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Thursday, May 8th, 2003
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11:27 pm - I've been MIA. Uh, sorry.
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It's getting toward the end of the semester, and I'm going a bit berko. Mostly in anticipation of the 40 pages I have to write by the end of the semester, which I haven't started yet.
I probably get all keyed up and then don't actually start work for days and days for a reason. There must be some function for this extremely odd defense mechanism. Perhaps it's that by putting it off until the last minute, I'm keyed up for a shorter time. Maybe I'm in denial about the work I have to do. Maybe I'm self-sabotaging. Anyway, it's stupid.
More upsettingly, I've been slipping. I referred to myself with a gender specific pronoun. Not just once. A lot. Not like being myself is a discipline or anything, but there are bad habits connected with how I was raised that I want to break out of.
In the World of Normality (tm), I saw X2. It was a definite improvement over the first one. Subtle symbolism, social commentary, actual human interaction (aside from Halle Berry's wooden acting and after-school-special lines), and also some nice action-flick stunts and special FX. I look forward to the eye-candy (and hopefully SOME braincandy) of the Matrix Reloaded, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen looks very interesting, even if a radical departure from the comic series by Alan Moore. And this coming from a person who hates movies.
Now, to sleep. And to sleep, perchance to dream. Perchance to wake from the dream of waking.
current mood: frantic prickle green pear thing
current music: Kula Shaker- Mystical Machine Gun
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| Monday, April 28th, 2003
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5:46 pm - The Big Gay Ball and the best ice cream in the world
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I have something to say---
I'm in love with a republican pentecostal.
I just thought that would shock those who know me. She's wonderful! She's intelligent and sweet, very tender and nurturing, romantic, and sexy as hell.
And I'm an old bitter, cynical, heathen anarchist goth with trust issues. *sigh*. What am I to do with myself? She's said she loves me, that I'm too good to be true, and I can't help but wonder how I could possibly fit into her life. Besides the distance thing, which isn't that much of a problem for me, I'm just afraid I'm not up to her standards. But it's weird, even though she identifies herself as republican and pentacostal and I identify myself as anything but republican and claim my religion changes every five minutes but it hasn't been pentacostal yet and probably never will be, we've got a startlingly similar outlook on the world. I guess that shows how much labels mean.
So we went to the Big Gay Ball saturday night, which turned out to be a little gay ball, at Therapy, the nightclub in town. Yes, there are other nightclubs, but Therapy's really the only one with a goth night (scratch that, there's something new I've heard about but have never been), and it's the most gay-friendly. So me being gender non-identified is not a problem there, not that it would have been at the Castle either. I've just realized that entire paragraph makes NO sense. All right, I admit it, it's really early in this relationship and I think I'm serious about it, which scares me. And when I'm scared and excited like this about the best I can do is write in stream-of-consciousness. Anyway, after the Quest for the Holy Cloves met with success, though it was a near thing, we watched the drag club, then Quested similarly for the food, which we eventually found (Therapy is just in the land of getting lost as far as I'm concerned, evidently), we sat in the back and cuddled, then went out to sit and watch the dancing. Neither of us is comfortable dancing in public, though I'll do it in goth clubs where I know everyone looks stupid and it's not just me. Then we were talked at by an extremely drunk and lonely lesbian for awhile until I feigned headache to get away, and then we came home, and that's not the end of the night but it sort of is.
Then yesterday I saw my parents, and came home, and got groceries, and Paradox Troll made stir-fry and we had the best ice cream in the world for dessert. I mean it. Really. This stuff is amazing. I insisted on cherry, and tonight I will try the irish cream flavor. I think I'm going to do that right now in fact. Fuck dinner.
current mood: loved
current music: Nick Cave-Do You Love Me?
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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9:53 am - I'm still alive
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But incredibly busy. Thank the gods most of it is over with. I worked all weekend, then had a lovely evening last night of sitting around and meditating on the nature of time and existence and all that, something I hope to do more of.
More later I hope...
current mood: tired
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| Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
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2:59 am - I'm back, alive and wellish.
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It was a loooong week.
