Fallen Angel


23rd June 2003

6:35am: PISSED
i just read alli's journal and it got me a sadened. and she's so right. west jewfield fucking sucks. and being at home is pretty evil. and i read diana's diary and i was about to fucking cry. its so amazingly sad. i dont understand why all this horrible shit is happening to such good people. kaylee just lost her grandpa and after losing her brother... thats not fucking fair and she shouldnt have to deal with it. and im sorry diana that all this is going on...

but yea...

so west jewfield... this place has made me so fucking intolerent. the preppies have been getting on my nerves so much lately. they cant even talk without pissing me off, it gets to the point where i just wanna beat them incessantly with a stick until they shut the fuck up. and i dont know if its my fault for being a hypocritical bitch, asking people not to judge me because of the way i dress, and then going on and judging others, or if its just that some of the people truely are idiots and SHOULD just keep their mouths shut because everytime they open their mouths, they only manage to say something unbelievably stupid or something offensive. one example- jackie from my first hour... "hehehehe. oh my gawd! only skateboarders are allowed to wear vans...hehehe... nobody else. and ONLY punk rockers are skateboarders... hehehe. skateboarding is a lifestyle, people cant just skateboard because they like it, they have to skateboard AND live the LIFE!... hehehe" so imagine this stupid little jappy girl, saying all that in addition to a couple more hehe's. yes, vans are more comfortable for skateboarding but that doesnt mean that people who dont skateboard arent allowed to wear vans. shit, i got a pair of vans yesterday and i couldnt skateboard to save my life. shit, they are just shoes! people are so unbelievably ignorant. she has the audacity to insult people saying such stupid shit like that. and honestly some people are worse. take jovan (a stupid little midget boy,who was in my computers class, he's going to be a sophmore next year, but has the maturatity of a two year old). he judged me because of the way that i dress. he discriminated on the amount of black i wear.and i got these hair clips from hottopic, a bow with a skull in the center. and he hated those. i dont see what difference my clothes make to the stupid fuck. they are MY clothes, not yours. leave me the fuck alone. if you dont like the clothes i wear thats your problem, honestly, no one is forcing you to look at me, and no one is forcing you to dress the way that i do. so whats the big deal? and besides, even if i went and put on an outfit from gucci, id still be the same person. i would still listen to nirvana, marilyn manson, disturbed, mudvayne, etc. i would still spaz out about a B and would still work hard in school. and to make the little twirp even more annoying, he has the nerve to say that gabby saltsman (however the fuck you spell her name) has the privallege of dressing the way she does because she's hott. so basically, im not allowed to wear the clothes i like because im not pretty enough for a stupid little midget asshole. FUCK YOU! i hate that so much! i wanted to slap him when he said that, not only is he saying that my physical features (which i cannot change) are not good enough, but the way i dress isnt either. also, mickey and i were doing our power point on the seventies. and we put up a couple pictures of punk women. this one girl had a mohawk. it was so fucking sweet: green,and so perfectly spiked. and so jovan says she must do drugs. so mickey and i are like "...okay? why?" he says: "because look at her" well, i shouldnt do quotes, i dont precisly remember what he said but it was along the lines of that. he said that because of her hair and the way she dresses she must most obviously do drugs. somebodies clothing has nothing to do with wether or not he or she chooses to do drugs. i cant stand how jovan said that. its so stupid. my mom thinks that all people who dress punk do drugs. ive started dressing, as lena has said, along the lines of punk/goth. (okay, so im confused) but i have never done drugs and i have never smoked. my parents know i drink, fuck, i drink with them. and that has nothing to do with the way i dress, that is the culture, and my entire family drinks. but im getting away from the point. the point is that clothing doesnt affect the choices people make. its not like a shirt has the ability to magically begin to speak to its wearer, "hey, lets go get some drugs man! i wanna get stoned. that fucking cocaine over there, it looks good,go try it." i dont know, maybe some peoples clothing speaking abilities, but personally, none of my clothes have ever started talking to me. if a person chooses to do drugs, its their own fault and they should take full responsiblity for it, possibly with the exception of parents, who instill in their children that they shouldnt do drugs.

so back to my feeling of hypocracy. since ive started going to west bloomfield high, ive started being so less tolerant of the so called "popular people". the ones that sit there in class gossiping about you, although you are sitting right next to them, and can hear what they are saying. the stupid japs who talk about their brand name clothing, as if it makes them higher up on some invisible scale that says how good of a person you are. i cant stand how if you dress a little bit different, they stand there, snickering. I CANT STAND THEM! maybe i dont hate them because of the way they dress, that would make everything ive said in this entry useles. i would be judging them as much as they judge others. but its not the clothes, its the way these people carry themselves. the way rachel f. is such a bitch, they way jessica h. hurt so many of my friends. these people act as if their clothing makes them better than everyone else. they carry themselves in the worst possible way and i refuse to kiss their goddamn asses and worship the ground they walk on like so many other people do. this one freshman in my first hour kept sucking up to jordyn bellet, as if telling jordyn how pretty she is, and how she's such a good chearleader, then she would be a better person for it. i hate how people try to please these stupid little ignorant girls who have never stepped out into the real world.

