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[25 Sep 2007|02:11pm] |
I will 'WILL YOU INTO BEING'
Torn.
I am torn....
But you had....not THAT much to do with it...
(((even though you were the reason I found myself up there)))
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[29 Apr 2007|01:52am] |
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A mirror should never be turned upon another mirror....
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| Acceptance |
[20 Sep 2006|10:25pm] |
And sins will be washed like blood from snow. Is that how it goes?
It doesn't matter anyway because I don't believe it is true. The stains are carried and bared throughout life, so everyone will know just how bad a person was.
Absolution? I'll never be absolved, forgiven, cleansed.
And maybe in the long run, I deserve it.
(((we'll all burn with the bonfires this year)))
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| Preparations for Launch |
[16 Aug 2006|01:52pm] |
Smash the Gate, oh my children. We will smash down the Gate Come Monday har har.
Come Monday I will take my flight down the corridor, under the stary Gateway bridge, not yet prepaired for use. I am abdicating my position here, but for what and where? Everyone has washed away. The Towel of Babel was struck and now everyone's tounges were confused and so we scattered. The Grue left, and prepairs herself for the GateWay Transport.
We cannot talk here anymore, she thinks, and not even the Sainted can absolve su now. Not when the Sainted have excommuncated you.
But everything is fine here, in the Old Gate, and excommunication is something we old Grue know about. The Autumn is rising and the old feelings are bubbling up from the Eternal Well and I keep keep keep thinking about those days back in the Homelands or in the Sacred Holy Lands or even here at the Gate.
I do belive that this year we will not follow the Advent Calendar. There is no use for it. Yossarian is dead and we have mourned. The Argonaut never returned from his sails, and Yeshua is Yesha is Yeshua.
But The slate is cleaned because I absolved myself and freed myself from the oldways and the old hates and the old old old chains.
I will now attempt to levitate, Ladies and Gentlemen...
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| Amnesiac |
[02 Jul 2006|07:57pm] |
The slate was wiped clean, inside and out and I....
...can finally have another crack at things.
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| A Full-force Gale.... |
[01 Feb 2006|11:20pm] |
Things are not well in the snowy highlands of the Gate, though tere be no real snow to tread upon.
There is still frost and cold and stillborn flowers, budded all too soon...
Vile bile vomiting up and steaming on the pavement below me, I knwo too soon what is happening to me. I have isolated myself because I have been alientated. I do not want this. I do not want this.
You aren't here for me anymore, you take me for granted, you don't even realize that I am here and that god help me I love you. What hath I done, oh my Empire? Sould I serve him the Exiler on the full moon in the hopes that I will finally conquer and win?
Stop hurting me, just stop it. Why can't you just need me? Why can't you just love me? Why can't you just make me feel real?
You don't love me. You don't know what love is. Not really...deep inside, you don't truly love me. I love you. I love you so much it hurts me inside when I think about it. It grows too big for me to contain. I'm going to explode.
I do things, little things, I do the little things that matter. I try. I love. I support. I make you feel needed and loved.
I should just quit loving you. You're not good enough for me anyhow...I need to find a man who sees what he has before him, and who knows that this floating world is just a dream. Just a dream.
Hold on to me, whoever you are. Hold onto me and keep me safe....
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| Todo la Verdad |
[22 Nov 2005|11:59pm] |
Maybe someday I'll tell the whole story, you know...when I understand it better. When I'm ready.
I just don't know when that will be.
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| Pyro |
[17 Oct 2005|01:23pm] |
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I wish I could stop burning so many bridges...
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| Song Day |
[02 Oct 2005|12:02am] |
Watching all the insects march along
Seem to know just right where they belong
Smears of face reflecting in the chrome
Hiding in the crowd I'm all alone
No one's heard a single word I've said
They dont sound as good out side my head
It looks as though the past is here to stay
I've become a million miles aw...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
All the jagged edges dissapear
Colors all look brighter when you're near
The stars are all a fire in the sky
Sometimes I get so lonely I could...
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do YOU get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do YOU get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
Why do you get all the love in the world?
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| Hollow |
[26 Sep 2005|02:20pm] |
I just feel so empty inside, that's all.
That's all.
