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Friday, April 13th, 2007
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2:05 am - Sweet Zombie Jesus...
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So, I was watching Futurama, and noticed that Cartoon Network censored an episode... a cable channel censored and episode more than it's original network TV airing did. What did they censor? Only the Professor's coolest catchphrase, the aforementioned "Sweet Zombie Jesus" down to "Sweet Zombie"... What the hell? Is it offensive to say Jesus on TV now in any way--I mean come on, it's comedy, plus it's on Adult Swim, which is late at night, and already has worse stuff on everything else, including ATHF.
Lameness....
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| Sunday, April 1st, 2007
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4:24 am - Insomnia
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Unsurprisingly, it's 4:30AM, and I'm still awake. That's nothing new, not for me. I suffer from constantly varying degrees of insomnia.
Surprising thing is, the cause. For the first time in a long time, things actually seem nice. And it was a sudden shift. From everything seeming dull and gray and disappointing to actually being pleasantly surprised for once. Small things are important. A moment of time, good conversation, a funny coincidence, etc...
And I think now, in this instant, that somehow things are going to work out. That's usually when the other shoe drops, but I've stopped watching and listening for it.
Still, no reason to get excited.
current mood: hopeful
current music: Jimi Hendrix - All Along the Watchtower
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| Friday, March 23rd, 2007
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4:49 am - Overextended
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Expand or die, so went the motto. Not my motto, not my taste in mottoes. Only occupy positions that can be defended if need be, that's closer to my motto--if I had one at all. That's one I'm learning again. Slowly withdrawing, not forgetting. Manifest Destiny and all that crap. Not really but whatever.
Any more openings and I'm going for it with little hesitation. Make a fool of myself, casting myself in an unusual light, and generally making a mess of things; those are the risks. The alternative: being something I don't want to be, and one day having enough of it and being a complete jerk. I'm only human though, and we Homo sapiens have that tendency.
I can't sleep right now. But hey, yesterday was a good day. Or fairly good. I spent a portion of it wandering around outside with a girl. So she was only one and a half, and my second cousin. She's more like a niece though, and she kept pestering me to take her outside, so outside we went. Silly girl, that one.
current music: Queensryche - Anybody Listening?
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| Thursday, March 15th, 2007
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9:02 pm - Beware the Ides of March
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So. I haven't written anything in a while. Not here, not there, not anywhere.
I'm not really writing anything now. Or am I? Or am I not? Not really I think.
I'm just wasting time. Same as always.
Et tu?
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| Thursday, March 1st, 2007
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2:20 am - Collapse
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I hate this. This air, this mood, this scenery, this setting, this current state of time.
One of those times, where, for some, everything just seems to fall in on itself. I'm holding up alright at the moment, but others aren't, and others are more important than I am. Others that make me worry, about them. Things seem to be just sliding into the sea on some fronts. There's nothing I can do, but just seeing it is enough to trouble me.
( rant )
On top of this, I'm no longer distracted from my troubles in any meaningful way. Their full weight rests on my mind now. I'm not sure exactly how long I can keep things up. This is just something I don't want to be anymore. I'm starting to wonder if maybe nothing was better than something after all. The day I truly believe that will be a bad one.
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| Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
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3:57 am - 2007 Blows
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Something in the air so far this year.
Nothing feels right. Everything just seems off. The spark that made the last year good, if turbulent, have vanished. It's all just bland and gray. So distant now are my concerns of the past, except to me. They stay around in my head--I can't rid myself of them. Ghosts and demons that just simply won't stop haunting me.
I just want to be left alone these days. I want to sleep my life away; spend it dreaming. I'd much rather do that. To be asleep, where things are better. Though even that isn't true. The cracks have gone all the way through to the foundation. Even my subconscious can't escape it. I wish I could just summon up a former state of mind again... to be dead inside, and to live a life devoid of meaning or feeling.. To not really live, but to not be dead.
I'm just tired, of being me...
current mood: discontent
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| Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
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1:22 am - In the right place at the wrong time...
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If things had happened differently--earlier namely--then perhaps things wouldn't have turned out like they're going to for at least the foreseeable time ahead of me.
So I took a chance, and didn't get shot down... but rather struck down by the conspiring forces of fate and time and soon distance. In this situation time is what I need... and it's what I don't have.
Everything else seems so trivial at the moment. I just want to sit here. And think.
current mood: sad
current music: Remy Zero - Save Me
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| Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
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5:29 pm
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So I did it. I just said what I meant, and meant what I said.
Either way it goes, at least I can say I tried for once. Feels nice to just say something straightforwardly.
It's all out of my hands now...
Now I wait. For a reply
current mood: anxious
current music: Dio - Firehead
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| Monday, February 19th, 2007
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12:21 pm - Goodbye Dialup
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Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.... Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....
Um...
I have DSL now. It's nice. Fast. Loving it. No more lame modem noises.
current mood: grateful
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| Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
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8:03 pm
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| Sunday, February 11th, 2007
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3:19 am - Don't Forget the Cookies Fortune
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Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Sound advice, that I wish I could adhere to more closely sometimes. Sometimes though, too much calm, poise, and balance can also avert actual understanding.