I ran around like a mighty nut getting things ready for fetish ball, and fetish ball was awesome. Yea verily, there was erotic hula hoop dancing, a liontamer act, a waxplay demonstration, a dungeon with two spanking benches and a st. andrew's cross, and a human sundae bar. No one got hurt (although quite a lot of people were flogged soundly) and a lot of people had quite a good time.
I met a beautiful girl who engaged my attention, and we spent the entire weekend together, and it's a wonderful dance so far. I'm drunk, I admit, with intense experience of her. And I have the terrible habit of fearing the hangover will be too much for me to take. Nonetheless, I drink deep. And in between drinks, I sip water and meditate on the Dionysiac revelations contained secretly in revelry.
current mood: ecstatic
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2003
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9:52 pm - Queer Ball and Drag Show
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It's hard to do drag when you're an androgyne.
tuppem, I didn't see you or I would have said hi. The rest of you, dear readers (all two), missed a great show. Two people put on a great send-up of a scene from Rent, and a group of four did a Moulin Rouge-themed routine. Mine was relatively short, but I did clips from three songs-- Just A Girl, Androgyny, and Wild Boys. I don't dance well, so I opted for the performance-art style. When the music started, I had a friend dressed as a gay makeup artiste trying to apply lipstick to me while I sat bound with a pink scarf in a chair. I had a violently purple wig on and my back was to the audience, so they couldn't see I had a fake goatee. Androgyny came on and I turned around and danced around a little, then stripped the wig and dress off-- I was wearing leather pants and a leather vest underneath. This is not advisable in Florida in April. I danced around to Wild Boys and left the stage. I would say to thunderous applause but I honestly wasn't paying attention, so I couldn't say. Someone approached me later to deliver the following insightful criticism: "Yo, man, that was the most fucked-up shit I have ever seen." I think he was a townie, but I couldn't say for sure. I sound like I was high but it was only adrenaline; I hate being on stage and I can't dance worth a damn. Nonetheless I think it was very good for me.
Today I went to MallWart and got some of the supplies for Fetish Ball. I was very tired, and daylight savings time is just not conducive to my life. I continue to be very tired. Oh, and I went out with two friends to Chili's for lunch, which means I have more food for later. Argh. Sleep awaits. I wish I didn't have school next week.
current mood: lethargic
current music: Siouxsie & the Banshees -Eve White, Eve Black
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
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8:19 am - Regaining connections and getting SOME work done
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I hooked back up with a dear old friend last night-- he was kind enough to go by my campus mailbox and leave me a note. Very short, just said "Hope all is well" and his phone number, but it spurred me to call. Because I'm lousy about keeping in touch with people. And he's offered to help with Fetish Ball so we'll go tonight to buy lumber and start the dungeon furniture. I am pleased.
In other news, I've been working a little more on the conceptualization phases of a creative project I've had on the table for awhile. It shall attempt to be a cooperative graphic novel produced with photography, digital art, and pencil and published online in monthly installments. The artform could take off, I think. More I shall not detail here; a little secrecy to keep the project alive.
current mood: accomplished
current music: early morning goddamned birds ;)
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
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1:38 pm - Not an April Fools day post
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So I'm running my college's annual Fetish Ball this year. It's in two weeks. I've just started. This is driving me mad.
We're having a people sundae bar, a fetish show, and a dungeon, and I haven't even started building furniture. We've got several female doms volunteering, one male, and one androgyne. It would be too much to hope for to get more genderqueer people on board, but I wish there were more dominant males around. I'd like to have a representative sample, since I honor all genders. ;) Hey, Benthar, feel like stopping by? It's the 12th, in case you're interested.
So, must run to campus, and do reading and get to class and then to work. Since today is April Fools, and some friends have decided to do drag for April Fools, I'm wearing a dress and a fake goatee. I find it amusing. I'll probably take the goatee off before work and substitute a necktie.
current mood: stressed
current music: whirring of the gears inside my head
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003
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5:29 pm - Reality Hacking
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The sorceror has met the ally.
The ally is death.
