Darke's journal

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Friday, September 12th, 2003
8:10 pm
[occ: Guess i'm moving my journal to greatestjournal, since everyone else is as well. yes.]

Darke can be found here: http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/darke
Comments: sell your soul.
Tuesday, September 9th, 2003
9:36 pm
Figures Nic is thousands of miles away when I need him. sigh. Could use his advice & presence about now.

canvas is black. Like my mood.

current mood: black
Comments: sell your soul.
Sunday, September 7th, 2003
4:17 pm
Fell asleep in the common room last night, while sketching. Lars woke me this morning, and found it amusing. He scared some first years who were posting notices from Jessica on the bulletin board. It's amusing to watch him; he thoroughly enjoys intimidating people. Not to mention he's cute. ahem.

But bleh, he's been teasing me all morning, telling me Severus thinks I'm cute. & he's teasing me about that girl, too. I forget her name. The blonde Slytherin. (Oh yes that narrows it down, doesn't it). The one who 'gushes' everytime she speaks to us (us being me or Lars or Lamont. or any male.). She's all..bubbly. Shiny-happy. It's sort of frightening, really.

Strange dreams last night. I dreamed of Seif (won't discuss that one). Dreamed odd dreams about the Forbidden Forest, and some boi being chased by some..dark thing. Dreamed I was playing Quidditch (really weird..). I also dreamed of Mana. But I'll keep that one to myself. It wasn't anything bad, or perverse. Still.. *shrug* I'll keep it to myself anyway. Someone's sure to get hold of this journal someday soon, and the nice dreams are none of their business. Let them read about the nightmares all they want, though.. Heh. That'll teach 'em to be nosey.

Damn aren't I rambling. I think I'll sneak to the kitchen with the Twins and snag something to eat (since I slept through breakfast), then take a walk outside someplace.

The canvas is white today. Maybe I can finally paint on it?

current mood: amused
Comments: sell your soul.
Saturday, September 6th, 2003
1:00 am
Weary tonight. Was caught up in an interesting 'scene' earlier. A confrontation of sorts between Severus Snape, Jessica Riddle, and Remus Lupin. Jessica had mentioned that she wanted to talk with Snape, so I 'pursuaded' him to tag along as I went to find her. Lupin showed up right after we met up with her. I stayed for 'damage control', I think. To make sure they didn't beat the bloody hell out of Sevvy or something. Atonement for a past sin. Remus & Sevvy had some pretty harsh words for one another. I think Snape bested everyone with his insults.

I still had his wand when he took off. Had to find him to return it. He cursed me for a good 10 minutes when I found him. He also questioned my loyalties, my blood, and a few other things. I expected it though -after, I did 'detain' him in the hallway. I did wait until he was through venting before I returned his wand. Not fond of being hexed, you know, and he was angry enough to try it. He'll probably catch me sleeping and try it then.

The boi has issues. But who doesn't, eh? I think he's..I don't know. Alone, maybe. It's something I just sense about him, which is probably why I stopped giving him such grief after our first year here..

Sometimes I wish I had Seif's cruel streak so I wouldn't be bothered with caring about these things. Perhaps I do; maybe that's why I dragged him there. I would like to think otherwise.

Seif used to call me cruel.
But I wasn't. He was the cruel one.

I never had the choice, did I. heh.

My thoughts are random tonight. Should sleep.
The canvas is black. Somehow I'm starting to find that peaceful.
Comments: sell your soul.
Thursday, September 4th, 2003
5:10 am
5 a.m. and I'm up again. bleh.
Canvas is black. Think I'll head down to the common room and sketch.
Or roam the halls until Filch catches me. ha. funfun.

current mood: awake
Comments: sell your soul.
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
4:57 pm
Yay for anti-socialness. That and loads of homework. And two nights of detention, for smarting off the the Divination professor (I grew weary of hearing how I'm going to die, damnit..). My life is one big exciting episode after another, hmm?

Sevvy-boi was looking extremely..smug..this morning. Lars showed him my sketch (Sevvy in a skirt) and that wiped his smile away. *shrugs* I didn't show him. Had no plans of showing him or anyone else, as most of my work is for myself. But..Lars saw it, and decided Severus needed an 'attitude adjustment'. He swore to hex us both for it later, when we 'least expected' it. Sigh. I hope he doesn't. I really don't want to break the poor boi's nose for it.