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| Thursday, February 8th, 2007
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12:57 am
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People can be jerks sometimes. Myself included.
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| Friday, February 2nd, 2007
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3:11 am - Flattery
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Is key. Even better when it's honest. (And I'm not the flattered either, I'm the flatterer.)
"What's with me these days?", I wonder. I'm becoming a more complete person. I see all those things I never really understood, but that I thought I could do without... and suddenly they all seem crystal clear, and I realize that those things are what's important in this life. So I'll make my choice here:
- Chance vs. No Chance
- Uncertainty vs. Certain Failure
- The Unknown vs. The Familiar
- Complementary vs. Supplementary
- Nothing to lose vs. Everything to lose
So I strike out in the new direction. The interesting direction. Time to ignore my tendency to want that which I cannot have and work towards something that I actually have a shot at, and that the more I think about it, the more I realize that it's closer to my view of perfection. I guess I'm growing up after all.
Also, I should be getting DSL sometime in the next week or so. *crosses fingers* I'm also getting Satellite TV finally. It's all cheaper than the normal phone bill when it's bundled by the phone company. Nice racket they've got I guess.
current mood: hopeful
current music: Metallica - Eye Of The Beholder
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| Thursday, February 1st, 2007
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5:58 am
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I'm still awake. It's too late for me to be staying up, but I can't help it. I'm not sleeping as well as I'd like.
I'm tired.
Things have taken a turn for the quiet, for a few days at least I suppose. I've still got that not good feeling, but it's just been put aside for a bit. Not that it really matters anyway probably. I'm spineless... in some situations.
Windows Vista kicks ass. Getting Windows Vista for free kicks even more ass. (And it's legit too, not pirated.) Everything is all transparent and pretty, and it's easier to get to things and find certain things. Plus, they finally revamped the included games. Solitaire, Freecell, and MineSweeper actually have improved graphics--plus they dumped in some new games, including Chess... which means I've finally played Chess...
current mood: tired
current music: No Music--I'm watching Star Wars. lol
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| Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
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9:52 pm
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Nice night. It was Kyle's birthday, so we went out to eat. Japanese. Goodness. I enjoyed it very much.
Tried a bit of sushi for the first time, just one piece, a salmon roll. Not bad. Not the best thing I've ever had to eat by far, but not bad by any means.
A nice night out to distract me, from everything I have on my mind. ( Paranoid Tangent )
current mood: good/bad
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3:03 am - Rehash
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So I was browsing through some things yesterday, and I happened upon a poem I'd read a long time ago. "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas. I like it very much. It strikes something in me and just resonates.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
current music: Killswitch Engage - Daylight Dies
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| Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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4:32 am - Muzak
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Hm, I'm really bored. I just spent over an hour fiddling with a program to Rename/Edit Tags of my music collection. I usually do a good job of keeping it organized, but there was a little clutter. Now there's less. *yawn*
I think I'm going to bed now.
current mood: bored
current music: the whooshing sounds of computer fans
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| Sunday, January 21st, 2007
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12:32 am
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Odd day. Only got seven hours of sleep. Drew came over and woke me up. I can't stand when someone just comes over and wakes you up for no apparent reason. I was sleeping goddammit.
Mallory came over today, with Sypher of course. A very brief visit on their way to Columbia to do whatever. They probably said, I wasn't really paying attention though. I dunno, it was only a 30 minute visit. Apparently I'm "important" enough to warrant that. Whatever... I'm really glad I'm important enough for a 30 minute visit that sounded like it was more out of obligation than actually wanting to stop by.
I've become increasingly negative. I don't really know what it is... Regardless, I've become disillusioned with a great many things. It seems now like there's nowhere else to go. I need time alone, completely alone, which I apparently can't get anymore.
current mood: crappy
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| Friday, January 19th, 2007
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4:43 am - Picante
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Hm... Picante Beef Ramen... is actually kind of spicy. I chalk it up to the flavor packet, lol.
Doubly reminded today of how much this place sucks. Why is it though that I've been able to find some cool people here? Is it just an anomaly, or has the crappiness of this place somehow managed to forge a select few cool people? Or have they become cool in spite of the lame place that is here?
What difference does it make? None I suppose.
umm...goodnight/morning.
current mood: contemplative
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| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
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4:07 am
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Boring days so far this week.
I had to help my cousin move a fairly heavy entertainment center today... it was lame.
Interesting enough weekend though. Quiet for all but a few hours, but interesting.
Saturday was cool. Dinner at Fatz. Conversation with a funny and interesting waitress I've gotten to know fairly well in a short period of time. (MySpace has it's pluses I suppose.) There was a slight bit of awkwardness when running into a former friend. Walking by without a word said was probably for the best. He's such an ass, so it's not like I really would've wanted to talk to him anyway. Next there was laughing as Drew had his ATM card eaten by the machine because he can't remember his PIN# followed by hanging out in a parking lot with friends and watching shady transactions go down. haha
Pretty quiet weekend though, all in all.
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