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Saturday, November 29th, 2003
12:56 pm - Survey Time!
Well, I am currently a la karisa's. Shes sleeping so I am going to amuse myself with this fabulous survey i stole from Meri..

I AM: Erin
I WANT: what I can't have
I HAVE: a stomach ache
I MISS: camp
I FEAR: death and betrayal
I HEAR: karisa snoring =P
I SEARCH: for a truly nice boy
I WONDER: if everything will really work out in the end
I REGRET: quitting the swim team
I LOVE: time spent with friends
I ACHE: because i havent eaten anything
I ALWAYS: trip, or get hit with something =)
I AM NOT: bulimic
I CRY: when i'm all sensitive due to damn pms
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a spaz! i promise..
I WRITE: when i have soemthing to say
I WIN: some
I LOSE: some
I CONFUSE: my parents
I NEED: to stop reminiscing so much!
I SHOULD: wake karisa up

-- name: Erin
-- birthplace: Princeton
-- current Location: East Bumblefuck, NJ
-- eye color: hazel
-- hair color: brown
-- height: 5'6
-- righty or lefty: righty
-- zodiac sign: pisces
-- your heritage: irish & german (but I am NOT a fucking nazi!)
-- the shoes you wore today: my blue pumas
-- your weakness: a sweet talker
-- your fears: Death. Betrayal.
-- your perfect pizza: the best pizza would have extra cheese, stuffed crust and NO CALORIES! yum.
-- goal you'd like to achieve: have no regrets, make varsity swim next year
-- your most overused phrase on AIM: lol
-- your thoughts first waking up: break out the dream dictionary
-- your bedtime: whenever
-- your most missed memory: the last day of 6th grade, and july 2003
-- pepsi or coke: coke a cola
-- mcdonald's or burger king: ewww!
-- single or group dates: group
-- adidas or nike: puma
-- lipton ice tea or nestea: nestea
-- chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- cappuccino or coffee: Coconut Cream Frappucino!
-- smoke: nope
-- cuss: what a funny word..
-- sing: when im happy, or bored
-- take a shower everyday: yupppp
-- have a crush: uh..sorta
-- do you think you've been in love: I've learned not to throw around that term
-- want to go to college: partay!
-- like(d) high school: yeah, its alright
-- want to get married: mmm...maybe
-- believe in yourself: sometimes
-- get motion sickness: nope
-- think you're attractive: somewhat...ahh! this is akward
-- think you're a health freak: well, im a calorie/exercise freak, if that counts
-- get along with your parent(s): pretty much
-- like thunderstorms: i love them, especially when the power goes out
-- play an instrument: a little bit of bass
in the past month...
-- drank alcohol: yeah
-- smoked: no
-- done a drug: no
-- had sex: haha..right
-- made out: yep
-- gone on a date: not a real one
-- gone to the mall?: of course!
-- eaten an entire box of oreos: ugh..no
-- eaten sushi: no fish for me, thanks
-- been on stage: nope
-- been dumped: no
-- gone skating: hmm..i dont think so
-- made homemade cookies: yes (=
-- gone skinnydipping: nope
-- dyed your hair: nah
-- stolen anything: yeah lol
-- been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
-- been caught "doing something": yeah, by my dad unfortuantley
-- been called a tease: No
-- gotten beaten up: Nope
-- changed who you were to fit in: i think we all do that in some way
-- age you hope to be married: 29
-- numbers and names of children: this is a creepy question
-- describe your dream wedding: July, In the garden of Buckingham palace
-- how do you want to die: happy, fullfilled, in my sleep.
-- where you want to go to college: F.I.T.
-- what do you want to be when you grow up: your gonna laugh at me..but i want to be a fashion designer
-- what country would you most like to visit: australia
in a guy/girl..
-- best eye color? blue or green
-- best hair color? brown
-- short or long hair: curly, shaggy, wavy, staight, it doesnt really matter as long as its not shaved or greasy
-- height: at least 5'7
-- best articles of clothing: shoes
first date location: somewhere we both feel comfortable
-- # of drugs taken illegally: none
-- # of people i could trust with my life: 2
CDs that i own: mmm...a lot
-- # of piercings: none
-- # of tattoos: none
-- # of scars on my body: 3
-- # of things in my past that i regret: too many to count!

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. At 4 this morning, karisa, kenny, vinny and I ran over to the playgorund at the elementry school
2. Walked around East Brunswick
3. Watched Vin's skate video
4. Slept

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. dinner
2. movie ticket
3. a pina colada
4. lipstick

First Grade Teacher's Name?
Mrs. Evans

Last Words You Said:
"wow, I didnt need to know that..Good Night"

Last Song You Sang?
Mix Tape- Brand New

Last Person You Hugged?
hmm..my crazy uncle

Last Thing You Laughed At?
steve vogel on pills

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
a while ago

Last Time You Cried?
two thursdays ago

What's In Your CD Player?
avery <3

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
boring white

What's Under Your Bed?
a life size poster of matt g... uhh, dont ask

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
around 12:30

Current Taste?