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| The Offer |
[22 Sep 2005|07:32pm] |
| [ |
music |
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"Comfortably Numb" Pink Floyd |
] |
The sun never stops setting on this day
a continuous buring haze of violent chomes,
streaching a engulfing the losy horizons to my West.
These seasons never end here, the Autumn is something perennial,
much like the writhing desperation which was played upon those fields.
Just how many years? Five?
You offered me the drug and I accepted it, ingested it.
I crashed myself into the setting Sun.
I burned and burned your months afterwards, the
Fires raging withoug ceasing.
The obvious choice stop before me, always there, always passed.
We were so hopeful in those days. You and I both, or was it just me? But there was hope somewhere...
Perhaps in another time, another place, another branch...The old Grue and the Green Man walk hand in hand, in fields of fuschia and scarlet, together by the edge of the World.
Safe and secure in each other. I know those old ghosts reside somewhere....far from me, out of reach, exiled.
I do not miss you, I miss the person I thought you were.
But you died so I guess everything ended the way it should have.
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| Burn-Out |
[21 Sep 2005|11:09am] |
Fires were burning, leaves were turning, hearts were yearning....
Burning with what were we? Desperation.
I was.
I willed this into being, we offered up our arms onto the fires.
That I could take your corpse and place it on the fire too....
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| Advent Calendar for 2005 |
[16 Sep 2005|11:21am] |
This year's advent calendar will be posted. The Festival of Falling Stars will be celebrated at Mecca, this year, as opposed to anywhere we can find a seat. I hope this news brings joy to your hearts. Bonfire Noght and Night of the Invitation will be celebrated accordingly. Much blood-letting and raging bile-ducts will be had this year.
God, this just isn't as fun as it used to be anymore. How the hell was I supposed to know that I'd be there on that day this year? It doesn't hurt that much, infact it dosen't hurt at all. Maybe that's what I miss: the Pain. The bittersweet agony of knowing there is no hope for us. The panic and anxiety held everyday. The vomitting and sickness.
Then again, maybe things are better off.
So the calendar for the year:
Wednesday: Bonfire Night
Thursday: Night of the Invitation
Friday: Night of Falling Stars.
Remember, this holy week begins on the 21 and commences on the 23 at the Mecca. Afterwards, contemplation is called for. Please celebrate by random acts of bad voodoo, weeping and wailing, and the repetitious playing of Kid A.
God I feel so displaced anymore.
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| Omittion |
[27 Aug 2005|04:09pm] |
A blow back in time, I......
You exit the school the way I sent you in. I see you but I don't see you.
Did we ever even exsist in those days?
Find me, Jaison.
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| Otumno |
[07 Aug 2005|01:27am] |
| [ |
music |
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Depeche Mode 'Never Let Me Down' |
] |
I can feel Autumn rising in the West. Can see her floating through the fields, arms at her side and the smells and memories on her wings.
Trees and turn and die in her shadows, I will welcome her at my door-step as always.
Because we have an understanding.
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| Closer |
[08 Jul 2005|10:53pm] |
The Gate is even more at hand.
I await further instructions from the Unknown.
It is at hand and yet I am doing nothing...
I am waiting for you.
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| Still.... |
[23 Jun 2005|11:01pm] |
Stagnation....
I am going nowhere for the time. I am doing nothing.
I am nothing.
Nothing and nowhere.
I am frozen.
My father hates me.
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| UnReality |
[17 Jun 2005|12:04am] |
I under what the Universal Human undercurrent is reading, because I can feel the Great Change coming, though how far off it is I'm not sure.
I will see it in my life time.
Node Points amassing huge fistfuls of data and Variable activity.
Reality is a bizzare and frightening thing, The Present is something noth solid. Unstable, like a nuclear atom. Time itself isn't even real. It's just water running off into different streams.
I want to side-step time and watch the World unfold before me like a map and plot out the course of things....
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| Cold War |
[15 Jun 2005|11:57pm] |
The great freezing Cold War has begun, and I all I do is sit around get fat off it.
Body body song, right children?
I am finally making my exodus from there, and in August I'll be out. My reasons are not understood by him, which is why the war must rage.
I deserve it I guess.
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