dead journal!   
06:50pm 16/07/2003
  whoo! i got a deadjournal so im not gunna be writing here anymore... to anyone who might care the address is...

www.deadjournal.com/~fallenangel878
or
www.deadjournal.com/users/fallenangel878


<> jewels
 
     Post
 
stepdad's birthday   
04:15pm 03/07/2003
 
mood: chipper
music: something or other on my playlist
well.. its about four, in three hours, all the guests will come for another russian party! YAY! another opportunity to watch everyone get pissass drunk. mneh. oh well.. at least ill hopefully get to see irina and yana, who i should hang out with more. they're pretty cool. and ill get to have champaign (YUMM...bubbles) and lots of food. i had to clean my brothers toys, and i spent most of yesterday cutting up the goddamn vegetables for a salad. it took 2 and a half hours!! its all good tho, cuz charles came over and we watched some movies and he kept me company while i cut. he's a cool kid. well.. i dont have too much else to say... im outie..

<> jewels
 
     Post
 
school... FUCK   
01:49pm 03/07/2003
 
mood: angry
music: Lacuna Coil - To Live is to Die
fuck fuck fuck...
okay, so i was at summer school and the new principal and some other people came into our class. and after they left, the teacher and some people sitting around me started talking about the new prinicpal. and the teacher says he used to teach at a farmington middle school, i ask which one, and he says, east. FUCK FUCK FUCK. thats the middle school i went to. and FUCK they were super strict and it was so fucking evil. we couldnt wear shit around our waists, it was a gang symbol or something. nothing on our heads either, bandanas, hats, ANYTHING. fuck, if he does that, im wearing a goddamn thong on my head, FUCKERS. and and and, we had to be careful at how we looked at people cuz if we looked at them like we were "checking them out" then we could get sued cuz its sexual harrasement, we got a fucking speach about it. i swear, he'll have the biggest problem enforcing the whole sexual harrasement thing, cuz people stand in the halls making out. people FUCK in the goddamn bathrooms, but no, west bloomfield IS a good school. im so fucking scared tho, i really hope he doesnt fuck with all this shit, its like, there was no point in moving. i coulda just stayed in farmington, i swear, if he fucks everything up, im gunna cry to mommy and be like, transfer me to harison or farmington... that would be just plain great, drive a half hour to get to fucking school. oh well! i can live with moo!!! :D yay for moo... gr.. im terrified of going back to school tho. and my mom would never let me go to a farmington school, she didnt like the schools there, and thats one of the reasons we moved,that and the house was falling apart. and principal. FUCK FUCK FUCK. i really hope that he doesnt fuck with everything.

anyway, i havent talked to mon petit chou since like tuesday/monday ish.. and i miss him and je veux parler avec mon petit puce! je l'adore! il est tres mignon et magnifique!! et i miss him. it really sux that we dont live closer together and that he's busy and then ill be busy and i really need to get my liscence. i really hope mon petit chou and i are together for a long time, it would really suck if he text messaged me and broke up avec moi (which he did to his ex, but she asked him out through one so it kinda works? and she was a pot head and he quit so it wasnt working) and and and.. when we were at the hotel, he said he hoped the distance wouldnt fuck things up (not in those words,but yea...) and i mean, we dont live so far away, but its just hard to get together and stuff, i dont know. i miss him. he's so great...

<> jewels <>

Music :

Lacuna Coil - "To Live is to Die"

While emotions try to come out
desperately I seek in their path
a way so I can not be outdone
and to finish this search for the meaning

To hide emotions cause a blow out
desperately I seek in their blast
a way so I can not be outdone
and to finish this search for the meaning

I'm going to freeze
Is it my imagination?
It's underground

but I can feel it the same

What I need now
what I need is to live to hide
when you smothered my devotion
with your lies

And I feel now
as I did that time
that I'm wondering why
still I make you cry

While emotions try to come out
desperately I seek in their path
a way so I can not be outdone
and to finish this search for the meaning

To hide emotions cause a blow out
desperately I seek in their blast
a way so I can not be outdone
and to finish this search for the meaning

Suffering while I'm depending on seasons
roots under me are embracing the earth
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
MICKEY LEAVING   
07:37pm 01/07/2003
 
mood: sad
music: russian lesbains yet again
oh no! mickey is definately not here right now.she's on a plane going to london. im going to miss her like crazy i dont know how im gunna manage going for a month and a half without mickey. she's one of the greatest people ever and im gunna miss her like crazy!!! i talked to here at like 2:45 and i was like ... noo..mickey :( im going to miss you soooooooooo much. mickey is one of the most caring people ever and she's one of the least selfish ever too and i cant wait until she gets back, but by then summer will be almost over ): its so sad!!!!!! well...i going to go drink some coffee with ma mere and possibly call mon petit chou!