Current Hair?
the way it always is

Current Clothes?
pj pants with snowmen on them and a tank top

Current Annoyance?
the stupid whirring noise of the cmputer!!

Current Longing?
to go home to the mall

Current Desktop Picture?
im on karisa's comp..so its 2 cute gay guys kissing (=

Current Worry?
that Jen Miller better be having fun in Florida!

Current Hate?
my legs

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex?

Favorite Place To Be?
camp/the mall/home

whoa, thats wierd, jen just called to say shes having a great time...

Least Favorite Place?
7th Period Science, Churchill Jr. Highschool

Time You Wake Up In The Morning?
weekend- 11 am, weekdays-6 am

If You Could Play An Instrument?
The Drums!

Favorite Color?
pink polka dots

Do You Believe In An Afterlife?

Favorite Season?
late spring/summer

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
My uncle stephen

Favorite Day?
tough one!

Where Would You Like To Go?
London, Australia, California, Sweden

What Is Your Career Going To Be Like?

Type A Line You Remember From Any Book:
"I do not like green eggs and ham"

A Random Lyric:
"Only in dreams, we'll see what it means
Reach out our hands, hold on to hers,
But when we wake, its all been erased,
and so it seems, only in dreams.."

Identify Some Of The Things Surrounding Your Computer:
1. yearbook
2. flashlight
3 glue
4. nail polish

(3 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Friday, October 17th, 2003
4:47 pm - Whoa...
Ok, I havent updated in the longest time and so much shit has happened...but i dont really feel like typing it all now. On the whole, life has been pretty cool. To start I finally got my old screen name back from kim! Bwahaha! The amazing Jen Miller and I created a plan. We figured that we could pretend to hate each other. Jen told Kim that she was mad at me and wanted to get my screen name password and fuck up things with my camp friends. Naturally, being the psyco vengeful bitch that she is, kim jumped at the chance to ruin my life and gave jen the password (= Then I was able to get back on! Yay! I must that Jen soooo much, shes the greatest! Today at school nothing incredibly important happened. I talked to nicky and selena in study, and nick was playing with my hair. Then Robbie and everyone were like "ooooh nick is flirting!!" lol they really have no idea. I think nick and I just know eachother way too well. lol. Yesterday there was the swim meeting afterschool. So I walk in the gym and there is Jason the first thing i think is "omg....turn and run....while you can!" but i stay, and he comes up to me and starts talking. Wonderful. Then after the meeting was over, he tried to walk out with me. Later he was talking to karisa online and annoying her. So we come up with this great idea. She tells him to im her "boyfriend" (me). So then the fist thing i say is "Why you hittin on my girl yo?" It was so much fun..after I threatened to get my gang and beat his cracka ass, he blocked me (= Apparently that didnt stop him from talking to Karisa though. He was bothering the poor girl today asking if i had a boyfriend and for my address (eek) It turns out that he wanted to show up at my house and "talk" so karisa told him i was taken...god bless her soul. Also, andrew hartman from way back when immed me and wants me to mail him my school picture...go figure. Then Alex has been following me around..like all the time..everywhere..not cool. He told me today that he likes me and that hes not going to stop liking me until i like him back. He also said that he watches me when im not looking )= Hes really scaring me. He wants to come to the mall tonight with me, brittney, meewa, and craig. Ummm.. no.
Meewa and I have officially formed the singles club..for singles (=
So we are going to sit there while Brittney and Craig are making out with smiles on our faces cause we are in the singles club and they arent!.... yeah...
Things have been really tough for the lovely Karisa this week. But I know that she is strong and will get through it. So i wish all the best to her, shes really one of the best people you could ever dream of knowing, so if she is in your life in any way, shape or form you should be fucking grateful!
In Julian news, things are pretty ok...He knows that I like him now. But he still has been talking to me alot, and today he was sticking up for me and stuff. He also said that I remind him of Maria. Like I kinda look like her and talk like her, but he said im way smarter lol. I think this is very good because well, he went out with Maria! (=
So yeah, thats about it right now, oh yes, and Jm has confirmed that andrew likes me as well...lovely. Health has been fun so far. We play the Penis game alot, but it defeats the purpose cause we are allowed to say Penis in sex ed...I talk to Megan, Matt, Chris Maurath, Jesse, Andrew and Jm alot..cool kids. Today after school Chris Cardillo called and he played guitar for me and talked alot about Kama Sutra.
Well I think im gonna go to the mall soon..more later

Bob Marley for President!

current mood: crazy
current music: The Soup Dragons - "I'm Free"

