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Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
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12:05a - Different scenes for different genes
So I've had one conversation and one indirect note from two different people in the last twenty-four hours telling me androgyny "has too many problems to work". Here's a response:
Yes, my body is a particular sex (note I didn't say gender). Many people's bodies fit neatly into one sex or another, and many don't. Nobody perfectly fits either binary classification in both sex and gender. Naturally, this presents problems if I wish people to view me without the preset notions about sex and gender limiting their interactions with me. In order to overcome this limitation, I am working to make my body more androgynous-looking. I am tired of being limited by what is perceived as a static identity trait. There are no essential properties of human identity; all properties are accidental. Human identity is a fluid thing.
The way we got into this conversation is even more annoying-- he assumed about me a particular reaction based on what he perceives my gender to be. I corrected his assumption, making a self-deprecatory joke-- a tactic I often use when correcting the assumptions of others so as to be less confrontational-- which he took as license to treat me condescendingly. He claims to want to understand me; if he does, he ought to read something about androgyny, but whether he does or not will not affect my life. It does not bother me whether he care to educate himself or not, but if he does not then advice from him on the subject is unwelcome, with good reason: He's not qualified to advise in this matter.
Next event: The note, which was on a different friend's journal, saying androgyny has too many problems to work because, though I am overcoming gender limitations for myself, I am only attracted to one "gender". Now that's simply not true, first because there are many many genders of people I am attracted to and want to have a relationship with. At the moment, however, I am uncomfortable with penises and don't care to be involved with them. I suppose it's biosex he means, not gender. I'm bisexual by philosophy and sexual history, but most bisexuals I know tend to have periods when they really desire a relationship with a person of a particular sex. I really don't control to whom I am physically attracted at any particular period. And I don't think a leaning in one direction FOR THE TIME BEING delegitimizes my androgyny in any way.
Which is not to say he necessarily has to pursue androgyny either. I never thought it was really his thing, otherwise I'd be calling him ta right now. But the comment and the way it's phrased, I think, betrays a certain attitude which seems to affect his attitude towards me, considering the conversations we've had lately. Or am I just taking everything too seriously?
Misunderstandings based on a lack of knowledge about the subject. And no wonder; androgyny is a pretty obscure thing to know a lot about.
current mood: frustrated, vaguely disgruntled
current music: Black Tape for a Blue Girl-All My Lovers (comment on this)
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12:21a - Correction
Okay, in my general upsetness I misread the note in the friend's journal and took it out of context; he was referring to himself, not to me. The generalities made were upsetting to me. I think I felt that his former support of my androgyny was being revoked. Oh well.
(comment on this)
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8:26a - Everyone does these benighted surveys
I suppose I could make one of my own. You blurty people don't know me all that well yet; you could get to. If you wanted to. I suppose. And I could get to know you better. That's what these things are for, right? In theory. Oh, come on, it'll be short.
People call you:
You identify as (gender):
# of years you've survived on this little watery planet:
Which pronoun do you like people to use when referring to you?
Item you will most likely wear on your feet at a given moment:
Item you will most likely wear on your body at a given moment:
What you wear now:
Political leanings:
Where, approximately, do you call home?
What do you do for fun?
What do you like best to eat?
What do you like best to listen to?
Favorite quote/song lyric about sadness:
Favorite quote/song lyric about happiness:
Favorite quote/song lyric about anger:
A quote/song lyric that describes you:
Describe your current living situation:
Describe your current school situation:
Religiospiritual/mythological leanings or preferences if any:
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Death-- good or bad?
War in Iraq-- pointless or so sickeningly pointless you don't even want to talk about it?
Weirdest thing that has ever happened to you:
A few lines of original poetry describing this survey or how you feel right now:
Bonus: Fill it out in e-prime! (Don't use the verb "to be" in any form, anywhere. I guess I'll make allowances for the quotes/lyrics.)
My answers soon! Death by suspense must be mere minutes away!
current mood: bored, and putting off reading for class
current music: Dead Can Dance-The Human Game (Lisa Gerrard) (comment on this)
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10:30a
People call you:
You identify as (gender): Androgyne.