<> jewlia
 
     Post
 
DEATHDAY WOOHOO!   
07:36pm 01/07/2003
 
mood: scared
music: sean paul - get busy
Happy Deathday!
Your name:fallen_angel87
You will die on:Saturday, May 1, 2010
You will die of:Serial Killer Victim
Username:
Created by Quill
 
     Post
 
at school   
11:33am 30/06/2003
  at school... i was in a car accident...brienna is here... computers, boredum. horrible day today, too much work.. am going now.. byeeee...  
     Read 2 - Post
 
MY WEEKEND!!!!   
04:33pm 29/06/2003
 
mood: happy
music: russian lesbians
i had the greatest weekend ever! it all started on thursday... TIE DYE PARTY avec mes copains!!!! :) it was so awesome. it was at first, only lauren, mickey, and i. but alli and scott came and so did danielle, shayne, and erica. we tie dyed. i got it all over my pants, which i later got some liquir thingie on as well as coffee (melissa and i were being chased by a fucking trucker). but tie dye party was great. i got to die dye socks and paper towels. mickey got the dye all over herself. i got the red on my hand and it looked like blood. i also tried dipping my hair into the blue but that didnt work too well, the blue left. mickey got her hair dunked in purple and red i believe. it was beautiful, her hair was soaking. one of the best parts was when we were jumping on the trampoline in the rain, sadly alli wasnt there, it woulda been greater with her, alli rocks my socks. we watched american pie and pigged out on food!!! :P diana couldnt come or something, i didnt know what was happening, it was pooey:( but mickey got to spend the night and it was great :) ... anyway...

so friday. omg. weekend, was so amazing. honestly. i love seeing moo, i didnt get to see paige, which is so fucking sucky, but i got to spend the weekend with melissa, and she's one of the best people ever and i really need to spend way more time with her and paige and farmington people. i love the feeling of when we first see each other and attack the other person with hugs, thats such a wonderful feeling, so much happiness and joy and love, its like everything is perfect (i sound so cheesy or w/e) but leaving is the worst part, its so hard not to burst into tears when we say goodbye, theres just this emptiness... but yea, grandpa dropped me off and moo's thrity year old brother (whose fiancée is pregnant!! YAY!!!!!) and his friend were over. so grandpa sees these guys and starts spazzing. i get a phone call from my mom demanding to know who the fuck the two guys were, i got really scared, it took me the longest time to realize it was melissa's brother. the friend was so mean!! he dissed on my mustard plug shirt! oh no! pooey face. anywho, moo and i did yardwork, wearing bathingsuit tops and shorts, woohoo for tanning! moos back was a bit burnt but it was hella dark and pretty today. we made her front yard look really pretty:) we killed the weeds, omg there was this huge, fucking massive ant hill and the ants were attacking us, i hate ants so much. probably cuz the old house had a lot of ants in it. oh no! so the people who bought it from us sold it to another poor victim, and these people are doing a lot of work on the house, as ryann says, which is very much so in need, the house is fucking falling apart. and the goddamn curtains! they took our curtains and and and... we dont have them, and they werent hanging when we drove past it. grr. anywho. im probably not making any sense at all. this weekend was so crazy, theres so much to tell, and i cant form all my thoughts. so lata adam (moos boyfriend) came over and ate... this boy got spaghetti sauce all over his nice tan colored pants, it was beautiful. then we chilled at adam's then we went to jj's. woohoo. i got to see my little cabbage. :) we watched some movies. 'nessa and mike came over, mike hates jj. fuck, id hate him too if i was in mike's place, but all is well. mike is a cool kid, he got me wasted when i was at moos house during spring break :) anywho... friday was just great cuz i got to see one of my bestfriends and ma honey. saturday was crazy. moo and i went to bed pretty late and i had to get up at eight thirty to get ready for ryann's house. ryann's birthday was saturday!!! YAY FOR RYANN!!!! we all went to down town ann arbor. and i got to see angela and hui wen too. angela is so great, she likes the same music and me and stuff, its wonderful. the whole birthday thing was great. ryann is awesome. this one random man was poopie tho. we were all walking by and this man puts his hand over his baby's face. its like, nooo dont let the teenagers pollute my kid's mind. teenagers are evil.
we were talking about stupid people or something, and angela started talking about freshman at her school say stupid shit like this... "omg... hehehe.. did u hear about that new band metallica? ... hehehe..." wow. thats really really dumb, that new band metallica, rrrrriiiigggghhhtttt. that's like something ilona would say, i think she has a metallica cd tho, she definatly doesnt like it. anywho. after ann arbor, we went back to ryann's house and ate the best cake ever. it was so good. we for some reason weighed ourselves b4 eating and after (we're weird) and i gained 2.5 pounds from the cake. it was strange? after ryann's house i went back to melissa's. she had to work at four so i was there for only like fifteen minutes. then her mom dropped me off at katies, and took moo to work. 'nessa and mike where there, and katie was watching her little baby relative, who is sooo amazingly cute. he's about fourteen months and is so adorable. omg. this kid is great :) after katies, we drove around, stayed at mikes place for a lil bit then went to mcdonalds, mike spilled coke all over this table. and while he was ordering, nessa and i were talking and this person runs out of the restaurant followed by a worker... wow, lets steal mcdonalds food... its fun, really. apres il mange, nous allons a l'hotel!! HOTEL PARTY!!!! it was so much fun! yet there were a couple exceptions. but for the most part i had an amazing time. so at first it was just mike, nessa, and i and we watched some tele waiting for the others. adam and jj came and we went to get moo... omg. jj drives a stick shift, and adam wanted to drive... caused a tad bit of a problem. we stalled. and and and the car bounced!!!! but it was all good, we got moo and went to get food, moo and adam got into a lil bit of a fight over adam's driving skills, but all was well. omg. jj has this goddamn air freshener that looks like fucking porn, this little slut wearing hella skimpy clothes, that frustrates me so much. he doesnot need a goddamn air freshener with that on it. he took it off pour moi tho, he should throw it out. little fuck. but yea. we went back to the hotel. nessa left, she doesnt like hotel parties, cops got called on her or something and she dislikes them, poor mike was lonely :( so we were waiting for keith's (the guy who paid for the room) girlfriend to come and she has this friend, lauren, who wanted to jump my boyfriends balls. and keith was really upset cuz his girlfriend wasnt there, so jj calls lauren to see where they were (that would have been a good time to tell her he has a girlfriend, but nooo...) so these ppl came and jj and i werent in the room when they did so we walk in holding hands and what not and this bitch gives me the dirtiest look ever. and so he tells her about me and hes kinda, well, pretty, mean about it. i dont know, it really made me mad. he should have told her that i was going to be there before she came or something. They went out of the hotel room to talk and whatever. She ended up leaving so all was well. jj and I spent a lot of time together chilling out and stuff. Melissa and I ended up leaving the party for a while and going to keith’s car and just talking. It was hella fun. after moo and adam stayed in keiths car and jj and i went to his car (woohoo for the air freshener not being there) the night was just great. we ended up staying up till four in the morning. it was wonderful. melissa and adam got one of the beds and keith and mike shared the other, poor things didnt have their girlfreinds :( jj and i slept on the floor (i love the floor) it was great, i fell asleep with ma baby. i got to sleep in his shirt!! it smelled so yummy!! mmm... it was one of the best nights... sunday morning, moo and i went to get coffee and towels (the floor for some reason was soaking wet by the door since we had gotten to the hotel) so i get my cup of coffee and we're walking back to the room, and this trucker starts whisteling at us, and moo and i started walking faster to get the fuck away from him and i got my coffee all over my hand and some on my pants, it spilled mostly on the cement tho. (no more coffee..poo) but it was pretty damn scary... jj took adam to work then took moo and i to get coffee. i changed the display thing on his phone to french-nes (j'adore julia) woohoo... moo and i went to babysit her lil pplz after. and it was this six year old boy and three year old girl. and we decided to take the kids outside and let them run around in the sprinkler. so we turn on the sprinkler and let the kids go outside while we changed into our bathing suits. so the boy runs inside and is like, "come outisde and look" so i go outside, and there's the little girl, her pants completly not on her body! it was kinda amusing, yet kinda scary, well a lot scary :( oh well. all is good. moo and i got to tan a lil bit before my mommy came. i almost cried when mommy came. moo told her i was going out with jj while i changed out of the bathing suit.... and i told my mom before i was going out with jj and she was like, "no, u dont have a boyfriend" and i was like "...okay...." so my mom is all like, grr... u have a boyfriend, and im like, no shit, only i didnt say that cuz mommy would be hella mad. but yea. so my mom kept trying to talk about him in the car and she's like, "how's bj" and then it his name was tj and i think a lil bit later she got that its jj. so yea... that was my sunday. it was great... the hotel and waking up with my boyfriend was great. that and the whole back thing, i think is so wonderfully romantic, i dont know im wierd. but its all good. im so fucking cold right now. my stepdad called and kicked me off line. pooey face. i cant save this and im bored...lalalala... so cold....

