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"Headless"- Dog Fashion Disco |
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Haven't done a List 'O Fuck for a while. I suppose now is the time.
1. Fuck incompetence. Me and Joe, in an effort to keep an old man out of trouble with the law, offered some guy a ride to his car. He had run out of gas somewhere downtown, so he got a ride to the gas station and got some gas. The taxi wouldn't take the guy 'cause he had a gas canister, so we offered him a ride. And you know what? We wasted a good forty-fucking-five minutes trying to find his fucking car because he had no fucking idea where it was. We went up and down, over and across downtown Bangor 30 fucking times before we had to make him get out. How fucking hard can it be to remember where your car is? Plus, that stupid bastard spilled gas in his backseat. What the fuck, honestly...
2. Fuck ungracious hosts. When you get an offer to stay over somewhere, one would assume the person in question hadn't made previous plans. I wanted to spend a pleasant night with my best friend, and what happens? He has his girlfriend come over, so I'm stuck playing on the computer while he makes out on the couch and his bed. That wasn't so bad, until he told me to leave the room. Now, I have a fucking problem with that. Get your fucking priorities straight. If you wanted to attempt to fuck your girlfriend, you shouldn't have asked me over. If you intended to hang out with me, you should've waited to fuck your girlfriend until another day. It can fucking wait, man. I'm not normally a fan of the phrase "Bros before hos," but that was a prime fucking example of when it applies. Calm your fuck drive. Not fucking cool, man.
3. Fuck stupid drivers. That should go without saying, I know. But seriously, some are just fucking dumb. For instance, what kind of fucking idiot takes being passed personally? They were going 30 in a fucking 45. I pass, they throw on the high beams and tailgate me. Now what the fuck is that? It's not my fucking fault you suck. Also, if I almost hit you because you won't push over when I'm trying to merge onto the interstate, don't look at me like I'm the asshole. Push over, you inconsiderate fuck.
4. Fuck McDonald's. Their new advertising campaign is fucking stupid. I heard a commercial on the radio the other day, in the form of a "McDonald's Rap," so to speak. The first verse made sense (as much sense as rap can make). The second verse; sneaking into a movie theater. Now what the fuck is that? First off, what the fuck does that have to do with McDonald's food? Secondly, I see a disturbing hidden association that they're promoting, unintentionally or not; blacks = cheap-assed thieves. Fuck you, you fucking racist pigs. Take your target advertising and shove it up your Nazi asses.
5. Fuck you, mom. I tried my fucking hardest to make you happy, and what the fuck do I get in return? "I can't wait until you know how it feels to have someone ruin everything for you." Way to make me feel completely fucking worthless. Go you, bitch. Excuse me if I put a dish in the sink instead of the fucking dishwasher. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't do the fucking litterbox at the exact second you asked. Silly me for needing some fucking food from time to time. Pardon me, I didn't mean to need a few fucking quarters, no need to "put a padlock on my room so I don't get robbed blind." You don't fucking love me. You love me because you have to. I'm your fucking son, not a fucking burden. Stop fucking treating me like one before it comes back around. Remember, I control where you go when you're too fucking decrepit to walk without pissing yourself. Make the right choices, 'cause you'll be in my hands...
I guess that's it. I'm out for now.
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