(2 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Sunday, September 28th, 2003
10:28 pm - "We'll be rockin till the sun goes down"
Tonight was pretty fun. Me, Karisa, Matt, Keith, and Alex went out to eat. Even though our original plan was to go to the olive graden, it was mobbed, so we went to the usual Ruby Tuesdays. Karisa and Alex kept giving Keith hints to make moves on me because I told them that I might like him. I have decided pretty much though that he's a really sweet guy, but hes just a little too quiet for me. So at dinner we were our crazy selves, laughing hysterically and talking about stupid stuff. Then in the middle of dinner, alex, matt, and keith had to step outside to call matt's mom, leaving karisa and I alone. It was soo funny. We decided to pour a combination of water, coke and sugar on matt's seat, and ton of pepper into alex's coke. When they got back, we were sitting there like nothing had happened and matt sat in the wetness, and alex drank the coke..it was great. Karisa was abusing Matt all night..I think he liked it as usual though lol. After we finished eating we still had about an hour to kill before we got picked up. So we sat outside talking and all of a sudden alex just gets up and leaves. None of us has any idea where he is going and he won't tell us. After a while, Keith and I decide to follow him. We were ducking behind trees and walls, hiding in shadows..very bond lol. Then Karisa and Matt decide to come too. We made our way about halfway around the outside of the mall and we still hadn't found him. By this time, our little game had turned into alexhunt, and we kept feeling like someone was watching us or something. We came upon this truck dock loading station and decided to run to the back along the ramp, and hide in shadows. We stayed there for awhile, and eventually alex found us. We kept trying to get him to hide again because we were having so much fun, but he didnt want to. When we went around the corner, there were these wigger guys that like attacked keith. But he was ok. And we got away, but they kept like following us. Kinda creepy. Eventually they apologized, and alex ran off again lol. This time, as we searched we saw Alina and Ayman. We all know what they were doing there. I will have to have a talk with Alina about this over lunch. What a naughty little girl! =P We then found Alex at the top of the stairs over the hallway that everyone hooks up in. Then we tried to talk to the mexican cleaning people (who clearly no hablas anglais) before we knew it, it was time to go home. All 5 of us squashed into the back of Karisa's little cadillac and we dropped off the guys first. Alex seemed to think that he would be in trouble. They always seem to make up these elaborate lies whenever they go places with us. Silly boys. I guess this just wasn't a good night for Alex )= Afterwords, Karisa dropped me off and we saw these really bright stars and stuff. Fun night indeed (= Gotta get to sleep now though, Karisa and I are going to the funeral tomorrow. Good Night World.

current mood: cheerful
current music: The Darkness - "I Believe In a Thing Called Love"

(1 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Saturday, September 27th, 2003
8:59 pm - )'=
Oh my god. I just found out that Rachels mom died sometime last night! )'= Lisa was one of the coolest moms of my friends like ever! I feel so incredibly bad for Rachel and her family, I dont really know what to do.. I want to go to the service on Monday for her, but I'm not jewish, so I dont really know if I'm allowed to or not.. I think Rachel just wants to forget it happened... I found out from kate who said:
crayolabunni17: i went to her house last nite. and she was just sitting there watching comedy central...
I guess we all need some comic relief sometimes..
A Very Sad Erin

current mood: sad
current music: Saves the Day - "At Your Funeral"

(1 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

7:52 pm - Cruising on Half a Tank
Ha, I just got back from casa Karisa. On the way there, we picked up matt. His hair was as brillo-like as ever. When we got to her house, we prepared to operate. Our patient was extremely nervous, but after a few playful punches, kicks, bites, etc from karisa, we finally got him to agree to the procedure (= First we attempted to straighten his hair, which was one of the funniest things I have seen this week. It was sticking up everywhere and it looked completely fried. Then we washed and conditioned it. Then I went upstairs and got dun-dun-dun!! the dreaded scissors! Karisa was like chasing him around with the scissors, begging him to let her cut it. In the end he sat down with his head in his hands, practically crying that we were cutting his best friend off of his head )'= lol. When Karisa finished, it didnt look too bad, except the sides were a little un-even but hey! it grows back right? lmaoo. Now that is true love, letting your girlfriend cut your hair...

I gotta say though, they look so happy to be together! It made me want to feel that way again. It also brought back memories I'd rather not discuss.. I do hope that I find someone soon though. Even though I have lots of amazing friends, part of me feels a little empty. Oh well!

Anyway, I have been having some wierd ass dreams lately. One was that Leahann and I were witches. We had to go to this big magic convention in the parking garage of freehold mall. We arrived before it started though so we checked out the decor, and then we decided to go into the mall. Somehow I got lost from her, and I hung out with Karisa and Meewa. Meewa went with me to find Leahann, and we walked right through the convention, but meewa couldnt see it because she wasnt a witch. So then I dont really remember what happened... I think we met a ghost or something and we talked to him for awhile, he was a cool guy. Then I woke up disappointed that I didnt have magic powers )= In the next dream I had, I was in a gymnastics competition with jen vs. andrew and julian. We all had to wear these "golden leg warmers" and dance around. It was rather amusing.