well im outie..byeez....

<> JEWlia
 
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other diary   
10:55pm 25/06/2003
  wrote in other diary  
     Post
 
YAY FOR YESTERDAY!   
07:12pm 25/06/2003
 
mood: giddy
music: Lacuna Coil - "Heaven is a Lie"
yesterday was such a fun day! so the morning started out pretty shitt-ily. i watched tv and was bored as fuck. so jj called and i called him and we almost played phone tag a couple times, it was amusing... but he had to work until like noon thirty ish (oh no!) but he came over at like one something. and we chilled in my basement and it was cold as fuck (the only place in my house that isnt like ten million thousand degrees, my house is so hot) anywho. we got under a blanket and watched tv and chilled out. it was awesome. we cuddled and stuff. and he asked me out!!!!! MAJOR JOY! *runs around basement clapping hands* this boy is so great. and yesterday was moo and adam's three month and jj asked me out on the same day. how great! he stayed from like one until six something. and he said that cuddling was fun and stuff, which is good because im not going to be a slut and do a lot of shit with him and he should know that, and he's done a lot. and that worries me, i really dont wanna end up becoming a slut (BAD ME!) so yay, i have a boyfriend. we were talking about how he forgets to call and stuff (tres annoying!!!) and i mentioned how peter forgot to come over (FUCKER!) and jj said he wouldnt do that. and honestly, that would really get on my last nerves if jj did the same stuff peter did. i mean they are COMPLETLY different but i really hope the same thing doesnt happen. i would cry. i feel paranoid right now. i really hope that nothing bad will happen, god, im so fucking paranoid. but jj is great and i really really really like him, which is hella obvious cuz i talk about him all the time, and im sure all my friends are hella annoyed with me by now, so i prolly should stop talking about him now...
so after jj lefted, i talked to mickey on the phone and jen came over and we went to birmingham. we ate at coney (where the mean pplz are!!!!) and we went to see the hulk and talked to becky. the movie sucked so we left early, but jen's daddy got us free food and that was hella great. jen and i walked around and we were talking about drugs and this random 21 year old comes up to us and joins in on the conversation. so we talked with him for a lil bit. it was quite amusing actually. he said that alcohol is a drug (i dont remember learning that in mr. green's class) but anywho. jen wanted to talk to jj so I called him up and jen stole the phone and she was talking to him and I got very frightened. Jen wants me to hook her up with one of jj’s friends ...

well.. i cant really think of what else to write about so im outie. byee allz...

