Wednesday, February 12th, 2003

Time: 3:03 pm. Mood: blah.

Hmm just writing this in note pad right now, till i can get the chance to get online Man today sucked, not as worse as it could have been though. I set my alarm for 5:30 because I needed to get some stuff done. I couldn't sleep, and then I finally wake up and look at the clock and it is 6:45. My bus comes at 7. So I jump in the shower and take liek 30 second shower practically, get dressed and turn on the iron while I get all of my school and lacrosse junk and violin together. Iron my clothes, cauz I had to dress "nice' for a presentation today, for extra credit that I need very much. Dried my hair and got my course application, that is due today, and with absolutely nothing on it... Gah. Grabbed a frappuccino and ran out the door, barely catching the bus. Went through all my classes, got to english. I totally bs'd my way through the entire speech. I made it all up! I just looked confident, talked loud, and drew on the board like I knew what the hell I was expaining. And the teacher was all like, wow! THAT IS GREAT! And I got a fuckin A! Can you believe that? I sure can't Hmm and now my doorbell is ringing. It has been ringing non stop for the past twenty minutes. It is that molester guy, remember? Man he scares the shit out of me, and I told him to stop coming to my house but he doesn't listen. He is so damn creepy. I just don't anwer the door anymore at all, I let someone else do it. And I tell them if it's a guy, to just say I'm not home. It's scary I have to go get Dustin a thong for Valentines day. He needs one...haha SExAy! Yuppers. And Kerry hit me in the head with his stolen penguin thong... :*( Teacher saw and just told him to pay attention. Then he threw cornbread down my shirt. Gah stupid boy. Haha jamie "It's all fun and games till somebody loses their virginity" hahaha. Man I am so bored and I have only been home for like 45 minutes. OoO I played this really cool game. And it had the dwarf invasion song on it, it was sooooo funny! You kill all these little dwarfs, lol it was great. *Funny finnish accent* Yah man. God I have tkd tonight. I don't want to go. I don't don't don't. I have to teach at six and then after that I take three classes. I'm not looking forward to the bitching out I'm going to be getting from him... Damn him

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Time: 10:23 pm. Mood: amused.

I say I hate valentines day, but I must admit I have done my share fare of reading drppy love poems. Eh just weird I am. Agh I fell in love with a new song Red Hot Chili peppers- Road Trippin I just heard it for first time, even though it is kind of old. My goodness it's just so... perfect. Haha I'm on of those weirdos that gets into a certain music and listens to same song(s) over and over, and then randomly gets sick of it. But this song rocks.... It's so... sad/mellow but pretty I guess. Gah I just love it Wow almost a day without talking to anyone online. wow I'm going nuts. Eh but tomorrow is Thursday, just one more day till I can have real life contact with my friends. Thank God. On the other hand, I think I'm getting sick. I don't want to be sick ... like my nose is all runny and I talk funny :/ I don't like it. Hmm I think I will go take some drugs...haha naw just medacine. Ohhh I got myblack belt tonight, like all oficial and everything. It felt good...haha he bragged. He reminsced about the time when I thought he was two different poeple, and teh game he played with that for like two months untill I figured it out. Luckily I wasn't stupid enough to fall into any of his traps, like he's be "So what do you think of that other instructor, the one witht the beard?" and I would be like oh he's cool. LoL he was looking for me to say something like OH MY GOD HE SUCKS! Or something like that. And about how I had absolutely no coordination, the worst memory, worst everything. It is pretty sad too though, I honestly was the worst student in the school. I feel stupid. Haha I was though, but it's not that way anymore. I get mad when poeple screw with my tiny tigers though...gah that girl screwing her lil bro up like that pisses me off. Haha I'm so possessive of mah kids I guess you could say. But I mean it is disturbing when little 5 year old who you thought was so polite and nice, after seeing you at the mall (and he didnt' reckognize me iwth my hair down, but i knew him) and then saying, "MRS. LEPP MRS. LEPP DID YOU SEE MY WALLET CHAIN? AND MY COOL HAIR?" I was like..........*blink* oh yes it was the coolest lukas.... *blink* *walks away* Yah it was wierd. Haha thank god for damn pop ups adds. My mom just walked in and I didn't want to turn around and minimize the window cauz she would suspect me, so i just didn't look. and I see her looking at something on tehs creen and I slowly turn around, praying that i didn't type any bad words to large, and I see this huge viagra pop up add. She was like haha....damn pop ups. And I was like yes thank the lord. lol

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Time: 11:04 pm. Mood: frustrated.