The sorceror must ascend.
This is why it is said the soul is deathless, not the identity. The thousand hells are a gauntlet and an initiation. I call Barbelith, I invite it in.
Look for the name of Barbelith on your walls. Why on the walls? The walls are the walls and Barbelith is the door.
Hell, more than the door-- the wrecking ball.
Hell, the hell of being flayed alive is a good start.
How do you get in? You get in by getting out. You get out by first and foremost realizing what you're in and why you want out. You have to look at the walls. They're hard to see. They're made of language and concepts and conditioning. They are called Well-Adjusted, Socialized, Normal, Sane, and many more besides. Look at the walls. They're your enemy. And not the enemy. Because the name is written on them.
Barbelith.
(disclaimer: no drugs were used in the making of this post, and no brain cells were harmed.)
current mood: illuminated
current music: Dead Can Dance-The Human Game (Lisa Gerrard)
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| Saturday, March 29th, 2003
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4:49 pm - Please excuse my absence...
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Went to my folks' house for a few days. They're good people. They did in fact make fun of my haircut, but it could have been worse-- they could have disowned me.
Mostly what I've been doing the last few days is roleplaying-- been running a mage game for some friends, and torturing their characters immensely before the official game even starts. Which is grand craic. I love being the Storyteller.
I've not dissolved myself totally in pointless escapism; I've also been reading Barbelith, a great forum for all kinds of subject matter. I will eventually post something when I've got something intelligent to say. There's some great commentary there about current events, magick, and culture, mostly from a Brit perspective.
I had an upsetting conversation with a friend just before I left for the 'rents house. Essentially he attacked my decision to be an androgyne, and accused me of attacking him, and wondered why I sounded so hostile. I don't think we'll speak again for awhile.
current mood: apathetic
current music: random arrogant worms
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
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3:25 pm - News from Ground Zero
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Where is Raed? is the weblog of an Iraqi civilian from Iraq. It is very articulate, intelligently written, and not anti-American. Please, check it out.
current mood: pensive
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| Monday, March 24th, 2003
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10:52 pm - Important Presidential Address Regarding Censorship and the Oscars
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4:39 pm - Reposted Protest Tips from The Babylon Project
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Information longs to be free!
A guide to manipulating the emotional-magickal undercurrent at demonstrations and situations that involve contact with the Police.
All too often, police overwhelm protesters in a blur of carefully choreographed, spirit-squishing, intimidation. Their best weapon in such a situation is their sameness; it's impossible to argue with a homogenous mass of weapon-bearing foot-soldiers and they know it. If we are going to have any sort of resistance to this homogeneity, it is going to be in our profound difference and our ability to create new and peaceful ways to resist and disagree. Ultimately, magick is about achieving the extraordinary and nothing more. The spells that follow are attempts at finding a way out of the inevitable CRUNCH of two worlds colliding. Hopefully, the spells will provide a peaceful and creative focus for a few of you and effect subtle but meaningful changes throughout the protest.
Remember list
- a quick set of legs are your best ally
- DON'T be intimidated - they're just like you and me
On Coppers
The police, contrary to popular belief, are actually Human Beings. Let's take this as our starting point, as it's just as good as any other. When dealing with the police, the no#1 thing to avoid is being sucked into a relationship that is damaging to your purposes as a peaceful demonstrator. The objective of the police force (but not necessarily particular police officers) will be to break the spirit of the crowd as a whole and therefore undermine any potentially subversive and/or unusual behaviour among the citizenry. Any suggestion that the police exist as a force of justice is unrealistic in practice; in protest situations they reveal themselves as the force of order that they are. However, the more we avoid being dualistic, mindlessly abusive and confrontational, the less excuse they have for flipping into the
LAWGIVER > < REBEL
Paradigm. When you enter this dialogue, the only answer you'll get is 'Because I said so' or possibly just 'No'. How you avoid this and what you replace it with are up to you. Perhaps aforementioned copper has interests outside of bashing people's skulls (it's not unheard of) Perhaps you have something in common; something in your respective pasts, something about your appearance, who knows? You could try and establish one of these paradigms:
TIRED PERSON > < TIRED PERSON
IDEALIST > < IDEALIST
CARING PERSON > < CARING PERSON
PEACEKEEPER > < PEACEKEEPER
Don't be fooled by the uniforms because, ultimately, the police are not an impersonal force any more than you and your mates are. We are all potentially dangerous units when mob mentality takes over (that goes for everyone at the protest, coppers included). They are a collection of individuals and can therefore be drawn into a game between individuals. If you can do this effectively, you can take away their licence to be mindless, skull-bashing androids. Be sure not to let them get away with it;
"You're hurting her!!"