<> Jewlia <>

music: and i have something to say about this song/band, woohoo for me! so i was watching uranium (woohoo for juliya *i think i spelled her name right, i luv how she adds a "y" to it* anywho, that show is great and it has a lot of really good bands on there, and this is one of them, and this is a metal band where the lead singer is a girl, how much ass does that kick?! it rocks majorly, i <3 that so much! GIRL POWER!! : D yay for female pplz. guys are evil, as a matter of fact, fathers suck major ass. well.. im outie now! yay for the short song, another good thing about this band, the musical parts are really great, and there arent too much singing parts, the solos are long and thats really really really great.

Lacuna Coil - "Heaven is a Lie"

Oh no, here it is again
I need to know when will fall in to decay
Something wrong with every plan of my life
I didn't really notice that you've been here

Dolefully desired
Destiny of a lie

Set me free
Your heaven's a lie
Set me free with your love
Set me free

Oh no, here it is again
I need to know why did I choose to betray you
Something wrong with all the plans of my life
I didn't realize that you've been here

Dolefully desired
Destiny of a lie

Set me free
Your heaven's a lie
Set me free with your love
Set me free
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
YAY FOR YESTERDAY!   
07:12pm 25/06/2003
 
mood: giddy
music: Lacuna Coil - "Heaven is a Lie"
yesterday was such a fun day! so the morning started out pretty shitt-ily. i watched tv and was bored as fuck. so jj called and i called him and we almost played phone tag a couple times, it was amusing... but he had to work until like noon thirty ish (oh no!) but he came over at like one something. and we chilled in my basement and it was cold as fuck (the only place in my house that isnt like ten million thousand degrees, my house is so hot) anywho. we got under a blanket and watched tv and chilled out. it was awesome. we cuddled and stuff. and he asked me out!!!!! MAJOR JOY! *runs around basement clapping hands* this boy is so great. and yesterday was moo and adam's three month and jj asked me out on the same day. how great! he stayed from like one until six something. and he said that cuddling was fun and stuff, which is good because im not going to be a slut and do a lot of shit with him and he should know that, and he's done a lot. and that worries me, i really dont wanna end up becoming a slut (BAD ME!) so yay, i have a boyfriend. we were talking about how he forgets to call and stuff (tres annoying!!!) and i mentioned how peter forgot to come over (FUCKER!) and jj said he wouldnt do that. and honestly, that would really get on my last nerves if jj did the same stuff peter did. i mean they are COMPLETLY different but i really hope the same thing doesnt happen. i would cry. i feel paranoid right now. i really hope that nothing bad will happen, god, im so fucking paranoid. but jj is great and i really really really like him, which is hella obvious cuz i talk about him all the time, and im sure all my friends are hella annoyed with me by now, so i prolly should stop talking about him now...
so after jj lefted, i talked to mickey on the phone and jen came over and we went to birmingham. we ate at coney (where the mean pplz are!!!!) and we went to see the hulk and talked to becky. the movie sucked so we left early, but jen's daddy got us free food and that was hella great. jen and i walked around and we were talking about drugs and this random 21 year old comes up to us and joins in on the conversation. so we talked with him for a lil bit. it was quite amusing actually. he said that alcohol is a drug (i dont remember learning that in mr. green's class) but anywho. jen wanted to talk to jj so I called him up and jen stole the phone and she was talking to him and I got very frightened. Jen wants me to hook her up with one of jj’s friends ...

well.. i cant really think of what else to write about so im outie. byee allz...

<> Jewlia <>

music: and i have something to say about this song/band, woohoo for me! so i was watching uranium (woohoo for juliya *i think i spelled her name right, i luv how she adds a "y" to it* anywho, that show is great and it has a lot of really good bands on there, and this is one of them, and this is a metal band where the lead singer is a girl, how much ass does that kick?! it rocks majorly, i <3 that so much! GIRL POWER!! : D yay for female pplz. guys are evil, as a matter of fact, fathers suck major ass. well.. im outie now! yay for the short song, another good thing about this band, the musical parts are really great, and there arent too much singing parts, the solos are long and thats really really really great.

Lacuna Coil - "Heaven is a Lie"

Oh no, here it is again
I need to know when will fall in to decay
Something wrong with every plan of my life
I didn't really notice that you've been here

Dolefully desired
Destiny of a lie

Set me free
Your heaven's a lie
Set me free with your love
Set me free

Oh no, here it is again
I need to know why did I choose to betray you
Something wrong with all the plans of my life
I didn't realize that you've been here

Dolefully desired
Destiny of a lie

Set me free
Your heaven's a lie
Set me free with your love
Set me free
 
     Post
 
MICKEYS QUIZ   
12:12pm 23/06/2003
 
mood: chipper
music: something by mudvayne
I AM PICASSO! YAY! I AM ARTISTIC WOOHOOOOOOO!!! :)

picasso
You are pablo PICASSO!! you are an AMAZING artist.
You are so easily inspiered to do great
things!! you are great. rock on!


