| I wish you took the time necessary to understand.. |
[10 Jan 2004|01:28pm] |
What meant so much to me then, now means so little, if it meant anything at all- I can't tell. I can conveince myself that I did, just as much as I pray that I didn't. But when it comes down to it, we both know who cared, I did. I do.. I always will.. And it's like the more we don't talk, the lonelier I feel. I've got everyone in the world by my side but none of that matters if you aren't here. The more I yell, the more I realize, I'm not myself without you. I want to work this out, I just want to make it right... but you won't even give me 5 minutes tonight.
I just wish you'd talk to me
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| Anew, again? |
[03 Jan 2004|05:36am] |
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This was not my idea of fun, getting my journal suspended? It happens though. So I tried to find all my writings so those of you that didn't veiw my SaddestEMOstar journal can have an idea of how amazing I am. Or something like that? I wish I could've brought all the comments people posted for me, but hopefully the writings speak for themselves and I'll get all new comments. You can even leave commetns to ask me what the peice was about. I'm an open person and I have no problem with show and tell. After all, the situations don't hurt half as much as the scars.. Well, take a look around and leave me a couple of comments. I'd say goodnight but it's morning. Just know that I am heading off to bed.
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[03 Jan 2004|05:01am] |
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You're still over-reacting about small things such as why you left in the first place. You say the thought of me is haunting, I'm whispering but you never listen to the ghost. You never listen. I don't know what I have to do. I crack my rib cage open for you, to prove you stole my heart. And you hold the envelope that contains what you stole, I hope it burns your hands like your eyes burned my soul. I hope it hurts. I hope you cry. I hope you mail it back to this old friend. I hope it hurts. I hope you cry. And I hope that you wonder why. And you wanted closure, well here it is. Goodbye.. goodbye..
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[03 Jan 2004|04:58am] |
Immortalwan: and i'm sorry i'm so fucking impossible and so fucking sad. but so are you.
Streik A Match: lies don't hurt like the truth hun
SeXaeSweetMade4U: look i dont need this right now
like I needed you to tell my secrets, I did, really.. like a hole in the fucking head :-*
FEEL THE LOVE!
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[03 Jan 2004|04:57am] |
Now I understand when people tell me "This hurts me far worse than it could ever hurt you." Because it's everything I'm feeling, everything I am going through. Can hardly look you in the eye, you sit in your room wondering why you cry. I can't do more than I already have, that's what all my friends say. How can you have so many problems when you're my only solution?
Here I sit, at a loss for words again. Your voice on the other end of the phone saying that you can't ever mend. It's everything I want, everything I miss.. You can't fix something that pretended to be broken to begin with.
You told me you were moving, but you're still here. I fought so hard to keep you my dear. Now I just want you gone.. I look at you and see every failure I've ever committed. Every letter that I could never give. For every cut that is on you arm, I've cried for you. For everytime you've cried.. I've died for you..
Now, I just want to live...
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[03 Jan 2004|04:56am] |
I bet you could stay up all night tonight and wonder where I am, and it wouldn't be a fraction of the time that I've spent worrying about you. "Time of your life", wasting away in a bed room without lights, haven't showered in three days, but that's okay because you've got your happiness in a bottle.
It's far to late to apologize darling. I already know. You've been lying saying "therepy" you weren't even attempting to go. It's too late to say you're sorry. It's too late to walk a day in my shoes, you could read these marks and still wouldn't understand the pain caused by you.
Have you ever wanted nothing but the best for someone you loved? I gave everything but it's never enough. Have you ever wanted to just get away? I would leave this town if I knew that you'd be okay. Remember the night at the high school football game, when you showed up high? How the person you showed up with left you and you walked alone for half the night? Then you found me, I was having a great time. You were stumbling in and out of the crowd. So I said goodnight.. to the people I was with. I sat you down on a curb and waited for your ride. And you dont even remember it. You don't even remember. You don't even remember it. You don't even remember..
It's too late to say you're sorry. It's too late to make this right. It's too late to worry about if I'm worrying about you all night. It's too late to understand and it's too late to want to care.. It's too late, because once you finally start, I won't be here..
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[03 Jan 2004|04:55am] |
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Sometimes, I wish we were still friends, I miss the phone ringing.. I miss your voice on the other end. Sometimes, I feel so useless.. like all of this could make sense.. if I weren't around. And I want to tell you the truth this time, if you gave me 5 more minutes, I bet that we'd be fine. I miss you and I can't believe that you're gone tonight.. I hope you think about the chance that you never gave me to make this right..I want to smile, a real one this time, I'm tired of faking it- I'm tired of the lies. Sometimes I think you used me, was it good while it lasted? I hope so because for me it was gone so fast and.. I want it back. Whatever I have is everything that I lacked in your eyes. I never want you to see me like this again, it's my pride against the bottle and I swear this time I won't win. I wish you would just leave, I never want to see your face. You're so complete without me.. so happy without me. If you ever come around, I hope you know that when you're down.. you always have a home, right here in my heart. We can end at the start.. erase all the bad, create the good and draw all the lines on my wrist instead of my heart.. Let's start over.
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