the day that rachel leaves her invisible bubble, which protects her from the shit that real people who dont have daddy's credit card have to deal with, she'll be shocked. shocked to discover that (shudder) there are... poor people in this world (oh no!). there are people who cant afford food for their children and that that is real life and a real problem. daddy not buying you a $500 dress is not a real problem. i hate how ignorant and oblivious these people are to the fact that there are people who are worss off than they.

to add to my experiances with stupid people during the past two years at west jewfield, my first year of middle school was made a living hell by some stupid little popular girl. it was great, when i first moved to farmington, we became friends, once she realized that moo and i are best friends she didnt want to be my friend anymore. i was also going to france and she got pissed at that. so she made fun of my all throughout that year. it doesnt matter though, melissa is one of the best friends i have and i would never trade that for the world.

ilona and alisa... alisa one day called me up and explained to me she has decided to go punk... this stupid little prep, who couldnt survive a single day without her bebe shirts or diesel shoes (however the fuck you spell diesel). first, you dont decide to go punk. and punk isnt just a clothing style, its the music. she definatly listents to shit like christina a. and ashanti. there is no way in fucking hell, no matter what she has began to claim, that she could sit down at a marilyn manson concert, or a disturbed, or mudvayne, nin, (much more bands, but i dont want to list them) and actually enjoy the music and get up and start jumping around or go moshing (HELLA FUN), heaven forbid a moshpit, she could mess up her pretty little hair! i dont know, this girl just makes me mad, but i also have a "history" with her. and its definatly not her clothing that makes me mad, cuz i could honestly care less about what the fuck she has on as long as shes covered. but this girl has the most annoying personality, she's ilona's best friend, and diana knows how evil these people are. seriously, ilona pissed off lena so much that lena wanted to beat the fuck out of her. and, mind you, we're all a cheap goddamn family (FUCKING CUNT) and we're cheap because we dont shop at bebe. (BITCH) id rather spend $150 on 10 pairs of pants instead of one. these girls are so ignorant too! i hate ignorant people. they just piss me off....

and again ive managed to make myself feel hypocritical. god, i hate that. ive changed so much in these past two years. and im not sure if ive changed for the better. i honestly think of myself as one of the most hypocritical people ever. im sitting here saying dont judge me, and yet i feel as if i am going back and judging these people right back. i dont know. ilona and alisa all a person would have to do is spend two minutes talking to them to realize how big of bitches they are, which is the same thing with the so called popular people at school. and even if they dressed differently they would still get under my skin just the same. they have no minds of their own and conform as much as they possibly can, because heaven forbid standing out is just a crime. i admire mickey for her unique-nes. she is the most original person ever, she never has conformed and always does her own thing. i know i could never be like that, im always conforming in some way. and the fact that some stupid little bitches have the nerve to ever dare to say anything rude to mickey about the way she dresses is just plain disgusting. her clothing is awesome and this girl is great. and people shouldnt even open their mouths to talk. i honestly believe west jewfield would be so much more bareable if someone could just stable all the annoying peoples mouths shut so they couldnt talk. all they ever have to say is something stupid, ie- "dont listen to your music so loud, or your ear drums will fall out" ... cuz everyone knows that ear drums can do that. they fall out all the time, here, lemmie just take mine out. fucking idiot.

well. i suppose my bitching is finally complete.

<> JEWlia <>

what an interesting name, Dope... hmm...
song of the entry:

Dope - "Debonaire"

I don't need diamond rings or high priced suits that shine
Limosines and flashing things or ancient bottled wine
Designer names and lavish things and million dollar hair
Modern dames without a brain I never really cared
I don't care nothin' about it!
Wooow Yeah

I don't care for glitzy things or a fancy neighborhood
Glamour games or plastic fame or the king of hollywood
Dazzling flamboyant things or a top hat on my head
Or modeling for magazines and being debonaire
I don't care nothin' about it!
Woow Yeah (repeat 3 times)
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Dope- Debonaire

You are pablo PICASSO!! you are an AMAZING artist.
You are so easily inspiered to do great
things!! you are great. rock on!

Which legendary person are you? >>pics<<
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Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: something by mudvayne
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