Bah I still feel icky. Today sucked ass. woke up as usual but then fell asleep because we are gonna have have two hours delay. Woke up and then realiszed school was cancelled. Hmm great, I guess. Then talked online for a while. My mom was home sick again. great. I hate it when she is home. Then Erin was like hey do you want to come over, and I couldn't and that pissed me off. So then i got stuck diong chores. Then I called tkd school to ask if tkd was cancelled, so they said yes. So then I could go. I got there and yah. Bri was there and it started out fun I guess, but then it got really uncomfertable. And then certain poeple started saying stuff to someone and making stuff up. Got home, and spent the evening watching cheesy disney shows. Even Stevens is pretty good.
I'm so tired, I don't know why. And I hurt. I dunno. I ran out of coffee today, so I think maybe it's caffiene withdrawel? Nah, it is too early for that. It takes like a week or something Ithink. I just feel like blah. And then yah, I dunno. I fucked things up. Man I am stupid, I just want to kick myself in the head. Whatever though, as Dustin always says, "It'll all work out in the end, it has to" But then it always works out in the end, just becuase that is it. It is the end, why try and make it not work out when it is working out? Eh I am just confusing you. I just feel like, no this isn't me why I am being like this, this isn't how I am. I don't know anymore. I just feel lost in a way. Rica said that I am looking to hard... I dunno. Haha she says I changed so much this like past month it is crazy but I dont know it's all good. For all of my maturity, she says, I just have no clue sometimes. And she said becuase I'm such a cynical bitch, I don't understand how poeple are going to take what I say and do. Eh I dunno, she's one of the few poeple that know me. It's like I wear a mask to hide myself. So many poeple say that stupid mask thing. But it is true for me, mostly though poeple just think I'm a bitch though. Hmm I don't know, I don't think that is the case. I'm just not a soft hearted person.... well when it comes to certain stuff I am. But whatever, I'm responsible for what I do, I fuck things up, I live with the consequences, and try to make them better. Long sentance.
Man I am so tired. I have to present a speech tomorrow to, damn it. And lacrosse practice. No teaching tkd for me though luckily. But oh I havn't worked since friday, I'm goign to be super sore tomorrow. *sigh*
Valarie had Cameron watch tony and micheal, and Rica chilled with her so Rica's kids we're watched by Cameron too. I don't understand why they didn't come to me? I'd drop anything for either one of them, in an instant. Like BAM. And I know that all four of those kids have more respect for me than they do Cameron. This sounds so rediculous and ugh weak of me to say, but I am kind of hurt. I mean Rica always has me watch her kids, and I know she was just doing what makes it easier for Val. But I mean, agh I just feel like I dunno. Rica is great though, so is Val. I don't hold anything against em. It just makes me feel all like it's a competition now between me and Cameron. It isn't bad enough that he is so damn tall now that it doesn't matter how good I am at sparring I'll never beat him, he can just pick his leg up and go wham through my blocks. Now my friends are having that irresponsible person watch their kids? Eh, I am silly.
Gah I just feel stupid right now. I just want to hit myself. Tape my mouth shut, so nobody ever has to listen to me again. But then they say, that you learn from mistakes. I'd have rather just not done anything. *sigh*
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sick.