# of years you've survived on this little watery planet: 23.
Which pronoun do you like people to use when referring to you? te/ta/toi/taself
Item you will most likely wear on your feet at a given moment: Big fuckoff boots.
Item you will most likely wear on your body at a given moment: T-shirt and jeans, when I'm not gothing.
What you wear now: T-shirt and jeans.
Political leanings: Can't say; 'my' government probably monitors this site for proof of my anti-American, pacifist, anarchist agenda, which I vehemently deny.
Where, approximately, do you call home? Anywhere but here, but I miss Ireland.
What do you do for fun? Good conversation, roleplaying games to escape from reality, tai chi.
What do you like best to eat? Mmm, right now, roast beef and provolone on rye bread with italian seasonings would please me greatly.
What do you like best to listen to? All kinds of random stuff. Old school goth, folk, celtic, early music, older punk, electronica, ambient.
Favorite quote/song lyric about sadness:
"so the night comes and goes and there's no one there to nurture
but yourself and you know that you've nothing left to lose
will you stand in the road waiting for some other searcher?
will you weep soft and low in the voice that your mother used to use?"
disappearing man, Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer
Favorite quote/song lyric about happiness:
"I am scorpio-lite I am water I move in and out like the daughter of the tides I have infinite breath to keep intimate depth that is the lesson I learned from my mother I see the truth in the lies the path before me lies when you lift the disguise the path before you lies... if the path lies, you change it; if the truth lies, you name it; if your heart tries, you take it; if your hand flies, you tame it; if your god lies, rename it; if you think wise, you'll claim it"
scorpio-lite, bitch & animal
Favorite quote/song lyric about anger:
"beneath the sediment of aeons in ancient repose my trust lay eroded by age
the old glory faded and past times forgotten my reign giving way to my rage..
your new gods, your new ways, all seek to dispel me with doctrines of fear built on lies
the hidden one no longer I claim my dominion; the sun of your age I arise...
I will have none!"
cernunnos, Faith & the Muse
A quote/song lyric that describes you:
"so many years I've stood among the thoughts and tears of those I've served
among my own I walked alone through my own doing
all the years I've walked unknown behind the faces I assumed
a lens to clear your minds of what you'd suffered
give me time I will be clear, given time you'll understand
what possesses me to right what you have suffered
I'm in this mood because of scorn, I'm in a mood for total war
into the darkened skies once more and ever onward
there is no faith in which to hide, even truth is filled with lies
doubting angels fall to walk among the living"
dark angel, VNV Nation
Describe your current living situation: Two males and two females (identified), and sex ferrets (I never asked) in a four-bedroom house in Hellsville, FL (It's hot here because it's HELL!)
Describe your current school situation: 3rd year at THE weirdo liberal arts college in the south. Took to years off to study acupuncture and missed the place so much I had to come back. Classics/Anthro major, this time around. Hope to go to grad school in Toronto. Nice looking school, nice looking city, and get me the hell out of here.
Religiospiritual/mythological leanings or preferences if any: Chaos mage best describes my leanings, meaning I lurch and lean on whatever beliefs serve my purposes at the moment.
What do you want to do when you grow up? Get paid to read dusty texts on ancient magics and lecture about pointless and esoteric details no one else knows or cares about. I want to fill the role of the geeky useless scholar in the occult horror films who happens to know the right incantations to destroy the ancient walking undead horror from beyond.
Death-- good or bad? Bad for me; I plan for immortality. Good for others in some circumstances. Ctrl-alt-del for the terminally stupid.
War in Iraq-- pointless or so sickeningly pointless you don't even want to talk about it? So sickeningly pointless ctrl-alt-del seems like a great idea for most of the USA.
Weirdest thing that has ever happened to you: In my role as a chaos mage, weird things are habitually happening to me. Probably the weirdest: Going to a sleezy diner for greasy breakfast after spending all night awake trying to unpossess my friend.
A few lines of original poetry describing this survey or how you feel right now:
raw escapism
in purest most inane form
to deflect war thoughts
current mood: crazy
current music: The Cure-Disintegration (comment on this)
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11:58p
No entry. I'm gonna hide in the closet and cry.
current mood: utterly disgusted with humanity
current music: (silence) (1 comment |comment on this)
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