| Do I complete the circle? |
[13 Sep 2006|04:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
All over the plaaacccee |
] |
- Dea once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest!
- If you drop Dea from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
- Some birds use Dea to orientate themselves during migration.
- Deaomancy is the art of telling the future with Dea.
- If you kiss Dea for one minute you will burn six or seven calories!
- Reindeer like to eat Dea.
- The National Heart Foundation recommends eating Dea at least three times a week.
- Dea can not regurgitate!
- If you blow out all the candles on Dea with one breath, your wish will come true!
- You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Dea.
Noticed how erotic-like Dea is?
Because I did.
♥
|
|
| Ey, psssst... |
[09 Oct 2005|11:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
H'okay so. This post I believe is relevant to my last...word post? Gud? Guud!
I stayed up all night last night. Just lying there and listening to my fabulous new MP3. Hehe. Gotta love music. I thought for a very long time. I guess it was one of those nights, you know? It was also a first for me and I might I have loved it. I think I might have analyzed every single move I've made lately. This was the second time I was entirely open with myself. Except that there weren't any tears involved this time. And I liked it. When you're not under emotional stress, I find, you rationalize more effectively. Towards morning I felt the sun come up and saw how every detail of my room could slowly be noticed more easily. Then I went to the window and the same thing was happening with the outside world. It was so peaceful and I just stayed there...I guess watching and smiling. So I think I had a little unexpected date with myself. I did try to make out just so the circle would be complete, but I ended up licking myself instead and then I felt wet. Hehe. Woot!
Mmm, I came to realize that some things should be changed in my life. Of course not dramatically, but I should probably give 'baby steps' a try. You know, maybe I'll kiss the next guy I find attractive when no one is looking. Maybe I'll do it just because. Maybe I won't think about it at all. And maybe I'll like asking him to keep me a secret although he might not after all. Or perhaps I'll join someone who's drinking with a glass or two. Not because I want to get drunk and show how uhh "badass" I am, but just because that's the only way I can comfort them the only way they could understand. You know, perhaps I won't hide from the fear of getting drunk and doing something stupid, but step up and trust myself instead. Or maybe I'll go to a party and, again, not be afraid of people. Maybe I'll approach them even if I know they'll offer my drugs. I'll talk to them and when the time comes I know I'll be able to say 'no' with a smile instead of a horrified look. I am bigger than most things I fear, yet I keep being afraid of them. I guess I'm a bit scared of myself too. I guess I don't trust myself or my friends that much after all. The "what if"'s have to go. And I have to understand that even if I say yes to drugs because I'm too drunk, there'll always be at least one damn friend in there to pull me out. I gotta start trusting that they will have my back. I have to understand that I'm not the only one looking out for them and that they are old enough to look out for me, too. So maybe I'll give that a try. I guess my fears originate from the word "trust" after all. I never would have admitted this yesterday, but today I can because, for the first time, I trusted to be calmly truthful with myself. And I guess it worked? We'll see. This could always be the wrong deal, but I think trust it's worth a try.
Wish me luck?
=o)
♥
|
|
| Woot! |
[09 Oct 2005|02:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
|
|
| Blah |
[09 Oct 2005|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indifferent |
] |
I.want.my.dream.
Nicole was right, I won't be able to sleep tonight. Not because she ('she' not being Nicole, btw) has what took me 16 years to build in theory, but because it just hit me that I never went looking for it. I never really go for the things I want. I mean, trying to understand what people who pass me by on the street are all about and if they might be "it" isn't necessarily "looking for it". Not even close. I'm sure she went through a lot of shit to get to where she is right now. And I'm sure most of it was hurt. But I...what do I do? I basically wait for it to come to me. Out of no where and without any effort, I want it to all of a sudden hit me and complete my life. But what really hit me is that nothing in life "just happens" like that. Even more so your dreams.
So where does that leave me? Man, I'm so scared of getting hurt that I don't realize that I probably get more hurt by living this way anyway. I mean, what hides behind this fucking protection wall I have built around myself, honestly scares the shit out of me. I'm sure there are other people who live the same way. They probably live their entire life like this. But the thing is that they don't know it. And you can't be scared, offended, hurt or whatever by something you don't know. And I know it. I know it all and I've known it since the second I started to build protection walls around me. I guess I took the easy way out, huh? I took it even though it wasn't in me to.
Damn, it sucks to be this way. But what can I do at this point?
Love is tragic. But only when you know what love is.
♥
|
|