"Look at yourself!"
Everything written so far depends on whether you're attempting a dialogue with a copper that will reply/communicate at all. There are plenty who will give you the ol' 'Actually-I-am-an-impersonal-force-and-I-am-only-here-to-smack-you-if-you-get-out-of-line' BLANK STARE. Gawd Bless 'em. Remember; whatever happens, always be the calmest and most mature in any given situation.
PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
- PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
The Spells
Staring really hard
Choose a Babylonian Foot-soldier of your choice and square straight up to him/her/it staring for a really long time. If the aforementioned policepersonage looks away, they know you're there (don't stop) and it will make them a beeeet uncomfortable. If they manage to return your gaze, maintain the stand-off but shift through progressively sillier facial expressions until the copper's head is finally forced to explode. This can be employed by a number of people at once toward a line of foot-soldiers. This ensures they collectively have nowhere to look for fear of meeting the gaze of one of the (hopefully) ridiculous looking stare-monsters
"Gotta get to work!!!!"
This is inspired by a piece of fantastic short-circuitry witnessed at London Mayday 2001. To employ this spell, ride up to a barricade of swine on a microscooter / spacehopper and, stream-of-consciousness-style, repeatedly say something along the lines of "Oh, come on, let me through, I gotta get to work! Gotta get to work, gotta get to work!! shop shop!! busy! busy! oh no! I'm gonna get fired, gotta get to work gotta get to work gotta get to work gotta get to woooooorrrkk!!!" ad nauseum.
Being really nice
This is pretty self-explanatory. Use your imagination to come up with new ways of being extremely nice to the foot-soldiers. Give them nice things. If they refuse to accept them, leave them by their feet in case they want them later. Write them songs telling them just how nice you think they are. Consistently thank them for their good work. Ask their names... 'oooh that's always been my favourite name, Officer Dave' ....etc ad short-circuituum
"What do you do, Dr. Leary, when someone keeps giving you negative energy?" Tim grinned that special grin of his that so annoys all his critics. "Come back with all the positive energy you have," he said.
From Cosmic Trigger (Volume I) By Robert Anton Wilson
Mimicry
Dress yourself as a patently absurd 'mock-copper' or 'anti-copper' (try to make it plainly ridiculous or else they have grounds for arrest) and spend the day refining copper-like phrases and actions. Try cultivating an air of self-importance and an unhealthy suspicion of the unusual.
To highlight blatantly ridiculous actions which a particular copper makes, Copy and exaggerate them in full view of the aforementioned copper and as many other people as are willing to watch. A typical exchange might run:
Copper: Subject is slim-build, caucasian male, approximately 6'1", dark hair, wearing possibly dangerous boots, yakkety shmakkety, blahblah etc and so on
You:
Yeah Sarge, potentially lethal anarchist here, wearing suspiciously brightly coloured clothes. Holding what appears to be a banana (possibly explosive), extremely dangerous looking shoes. Oh god ... ...hang on a minute, Sarge, they're all wearing shoes. Please advise; repeat: PLEASE ADVISE! Dangerous shoe-wearing anarchists all over the shop.
Etc ...