I think I'm going to stop talking now before I sound like even more of a dumbass =P

current mood: silly
current music: No Use For A Name - "Turning Japanese"

(2 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

12:26 pm - "Before you stick it between her thighs, please be sure to condomize!" - Mark on Safe Sex
Well this week was much better. I have finally been able to just let go. Well I think that this was actually due to antonio. He just told me flat out to basically give up and i guess thats all i needed to hear. I alos heard that Warren asked Kira to some dancey thing. So I wish both of them good luck. As for me, I have relized that I might have a thing for either Andrew or Julian. I talk to them both alot and they are really cool guys. Meewa seems to think that Andrew likes me too, but karisa tells me that he flirts alot, and to be careful. Ah, I dont know. I was talking to Julian yesterday and we started talking about movies and going to the mall. Julian says that he doenst go to the mall often because he has bagpipe lessons!!!! I was absolutely dying! But he himself makes fun of it so atleast he has a sense of humor right?...lmaooo. Right after art, I was with meewa at her locker and dana and everyone came over and we all were just cracking up. Then on the bus I was talking to Jm, and somehow andrew came up. Jm said that he sees him every weekend at cubscouts. So to recap..I like a bagpipe player and a cubscout. Kill me now..

Oh! and We have reason to believe that our kim plan worked. Jen had put one of the condoms in Kim's dad's umbrella and it rained like hell on tuesday.. i think it rained more that just water for her dad =P Thats right kim! We hate you! (=

When I got home, I went out shopping on a mission to find the perfect jeans.. Unfortuatley, I only found one pair that made me look good.. oh well. After that, We picked up Karisa and went to the mall. It wasnt a typical mall day, like no one was there. BUT there was an AMAZING sale at Express, we were in heaven (= Uhh the only thing is we were supposed to meet matt and alex for blondies at ruby tuesdays, so when we finally found them they were kinda pissed. So since they werent hungry anymore, we walked around outside and pretended to be lesbians whenever they werent looking.. they were so disappointed. It was great fun. Then we dragged them across the highway to denny's because we were starving. We talked for a while and then they had to go. We left soon after them. Today karisa invited me over so we can do matts hair. The chia pet thing just inst working for him anymore lol. Maybe alex will even let me paint his nails (= Well today should be fun. Now I gotta go shower and get ready.. Oh! and craig has announced that hes having a halloween party for the last day crew! Yay! later..

current mood: hyper
current music: Goldfinger - "99 Red Balloons"

(2 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Monday, September 22nd, 2003
4:08 pm - God Hates The Girl Scouts
Well today at school wasnt bad. I got to talk to Meewa a little during francais so that was cool. I also found out that Brittney is going on the same cruise as me in November! Yay! The bad thing for Brittney though is that she thinks she is going out with dan, but he really doesnt like her )= and she really likes him like whoa and none of us really want to tell her the truth for fear of a broken heart. I think its better if he tells her or if she just finds out herself. Johnnie and Maria are going out now too, its so cute! Everyone is becoming coupled off..except me and meewa but thats ok. Uhh.. In gym we had to do this gay pacer test. I ran with megan for like the first 20 rounds, then she got tired and decided to quit. I got up to 35, which isnt too bad, but I was just getting bored. Atleast I beat Nicky by 1 (= For the rest of the day I felt so sick and dizzy. It was the same feeling I had last night and the one I currently have now. I feel like I'm gonna throw up! But I managed to make it through the rest of the day. Because I didnt want to be in Bio, they put me in regular science. I dont think I ever remember being with a group of kids so stupid! Eventhough theyre kinda dumb, they are funny as hell. We drive the teacher absolutley crazy! So its kinda fun to be in almost all-guys class (there are only 3 girls besides me). Today since I was sooo amazingly bored I drew a nice little Kira comic. It definitely made me feel better lol. In health I had an enjoyable conversation with Matt P. and Andrew about dog abuse and horror movies. Lastly in art we moved into a new room and Julian sat next to me and we talked forever as usual. Then he walked with me outside and that was my school day. Agghh!! Stupid Craig! Matt Z. said he would ask karisa out today after school and he was about to when craig came running to them and started up a whole nother convo. Its times like these you wish you had a gun to his head...

When I got home, I still felt sick and I went online to see if god didnt hate me after all, and that Warren unblocked me. Sadly no. I am sooo fed up with this. So I went on another sn and said to antonio "why cant warren just tell me he doesnt like me anymore instead of avoiding me" and guess what happened? He blocked me. Ha, to think I once considered him my friend. Ugh.. and now my mother wants me to take my little girl scout sister around to sell cookies to our jewish neighborhood that hates us. Honestly, why do they still have then sell cookies of all things? No one likes them anyway. Including me. )= How lovely, it also looks like it will start pouring any minute. Ohh yes, things are ab-fab around here. I think I'll just curl up and listen to the pumpkins all night, at least they bring me some kind of peace.

