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|Sunday, April 27th, 2003|
I haven't really written anything in a couple of days. I have been moving stuff out of our apt. into our new house. I smoked weed with Dusty in the hills, and I drove that night back home, and I was paranoid cops were following me, and that people were going to kill me. Ahhh, don't you love meth? Anyway, it's finally out of my system and I swear I won't smoke it again, but I will probably will since I never stick to anything.
I am fat as ever, what else is new. Oh well, I wanted to eat 600 calories in an entire day, but I decided to give up until after we move when I can be away from home more. Romi seems pissed at me, I don't know why. Oh well, he has been acting really strange lately. I have decided to go back to NA again. It kinda helped me stay clean. The longest I got without doing drugs was like 30 days. That was really nice, I want to do it again.
This cat named "milky" that people abandoned in my apt complex is probably going to die now. I drove it up to Castaic to the animal shelter to make sure it got a good home since it was a really sweet cat. It decided to run out of my arms into the hills. I hope it comes back for food or they catch it or it's going to die from being eaten by coyotes. Oh well, I tried, it was just scared. It's not a stupid cat, so it will probably come back I hope.
We are finally moving tomarrow, yay! I hate this apt complex, the people who own this complex are bitches. They don't really take care of the residents. Everything is all outdated, and they charge way too much for rent. We are moving to a house in Val Verde with my Mom's boyfriend. It will be my home for another 1 1/2 years until I go off to college and have a place of my own. Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: Silver Chair- Ana's song
|Thursday, April 24th, 2003|
Well, I didn't follow my restriction diet but I don't fucking care right now. I just smoked an entire 40 sack with 3 other of my friends of meth. Whoo! I am really spun. I dunno, we were just chilling and we just decided to get some. The best thing is it doesn't make you hungry. But what sucks is, the crashing part, ugh...
You just want to kill yourself when you are crashing, especially if you are REALLY REALLY spun like I am. But if you just do a weak ass 20 sac or something, you'll be spun but it wears off fast. We were just talking and laughing. I hung out with Rob today, it has been forever since we have gotten together and actually just chilled. I am just used to hanging out with him at school when I went to his high school. I homeschool and goto college now.
I like it much better that way. Highschool really blowed for me. I am thinking about getting into my car and going back to see Charlene and Mike since I can't fucking sleep. I think they will appreciate the company anyway.
Well tata! Current Mood: high
|Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003|
|A New Day...
I just got back from my 9:00 Math class. I was bored to tears. Anyway, my diet is still going well. All I have had to eat so far is a French Vanilla Slim-fast, and chicken broth. Chicken broth is one of my favorite safe food since it only has 30 calories for an entire can and no fat! =) On the other hand, the Slim-Fast contains 2.5 gms. Oh well, that isn't bad compared to what I could of had.
The Easter candy and Pumpkin pie looked tempting this morning but I fought it to the death. I am much better then that fatning shit! Soon I will be perfect. I also am starting some new diet pills. I have taken Dexatrim Naturals before, but I am resuming them for a couple of weeks since one box only lasts you 2 weeks. It was the only diet pill so far that has worked with my metabolism.
I can't wait until my classes are done for the day so I can goto the gym. Since I was a pathetic loser last night. Current Mood: hungry
|Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003|
|LAZY FAT ASS!
Once again I have inevitably failed. It seems like I am such a reject at everything lately. Anyway I ate so much today, I should really be ashamed of myself. Here is the various things I ate today to remind myself on how much of a failure I am: -cheese - chocolate egg -2 pieces of pumpkin pie -grilled stuft burrito -briscotti lemon bites. Seeing all that I ate, I feel even more like a fat glutton that I am.
Did you know that I could provide an arguement on how God dislikes gluttony? It's considered one of the deadly sins, so say to myself then don't eat fat ass! Although I did punish myself a little today. I forced myself to goto the gym, however I was pathetic and I stopped after like 20 minutes and just got in my car and went home.
Then I purged a little today. After all I am Mia. Anyway, perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on myself. Tomarrow is always another day. =) My plan like yesterday which is just to have a slim-fast, a bowl of Special K, and some lean cuisine. Anyway, I have class all day tomarrow, so it will keep me out of the house most of the day, but the problem is i'll probably be home all night though. I could always just goto bed early or go for a drive or to a friends house and go home when I am tired and it's really late.
Even though I am forgiving myself for today I need to still be reminded about one thing: I AM A LAZY FAT ASS. WITHOUT MIA OR ANA YOU WOULD BE NOTHING. Current Mood: crappy
I am indeed a fat pig. I have gained alot of weight these past couple of months. I weigh about 203 lbs. However, I have grown tired of having fat on my thighs, and not being able to squeeze into my pants. I have decided it would deem best to begin going back to restricting. I can't really fast, I really envy Ana's due to the fact that they have more self control then I could ever possibly possess.
However, I once was Ana. Being what they call a "middle college" student, I really didn't have time to eat, and having access to a school gym encouraged me to gourge into exercise rather than food. An idea of my daily "food" intake consisted of an apple for breakfast, shock tarts and a diet dr. pepper for lunch, and a lean cuisine for dinner. Accompained by those ocassional binge/purge sessions Mia allowed me to have, and my godsend, Dexatrim Naturals. Ahhh...
Tomarrow I have decided to begin restricting again, I love to restrict, it makes me feel like a real woman. I know I sound extreamely cheesy when I say this but it's true. My food intake will consist of a slimfast shake (French Vanilla yummy!!), a bland bowk of Special K (Hey Kathy Smith eats the shit), and a Lean Cuisine for dinner. Easy to prepare and moderate calories. Also I live for popsicles. Hey! They only have 15 calories each thank you =P even though they contain alot of sugar, but you could burn 15 calories of glucose just by farting. Current Mood: determined