So I took a stroll through the Forbidden Forest this weekend. Took chalk to mark my way so I wouldn't get lost. Half the markings on the trees was gone when I tried to come back, so I walked around for a bit. Eventually found my way. It gave me a lot of time to sketch and too much time to think. Dark place, that Forest. Perhaps that's why I've been so ..intrigued?.. with it since arriving at Hogwarts. I have this thing for dark places, I suppose.

Note from Seif today. Bloody bastard. He mentioned that he was visiting the parents over the holidays (so I believe I'll spend mine with Nic..). He said I should consider leaving here for a year or so, and 'travelling' with him. He's such a tosser. The parents have no bloody clue as to his intentions, but after years in his presence, I know exactly what he's up too. Like I would leave here to go anyplace with that git..

He also mentioned some person he swears "holds enlightenment". Lord Vorde..something. Volde-something? Hells if I know (or care). I skimmed that part of the letter. Seif is always following some new culte or other. And always trying to drag me in it with him. (Can we say 'tosser' again? Yes, yes we can).

He wants to come here to visit for my birthday (which is also Halloween. & the dance). I replied that he couldn't because I was busy with school and had no time for visiting. Can he show up here of his own accord? Must find that information out. Phuck if I want him anywhere near me or my friends, or Mana for that matter.

If he shows up here, I'll send his ass into the Forest and make certain he doesn't come out..
Heh..hostile much, Darke?

Must go show my face downstairs or the Twins will think I've lost myself again. *pets the Twins*

current mood: bemused
current music: recordings of some muggle bands Nic sent to me
Comments: sell your soul.
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
11:16 am
Note to self: Study more on weekends. Stop sneaking off to strange places.

On the positive side.. LOTS of new things to sketch.. *smirks*

Bloody canvas is pink again. Pink! aaarrrgh.

current mood: exhausted
Comments: 2 souls - sell your soul.
Saturday, August 30th, 2003
9:46 am
Asked Mana to the Halloween Dance. I wasn't exactly Mr. Smooth (being romantic or anything of that sort never was my strong point..), but she said yes anyway. Lars was thrilled to hear that I finally asked her. 'About time,' were his words. Odd boi he is. Asked why I didn't ask a Slytherin when I first mentioned I may ask Mana. Now he's thrilled I asked her.

James & Sirius & some girl recruited me to put up posters of Snape, in a skirt. I didn't do it. Threw them into the fireplace instead. I think he's suffered enough (especially with the incident of him running through the halls naked). I understand that they're just having a bit of fun, but.. I don't know. It reminds me of what Seif used to do to people who were weaker than him, and I don't intend to be like Seif. The bastard attempted to drill into me for years that 'the strong rule the day', and 'the weak deserve what they get' and such shite. I spent years ignoring it. I'm not about to start living by his 'standards' now..

So, nothing against the Marauders, but I guess I have to draw my own lines, with myself.
I've done twisted, devious things in the past, but this time I chose not to participate in it.

One person can only do (and take) so much. Future repercussions and all of that shite.

We do what we have to, to live with ourselves. Yes? Yes.

I'm rambling. Should sleep more.
The canvas is orange today.

current mood: contemplative
Comments: sell your soul.
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
8:42 pm
Whole bloody school has gone mad

current mood: anti-social
Comments: sell your soul.
Monday, August 25th, 2003
9:24 pm - blehhh
Bloody canvas was pink this morning. Gah, I hate pink.. *pokes it* Now it's a shade of brown.

Thought I saw Mana in the hallway this morning as I was going to class. Haven't seen her in a few days, so I tried to catch up with her. No luck; I was side-tracked by the twins (Lars & Lamont). Must finish the sketch I started of them together. They're very..sketchable.

I probably just made that word [sketchable] up. Bother, my head hurts and I don't care.

Must go find remedy for this malicious headache and crawl in bed and hide. sigh.

current mood: head-achey
Comments: sell your soul.
Sunday, August 24th, 2003
2:03 pm - Oddness
Odd weekend. I'm in the library with Severus Snape, feigning that I'm sketching in my sketchpad but scribbling this shite instead. I'm..not quite certain how I came to be here. I remember being at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and Hagrid (my he's a tall man..) telling me that Jessica Riddle was in the hospital wing, having been in the Forest herself. (Tsk tsk, she went without me..). I was on my way to the Astronomy Tower to pick up a book I left there during my 'anti-social' spell. Then.. I wake and find myself in the library with Sevvy-boi. And he's wearing a skirt.. Odder & odder. Waiting on Remus Lupin to come back and 'fix' things (at least that's what he claimed he was going to do). I was going to go to the hospital wing and see how Jess was doing, since it was me what put the idea of going into the Forbidden Forest in her head. But she was with Lupin (Why does everyone call him Loony? I find him quite cute.. er.. I mean nice. Yes, nice *smirks*), so I'm going to make the assumption that she's out [of the hospital wing].

