Carole Woodworth's Blurty|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in
Carole Woodworth's Blurty:
|Sunday, April 24th, 2005|
wow, its been a while
well its been a long time since ive been on here. umm, lets see. im bored as shit and i have nothing to do. i have the next 2 days off of work, i also had today off and i did nothing. all day. tomorrow i have a dr appointment, but not until 5 pm. then tuesday i have nothing to do until 5 that night either. but thats a little more fun than a dr appointment. im getting a new tattoo tuesday night. im excited. im just really eh right now. i have nothing to do, no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, and nothing to do. so ya, kinda sux. my life kinda sux. my life right now is cold and crappy, just like the weather in january. i have few friends that i can actually talk to and the ones i do have are always busy with other things in their lives to talk to me. i have no boyfriend to spend my time w/, i dont even know if i want one. men are so time consuming and stressful sometimes. well the time consuming part isnt so terrible, its actually kinda nice, but the stressful part sux so bad. id like to have one actually, but there is no one that wants me. if they do, they need to speak up. ugh. well time for me to go now, i cant think of anything else to say. i guess im gonna go be dull just like the rest of my existence. dull.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: none
|Tuesday, August 17th, 2004|
weeks if shit
its been a while since ive been on here. to update you, my car died in the middle of a very much populated road. the last time i got my oil changed, the guy didnt put the filter on right and all my oil leaked out and my engine froze up. to make matters worse, i had to walk to my bf's house at 6 in the morning in the rain (i took him to work and i was on my way back to his house). then my dad came to pick me up and i took his truck home so i could drive it to go to work later that day and his radiator blew up so his truck was stranded some place about 15 minutes from my house, and my car was 35 minutes from my house at a gas station. well i got a new car that keeps dying on me and i dont know what the hell is wrong w/it. my dad fixed the fuel pump, and it still dies. my dad is gonna change the computer in it tomorrow and we'll see if it still dies. if it does, im gonna flip out. i need a reliable source of transportation to work and i cant keep takin my dads truck every fuckin day b/c then he hasta ride w/my mom and blah blah blah. it would be so much better if i had my own car that worked. growl. other than that, stuff has been ok i guess. me and andrew are still together, 4 months on thursday. everyone says they're surprised that i can put up w/his shit, and that i have put up w/it for this long. my friend angie says that if i've put up w/it for this long, then i can put up w/it, period. so ya. its great tho. im so happy.
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: linkin park
|Wednesday, June 9th, 2004|
my friends are leaving me.
sorry i havent been on in a while. well as the title says, my friends are leaving me. sean is either moving soon or already has moved to pennsylvania and lindsay is moving to georgia tomorrow. sean's is more than likely permanent, but lindsay will be back in 3 years when her hubby is done w/the army. but everything will be ok, they both are gonna come back and visit. in brighter news, i have a bf, that i have been w/for almost 2 months now. his name is andrew. omigod, he is so sexy, no one even knows. he makes me happy too. he is so sweet to me, and he is one of the few ppl that make me actually happy. he knows how to make me happy. i want to keep this one, i really do. he is just so wonderful. he's funny, he can cook, he is a clean freak so i know that if i move in w/him, the house will always be clean. if i dont keep it clean, he will. he's talented; he can draw, he can rap to pretty much anything, he knows how to work it in anything he wants to ;) , he keeps it real. he is just so wonderful. im happy with this catch, and i dont think i'l be throwing it back anytime soon. well, im done for tonight, be back as soon as i remember to. chao.
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: whatever-Godsmack
|Friday, April 16th, 2004|
sorry i havent updated in a while, ive been busy. that justin guy turned out to be a freakin psycho. ya, i still want sean, hardcore. i dont understand what is wrong w/me, y he wont give it a try at least. is there something wrong w/me? seriously, am i not pretty? am i fat or something? god. i hate my life, im so sad all the time. im sick of this. i want him so bad, i havent stopped wanting him since i started liking him the beginning of this year. i know its me, he may say its not, but i swear it has to be. there has to be something wrong w/me for him to not like me. im so sick of my life. im gonna go cry now, maybe that'll make me feel better. it does sometimes. chao.
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: godsmack, dont know the name of the song, dont care either.