Which legendary person are you? >>pics<<
brought to you by Quizilla
 
     Post
 
PISSED   
06:35am 23/06/2003
 
mood: pissed off
music: Dope- Debonaire
i just read alli's journal and it got me a sadened. and she's so right. west jewfield fucking sucks. and being at home is pretty evil. and i read diana's diary and i was about to fucking cry. its so amazingly sad. i dont understand why all this horrible shit is happening to such good people. kaylee just lost her grandpa and after losing her brother... thats not fucking fair and she shouldnt have to deal with it. and im sorry diana that all this is going on...

but yea...

so west jewfield... this place has made me so fucking intolerent. the preppies have been getting on my nerves so much lately. they cant even talk without pissing me off, it gets to the point where i just wanna beat them incessantly with a stick until they shut the fuck up. and i dont know if its my fault for being a hypocritical bitch, asking people not to judge me because of the way i dress, and then going on and judging others, or if its just that some of the people truely are idiots and SHOULD just keep their mouths shut because everytime they open their mouths, they only manage to say something unbelievably stupid or something offensive. one example- jackie from my first hour... "hehehehe. oh my gawd! only skateboarders are allowed to wear vans...hehehe... nobody else. and ONLY punk rockers are skateboarders... hehehe. skateboarding is a lifestyle, people cant just skateboard because they like it, they have to skateboard AND live the LIFE!... hehehe" so imagine this stupid little jappy girl, saying all that in addition to a couple more hehe's. yes, vans are more comfortable for skateboarding but that doesnt mean that people who dont skateboard arent allowed to wear vans. shit, i got a pair of vans yesterday and i couldnt skateboard to save my life. shit, they are just shoes! people are so unbelievably ignorant. she has the audacity to insult people saying such stupid shit like that. and honestly some people are worse. take jovan (a stupid little midget boy,who was in my computers class, he's going to be a sophmore next year, but has the maturatity of a two year old). he judged me because of the way that i dress. he discriminated on the amount of black i wear.and i got these hair clips from hottopic, a bow with a skull in the center. and he hated those. i dont see what difference my clothes make to the stupid fuck. they are MY clothes, not yours. leave me the fuck alone. if you dont like the clothes i wear thats your problem, honestly, no one is forcing you to look at me, and no one is forcing you to dress the way that i do. so whats the big deal? and besides, even if i went and put on an outfit from gucci, id still be the same person. i would still listen to nirvana, marilyn manson, disturbed, mudvayne, etc. i would still spaz out about a B and would still work hard in school. and to make the little twirp even more annoying, he has the nerve to say that gabby saltsman (however the fuck you spell her name) has the privallege of dressing the way she does because she's hott. so basically, im not allowed to wear the clothes i like because im not pretty enough for a stupid little midget asshole. FUCK YOU! i hate that so much! i wanted to slap him when he said that, not only is he saying that my physical features (which i cannot change) are not good enough, but the way i dress isnt either. also, mickey and i were doing our power point on the seventies. and we put up a couple pictures of punk women. this one girl had a mohawk. it was so fucking sweet: green,and so perfectly spiked. and so jovan says she must do drugs. so mickey and i are like "...okay? why?" he says: "because look at her" well, i shouldnt do quotes, i dont precisly remember what he said but it was along the lines of that. he said that because of her hair and the way she dresses she must most obviously do drugs. somebodies clothing has nothing to do with wether or not he or she chooses to do drugs. i cant stand how jovan said that. its so stupid. my mom thinks that all people who dress punk do drugs. ive started dressing, as lena has said, along the lines of punk/goth. (okay, so im confused) but i have never done drugs and i have never smoked. my parents know i drink, fuck, i drink with them. and that has nothing to do with the way i dress, that is the culture, and my entire family drinks. but im getting away from the point. the point is that clothing doesnt affect the choices people make. its not like a shirt has the ability to magically begin to speak to its wearer, "hey, lets go get some drugs man! i wanna get stoned. that fucking cocaine over there, it looks good,go try it." i dont know, maybe some peoples clothing speaking abilities, but personally, none of my clothes have ever started talking to me. if a person chooses to do drugs, its their own fault and they should take full responsiblity for it, possibly with the exception of parents, who instill in their children that they shouldnt do drugs.

so back to my feeling of hypocracy. since ive started going to west bloomfield high, ive started being so less tolerant of the so called "popular people". the ones that sit there in class gossiping about you, although you are sitting right next to them, and can hear what they are saying. the stupid japs who talk about their brand name clothing, as if it makes them higher up on some invisible scale that says how good of a person you are. i cant stand how if you dress a little bit different, they stand there, snickering. I CANT STAND THEM! maybe i dont hate them because of the way they dress, that would make everything ive said in this entry useles. i would be judging them as much as they judge others. but its not the clothes, its the way these people carry themselves. the way rachel f. is such a bitch, they way jessica h. hurt so many of my friends. these people act as if their clothing makes them better than everyone else. they carry themselves in the worst possible way and i refuse to kiss their goddamn asses and worship the ground they walk on like so many other people do. this one freshman in my first hour kept sucking up to jordyn bellet, as if telling jordyn how pretty she is, and how she's such a good chearleader, then she would be a better person for it. i hate how people try to please these stupid little ignorant girls who have never stepped out into the real world.

the day that rachel leaves her invisible bubble, which protects her from the shit that real people who dont have daddy's credit card have to deal with, she'll be shocked. shocked to discover that (shudder) there are... poor people in this world (oh no!). there are people who cant afford food for their children and that that is real life and a real problem. daddy not buying you a $500 dress is not a real problem. i hate how ignorant and oblivious these people are to the fact that there are people who are worss off than they.