Sevvy-boi keeps glaring at me. Possibly because I keep calling him 'Sevvy-boi'. Or possibly because he's wearing a skirt? I believe he's tempted to hex me. It would be better if he didn't. I would hate to have to retaliate whenever I was cured from whatever hex he put on me. I have nothing against him personally, but I do hate to be hexxed. I think he thinks I'm somehow responsible for him being in a skirt (and makeup? It looks like makeup), but I'm not. I don't know how the bloody hells I got here (or what happened to him) anymore than he does.

Have I dreamed this before? This seems so deja-vu'ish.

current mood: confused, yet amused
current music: none, Mme. Pinch would have kittens..
Comments: 3 souls - sell your soul.
Friday, August 22nd, 2003
5:20 pm
I always felt this place, this school, was safe, but now I'm tempted to run from here.
Not only from here.

Can one lose himself in the muggle world and not be found?
I'm almost willing to try and find out.

current mood: indescribable
Comments: sell your soul.
Monday, August 18th, 2003
10:32 am - Another Random Morning
Red canvas this morn. I wonder what red means? Lars thinks it means 'energetic' but his twin brother Lamont thinks it means 'anger'. Can't recall my mood the last time it was red. I guess I've decided that it somehow gauges my upcoming moods.

Wonder what my Divination prof. would think of that.. *smirks*

One of these nights I'm going to sneak into the Forbidden Forest and see what lurks there. I'll get caught and expelled from school, no doubt, but.. *shrug* Life's no fun without a little danger/adventure.

Halloween can't come soon enough for me. Not because it's my birthday - that's never meant much, except aging a year. It's Halloween itself. The energies. The air and the dark and the moon. Seif used to call me odd because of my fascination for it [Halloween]. Not that the git's opinion ever mattered. He's such a tosser.
Hmm.. Hostile much, Darke?

I adore new sketchpads. There's just something about making that very first mark in one..
Yes, I got a new one today. From Nic! Hooray. He's grand. He always seems to know when I need a new one, because he always sends them at the right moment. I'm still going to carry around my other one for a while because there are some drawings in it that I need to finish. And there's one I need to give to someone, whenever I see her again.

Note to self: Send Nic some chocolate to thank him for the sketchpad.

Off to classes now. Maybe I can not blow up anything in Potions today. Ha..

current mood: awake
Comments: sell your soul.
Sunday, August 17th, 2003
9:09 pm
Spent most of the weekend in the library. Did some homework. Sketched, mostly. Damn anti-social mood. Heh.
Oh yes, and let's not forget that I've been in detention the last two nights. Although, given my current mood, it's been sort of a blessing (never thought I would say that..). I haven't had to talk to anyone. So I haven't minded. And it's over now.

Received an owl from Nic last night. Looks like he's not going to get to transfer to Hogwarts afterall. We've been trying for more than three years and thought his mum & dad would finally give in. But they want him where he's at for a year or two longer at least, because he's closer to home and they feel it's the 'school for him'. Sigh. Bloody hell, I was hoping we could talk them into it. They sent me a note as well, apologizing but stating that they were steadfast in their decision. They did invite me to come & stay with them & Nic over holidays and summer. They're nice and I like them, but.. sigh, I miss Nic. He's been my best pal since we were 6 or 7 and even now it's still so empty without him.

Maybe I will stop in for a visit with them over holidays. Beats going home and facing Seif and the mother & father, doesn't it.

The canvas is black again. I'm starting to think it's either predicting the day I'm having, or my mood. It's been black on the miserable days and other colours on other days. I don't know, maybe I'm seeing more into it than is there.

I'm tired. Haven't been sleeping much. The dreams (and that damnable nagging little voice) are coming back. Phuckity-phuck to that.