Say This World Is Not So Shallow, And You Can't Beg, Steal, or Borrow

current mood: aggravated
current music: Smashing Pumpkins - "Bullets on Butterfly Wings"

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Sunday, September 21st, 2003
6:55 pm - How Can Something that Once made me so Happy Make me so Miserable?
My entire world is such a blur right now. I have found that Warren and Antonio blocked me online, which didnt make me feel any better )= Karisa and I had this big conversation about it today over pancakes at IHOP. Well neither of them have been online for like ever. Karisa then told me that she had seen that antonio was on, and Jaye told me that warren has been on. So Karisa and I figure that Warren is playing the same game that he criticised antonio so much for playing. Hes just trying to get rid of me by never talking to me again. How sweet. What a fucking hypocrite. She also told me that he thought I was too clingy and that he didnt like me putting "I <3 Warren" on my profile. If he didnt want me to do these thigs than why didnt he tell me instead of my best friend? I hate it when guys expect you to know exactly what they are thinking. I after seeing how mean and stupid he can really be, am somewhat over him. I really need to talk to the boy himself to get fully over him. I need to hear his side of the story before I draw my own conclusions. I was talking to Namer today and he said that he would try to get his # for me because Namer is the coolest forever. The thing is, I can't bring myself to hate Warren. Oh well. We will see how that plays out. In any event, I am pretty much guarenteed to see him again in January at the CIT reunion (if he goes). But there is no way in hell I'm waiting that long for an answer.

In other circumstances I'd be pretty happy right now. Yesterday I went with Karisa and her Family to the Phillies game. We had air conditioned box seats with free food and an amazing view! After having a few beers herself, Karisa's mom let us have some hard lemonade which was pretty good (= We took the VIP (ha, i love saying that) elevator to the lower level and walked around for a while before the game. These guys followed us for 2 hours! It was so funny, yet gross because they were dirtbags /= Another thing that was sort of gross was the fact that almost every guy that we passed in the age range from 50-13 was checking us out! As karisa says, it may sound concieted but its true. God, you would think that we were the only girls there (well actually, there werent that many). But anyway. On the way there Karisa's 12 year old brother fell asleep on my shoulder which was rather akward but kinda cute at the same time (please dont hurt me karisa!). On the way home we were all squished in the back of the truck and I sat next to her bro's friend Andrew who is really cool. We talked the whole way home. We had a radio station battle too. Rock vs. Rap . Karisa and I sang loudly to the foo fighters and STP and the boys kept going on and on about 50 cent. In the end i think we won (= The whole day was tons of fun. Then we got back to Karisa's and I talked to Matt. Im so happy. The fucker is finally gonna ask Karisa out! Matchmaking is fun. Karisa isnt sure if they look good together though. An Egytian and an Italian? Well yes, they are from different er..backgrounds but they always look so in love with eachother and happy when they are together. They should be able to have what makes them happy. So yeah. End of Story.

Today I ate breakfast as I said with Karisa at like 2 in the afternoon. Then my dad picked me up and we went shopping for a birthday present for my mommy. How fun. I also learned that im irresponsible, rude, and greedy too. It was so retarded. All I wanted to do was buy my friend a fucking birthday card and we had a fight about it in the middle of Hallmark. The sales lady was even there giving me dirty looks..)= The whole time I was at the mall I felt so sick to my stomach and I think I know why. When I got home, I went for a walk to clear my thoughts. It worked somewhat until i got back and discovered what I did about what Warren was doing. I guess it wasnt too much of a shock because I was so into my theories that I was starting to believe that Warre had actually confirmed them. Hell, even my horoscope says that things are going to be bad with my current "boyfriend" if thats what you want to call him. Well it was great while it lasted *sigh* I dont really know what I'm going to do. On the bright side, Jen told me today that our anti-kimber plan has been carried out!! Its only a matter of time before the bitch gets what shes had coming for a long time (=
I talked to Karisa, Jen, Meredith, Matt, Brittney, Jaye, Rachel, and Sarah today too, so that made me feel a little better. I guess from this point on, the cut will begin to heal a little more each day until all that is left is a scar. A battle wound to recall a bittersweet memory. Despite the bad ending, the Summer of 2003 was truly my best summer ever, and nothing will stop me from remembering it as that.

Is this the way that you'd finish me? Is this what you had in mind?

current mood: rejected
current music: Less Than Jake - "Look What Happened"