|Saturday, April 3rd, 2004|
hello, i havent written in a while, just thought id update. im bored as shit, over at my friends house waiting for her, her bf, and her friend to get here so we can to go a party. im meeting this guy tonight. his name is justin. he is prety cute, i was a pic of him the other day. i was suprised b/c most of the guys im set up w/are ugly as hell. but he is perty cute. hes nice too. we talked for like 3 hours the other night online and for an hour today on the phone. we clicked pretty well so im excietd. im not showin much excitement b/c im tired as shit, but if i wasnt tired, id be bouncin off the walls in anticipation. but im not b/c im tired, but i really am excited, really. hehe... well im gonna go, my friend is back finally. yay. well i get to meet him in a half hour! yay! chao
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: none
|Wednesday, March 24th, 2004|
life sux still
hello again to all my friends, im glad u came to play, the fun here never ends, here's what we did today!!! right.....sorry, seemed like something to say. i dunno. anyways, sean just wants to stay "friends" and he's sorry if he led me on at any time or hurt me at anytime. yippie fuckin skippie. so ya. he cant go to prom w/me either. great. he told some other girl yes before i asked him and he failed to tell me until last week so now i hafta find another date. i might have found a prom date but i dunno. he didnt really say yes but he didnt say no. so ya, i need to find out. if he doesnt answer me w/in the next 3 days, im takin my friend angie and we're gonna go have a shit load of girls together fun. we're gonna look all hot and sexy and just have fun. i know prom night is supposed to be a night of "romance and love", man, fuck that bullshit. i hate love. i has never gotten me anywhere. i think im just gonna take her instead, ya know? seems like a plan. i think i'll have more fun w/her then me and any guy that im not w/, ya know? i just hafta get ahold of her to tell her that she's goin w/me, fuck waiting 3 more days, she's goin w/me. well yay, we're gonna have so much fun. its gonna be great!!! no im not a dyke, although some ppl would really wish i was, like her boyfriend. he wants to have a 3some w/us so bad and i tell him no. he can just get over it. ya know? well im gonna go, i got some phone calls to make and im gonna do something tonight. chao.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: 45 (shinedown)
|Sunday, March 14th, 2004|
I SWEAR IF I DIDNT HAVE HOPE THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER, I'D END IT ALL RIGHT NOW.
as the title says, if there wasnt hope, id end it. i hate my life. i need to be locked away or something. i want to go to some place warm and nice where i have no problems. some place nice and tropical and where no one cares about stupid shit. i have 1 less friend now b/c i left my last bf b/c he lived 2 hours away and i didnt get to see him more than once about every 5 to 6 weeks and i didnt want to go through that pain anymore. so his bro, my friend, decided to be a dick and started talkin shit and hating me for saving myself some pain, but it ended up in more pain. of course, like everything else does. and sean is still the same. its ok tho, that doesnt bother me like this does. i have few good friends and it seems that im losing more and more each day. my best friend is moving to georgia this summer b/c her husband is in the army and she is goin to live w/him. so i wont see her anymore unless she comes up and visits. and my other best friend lives in bum fucked egypt so i cant go see her whenever i want. so ya, i am plainly and simply fucked. i hate this bullshit. but there is always hope so i guess im gonna be ok some day. i hope that day that everything turns out good is coming soon. but i doubt it. i dunno, it may be tomorrow but yet it could be 8 years away. i dont even want to think about if im gonna be depressed for 8 more years, or longer. but i look up at least. there must be a reason that i have hope w/everything that is goin on right now. there hasta be something very big planned for me or something b/c my life is worthless and shit. oh ya, i also saw my ex brian today again. him and angie talked about me. she said that she wished me and him were still together b/c im better than his current gf. he said he didnt know b/c he was afraid of me fuckin around on him and he still cares a lot about his gf right now. so ya, he doesnt know what he wants. but knowing my luck, i'll be taken when he wants me back. and i'll tell him no b/c i dont do that shit. so maybe then he'll realize that he couldve had me when i was single. but i dunno, i still have a very large soft spot for him and i know that if me and him are single at the same time, we'll hook back up. i can see it when he looks at me when his gf isnt around. its just that look that he gives me. oh well, maybe some day i'll be happy w/someone that cares about me. well, im gonna go. i am gonna go to bed after i make a phone call. chao.
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: Last Train Home (lost profits)
sigh, loneliness blows asscheeks
hello again. its been a few days and yet nothing special has happened. i am still a single lonely girl that wants something that is just outta her reach. Sean. he is there but yet he isnt. i am respecting him and giving him his space yes, but i deep down inside, i want to reach out and hold him, kiss him, everything. it is taking a lot of control out of me. the other night, i dyed his hair for him, and it turned out really good. he liked it a lot. well, later that night, i stood in front of him, and i slid my fingers though his hair, moving it out of his eyes so i could look into them, and when he looked at me w/those big bright eyes, i just stared for like 5 seconds and walked away. i know that wouldve been the right time to kiss him and everything, but im gonna let him come to me when he is ready. b/c if he wants me, he'll come to me, i know he will. if not, then i guess i'll hafta find someone else. when i walked away, my eyes filled up w/tears and i had to fight them back really bad b/c i dont want him to see me cry like that. yes i'll let him see me cry, just not over him. i wont cry over him when he is there w/me. but i swear its ok, i'll be fine. its just hard b/c i care about him so much and i want to show him that, but i cant. hopefully one day i will be able to.
anyways, i went to my friends house and hung out w/her, her bf, my ex, his mom and sister and brother, his gf, my friends lil bro, and her other guy friend. they're names are angie, ben, brian, michelle, dont know my ex's mom name, stevie, salina, marcus, and ryan. and we are baby sitting for our friend chris. yes, chris is a girl. her lil boy is so cute. we hafta take him home today. i dont want to drive that far, but its ok. i'll manage i guess. well, i'm gonna go. i need to get ready, but im gonna talk to sean for a lil while yet. chao.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: none
|Thursday, March 11th, 2004|
Depression has set in, the time for sorrow has begun.