Note to self: Get another sketchbook. My current one is nearly filled.

current mood: tired
Comments: sell your soul.
Saturday, August 16th, 2003
10:56 am
Hmm. The canvas is green this morning.
One day I'll have to ask someone why it changes colors like that.
As soon as I figure out whom to ask.

current mood: curious
current music: A Muggle band called the Doors
Comments: sell your soul.
Friday, August 15th, 2003
10:59 pm - Randomness
Mana (I forget her last name again) approached me today and owned up to the fireworks' display in Potions (the one that has me in detention for the next few days). Told her it wasn't a big deal. Maybe I can catch up on homework while in detention. And! She found my sketchpad! Not only that, but she managed to make the pink in my hair (*growls at potions gone wrong*) disappear. Clever girl.

Sat out in the rain for a while. Climbed a tree and thought about things. Didn't fall out of any trees, so that's a plus. My thoughts kept wandering to Seif, and the time I 'fell' out of that tree when I was younger. The more I think of it, the more I think he pushed me. Bastard. But then I wonder how he would have reached me? I was, afterall, up in a tree. Just my odd thoughts, I suppose. I still loathe him.

Moon returned tonight, with a note from the mother & father. I've missed the little owl. She's been with me since before I came to Hogwarts (a 10th birthday present from the mother & father), and I feel.. safe?.. when I know she's about. She's familiar, I guess, and I used to talk to her about things when I still lived at home. She knows more of my secrets than anyone else..

Anyway, to the note: The mother & father wrote to let me know that Uncle Seif will be there for the next holiday, and they know I can't wait to see him. You would think they would realize by now that I can't stand the site of him. But no, they choose to be blind to it. Sometimes I think they know..

That little nagging voice grows louder the more I think of all of it. Better to keep myself distracted.

Speaking of distraction..
Off to detention and to write a Potions essay on 'Reasons I Shouldn't Blow Up Potions Class'.. The professor has such an amusing sense of humour, doesn't he? sigh.

current mood: blah
Comments: sell your soul.
8:23 pm
Detention tonight. and tomorrow now. and the night after. For that bloody little light display in Potions. Bloody hell.

And on another lovely note, I received zero marks for the transfiguration essay I didn't have today. Because it's in my damn sketchpad, which is still in hiding.

Going to go mad if I don't find my sketchpad soon. Must consider getting another, for occurrances such as this. sigh.

current mood: annoyed
Comments: sell your soul.
Thursday, August 14th, 2003
2:46 pm
Lovely day. I was accused of trying to blow up the entire Potions class (stupid pink, bubbly potion), I lost my damned sketchpad (*growls at anyone who dares touch it*), and now that I think on it, I'm pretty sure my essay for Transfiguration was in my sketchpad. *bangs head against random objects*

I would crawl beneath my sheets and sleep except Malfoy and his overbearing friends are making too much noise. Tossers.

Must go find sketchpad now. *growl*

current mood: aggravated
Comments: sell your soul.
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
8:53 pm
Received an owl today. From Uncle Seif. He wrote that he was going to try to find a way to come and visit. Can he do that??

I swear if he comes here and doesn't die horribly along the way, I shall find a way to kill him myself.
Phuck the mother & father for their stupidity. They're so blind it's frightening.

current mood: pissed off
Comments: sell your soul.
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
2:47 pm
I believe I've managed to annoy all my dorm mates this morn with my music.
Muggles call it "metal". How i do adore it. & it pisses the parents off, so there's a nice bonus.

i really do hate bubbles. How is that for randomness. Stupid bubble-filled dreams.

The canvas has turned from black to an odd shade of greenish-yellow. I'm interested in seeing what's next with it. I tried to clean it last night, but no deal. The 'magick' paint is obviously there to stay. One of my mates stared at it for a long time last night (as it changed from black to blue then back to black) then asked what it was supposed to be. I told him it was a portrait of my mother. Ha.

There's an owl at the window? Shall return after the owl & after Divination. I'm sure I'll be told I'm going to die again today. Bother.

[edited -- later]

Received an owl from Seif this morning. Yes, as in Uncle Seif. Who the hell let him know where I'm at? My addled, unsuspecting parents, no doubt. Damn them for it. Damn him. Damn it all.

My whole day is shot to hell, and I still have potions and History of Magick.
Someone curse me now & just end this miserable day.

The canvas is black again.

current mood: annoyed
current music: muggle metal bands. delight
Comments: sell your soul.

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