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Sweet Torture [06 Jan 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | naughty ]
[ music | Me and The Moon by Something Corporate ]

Mmm, well hello there, beauty.
As usual, I'm my horny little self. Lately though, I've been flirting with a certain hottie on campus. It's all just talk and teasing right now, but it's so delicious. I wouldn't mind just wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to meet mine, and nibbling on that beautiful smile of his.
Sad thing is, he won't be back up to campus for a while, second semester starts in 20 some days. I'm here for a short semester.
I really could use some release...playing by myself is no fun *pouts*
Ja still reigns in my fantasies these days....Sweet, soft, pale skin, long legs, perky breasts, full hips, mmmm. Loonggg brown hair. She's like a goddess. Now if only I could get her to shed her clothes and play with me!!!!
If only.....if only......*fantasizes*
I think I'm gonna go take care of this throbbing between my legs.. *winks*

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Story [08 Dec 2003|04:12pm]
[ mood | horny ]

********Borrowed from Literotica for your enjoyment....mmmmm*********
I kissed the right side of her throat very softly, running my fingers along her shoulder tops and down to her warm breasts. She sighed. I returned my mouth to the sensitive skin at the base of her throat and kissed it longingly, sucking her soft skin in between my lips. She leaned her head to the left, letting me do it.

I rubbed my tongue on her skin. She moaned again, placing her hands on top of mine where I was holding her breasts. I squeezed her breasts, rhythmically kneading them. She turned her face towards mine. I reached my lips out to hers and we met in a blazing hot kiss. I wanted her so much. I was instantly aroused and wet. Based on the passion of her kiss, I thought she must be the same. My tongue entered her mouth and hers entered mine. We explored each other's hot oral wetness, our arousal building.

I was drinking her kisses now, getting dizzy, feeling lightheaded. She was perfect sweetness. I slowly pulled her back down into my knees. I looked at her angelic face lying in my lap, smiling at me. I touched it lightly, running my fingers along her forehead and cheeks and lips and down to her throat. "You are so gorgeous and warm and sexy and I want to make love with you," I whispered. There was joy in the sparkling of her eyes.

She put both her hands on my head and pulled me down to her. We kissed again, deeply, insanely, for the longest time. Then I began to unbutton her blouse. I smelled her perfume deeply. I was intoxicated with lust and desire. I kissed the tops of her breasts through her bra. I undid the front fastener and took her large hot nipples in my mouth, one, then the other. I was licking and sucking her breasts like an infant does.

I loved this feeling, I felt I had found home after being lost for so long. I took as much of her large soft breasts into my mouth as I could and sucked on them, loving the feeling of softness and warmth on my face. I could hear her heart beating so loudly and urgently, the blood pumping so fast in her chest. I kissed her mouth again.

"I love you, I want you, you are such an angel," I told her. She smiled and kissed me hard, her arms around my neck, our breasts pressing upon each other. "It is time," I said, pulling off my own clothes and stripping her of hers. I kissed down her body and parted her willing legs, revealing the center of all life, her woman's pussy. I breathed in her fragrance. I was frantic with longing. I had to taste her.

I kissed her already crimson extended pussy lips. I took them into my mouth, pulling upon them slowly, lovingly, as she moaned with desire. I licked them, I buried my tongue inside of her, licking up her slit. I breathed in her lusciousness deeply. I felt the heat of her own glowing, glistening desire on my face. She moaned once again, arching her back, spreading her legs, surrendering her sex to me. I drew my fingers up each of her thighs, tracing the path from her knees to her pussy with my fingers, lightly. I kissed the same path, up one leg, then the other.

I gently pulled apart the soft hot wet lips of her little flower, watching as they continued to move and open and pulsate and reach out to me. I put my mouth on her and took all of her inside me. I rhythmically sucked upon her sex, the rhythm of love, of desire, taking her nectar in my mouth, filling myself with her. She was holding my head, pulling my hair, the beginning of a scream building inside of her as I licked her clitoris all around, my mouth a vacuum upon her, drinking her, swallowing her.

I wet two fingers of my hand and slowly pushed them deep inside the furnace of her. She screamed in pleasure. I turned my hand back and forth, forcing the pleasure upon her. She began to moan and cry, "Oh god, please, this is incredible, please don't stop, Juliet, I love you, I love you! Please keep loving me, oh god!" She screamed a high-pitched scream, a soaring scream, her body heaving beneath my touch as I continue to eat her sex.

