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Blurty for the girl with the flower in her hair.
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| Saturday, October 31st, 2009 |
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right under my feet there's air made of bricks pulls me down, turns me weak for you. I find myself repeating like a broken tune and I'm forever excusing your intentions and I give in to my pretendings which forgive you each time without me knowing, they melt my heart to stone. and I hear your words that I made up, you say my name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. each and every time I turn around to leave I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed. so desperately I try to link it with my head but instead I fall back to my knees. as you tear your way right through me, I forgive you once again without me knowing, you've burnt my heart to stone. and I hear your words that I made up, you say my name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. why do you steal my hand whenever I'm standing my own ground. you build me up, then leave me dead. well I hear your words you made up, so I say your name like there could be an us. I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love. adele. melt my heart to stone. ps. sorry i was away so long. |
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 |
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perfections. only themselves understand themselves and the like of themselves. as souls only understand souls. -walt whitman (leaves of grass) so alone, naturally. |
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| Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 |
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born to walled in comfort and placing trust where it never should have been, my worst fear came true. and it is amazing, human instinct. i seem to keep going, when i have no drive. i seem to continue living, even when i want it all to end. humbled. i realize, i have nothing to do with the force of momentum that pushes me forward... that makes my life continue everyday. it just does. whether i want it to or not. |
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| Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 |
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to pretend to know how you feel cannot be healthy. nor good. for recovery in spirit and soul. everyone keeps asking with wondering eyes. and i just keep pretending. fucking unhealthy. |
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| Friday, January 23rd, 2009 |
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you'll be given love. you'll be taken care of. all is full of love. |
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| Friday, December 26th, 2008 |
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another year. passes by. unnoticed. 25. its up to me. to make you what you should be. (an adventure. that doesn't go unnoticed.) |
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| Thursday, December 18th, 2008 |
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i thought you were what i needed. i thought you were what i wanted. i thought you were the only one i was going to love. ever. i can't believe you left. i can't believe i let you back in. i can't believe i didn't find what i was looking for. and now standing here, alone - with you by my side... i am not sure what to do. |
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| Saturday, December 13th, 2008 |
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i love trees and the light that falls through, the leaves that drift to the ground from the moon. the colors, the light...that tip past dark's night, and touch down where only angels have been. as i lay in the grass with a field by my side. i realize all i loved i had locked up inside never died. i have always been me. i have always been free. i just need you to want me to see. ---------------------------------------- i am so much more than i was just moments ago. and just like blood pressure or a huge roller coaster, i will continue to fluctuate. |
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| Sunday, December 7th, 2008 |
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and i feel so real. it has been awhile. since i have felt, the edge of the moon and the crumbles that fall off. it has been more than awhile. since i have felt, myself feel anything more than what i felt 3 years ago. im not sure if you are what i want. im not sure if you are what i need. but i will tell you this, you gave me life. again. just as easily as you once took it away from me. |
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| Wednesday, November 12th, 2008 |
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i write the best poetry about you. and think the greatest thoughts while thinking of you. it is the most real that i feel... the most depth in a soul i have ever come to know. ------------------------------- and i forgot how our hands fit so well. |
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| Sunday, November 9th, 2008 |
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and i would like to be higher in the sky than the sun before i come crashing back into the world. ---------------------------------------- our second first kiss will be just as good as the last. i know it. i feel it. (i want so bad for it to spark.) |
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| Saturday, November 8th, 2008 |
