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I worry sometimes. I'm sure everyone does at some point, and most would probably agree that worrying about the things we've absolutely no control over is bothe useless and aggravating. I have a tendency to think too much, and I end up analyzing something too closely, then I re-analyze and over-analyze, and that's when the worrying sets in. I do know that no matter what, things will happen and the result will be what it's meant to be, even if I dislike it. I can't control everything, and unfortunately that includes the most important things.
Sometimes things tend to end without reasons. Such as lives. And love. I remember waking next to someone I'd been with for months, only to look over at her and wonder when the hell I'd fallen out of love. One look into her eyes and I knew it was mutual. And I was very fucking glad for that. Nonetheless, realizing I'd fallen out of love without reason was and is still terrifying.
I do love Alyssa, and now I'll be tied to her forever, which makes me extremely happy. I only wonder (and worry, of course) how happy I'll be able to make her, considering our careers will most likely set us oceans apart. I'm sure we'll visit eachother as much as we can, and I can only hope that it will be enough.
I went to bed fairly early last night, but woke in the very early morning. Unable to fall back to sleep, I carefully slide out of bed, so as not to wake Alyssa, and crept outside after grabbing my cigarettes. I refuse to smoke inside of her house, and usually only smoke indoors when I'm in my own room, or house, or at a pub. Things like that. But the moon was bright and nearly full, everything had cooled down a bit. Quite lovely. I sat for a while, taking in the silence and view, before walking around. The sun was beginning to rise as I made my way back, and I bumped into a couple early-morning joggers that happened to be fans. They said the next time they went jogging, they'd bring paper and pens and their cameras. *chuckles* And when they asked what I was doing in LA, I told them I was on holiday. Which isn't a lie.
I arrived back at the house about a quarter past six. Slid back into bed, and slept for another few hours. I found it easier to sleep, as the walk and fresh air had somewhat cleared my mind. I'd not realized I was so due for refreshment until that point.
Well, I think that's more than enough rambling on my behalf. I hope everyone's well.
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awake
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