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Monday, February 23rd, 2009
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10:00p - moos
As I feel my hope dwindling away little by little I wonder why I even bother feeling any emotion at all. I know deep down in my gut this thing will not work out in my favor, no matter how hard I hope for it, how hard I try, bordering onto the realm of trying too hard. *sigh* What's a girl to do, really?
I must take my own advice and have faith. Never lose faith. I've seen a higher power work for me many times before and it becomes crystal clear and evident to me later why things happened the way they did. But in the heat of the moment, things are confusing and tortuous...and you scream inside and cry and wonder why. One must just have faith and know that sometime in the future it will become apparent why.
That doesn't stop me from being a rebel and wanting something that I either can't have or should not want. It's human to feel like this, it's only natural to let it be. I'm not ready to give up and accept defeat. Not when I actually got off my ass and tried to get what I wanted this time. Not when I decided I was going to pursue what I wanted instead of sitting by and watching it slip away, never knowing what could have been like I have done many times before. I'm tired of accepting fate, that's why I did what I did and what I'm doing now. So I can take charge and get what I want, dammit...!
My friends tell me to move on, that I'm wasting my time. I know they're right but I don't know why I don't listen. Maybe I'm just that stupid. No, I'm not. I just want something and I'm used to getting what I want.
current mood:  frustrated
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