The Heart-wrench
Here's a chance for all the poets and assorted word-magickers among you to flex your creative muscles. When things have hopefully chilled out a bit, start reading the coppers as many cobbled-together poems as you can find from as diverse a cross-section of the crowd as possible. This is similar in structure to the really nice spell but you don't have to say nice things if ya don't want. Maybe couched in poetry and music, we can barrage them with enough sincere emotion about 'the cause' (whatever that may be), ourselves and the whole pointless friction between 'us' and 'them' that we can trigger the genuine emotional dialogue that's so painfully missing from such situations. Actually, there really is no limit at all on what you can speak about, providing it isn't needlessly aggressive (fuck it actually, you do what you think is best but, for the record, the writers of this pamphlet have had better success with a respectful but firm resistance).
The Curse
We all want a chance to get down 'n' shirty sometimes and here's your chance. Real off a long list of bad things that will be exacted upon the police by whatever Forces From Beyond you deem appropriate. A typical curse might run:
You: *clearing throat, adopting stance* a-HEM ...
CooooOOPPer!
May your truncheon fail you.
May your radio crackle and die.
May your boots ache and, aye! your head also.
One of those really annoying ones that throbs and THROBS at the side of your temples and is just, like, oooOOow.
May your eyeballs itch and your buttocks spasm.
May your sink be leaky and your bed be lumpy.
May you be forever plagued by dandruff and blackheads.
May your dental hygiene be generally poor.
May you live forever in the knowledge that you are a small brick in a very LARGE and UGLY wall which keeps Mankind from itself.
May all this come to pass as I have spoken.
By the Four Winds, may it come to pass.
By the Four Seasons, may it come to pass.
By the Four Tops, may it come to pass.
In the name of The Father, and of The Son, and of the Holy Water Pistol
Hallelujahgobble!
Om Shanti-I
Hail Discordia!
Talking Utter Shite
...Good orifice, Eveningicifer. Do potatee he want Carumba le jumper WIGS! me there only time enough? Can wivlama do when only the much time dinglyweeeee?! me when only the more bah grooda was, early denk-denk-denk-denk-denk! enough, anyway. Don't we go, nengowell me a wwwhrenggyllalala-dada wifters then and now, glowing like badgers. But aren't they, even? Never be can good freedom likely, lunchtimes apart dangrestrelartso!! hairdo bitsy tinyman!!instafresh? nerfwifflaneffle thwaitsingly inclingtr ingoBINGOBANGO!my-old-man's-a-dustman-he-wears-octopus-skin-socks incramendo!beltingewingsKIPPLEbackwardsandforwr andbackwardsandforwards ...
...nuff said.
Last words
Violence and dogma are the weapons of Babylon. If you use them, you should be prepared to become Babylon. The only thing we need to remember is that Babylon is not OUT THERE, it's IN HERE (ourselves), and in changing ourselves, we transcend the Dark Empires and begin again. There's always time for talking; negotiation is always a possibility; Dogma only breeds ignorance (not unity) and violence is the last recourse of the unimaginitive. Oh, and keep it funny: if we can't laugh, its not our revolution!
(Reprinted from The Babylon Project's website by permission of my own pineal gland. All rights reversed.)
current mood: fnord!
current music: fnord!
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| Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
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11:20 pm - Michael Moore at the Oscars
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Michael Moore's acceptance speech: "Whoa. On behalf of our producers Kathleen Glynn and Michael Donovan from Canada, I'd like to thank the Academy for this. I have invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us, and we would like to — they're here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction. We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times. We live in the time where we have a fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up. Thank you very much."
That just made my night altogether.
current mood: gleeful
current music: VNV Nation-Voice
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4:33 pm - Largo Faire
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Faire yesterday was good. I was sworn not to talk politics, and I'm glad of it-- it gave me a much needed break and enough strength to think about the subject again. I saw many friends I hadn't seen in awhile, as well.
In other news, I had an interesting dream this morning. I dreamed I had both male and female genitalia. I must have been on the edge of lucidity, because I remember wondering how it had happened. I eventually decided my hormones must be whacked out. I was not upset at all by this-- quite the contrary, in fact. I was busily figuring out how it all worked when the dream dissolved into something else which I don't remember.
current mood: pensive
current music: (still silence)
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| Friday, March 21st, 2003
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11:43 pm - Ren Faire!