Agh starting to think about sleep, and when sleep comes to mind, the book comes to mind. I dunno. I sometimes think that mentally I am so bored and unchallenged that I likefreak myself into believeing all of this weird shit. For example: I take the following very seriously *chinese fortune sticks, my I-ching book *fortune cookies *dreams *dejavu or however you spell it *oiuji I obsess: *The ghosts in my house *anything paranormal *dreams *meaning of the dreams *weird stuff going on Just it is weird. I have always had this weird obsession? Maybe it is my imagination crying to be used again? I don't know, but sometimes it seems to weird to be true and I have to be making it all up. Like with this book. Do I overexamine the meaning, and pick at it? Maybe it is just normal book that had the crap beaten out of on the way to the book store, happened not to have a cover, and missing a label saying it was sold in that store. And it is just NOT weird all the hadnwriting in it and torn pages and what looks like....blood marks...seriously. And lots of other marks, water marks, blue ink blots. It is like half of the book is handwritten randomly and the other half is typed and strange ways upside down spaces running off the page, or what not. Eh it confuses me. For now this book I am goign to examine more. Like Rica and Erin I think both think I'm crazy, but yah know? Rica can't deny that our dreams were weird. Yah really weird... We both had the same dreams exactly, about how she was murdered and what would happen to her kids, the time and place and everything...it is like I was dreaming with her weird as that sounds. I woke up scared as shit, because this was a dream that happens now, and called her at four in the morning and she was awake too and I asked why, and didn't tell her about my dream. And then she admitted she has been having this nightmare abotu ehr death, suince she was 15. And i said omg, she didn't explain the details becuase she didn't believe what I said, but I told her everything and she was like omg omg omg. And I drew a picture of the guy who murdered her, and she freaked out. In her dream it cuts off ather death but I saw the aftermath. Cauz their dad is on a ship I had to go break the news to them, and they lived with the B's for a while, and then I saw the trial and everything. So i drew a exact replica of him face and body adn all. And she freaked out like damn. She knew the guy, and even the car he drove in my dream he drives in real life. And the spooky thing is, last time they talked he was on really bad terms with her becuase she wouldn't go out with him. So they havn't talked in four years and randomly out of the blue that very night I had the dream, he called her and asked her if she wanted to go out. And she said she was busy with tax season and maybe after. And in the dream by the way she was dressed and it felt and looked it was spring.... This was shocking. We havn't talked about it since, but we both believe it's not just random... And that led to both of our weird obsessions. Everywhere I go, I use the surface of windows cars doors etc so see if someone is following me! I have always been paranoid someone is right behind and and following me, ready to strike. Even when I'm drying my hands in a bathroom with the hand blowers, I use the shiny metal surface to see if anyone is behind me. It's so strange, I am the only one that does that I know. I'm really good at it. I make sideways glance like I'm looking at a person but really I'm skimming the surface of something to see if someone familiar is behind me. When I teach class, nobody can cheat get away with anything becuase I catch them talking in the mirrors of the room and windows. It's my strange fear and obsession. Always I am afraid. I mean I can't say it hasn't come in handy, there's been a few creepy weird guys at the mall... But i mean. And she does it to? I have no reason too, I never was abused or anything or kidnapped, why should I be so paranoid? She lived in the ghetto of Cali, had to hide half her teenage years becuase of the shit going on where she lived. She has a reason. Eh I don't know...it's just strange. I'm just so afraid something is behind me I always have to look. eh weird? What else do I do? I change the way I walk home/class/ anywhere I usually go, all the time. I chnage the path, i walk a different way, or something. Take a left instead of right and fix it later. I don't know why though. Some weird obsession? Agh I am paranoid. and I ALWAYS CONSTANTLY have the feeling something is watchign me.... eh scary sometims.

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