(2 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Saturday, September 20th, 2003
12:56 pm - Lol
Who will your ex-husband be? by Bert
Ex-HusbandChris Wilson
Date MarriedMarch 14, 2012
Date DivorcedMay 19, 2049
Reason for DivorceHe got a sex change
Amount of Alimony$111,104
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Friday, September 19th, 2003
5:59 pm - Social Paradise
Yay! Its friday and that means we're hittin up the mall. Karisa and I are going early though in order to get the "supplies" for tomorrow. Hahahaha. Theres supposed to be a decent turnout there today too, everyone is going after the football game. So far I know that Karisa, Jen, Jen V., Matt, Alex, Meewa, Leahann and her Monkey Boy, and Andrew are going. Then there is the pot head crew we hang with: Steve H, Steve D, Greg, Steve V, Francisco, and Rob G. After that there are the people that you never-talk-to-but-secretly-wish-that-you-did-that-show-up-mysteriously-whenever-you-leave-up-your-away-message-saying-that-your-at-the-mall crew. In other words, shaan and all of his skater friends. Last week Dave Sampson was at the mall and he was EVERYWHERE we went. Not that we mind, but it was really wierd. Agh! and we just discovered today that hes going out with that grease ball lyndsay catarzi!! bleh, i wish him luck kissing that thing (=. Anyway, there is an Avery show next week that I really want to go to, hopefully my overportective mother will let me go. Oh well I gotta leave for the mall now, later.

current mood: amused
current music: Avery- "Finish What You Started"

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
4:50 pm - Help Me!
Yeah, i should have known. Things were too perfect to ever be real. I got my wakeup call when karisa phoned and said first "I think you might want to know this." Naturally, I thought it was something concerning the steve or denis thing, because that has been giving her hell so far this year, and I have been trying to help. But no, the words that she spoke next made me almost throw up. "Warren has a thing for Kira" my hand started shaking and I was crying hysterically. At first I was in shock. I had to read it for myself, and there it was in Kira's blurty. I remember Warren saying on the last day he was at camp that "we would definitely see each other and keep our relationship" ha. guess he forgot. He also never bothered to give me his phone number, and hasnt been online in forever. So I havent talked to the guy in 2 weeks. I mean it would have been nice to know that we "broke up" here I am being stupid and believing that he actually still liked me. The truth is, I still love him too much to move on. Everything reminds me of him!! ) = I still really want to talk to him, and get a straight answer about this shit. Not knowing what has been going on with him has put a damper on everyday of my life since the middle of august and i really long for the day when im truly fuckin happy again. On top of that, the anorexic tendencies have started to creep back into my mind, and rachels mom might die. Karisa has been a big help with trying to get me to feel better, and yeah, I love her more than nick loves penis (=
On a different note, things with julian, andrew, nick, and JM are well...interesting. Atleast after watching this sexual harassment video in health, JM promises not to hit on me anymore (thank the lord!). I think he may just be trying to avoid a lawsuit though. But what Jm does is really wrong, especially since he has amanda (who thinks hes a perfect angel *lmaooo*). Nick is just Nick. It will never happen again! Julien and Andrew are really cool but im not really attracted to them. So that leaves Warren who likes Kira now and has forgotten about me. How lovely. Well now its time to go wallow in my sorrow like im so used to doing.
life is beautiful my ass!!

current mood: depressed
current music: Tsunami Bomb - "Lemonade"

(1 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Sunday, September 14th, 2003
6:23 pm - "I'm the amazing young man on the flying trapeze!" - Drunk Guy On the Train
Whoa!! Today was lots of fun! Karisa slept over last night and we were up late watching the sweetest thing and playing scrabble. We had to wash the dinner dishes too so we put on the radio, and guess what song was on? Walk like an egyptian! And you know who that reminded us of! We started cracking up and making up our own versions of the walk (the slutty egyptian, the stoner egyptian, etc.) And then we were singing loudly to crappy rap songs and water and soap got everywhere. We were both so out of it, that neither of us really clearly remember exactly what went on. lol. We talked alot about Karisa's denis and matt problems.. I really cant believe that with karisa liking him Denis actually went for Kristen!! 0=< Well I think that he will eventually come crawling back to the best girl you could ever dream of going out with (karisa *stupid*) Anyways, we went to midstate mall today and read magazines at the bookstore, then we went to go eat lunch at the pizza place. On the way there we were talking about our plans for halloween and Karisa mentioned that she was originally planning to go with Denis and the last day crew. Then guess who appeared out of no where? You guessed it! The Jackass himself was walking by with his friends. He yelled "Karisa!" and she hid her face and shouted back "Noooo! I look like crap!" lol then we ran away. So at the pizza place we sat down for awhile talking about various things, such as: Phil, what karisa and dave sampson's kids would look like, what me and frank defrancos kids would look like *gag* lmfao, and also what antonio and warrens kids would look like (the most amusing of them all) oh yes, and Phil =P Then we went to Best Buy in hopes to find some stereos to turn up really loud and dance to, but there were only TVs with surfer guys on them. Needless to say, we didnt mind ;) Finally, we went over to Party City and looked at Halloween Costumes! Karisa decided that she wanted to be a sexy pirate chick. I was hoping to be something with either a sword or wings, and dont really know what i want to do yet. Our original idea was for me to dress up as courtney love and karisa as a giant heroin needle lmao! But it looks like thats not happening anymore. So I might settle for tinkerbell (= who knows.. Anyway. Karisa asked the guy for the costume and we had to go into the bathroom to try it on. I got this feather boa for myself and a sword for karisa and we had a tinkerbell vs. pirate fight in the bathroom. When Karisa was in mid stab with her sword, my damn cell phone rang. We started cracking up as we realized how stupid we looked. It was like old times (= Well the person calling was her mom, we had to go home. So they dropped me off at home, and Karisa dashed in to get her stuff. Then she left and I havent seen her for a whole hour!!!! AHHHH! ok yeah. So I wish I had classes with her. I miss her so much in school. It almost feels like she moved away or something. *Sigh* But I realized today that I am really happy with my life right now except for the fact that I havent talked to Warren in forever. If that one piece wasnt missing, my puzzle would be complete. I am really happier today than I have been in a while. The whole month of August was torture. I felt like I would never truly feel good again. Atleast I'm out of that rut for now. Now all I have to do is get Warrens number from Karisa and hope for the best. Ok, last words.. Karisa your the coolest and I KNOW things are going to work out for you in all aspects of your life. Just you wait! (= Karina, thank you very much for the kickass icon, and Jen, who the hell are we going to kick off our lunch table tomorrow? Well it sure as hell wont be us ; ) yep, i think thats it.
Much <33,