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All right. I am going to the Faire tomorrow. It might be my last chance to go to this particular Ren Faire ever. I am going to see a friend I haven't seen in ages. Maybe several. And my friend has asked me specifically not to say anything about politics or the war.
So I can do one of two things-- think incessantly about the awful awful things that are happening, and hate myself for trying to have a good time, and feel guilty, and not say anything about it, and feel guilty about not thinking about it; or just accept that putting it out of my mind for awhile will not make the Iraqi people die any faster.
Not much of a choice, huh?
In other news, Pacifica seems to be having some decent war coverage, if anyone is interested in listening to reporting. Reporting with a strong liberal bias, but I guess if you put that next to CNN and average the results you'll get-- something in the middle.
All declarative sentences are propaganda. Including these.
current mood: determined
current music: (mournful silence)
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2003
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11:02 am - Write to UN
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This is the only thing I can think of anymore. We cannot stand idly by, and it is apparent the US government is not listening to us. I am drafting a letter to the UN security council requesting that the United States be required to disarm. The current leadership of the United States have made it clear that they no longer consider the United States an equal member of the international community as represented by the UN. They have made it clear that they do not regard themselves as answerable to the UN or to anyone. This situation is dangerous and cannot be allowed to continue. If any other nation were to attack UN member states without the consent of the UN security council, that nation would face sanctions, revoking of membership status, and any number of harsh penalties. For the sake of peace in the world, the leadership of the United States must be convinced that they are an equal, not superior, member of the international community and that they are not exempt from international law. The world must stand firm and united in the face of this threat. If economic sanctions are not a viable option, I urge individual UN member states to boycott US-made goods by any means possible. The United States must be made aware that, without the cooperation and friendship of the nations of the world, they face hard times indeed. Buying the friendship of other nations through commerce and aid packages is no longer enough, nor is coercing it through show of force. For the sake of peace, we cannot afford to suffer one nation to have so much power when its leaders have shown their capacity for abusing it.
When I draft the final version of the letter I will post it here, so that those who agree with me can join me in this plea for peace. To those who can, I urge a boycott of all the US goods and services you can possibly do without. For more moderate action, see Boycott Bush.
current mood: utterly disgusted with humanity
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| Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
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11:58 pm
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No entry. I'm gonna hide in the closet and cry.
current mood: utterly disgusted with humanity
current music: (silence)
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10:30 am
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People call you:
You identify as (gender): Androgyne.
# of years you've survived on this little watery planet: 23.
Which pronoun do you like people to use when referring to you? te/ta/toi/taself
Item you will most likely wear on your feet at a given moment: Big fuckoff boots.
Item you will most likely wear on your body at a given moment: T-shirt and jeans, when I'm not gothing.
What you wear now: T-shirt and jeans.
Political leanings: Can't say; 'my' government probably monitors this site for proof of my anti-American, pacifist, anarchist agenda, which I vehemently deny.
Where, approximately, do you call home? Anywhere but here, but I miss Ireland.
What do you do for fun? Good conversation, roleplaying games to escape from reality, tai chi.
What do you like best to eat? Mmm, right now, roast beef and provolone on rye bread with italian seasonings would please me greatly.
What do you like best to listen to? All kinds of random stuff. Old school goth, folk, celtic, early music, older punk, electronica, ambient.
Favorite quote/song lyric about sadness:
"so the night comes and goes and there's no one there to nurture
but yourself and you know that you've nothing left to lose
will you stand in the road waiting for some other searcher?
will you weep soft and low in the voice that your mother used to use?"
disappearing man, Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer
Favorite quote/song lyric about happiness:
"I am scorpio-lite I am water I move in and out like the daughter of the tides I have infinite breath to keep intimate depth that is the lesson I learned from my mother I see the truth in the lies the path before me lies when you lift the disguise the path before you lies... if the path lies, you change it; if the truth lies, you name it; if your heart tries, you take it; if your hand flies, you tame it; if your god lies, rename it; if you think wise, you'll claim it"
scorpio-lite, bitch & animal
Favorite quote/song lyric about anger:
"beneath the sediment of aeons in ancient repose my trust lay eroded by age
the old glory faded and past times forgotten my reign giving way to my rage..
your new gods, your new ways, all seek to dispel me with doctrines of fear built on lies
the hidden one no longer I claim my dominion; the sun of your age I arise...
