Blurty for Ino.

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Friday, July 18th, 2003

Subject:What to believe..
Time:3:03 am.
Mood:lonely.
Music:.hack//sign - Obsession.
I honestly don't know what to think, anymore.. what to believe.. about me. I don't know. .. I've thought about it a lot. Me. My.. heart? I'm still a bit confused, but I think, within me, I understand. At least, to a degree...

I love her.

At first, I wondered -- how could I? Now, I don't think I even have room to question it. Just accept. And then.. wonder, what to do? I want to tell her, but I'm also afraid to, for countless reasons. I don't want to destroy our friendship. I don't want to chase her away.. I don't want to scare her. I don't want to hurt her. I don't. And, I don't trust myself to be in a relationship.. If we were, what would I do? I don't deserve her.. no, not at all.. and if I then injured her, how could I even.. face my own reflection?

I'm afraid of rejection, too. Afraid I've been fooling myself.. false hope.

I want to tell her that I love her.. and that.. no. I can't even say that. Would I look like a stalker? A moron? .. And, how could I ever make her happy.. she's beautiful. She's smart. Funny. Amazing. What sort of a match would I be?

It's so.. strange. Oddish. I'm writing this, almost wishing she WOULD find it. Even though she won't. Because.. I'm such a coward. And it's tearing me apart.

Even if I told her, what would come of it..? Discomfort? Or.. losing.. her. She's so important to me. SO important. I couldn't deal with that.
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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003

Subject:Mufufu~!
Time:7:18 am.
Mood:cheerful.
Music:FALL OUT BOY - Saturday.
*Cackles. Softly.* So.. at long last, I have found a spot to rant. >D

*Koff.* I love my LiveJournal and all, but, at times, there are things I just can't write about -- and, yes. This "Blurty" is now to be the spot of much angst! ... *Ponders.* At any rate, I'm going by the name Inokku (EE-no-koo). Love that name. Ino (EE-no) for short. But. If anyone finds this.. well. I wouldn't linger about, as this Blurty is, most likely, going to end up angsty and babbly -- reserved for all the stuffu I wouldn't dare to stick into LiveJournal, even on "Private." I'm paranoid, mayhaps?

At any rate. *Yawns.* I really need to work on this Blurty layout. 9_9;; At the moment, it's hideous. Of course, it is the morning before the last day of school. So. I'll get to that sometime this summer.. Righto. Heading off -- school awaits, as do finals. WHOO. @_@;;
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Blurty for Ino.

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