to add to my experiances with stupid people during the past two years at west jewfield, my first year of middle school was made a living hell by some stupid little popular girl. it was great, when i first moved to farmington, we became friends, once she realized that moo and i are best friends she didnt want to be my friend anymore. i was also going to france and she got pissed at that. so she made fun of my all throughout that year. it doesnt matter though, melissa is one of the best friends i have and i would never trade that for the world.

ilona and alisa... alisa one day called me up and explained to me she has decided to go punk... this stupid little prep, who couldnt survive a single day without her bebe shirts or diesel shoes (however the fuck you spell diesel). first, you dont decide to go punk. and punk isnt just a clothing style, its the music. she definatly listents to shit like christina a. and ashanti. there is no way in fucking hell, no matter what she has began to claim, that she could sit down at a marilyn manson concert, or a disturbed, or mudvayne, nin, (much more bands, but i dont want to list them) and actually enjoy the music and get up and start jumping around or go moshing (HELLA FUN), heaven forbid a moshpit, she could mess up her pretty little hair! i dont know, this girl just makes me mad, but i also have a "history" with her. and its definatly not her clothing that makes me mad, cuz i could honestly care less about what the fuck she has on as long as shes covered. but this girl has the most annoying personality, she's ilona's best friend, and diana knows how evil these people are. seriously, ilona pissed off lena so much that lena wanted to beat the fuck out of her. and, mind you, we're all a cheap goddamn family (FUCKING CUNT) and we're cheap because we dont shop at bebe. (BITCH) id rather spend $150 on 10 pairs of pants instead of one. these girls are so ignorant too! i hate ignorant people. they just piss me off....

and again ive managed to make myself feel hypocritical. god, i hate that. ive changed so much in these past two years. and im not sure if ive changed for the better. i honestly think of myself as one of the most hypocritical people ever. im sitting here saying dont judge me, and yet i feel as if i am going back and judging these people right back. i dont know. ilona and alisa all a person would have to do is spend two minutes talking to them to realize how big of bitches they are, which is the same thing with the so called popular people at school. and even if they dressed differently they would still get under my skin just the same. they have no minds of their own and conform as much as they possibly can, because heaven forbid standing out is just a crime. i admire mickey for her unique-nes. she is the most original person ever, she never has conformed and always does her own thing. i know i could never be like that, im always conforming in some way. and the fact that some stupid little bitches have the nerve to ever dare to say anything rude to mickey about the way she dresses is just plain disgusting. her clothing is awesome and this girl is great. and people shouldnt even open their mouths to talk. i honestly believe west jewfield would be so much more bareable if someone could just stable all the annoying peoples mouths shut so they couldnt talk. all they ever have to say is something stupid, ie- "dont listen to your music so loud, or your ear drums will fall out" ... cuz everyone knows that ear drums can do that. they fall out all the time, here, lemmie just take mine out. fucking idiot.

well. i suppose my bitching is finally complete.

<> JEWlia <>

what an interesting name, Dope... hmm...
song of the entry:

Dope - "Debonaire"

I don't need diamond rings or high priced suits that shine
Limosines and flashing things or ancient bottled wine
Designer names and lavish things and million dollar hair
Modern dames without a brain I never really cared
I don't care nothin' about it!
Wooow Yeah

I don't care for glitzy things or a fancy neighborhood
Glamour games or plastic fame or the king of hollywood
Dazzling flamboyant things or a top hat on my head
Or modeling for magazines and being debonaire
I don't care nothin' about it!
Woow Yeah (repeat 3 times)
 
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i forgot what this entry was gunna be about so... it is untitled   
10:12pm 22/06/2003
 
mood: crazy
music: Mudvayne - Death Blooms
my neck itches like fuck. i like that word... FUCK... i need to shower i think, i feel nasty
today was hella whicked i went shopitating avec ma mere et sa mellieure copine et lena. twas so great. wow i just randomly started writing in french... whoa... basically i went malling with my mom, mom's best friend, and bestfriend's daughter lena. it was so fucking great. lena and i hung out practically the whole time and she's hella great, laid back but so great:) so yea.. we hit coney island b4 malling. and we ate so fucking much. it was awesome. we went to hottopic. and shit. i got a pair of VANS! i heart them, they are all black and omg i want to fuck them they are so hott, okay not really, but hell... im a freak. i got this disturbed shirt for five bucks! :) and a scarf for like three. ima wear it as a belt. :) and and and it was great. i swear i got something else from that store but i cant think of what it is so now i have to run upstairs and see cuz its gunna piss me off so much until i know. okay... it was shoelaces. i ran all the way upstairs from the basement for SHOELACES. okay. im a freak. so what. so yea.. i got this other pair of baggy ass pants for ten bucks. it was great they are big as fuck. i can fit like five thousand million ppl in my pants..only not and i wouldnt want them there in the first place. anywho. i got starz for ma cieling woohoo. oh shit. ilona got me this butterfly lamp a couple years ago and the light bulbs went out and shit so i cut off the butterflys and hot glued them to ma walls and it looks cool as fuck now. im hella happy. im gunna get a shitload of posters and attack ma cieling. woohoo. anywhoooo...so today was great and im hella happy i got to chill with ma famille!!:)
au revoir mes amies. je vais aller!