some, they say what is lost can never be saved... but I still believe <33

current mood: chipper
current music: Smashing Pumpkins!

(1 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Thursday, September 11th, 2003
5:55 pm - Nooo!
Ahh! I miss my Karisa, I'm afriad that since we have no classes together that we wil drift apart, and i DO NOT want that to happen! *sigh*

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

4:07 pm - What would an angel say? The devil wants to know..
Hmm.. well things are so perfect, they are boring. I kinda wish there was some drama. Like good or bad, it doesnt really matter. Just something to keep me occupied. Uhh.. today was the same old, same old. I hate that. It feels like I could have gone back in time and relived yesterday and the day before and everything would still be the same. *sigh* Well actually today was slightly interesting. French was.. dare I say.. Fun? Well we had to do these dumb presentation things about ourselves, so while we were waiting for our turn, Me, Meewa, Karina, and Michele Epstien sat talking about good music and making fun of the people presenting. Theres this one kid named Mark that looks exactly like austin powers.. Andrew is in my class too. Hes so funny. And then theres this mysterious hot guy in the corner that goes by the name of jauques. How originial! "Jaques" is also in my english class. He kept looking and smiling at me. Well, we will see how that one plays out. More Later..
<33 Erin

current mood: bored
current music: Republica - "Ready To Go"

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
5:10 pm - Torn up on the Inside
I was listening to this on the bus today and found it describes exactly the way I feel.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said
You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened You laughed enchanted by my intellect
Or maybe you didn't

You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

=w=eezer - the world has turned and left me here.

current mood: discontent

(some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

4:10 pm - Schoolio
Well yesterday was the first day of school. It wasnt horrible, but I wish there were more people in my classes that I knew = / I was happy that nick was in some of my classes for once though. We are back to being friends again, which is good cause i missed the fucker. Lets see.. Meewa and Karina are in my french class (thank god!) Jen is in my lunch which is also tres bien. Hehe we found some kid that looks like an Andrew clone! We were so excited (= His real name is Bob, no joke. Hes in 8th grade though, but that doesnt really matter as I learned in camp. Jen and I decided to call him "Rob" for our own puposes cause were gay like that and he sits right at the table behind us at lunch. There are sooo many cute 8th graders! I also saw Karisa man, Trevor, and she wasnt kidding when she said he was bangin! I am yet to meet Pete though. After school yesterday, Karisa and I planned to have a last day reunion. Well it didnt turn out exactly as we thought it would. The original gang was Me, Karisa, Jen, Craig, Keith, Ivan, and Matt. Craig, Ivan and Jen never showed )= Well we knew that day that jen wasnt gonna be there because she had cheerleading. So anyway, when Karisa and I got to Stewarts, there was Steve V, Steve M, Matt, Denis, Alex, and then this other kid we didnt know. He was so nice at first, getting the guys to move over to give us a seat. We learned that his name was Scott. He kept checking us out, which we took as a compliament at first. But then he wouldnt stop telling us that we are hot, and he wants us soo bad etc... Then he started playing head games. He would go back and forth to me and karisa saying that he liked us better than the other one, and trying to get us to do stuff with him. He wouldnt stop touching us or putting his arms around us etc., then I explained to him the warren situation. He woulnt take a hint! He still was hitting on us like there was no tomorrow. Karisa later told me that he had said to her that I was being "annoying" by saying that. Well I only said it once so I dont see how thats annoying. When we were going back to Denis' he kept saying "Oh Denis, I hope you have an empty couch!" and winking at me. We later thought Karisa and Denis were hooking up (which they werent) and he said to me "you know, that could be us right now" It was just stupid remarks like that which made me angry, especially after I told him No. Keith was my gaurdian angel that day. He kept making scott go away in some way or another. He even stayed with me inside of the Stewarts building instead of eating outside with everyone else. While we were in there, this black guy sitting next to Keith was like "Yo man, is that hot chick your girlfriend?" Lmfao! Yes, Keith, on the off chance you are reading this I'd just like to thank you very much for your help, it is greatly appreciated by both Karisa and I. But anyway this scott kid is like a stalker. To shut him up I gave him my screen name and before I even got home he had Immed me. I didnt want to talk to the kid AT ALL so I just signed off. I dont think anyone we were with liked him very much either, even Denis. Today wasnt bad on the otherhand. We had this summer reading test that I think I failed but oh well. I barely saw Karisa at all today )'= hopefully we'll talk on the phone tonight. But uhh I think health is gonna be fun. I sit with Matt, This other guy, Megan, Jm, and Chris Maurath. Everyone was telling me that I look good. Its kinda annoying. I'd rather that they keep it to themselves. I'm not in the mood for it. *Sigh* I havent talked to warren in over a week! He hasnt been online at all and Antonio says he never answers the phone. I dont even have his number!! I guess I could ask ant tonight. Karisa and Jm are saying its over but the truth is, I dont think it is and I dont want it to be. The last thing we talked about is this program called "masturbate for peace" hmm.. no formal break up there. Agh! love sucks. But on a happier note, Jen, Francisco and I have come up with an interesting idea which will be played out soon. Its so bond! Well I gots to do my fucking math homework.. Later, <33 Erin

