| the kick off | ||||
| 07:36pm 13/07/2003 | ||||
I used the tool to slowly inscribe the cover of the black journal. Rather than just a textural or relief change like on metal or wood, it moto'ed the color away to reveal an off-white cardboard material. After starting, I realized I didn’t know what to write. Everything obvious seemed lame- "Journal", "Tucker's Book of Thoughts"- just split second thoughts. I eventually ended up considering “The Stupid” and “Dark Pages” and others along lines fitting for a frustrated, antisocial teenager living in the woods. During that Christmas break I was reading some book about word origins and came across the word “Faustian” which means "insatiable and damned". Sounded cool at the time. From the book I learned about the “Legend of Faust” and was interested enough by the darkness and supernatural aspects of the story to look for more information. I should say that during that time I was beginning to enjoy subject matter along those lines. Partially because the occult was way more interesting than my reality, and partly because making teachers and other adults around me nervous was an awesome form of entertainment. My mom would always have to explain to my teachers that at home I was a big goofball, and nothing to worry about. The first major treatment of the legend was a play written by Christopher Marlowe in 1588 called "Dr. Faustus" and the story has survived history having been done and redone as plays, books and operas up through WWII. The main idea revolves around the idea that 'striving' is the central, awful beauty of human life. The "insatiable" meaning comes from Faust (representing humans) having a restless yearning for new experiences, and the "damned" meaning comes from what has been forced on our minds as perilous: mastery over nature through knowledge. As Westerners we’ve been cautioned from birth over mastery of this sort. I felt connected with the theme, for some reason. -"...restless yearning for new experiences" - Striving is the awful beauty of human life. - Insatiable and damned The idea has stayed with, and possibly helped define me over the last 9 nine years. “Faustian Slip” was inscribed on the cover of the book that week, and it has been with me since. I’ve gone as long as 9 months without writing in it. When I was in India, a time when I should have been writing more than ever, only 4 entrees were made over that entire year. Through college, because of various relationships and semesters abroad, I wrote more often. Reading back through those pages now, I've realized that these records are a treasury and an amazing asset to me in figuring out who I am and who I’ve become, for better or worse. I’ve been really inspired by some friends who keep online journals. A couple of them spill their guts into digital drip that seep into columns of posts and comments. Partially afraid of exposure, for some reason, I rarely comment online. But lately, with the happenings of my insatiable (damned?) self, I’ve decided to start tapping Faustian Slips into the electronic world. Like the original, I will write here for me. Unlike the original, I’ll be somewhat exposed, for the first time. But, my plan is for most of the writing here to be a news-of-me spot rather than an expose of my deepest yearnings or pains, alhtough i'm sure the content will vary greatly- especially as I'm heading back to China next month for an undetermined amount of time. I hope my friends will sometimes remember this record exists and will check in with feedback every now and again. Strangers welcome as well. |
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