le chanson:

Mudvayne "Death Blooms"

Cold seems crippling
lame meander through corridors
aroma's thick with age
mark off the day
reflections of my life are fading

Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in
Feeble frail and rotting
descending
I'm lost in
A structure that's collapsing
don't want it
cast into
maker take the body
don't want it
it wants ME

Past has found its place
salvation is no more
will god accept my peace
bleached will pardon me
reflections of my life are fading

Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in,
Feeble frail and rotting descending
I'm lost in
A structure that's collapsing
don't want it
cast into,
Maker take the body
don't want it
it wants ME

I just want to run around
fly kites
wrestle
jump and play
Swim through waves that crash
to shore--
memories in me
cocooned in misery

I'm sick
and tired
of embracing reflections of past time
receive me or cast me away
god please take me away
resistance
futile
suicidal ideas
I will crucify my own being
satisfy selfish needs fuck the deities
justify my own right to what's waiting for me

On the other side of me
the time has come
lock and load
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming
I'm coming home

Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in,
Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in,

Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in,
Feeble frail and rotting
descending
I'm lost in
A structure that's collapsing
descending
don't want it,
Maker take the body
don't want it, don't want in,
Pull me out of body
don't want it, don't want in,
Feeble frail and rotting
descending
I'm lost in,
A structure that's collapsing
descending
don't want it
Maker take the body
don't want it
it wants ME

I just want to run around
fly kites
wrestle
jump and play
Swim through waves that crash
to shore--
memories in me
cocooned in misery
The darkness overcomes
soul soars to the other plain
Existence past
the door
I sail
through purgatory's bay

I asked a god for poison cradle me
sown to my dreams
souls searching
death blossoms where clouds lie over me
held in god's hands
death blooming

Dark for fear of failure
an inner gloom as wide as an eye and fermenting
roiling hate
death grip in my veins
unveiling rancid petals
flowering forth foul nectar
the space between a blink and a tear
death blooms

<> JEWlia
 
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Mickey's quiz   
10:57am 22/06/2003
 
mood: special
music: Mudvayne still
hehe i took mickey's quiz... i am a julia. wooohooo! i am me. i feel special. :)

You are JULIA!! You are SUPER hyper, and one hard-
core chica. When you like a guy, you talk about
him... ALOT!! You are cool. YaY for Julia-ism!!


What CRAZZAY girlie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

<> JEWlia
 
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ALLI!   
10:40am 22/06/2003
 
mood: hungry
music: MUDVAYNE - Dig
alli feels unloved by me...nooo..alli u are so hella great and awesome. and u love kitties. you rock my socks so much. and diana and u and i are gunna hang out a hella lot when mickey leaves and before so hopefully... i <3 yaz. ur so great alli! ur a hella fun little person, u make me laugh and ur one of the greatest pplz. i heart YA and do not forget sorry i made u feel unloved. i shall never do it again! EVER!i love alI!

<> JEWlia <>

SONG of the Entry:

Mudvayne "Dig"

Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I am
rearranging
Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I was
slowly changing

I
would love to beat the face
Of any mother fucker that's thinking they can change me
White knuckles grip pushing through for the gold
If you're wantin' a piece of me I broke the motherfuckin' mold
I'm drowning
in your wake
Shit rubbed
in my face
Teething
on concrete
Gums bleeding

Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I am
rearranging
Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I was
slowly changing

I
struggle in violated space
Sell out motherfuckers in the biz that try to fuck me
Hang from their T's rated P.G. insight
I ain't sellin' my soul when there's nothing to buy
I'm livid
in my space
Pissing
in my face
Fuck you
while you try
To fuck me

Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I am
rearranging
Dig
bury me
underneath
Everything that I was

You ain't fucking changing
me
 
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computer   
10:40am 22/06/2003
 
mood: hungry
music: Orgy - Stiches
poo face computer put up alli's entry two times. O.O and and and i dont know how to get rid of it so ima just write this lil random thingie in here.

<> JEWlia <>

and here is the song of the entry

(YAY FOR ORGY!)

Orgy "Stitches"

If it stayed I'd never leave it if that turned around
I'd grieve the special dirty things that we used to talk about
I mean that loveing you is strange and adored by me throughout, oh no it's you again
Someday soon you'll find that someone waiting for the chance to beat you
Drooling on the set to feel you, blessing you with every kiss

Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill

It's Such the patient one who needs me, the spoiled one who wins
So shocking where's yours sense don't you know I hate you though, unsatisfied you little girl

Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill

Rolling dice and seeming queer, bastard love a sick affair
Let's see what new disease you'll fetch
I mean that fucking you is stange and adored by me throughout
Oh no it's you again blessing you with every kiss

So precious you know this hate of mine exploded
I'm so deranged you know I will never be the same

Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness
'Cause you're the death of me so precious, loving the thrill

