he'd be like, "Wow, I never knew, thank you for telling me, Dr. Steph"
steph (11:10:11 PM): free psychological analysis
meg (11:10:13 PM): "Now I think you would make a better president then me"
meg (11:10:18 PM): "Here, take the office"
steph (11:10:23 PM): excellent.
meg (11:10:28 PM): and then we'd all wear J Crew and listen to good music
meg (11:10:31 PM): :D
steph (11:10:35 PM): I'd call it off and seize N. Korea's nuclear weapons.
steph (11:11:03 PM): and then we all dress stylish and listen to good music.
current mood:  giggly
current music: Bright Eyes - A Poetic Retelling
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9:33 pm - Sorry.
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I know I haven't posted lately, but I have nothing to say. I'm feeling better since the other night. We went singing at some elementary schools around town today and that was ok. Missing class is definately ok.
I slept a lot today. I skipped practice. I was so tired.
I keep trying to make a mix and the fucking cd wont burn. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
current mood: blah
current music: Bright Eyes - The Calender Hung Itself
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