Ya, as the title says, im depressed. beyond belief today. Sean, they guy i like, well i guess he thinks im awesome and stuff and that he thinks very highly of me, but he's so confused w/the stuff goin on in his life right now so he doesnt want to start anything. its understandable but its still upsetting. growl. i guess that whenever he figures stuff out in his life something might work between us, but knowin my freakin shit luck, i doubt anything will ever happen between me and him. i think he's too good for me, but yet again i think that of everyone. especially since he hangs out with the most popular girl in school and stuff like that, maybe thats what brings me down, makes me think like that. but i guess im not completely wrong. well, i know im not wrong, i know he's too good for me to have, so more than likely i should just give up and forget that i even started liking him. but i cant. hes just so freakin awesome its unbelieveable. seriously, he is so great. he's sweet, he listens to decent music (he could listen to better but its ok), he's got gorgeous hair, skin, face, eyes, etc. i swear, that boy is so great. i miss him already and i just saw him this morning. its depressing, thinking about him all the time. its depressing to see him too. everytime i see him, i just want to grab him and kiss him. i just want to plant an absolute fantastic kiss on him, but i dont want to make things harder than they already are for him. i play with his hair everyday, just to have a reason to run my fingers through it. i love doin playin with guys hair, no matter if im with the guy or im just friends w/him. i love playin w/hair, and his is so gorgeous. its like between jaw and shoulder length and colored black and so absolutely soft. i love it so much, i play with it every day. as soon as i see him in class, i run my hands through his hair. he looks at me with his big baby blue eyes and smiles so sweetly. its not fair. i hate this torment. i want it to end. i either want to be w/him or just stop liking him. but i cant have either. i want to stop liking him but i cant. it gets worse everytime i see him. its horrible, i havent like any one this much for a while. i didnt even like my last bf this much and thats really hard for me to say b/c i adored him. the care i have for him is unbelieveable. i dont just like him, i care about him more than anything right now. he is on my mind all the time. oh my god, his eyes tho. his eyes are crystal blue, they are so gorgeous. i hate it b/c everytime i look into them i want to see him look at me the way i see him. i see him in a way that i dont see others. its hard to explain, if i can even come close to explaining it. i just want him to see me the way i see him. he is so wonderful. sigh, im goin to go, i hafta do some things. i have blabbed about my problems for a while now. be back soon enough. hopefully i dont go off and cry again, i already cried over him once today, i dont want to do it again.
Current Mood: pessimistic
|Tuesday, March 9th, 2004|
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i only knew where to begin. i got into a huge fight w/my dad and i hate my life. i want to curl up in a ball and sleep for about 76 years. i am tired of trying. every time i try to do something good, it ends up in the toilet. all the happiness i have ever had ended in pain. im done trying. if i try, it'll turn to shit. it doesnt matter what the hell it is, it'll end up in the drain. im sick of ppl trying to tell me "oh it'll get better, things will come out right in the end, blah blah blah....." i dont care. i hate it when ppl try to tell me how to do things or how to make it better. i dont want it to be better. and yet they still try to make me feel better or change my mind. im as stubborn as a mule and they dont understand that. i dont want to change my thoughts, if my mind is made up, its done. i dont care what happens to my life right now, and i dont plan on caring for a while. thanx for listening, no one else would.
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: 3 Days Grace
|Monday, March 8th, 2004|
im angry. this website hasnt sent me a validation thingy yet. i hope to get it soon or i wouldve downloaded this stuff for no reason. growl these slow technological thingys....
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: none
this is my first time using this, so go easy on me. i am bored and in a blah mood. i needed something to do, so i found this. i thought "hey, this looks like something that'll keep me away from being bored," so i tried it. what do u know, its working! eh, im not that enthusiastic about things. and i cant spell, or i dont know if i can spell. this is kinda cool to do i guess. im just having a hard time lately, i like someone a lot but he doesnt feel the same about me. im also trying to get over a relationship that i just got out of last week. i hate love and i swear it hates me too. everything hates me deep down. everything and everyone. as u can plainly see, im a deeply morbid and depressed person. i know that everyone hates me deep down, they are just to nice of ppl to tell me. well i wish they'd grow up and realize that i dont care if they like me or not. i hate it when ppl lie or cover up the truth. im a real bitch when i want to be. and i want to be right now b/c i want to complain about how gay ppl are. i hate it all, my life, my love life that doesnt exist, my sex live that doesnt exist anymore b/c my love life doesnt exist. love hates me and in a way im glad. its just too painful. well im gonna go for now, i'll update as soon as something worth telling happens. chao
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: nothing