So precious loving the thrill

So precious loving the thrill

'Cause Your the death of me

So precious loving the thrill
 
     Post
 
HAPPYNES! YAY! : )   
09:08pm 20/06/2003
 
mood: quixotic
music: the sounds of daria
Yesterday was soo fucking amazing! so wednesday was the last day of school, it sux, we got out on the 18th! the fucking 18th! they are out to get us... **paranoia paranoia, everybody's coming to get me... just say you never met me... lalal... *i <3 that song, its great**... anywho... so i had the test out test thingie for french III on thursday morning and beatrice and i were studying for it for like a month... and there were fifty million pages of vocab we hadnt touched on! i stayed up till one in the fucking morning studying all the damn vocab. and i got up at five thirty to study and i studied in the car. and so we get to school at eight and i finished my test by ten thirty ish. it took sooo long. but beatrice and i both tested out! YAY! mommy took me to target after the test to get mickey's bday presents and just hang... it was awsome. so mommy and my brother and i are walking around admiring the wonderfully cheap shoes that target has, and beatrice calls and shes like... we tested out.. i started spazing and squealing, and ppl looked at me weird but its all good... target was awsome... cept the food there is shitty as fuck, but anywho... it was great. and going a targeting, mommy took me to mickey's! :D and the fun began... we went online and read scary stories. and diana came over and we all watched I SHIT YOU NOT... AAA... I heart the boyzzzzz... random ppl reading this will prolly be confused as fuck...oh well. and ive decided, when i have sex, im digging my nails into the guy's back like the one chick did when she and paul walker were fucking... mickey agrees, tis sexy. diana thinks we are weird, but she also ran for her life when kaylee started chasing after di and screaming SEX SEX SEX SEX! OMFG! the bonfire was SO MUCH FUN! my hair still smells like smoke, as does my sweater. oh well... i feel the need for a shower. ANYWHO... so mickey and diana and i went to lauren's house. and ive never talked to her before... haha. and it was great. lauren is hella awsome and she lives like two minutes away from me. YAY... ppl live here. i dont feel as alone. anywho... bonfire! omg omg omg! we had the best time. we roasted hot dogie thingies that i forgot the name of... but its all good. everyone was at the bonfire, it was so great. i finally got to see mother. and there were all these awsome pplz that i didnt know. mickey and i took a walk one time, and erica and her friends who i dont know happened to be driving around... and and and ... PRETTY FIRE WORKS! fire fire fire...mwhahahaha.. FIRE! they set off fireworks. it was so great, although i got kinda scared cuz sparks were flying around and i was like..oh no. my hair will catch on fire (im strange... ) mommy told me that once ur hair catches on fire, it wont stop burning and ull be bald, so im paranoid now. and i dont wanna be bald, I WANT HAIR, i like my hair... kinda... but woohoo for hair. being bald and female is not too great. but anywho... erica is pretty whicked. all these random ppl showed up at lauren's house. it was crazy. at one point, these four random guys showed up and wouldnt tell lauren who they were and it was like...nooooo...answer lauren... they were ignoring her :( poo-faces. and later it got cold as fuck and a lotta pplz had lefted... so us remaining ones gathered around the fire and just talked. lauren sat on a pie! :'( mickey and i took a couple walks and we thought a car was a ufo. and we all thought we would end up being on unsolved mysteries cuz it was kinda spookie out. but yea. I GOT TO PLAY WITH THE FIRE. woohoo.I LOVE FIRE... im a little bit of a pyro. 'cept im frightened by fire, but its soooo pretty (yes, im a ditz, woo hoo for me) so yea... after everyone lefted, it was just lauren, mickey, alli, and i. we stayed out a bit more and told scary storeis. it was great. i was as frightened as i thought i would be, im a wuss, but i also read the stories before when i was with mickey. we went inside and told more stories and stayed up lata and woohoo. it was great. and and in the morning, we got to see the KITTY! KITTY's are great. woohoo for them. they rock my socks.so yea.. that was the whicked bonfire. i prolly left out a lotta details but oh well... im prolly boring the readers of this enuff already.
so yea. jj and i were supposed to chill today, but he didnt call. moo invited me to vanessa's bday party tonight, but i couldnt go, i was home alone and moo wanted jj to pick me up. buttface wasnt picking up his phone :( so i feel sad now, cuz i couldnt see anyone and i really wanna see my farmington friends. they are so awsome. and moo is one of the greatest people ever. anyway. grandma and grandpa came over tonight, and i prolly shoulda just had them take me to vanessa's but that woulda been difficult seeing as how i cant remember at all where she lives. but grandma bought me chocolates for the testing out thing. she gave me mom some money and told us to go shopping. FUCK YEA. i wanna go to great lakes, mommy said maybe we are gunna go this weekend. woohoo..mommy's best friend and her daughter might come too... i was supposed to go to ozzfest with the daughter but nooooooo.... hmpth. I WANNA GO TO OZZFEST DAMN IT! marilyn manson, disturbed, korn, cradle of filth, all of these bands are fucking awsome. MARILYN MANSON! mommy got me a disturbed cd, i was so happy, i heart them. and i wanna see them so fucking baldy but i dont think i will... oh no. i just realized mickey is leaving next weeekkkkk...noooo. i really dont want her to go. its gunna suck. this summer is gunna be so fucking busy, i just realized that too. i have summer school. which is gunna be really good when im a senior cuz i get to stop going to school in december instead of may, but but but. im gunna be exhausted going to school, doing community service, and hopefully working. and i wanna spend this summer with paige,and moo and everyone who i normally dont get to see. im gunna spend so much time with diana too cuz summer school and all that. :D yay. i heart her. and i dont want mickey to leave. fuck. well... im really really tired so i think im outie now....

love yaz!

<> JEWlia <>

~ look mickey, there's jewish-nes in my name ~

~ i wonder what quixotic means, oh well... it can be my mood just cuz ~
 
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