don't get mad, get even!

current mood: weird
current music: Beck - "Loser"

(1 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

Monday, September 8th, 2003
12:44 am - Starting Fresh
So yay! I got a new journal. I learned my lesson about these things though. I'm going to be way more careful about what i put in this. Well today was really fun. I went to the beach with Brittney. First we went down to Belmar. When we first got there we ate lunch while we watched the many surfers. It was a great day for it too, there were 10 foot swells! After about an hour of talking about stupid stuff, applying SPF 70, and munching on some Pb&J we decided to get a closer look at the surfers. We stood with only our ankles in for a while, the water was freezing! But no one came over. I bet that if Karisa was there they would have ; ) So we got bored doing that and decided to go boogie boarding. It was the first time i had ever tried it and it was uber-fun. While we had been sitting on the shore we saw this kid we lovingly nicknamed "football boy" because he was well...playing football... with his friend (who we called "friend") One time the ball rolled kinda close to us and i picked it up and started saying "is this yours.." and they kept looking around and yelling at each other "Where did it go?" "I dont know man!" and then i was a dork and yelled that i had it. I looked really bad too. Definitley a thumbs down. But then later Brit and i decided to play some frisbee. While we were in the midst of our game, football boy and friend showed up and started playing thier own game right next to us. Maybe it wasnt as bad as we thought. Oh well.
We then drove to seaside. On the way there, we passed all of these beautiful beachfront homes. I have decided that if i stay in the state when i grow up (highly unlikely) than that is where im going to live. I feel like i belong there. Anyway, on the long drive we passed through a ton of beach towns, including chadwick and lavallet. This brought back even more memories of Phil, Warren, Malarie and Antonio. Just being in the town of Belmar makes me smile. I think of all of the great times I had there with my friends and it makes the summer even more impossible to let go. I don't think I ever will. It was the best summer ever of my life so far. The truth is, I don't want to get back into the daily grind that is school. Camp is so much friendlier and more accepting. I love those kids. Everyone of them will ask you why you are all alone, or why you are crying and try to help you feel better, even ones that seem like your enemies. I know that I will judge this year against all the fun I had at camp, and let me tell you, it is a hard act to follow.
When we got to Seaside, we went to the boradwalk and did a little shopping. Then we ate. Then we went further down the walk to the end that has rides. We went on a couple. They also brought back memories of the past, but this time it was about me and karisa beating the zipper record at the fair (= good times, good times. After that, we got henna tattoos. It was originally $20 but we haggled with the guy and got it for $12. Mine is so pretty! I can't stop looking at it! We couldnt sit back on the way home, because they would smudge though.
As I looked out the window and watched all of the red lights of the cars zoom by one after the other, I got back to thinking again. About how grateful for everything and everyone that I have. It almost made me cry. I dont know what it is about me and memories. I just love holding on to them. Karisa and Warren stood out most in my mind. That makes sense I guess though, my best friend and my "boyfriend". I really missed karisa especially actually. Like I heard all of her favorite songs on the radio, ones we used to sing along with on the dark rides home. Britteny on the other hand wouldnt sing with me )= I think brit wants ne to be in a band with her. I think not. I am the SpiritCandleDeerPark bassist, and nothing will ever change that! So on that note, I'll be going now... Karisa I love you! ummm uh huh, i think thats it.
Much <33,

wanna put my tender heart in a blender, watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion <3

current mood: contemplative
current music: Tsunami Bomb - "No One's Looking"

(2 still believe | some, they say what is lost can never be saved)

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