I pressed my tongue hard upon her clitoris and rubbed it slowly all around like a thousand little fingers massaging her at once. She screamed again as I pushed a third finger inside of her. She raised herself towards me once again, lifting her ass cheeks completely off the carpet. I continued my deliberate ministrations upon her pussy. She gushed lubrication. I drank her down. "Oh yes, now! Now! I'm going to come Juliet, take me there, please take me there, now!"

And she did. And I did. And she thrashed and moaned and screamed and cooed and sighed and sweated and twisted her body beneath my grasp as I kissed her and licked her and sucked her and kept making love to her. And when she had come I continued to love her, softly, stopping and starting, exchanging vows of affection with her, my friend, my lover, Katerina. I touched her gently there with wet fingers, I kept myself upon her.

And soon she was hot again and then I brought her to the top of the mountain again and rode her down, down, the thrilling, ecstasy of the ride down, the pleasure, the pleasure that never ends, the all-consuming pleasure of our merging into each other. Then I turned myself around and fed my sex to her while I continued to worship her sex with my fingers and mouth. And she loved me, her first time with a woman, as if we had been lovers all the time. It was her passion, our complete surrender to each other's bodies and hearts which made it so. Then we kissed and I held her and she held me, lovers, girlfriends, together, in love, giving to each other without bounds, lost in each other's desires and need. Little Katerina. My little Katerina.

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Lusting After You.. [08 Dec 2003|03:51pm]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | Piece of Flesh from Romeo and Juliet ]

Mmmm. As usual, got things on my mind...
This time, thinking about a lot of things. Ja told me this is her last year at school. BAH! Not cool! I'm gonna miss her....still think about her all the time.
She has so much more experience than I do....I have lots but she still beats me. Mmm, I'd love for her to take control, teach me a thing or two...hehehe. Why do I think about her so much!?!
She flirts with me all the time....I dunno if she does it on purpose....but it drives me wiild. I just wanna lean in, take her nipple in my fingers and pinch as I lean in and lick her lip into my mouth, biting down just enough to tease her. Arrrgh. Slowly move the strap to her tank top off her shoulder, pull it off of her, have her sitting there in just her bra and panties, pull her hips up against mine and taste her soft, pale skin.

Yeah, you can tell whats on my mind. Lately she's the only one I've been fantasizing about. Her and one other girl, but I can't mention her...her body has always captivated me....Mmmmmm..
I'm gonna go take a shower and try to relieve some tension...

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So [29 Nov 2003|09:10pm]
[ mood | horny ]

It's been a while. Don't talk to B anymore. Fantasize about Ja a lot. Z and I ar okay...beh...that will ALWAYS be a strange situation.
I really need sex. I'm in withdrawal of physical contact. LoL. Sooo horny. I want a hott girlie to kiss me as her teeth bite into my lip and feel her weight knock me onto the bed as she binds my hands useless above me. I want to feel her soft hands forcing me down, teasing me in my helplessness. All while a hott man watches and orders her to take control of me.
I could go for that, yeap.

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New Machine [21 Oct 2003|11:26am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Silence, for once, Thank God. ]

Got a newbie on the desk, fully loaded, loving every piece of it....
Still having major issues with the makeout fantasies, same people...mmmmm...hehehe
I got tickled by Ja the other night, she was so trying to rub up against the nipples, I know it....interesting.
Almost finished making up all the classes I missed...one more midterm today and I'll be all caught up. Yay!

Current Away Message :
Oh but you are in my blood
You're my holy wine
You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh, I could drink a case of you, darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

Reading, class, midterm, all while wishing I had the nerve to go out and get who I wanted... ;-) ... yes, who, not what...

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Pinch, Twist, Mmm.. [16 Oct 2003|01:33pm]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | Ordinary World by (unknown) ]

I am so hott and bothered. I keep thinking of making out with B and Ja. Kissing, touching, control games, mmmmm. Hottt...I want B to touch me, rub my tits, pinch my nipples, I would so let him take total control.
I keep thinking of kissing Ja and running my hands through her hair, feeling her hips up against mine. Arrghh..I need sex!
I wonder what b would do if I suddenly gave him a back rub, wrapped my arms around him, and licked/nibbled the back of his neck? I could sooo drive him wild. Yummy.
Okay time to go fantasize!