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i dont know what to say. i dont know what to feel. im not even sure if he is what i want or what i need or who would even make me the most happy right now, after all he has done. i dont even know. i use to be happy. i use to be a lot of things. confident and beautiful. not sulking through life... wasting years. i use to feel so warm and perfect with my cheek on his shoulder. i use to never think that a sky could fall and crush you. i thought it was only there to keep my world company. the sunsets and rises, the moon's path, the spinning of the earth doesnt happen without a sky. a dark age, the ice age...lost moments in history. that mean nothing to anyone but me and him. and he tried to find a new world. he came close. and i tried to paint a new sky for my world. but never did it feel like a lid on the top that fit as perfectly as you. never. i needed to see you, i thought i was so strong. i thought i had it together. i thought it was the right timing. i thought my painted sky would last and not rip, nor fade with time... i was wrong. with your first glance, i lost it inside. and my masterpiece of colors disappeared like unsaved information, exposing the fact that i was still so emotionally attached and effected by something that happened years before. but i hid all of this, i bucked up. i stayed as strong as i could for 24 hrs in front of you. we were not alone often and i almost never made eye contact with you. i think you only touched me twice...though i could read your stance so well. we said our good byes and how wonderful it was to see eachother after so long. and then you and i walked away from each other. again. i didnt know if i would make it. i couldnt stand. i could have died right there. but instead i cried...put my elbows on my knees, hands on my face, and cried like i have never cried before... over something so important as the sky. it was then at that moment, sitting in my bright red rental car, that i realized i was not strong enough. i couldnt do this anymore. pretend for years that ignoring your phone calls didnt hurt. pretend that i didnt want to wake up next to you each morning. pretend the world had a sky... i couldnt pretend that i didnt love you. but i cant say any of that with out thinking of the pain you caused me. no one has ever come so close to killing me as you. no one. never have a i opened myself...my eyes so wide so someone could glimpse my soul. and the truth it fell so heavy. years pass like wild fire. then you came back around. and i (shocked the hell out of both of us and) let you back in. |
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| Thursday, November 6th, 2008 |
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the moon was a perfect half that rose ever so slowly as i landed back home. shades of black, falling everywhere. |
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| Saturday, October 18th, 2008 |
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stolen silence, words forced out in the form of tears. oh this dilluted life. oh this dissolved love. refizzled bubbles to the surface... pop open and release all that has been stuck against the walls like spackle. what the fuck am i suppose to do? strawberry dropped into champagne, you know how i feel. |
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 |
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i see the extraordinary in you... and i want to let it out. |
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| Sunday, September 28th, 2008 |
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it begins. where you left me. so far away. and it ends. where we meet again. or so i would like to think. the future holds promise. and when it does unfold... i'm sure a wall will be present around the heart and soul you once knew. |
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 |
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i thought about you today. and our last days together. the warmth, holding of hands... your touch. and your face. your broad, thick shoulders. you sat there. with your head down. i couldn't see your eyes. i knew you would miss us. but not nearly as much as me. it has been more than 3 years. shit. how time flies. and people change. and i am no where near where i want to be. (yet so much farther from where you left me.) |
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| Monday, September 15th, 2008 |
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| i promise to look you in the eyes more. | ||
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2008 |
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it has been awhile since i have felt pain. (and when i say pain, i mean real, fucking hurt, pain.) i am allergic to advil. i never take tylenol. i walk through life watching others limp. _____________ i don't know how much longer i can self medicate my mind so it forgets to feel. all that it should. |
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| Monday, September 1st, 2008 |
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so busy. i lost myself. among a stack of papers. _____________________ -long pants that drag at the bottom and hang loose around hips -eyes with depth -flat shoes -black ink tattoos -simple but beautiful music -a good conversation -fashion -the 1940's -hats, costume or just to rock -wings! -secret gardens -the size of the ocean -feeling small -the color green -love, braveheart style -leaves on trees and the light that falls through -holding hands -dark movies -real life -poetry and literature -fantasy novels and dragons -god induced miracles -nuns walking together in a row -watching cougars -dancing, wildly in a huge group of people -blue jeans that are worn in -NPR -itunes -magazine cut out collages -wisdom -the power of prayer -music from the 90's -fresh cut roses -someone who understands _____________________ so alone. i found myself. a mere shadow of who i use to be. |
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Blurty for the girl with the flower in her hair.
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