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Melissa's Journal
Recently I have been thinking how stupid I really was to screw up my relationship with my one exboyfriend, it was almost a year before I tried to blue it they he broke up after I messed with his mind. I hope now he is really happy cuz I have just felt so bad for what I have done, he was the only person who mad me feel needed and happy. Now, I am happy, but now there is now guy and I really wish he was around cuz I really do miss him but I do not think of him a lot, but today I looked through all this pictures of he and I and I realized how much I missed him and his caring stype. I don't want to date him again, he does have a girlfriend last time I talked to him, I would just enjoy being his friend. He is going away to college even though I am not going this year it would be nice to write to him. I have realized how my soul controlls my mouth and after Sean and I broke up, I wanted to mess up someone else, but in the end I messed up my self in a car accident which has pretty much ruined my school year and summer. The only thing I wish for is feeling like he could still trust me and I do see why he stopped talking to me, I dust wish I couldmake it up to him for being kind of crazy and only wanting my things like watching the spice world movie, my friend Bobby wants to see it but it does not come from inside me now. I never even listened to them, I like rock not pop. I guess he and I were on some sort of talking base so I could apologize to him and creat a friendship.
Today has been great, I got a letter from Immaculata and they are putting in a scholorship lottery thing for $4,000, which is great. I want to go that school and all my friends are asking about seeing guys in school, I have never thought of college as a hook up scene and high school guys in my high school were and still are pointless. My mom thinks I will get the scholorship considering what I have been through this year which is good, it doesn't matter if I do or don't, but for sure, I guess I am smart enough to get a scholarship for my PSAT score which I thought I failed or did horrible on. I want to go there cuz it is close to my friend in Deleware County and they have so much to offer for someone who wants to be an art teacher in elementry school. Yesterday I read my horoscope and it said I would be either lucky or unlucky and now I have a great feeling that for some reason I am lucky. This might be my last three days of medicine, which sounds great to me. I never had a problem with college, I just knew I would go to one sometime and now I get to go next year and that makes me so happy to still be around on earth, when I first came out of my coma I thought how eaasy it would be to have died but now I guess good things were on my shoulders. This week might even get better because I am meeting with a docoter from where I used to be in the hospital and he might sign it and give premission for me to practice and drive again. I have just realized how many wonderful things have been happiened to me. I am blessed with good luck.
It is good to be back, I had a Live Journal but my ex-boyfriend read it and I was in a horrible car accident, so I decided to try this. We I did not have an easy fall, winter or spring, but now I am actually normal. I have realized two very important things, one thing people sime to be great at are making up lies about me being a drug addict and a drunk, the sad thing is, by far not me, I am obsessed with never drinking or getting high, I have realized is pointless and my future careen does not go in either direction. The secound thing I have learned is males can be cruel and read you "live journal" even though they read it after you were in the hospital on the way to either living or death. I have realized that there is nothing to the people I once thought were my friends, for someone to be your friend, I have realized that takes years and my best friends I have been friends with since middle school. If I could take back this year and have it be November 10th. I would have gone out with my friends and have been fine and made it back safe and sound not with my brian injury. I remeber a couple of years ago I read Geri Halliwell's autobiography entitled "If Only" in no word that has summed up the last seven months, but there is nothing now to do but go on living and realize now how death seems very interesting to me in a not morib way.