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Bondage [13 Oct 2003|11:25pm]
I feel like my mind is under some kind of bondage. I don't think my own thoughts, I mask my feelings, and I hide behind a false character I create for myself. I try not to care about people who hurt me, but it doesn't help, nothing does. I try to fight for my best friend's companionship again, although that's a stupid waste of time. I don't get myself most of the time, or the way I work. I wish I could just figure it all out.
I need Love. I need Completion. I need to know how to fix things. HELP!
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Death [09 Oct 2003|11:46pm]
[ mood | numb ]

My Grandma died. She's not really dead, is she? I can't comprehend how she's already gone and I wasn't there in time.
J and B touched my computer while I was at the funeral. Why can't they just leave things as they are? I can't believe this. I'm going to get back there and everything on my side of the room is going to be moved. I hate that. I need stability.
Grandma, I miss you..I love you..

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Sex Dream [05 Oct 2003|10:43am]
[ mood | horny ]

I had a dream last night that I started making out with a different girl, Ju, instead of Ja. Mmmm...I don't know why, but it really turned me on. Does that make me bi? hehehhe....I kinda figured that already....anyway....It was sooo hott...kissing, caressing, mmm it felt so real.
Yeah, I'm in need of some sex or just heavy making out...and I think girl or guy would be fine, even though I've never made out with a girl...something I definitely want to try. Yum. Now I'm all bothered lol
I fantasize about Ja, showering together, letting her take charge and playing with blindfolds and rope...mmmm..kinky sex....hehehehe
Wow, never had an entry like this before.
I need sex!!!!!!
Much better...

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Carebear [04 Oct 2003|02:44pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Paranoid by Garbage ]

I bought a large carebear cuddle pillow yesterday. Mmm, nice to snuggle with. This weekend has been weird. Yesterday after J and I dropped off J and Z, (completely diff people than from previous entries), J proceeded to continue hitting on me. She made me rub her leg "to see if she needed to shave" and called me sweetheart and hugged me and rubbed my arm and all...weird. Really weird, yet somehow really...just...different...maybe in a good way. Hmmmmmmm. Yeah. Weird. Anyway. J was out all night with CF. so I decorated for Halloween and watched Mothman Prophecies with suite people. It was nice. Then today I laid in bed until 12, and just now got dressed at 3. I needed to relax though.
Okay, onto the best friend issue. Last night he kept calling me during the movie..I told him I'd call him back but he didn't listen and called again...why is he allowed to be busy but I'm not? I don't get it. So I sounded cold and pissed and hopefully he'll get the hint. If not, then I'll snap and tell him to fuck off.
I kinda feel bad that I'm not accomplishing anything today, but I have serious cramps thanks to that time of the month. I like just laying around. Mmm. Now if I just had someone to make out with, it'd be fun...muhahahaha....weird. Okay I am done with this random burst of venting.

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Pfft [03 Oct 2003|11:54am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Theme from Saved by the Bell ]

There, I feel much better.
I realized that if I wanted sex, all I had to do was ask someone. I know two guys that would have sex with me if I just asked, and I'm kinda attracted to them. And then earlier today I got hit on and caressed by one of my girl friends....weird, but still kinda exciting. Hmmm...I don't know if that's just what I want though, and I'm not a slut so don't think that. Get your head out of the gutter. I just think it's an interesting realization.
I hate the people I live with so much sometimes. It's so fucking dirty and grody. I hate how you can't tell them anything without them spreading and twisting your words.
I really want to go away. Maybe I'll buy a car then go buy an apartment in the middle of no where so my rent would be low...and become a cop...I'm going into law enforcement anyway.

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The Truth [02 Oct 2003|07:46pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Glycerine by Bush ]