I will have none!"
cernunnos, Faith & the Muse
A quote/song lyric that describes you:
"so many years I've stood among the thoughts and tears of those I've served
among my own I walked alone through my own doing
all the years I've walked unknown behind the faces I assumed
a lens to clear your minds of what you'd suffered
give me time I will be clear, given time you'll understand
what possesses me to right what you have suffered
I'm in this mood because of scorn, I'm in a mood for total war
into the darkened skies once more and ever onward
there is no faith in which to hide, even truth is filled with lies
doubting angels fall to walk among the living"
dark angel, VNV Nation
Describe your current living situation: Two males and two females (identified), and sex ferrets (I never asked) in a four-bedroom house in Hellsville, FL (It's hot here because it's HELL!)
Describe your current school situation: 3rd year at THE weirdo liberal arts college in the south. Took to years off to study acupuncture and missed the place so much I had to come back. Classics/Anthro major, this time around. Hope to go to grad school in Toronto. Nice looking school, nice looking city, and get me the hell out of here.
Religiospiritual/mythological leanings or preferences if any: Chaos mage best describes my leanings, meaning I lurch and lean on whatever beliefs serve my purposes at the moment.
What do you want to do when you grow up? Get paid to read dusty texts on ancient magics and lecture about pointless and esoteric details no one else knows or cares about. I want to fill the role of the geeky useless scholar in the occult horror films who happens to know the right incantations to destroy the ancient walking undead horror from beyond.
Death-- good or bad? Bad for me; I plan for immortality. Good for others in some circumstances. Ctrl-alt-del for the terminally stupid.
War in Iraq-- pointless or so sickeningly pointless you don't even want to talk about it? So sickeningly pointless ctrl-alt-del seems like a great idea for most of the USA.
Weirdest thing that has ever happened to you: In my role as a chaos mage, weird things are habitually happening to me. Probably the weirdest: Going to a sleezy diner for greasy breakfast after spending all night awake trying to unpossess my friend.
A few lines of original poetry describing this survey or how you feel right now:
raw escapism
in purest most inane form
to deflect war thoughts
current mood: crazy
current music: The Cure-Disintegration
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8:26 am - Everyone does these benighted surveys
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I suppose I could make one of my own. You blurty people don't know me all that well yet; you could get to. If you wanted to. I suppose. And I could get to know you better. That's what these things are for, right? In theory. Oh, come on, it'll be short.
People call you:
You identify as (gender):
# of years you've survived on this little watery planet:
Which pronoun do you like people to use when referring to you?
Item you will most likely wear on your feet at a given moment:
Item you will most likely wear on your body at a given moment:
What you wear now:
Political leanings:
Where, approximately, do you call home?
What do you do for fun?
What do you like best to eat?
What do you like best to listen to?
Favorite quote/song lyric about sadness:
Favorite quote/song lyric about happiness:
Favorite quote/song lyric about anger:
A quote/song lyric that describes you:
Describe your current living situation:
Describe your current school situation:
Religiospiritual/mythological leanings or preferences if any:
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Death-- good or bad?
War in Iraq-- pointless or so sickeningly pointless you don't even want to talk about it?
Weirdest thing that has ever happened to you:
A few lines of original poetry describing this survey or how you feel right now:
Bonus: Fill it out in e-prime! (Don't use the verb "to be" in any form, anywhere. I guess I'll make allowances for the quotes/lyrics.)
My answers soon! Death by suspense must be mere minutes away!
current mood: bored, and putting off reading for class
current music: Dead Can Dance-The Human Game (Lisa Gerrard)
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12:21 am - Correction
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Okay, in my general upsetness I misread the note in the friend's journal and took it out of context; he was referring to himself, not to me. The generalities made were upsetting to me. I think I felt that his former support of my androgyny was being revoked. Oh well.
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