Here we go.
I love my best friend. I don't really think of him in a sexual way, but I love him. I want to be with him, I want to be his girl, I want to be able to say I love him without needing an excuse, I want to be able to snuggle up next to him when we watch movies together, I want to be able to take away his sadness and make him happy on a higher level than the way I do now. I want to be more than the best friend. I am told that he already views me on a much higher plane than best friend, but it's not good enough. I Want to be his.
I'm sure you think I'm just bitching and whining. Want some background info? Z and I have been best friends for 5 years now. It's not an amazingly long time, but it's longer and much stronger than you'd expect. We started being close best friends when he became obsessed with K, my cousin. He thought he was in love, he loves everything about her, but he freaked her out. He and I started talking. Turned out we were in the same English class together. I helped him out on work. We did tech work together, skipped classes to fix the lights, played in the booth, listened to music. Wrote notes back and forth in class, during class, passed them between classes. We both have letters and notes saved in binders from back in High School. He got panic attacks, didn't know what they were, didn't tell anyone. I helped him through them and figured it out. He got into fights with his step mother. I helped him out and talked him down from his fits of rage. We talked on the phone for hours at a time, playing the Questions game and getting to know one another. It was fun. We worked plays together. We went to movies. We would call more than twice a day. Give advice, be a shoulder to lean on. It worked so nicely.
Then we started sharing a locker. We had little lego men standing guard, and a sea monkey castle. It was fun. We'd leave each other little gifts in there. We did everything as before. Then we realized we were what the other was looking for in a relationship. We wanted the same thing. We had fun together. We tried dating. We had one date, we went to Italian Sensations, had Cheese steak subs, that was it. He was "scared", didn't want to break up something so great. It was annoying. It hurt. I don't know why he's such a pussy about how he really feels. I guess everyone is different.
Senior year. We grew apart a little. He hung with a different crowd. We still did tech together, still passed notes. Skipped classes. Went to movies sometimes. We went to Prom together. I wanted to go with him. His girlfriend wouldn't go to his prom. She didn't want to go with him and have to turn down W. Weber. Stupid if you ask me. So we went. It was nice going down there, we held hands in the limo. We danced to "Hero" by Enrique. He disappeared into the crowd and I was left to dance with friends. That was it. He didn't go to the after-prom party. He went home and left me with my friends, who all had dates. It hurt, being ditched.
Throughout those years we helped each other through our individual relationships. He dated a psycho, C. I dated a techie, J. He hated that I dated one of our buds, J. He hated J for dating me. He hated that I was going out with him, but I never understood why. Then he dated K and then he dated S for over a year. I dated D, who was an ass, and he was upset that I dated D. Then I dated B, and he got even more upset because for a while I really was happy. Then we broke up.
After HS. I went to college. He was upset that I went away but we talked all the time, saw him when I could, he came up and saw one of the shows. Then he joined the Marines. It was hard, but we kept in touch. He came home from bootcamp on my birthday. I was the first person he hung out with. He bought a cell phone so we talk all the time. He was having trouble with S. The long distance and their differences wasn't helpful. S was so young too. But anyway.....we're now both single. And I've always loved him. And I've always wanted to know if I'm as important to him as he is to me. He says I am, we have a "thing", which he later defined as a connection. But he changes the subject whenever we talk about it, and he always talks about other girls. He says that I'm "his girl" and I'm one of the most important people ot him...I just don't get it.
Will he ever take that next step!!?!???!!
No matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my mind. I always end up wishing it would be his arms I snuggle into. But I need to get this out of my mind!!!!!! I NEED TO! He's possessive and sweet and calls me his and calls me sweetie and gets upset if I date anyone else, but that's it!!!!!!! AND!!! Now he's coming up to visit me on the 9th. He's staying with me at College. where is he going to sleep? Will he flirt with my roomate? Will we be the way we always have or will things change at all? Probably not. Why get my hopes up? Then we're having a party on the 10th....he's bringing me home from college. Then he invited me to dinner with his family, whole family, grandparents included. His family loves me and both our families say that we're going to marry and already act like bf/gf. And he said he wants to visit me on the weekends since he'll be stationed in VA. Does this mean ANYTHING!?
K doesn't know if he's protective as in doesn't want to see me hurt or protective because he wants me for himself. she doesn't know if anything will ever change. Will it!? Untill I find out, it's gonna drive me nuts, because I LOVE him sooo much. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him..... (and he once said in a letter from bootcamp that I was the person he would want to spend the rest of his life with, if he had to hve one person - WTF?!?)
Well reader, you were warned.

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This Diary [02 Oct 2003|07:36pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | Machine Head by Bush ]

I started an account with blurty on the note that I need a place to vent the side of me that is dark and confused. I warn anyone who reads this by chance now. Most of you won't like this diary. This is why I'm making it under a pen name and far from where others will find me. I need to vent and open up so I don't explode....I hope you understand if you have made the mistake and decided to read this. Thanks...

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