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Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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3:45 pm - I have moved to flee the drama
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I now live in a 2/2 with den and two screened balconies in whispering oaks. For those who made it to the housewarming party, thanks, it was a blast. For those who didn't, you should stop by and see us. I don't have reliable net access yet, but email me at entitything AT goth net and I'll see you get contact info.
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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11:23 pm - Possibilities...
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So next year I'll be eligible for Pell Grant. And there's other school funding I can get. All I have to do is get my FAFSA in by February, which won't be hard, since I won't have to report mom and dad's finances on it. And I have to make less than 10k this year-- I don't think I could make more if I tried. It's nice to be almost 24, and an independent-- at least in this regard. I'll have to plan for getting my own insurance and stuff, I'm pretty sure-- but I should have done that years ago probably.
Still, perhaps I can work something out with MV. Maybe I can sub out a course for history of theory.
We'll see. I'll talk to her next week when the pain from her injured toe has subsided some.
current mood: hopeful
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| Saturday, August 23rd, 2003
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3:47 pm - Maria Maria (or, an update)
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So, talked to Maria. She's not letting me in the class, what a surprise there. She claims she didn't tell me to take cultural and history Anth Theory concurrently at all, which is not the way I remember it. She claims I didn't explain my situation fully, which is also not how I remember it. No surprise there either.
Called the folks, told them I was staying an extra year. Mom got mad at Maria, as she tends to do. Dad flipped, as he tends to do. Amazingly, I am also unsurprised by this.
Mom and Dad are telling me to "go over Maria's head." That's not going to work, and if I did, she'd hate me. There's no sense making an enemy of the head of the anthro department. Besides, there's no reason to. I'm poor, yes. Can I afford another year of college? No, of course not. Will it be healthier for me to stay another year and NOT flip out? Absolutely. Will it be better for me to take a class I'm actually prepared for, rather than floundering around in a course which I don't understand? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it would.
I'll ask MJ for help with funding. But I don't hold out much hope. Hey, universe-- you wanna surprise me for a change?
current mood: unsurprised
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| Friday, August 22nd, 2003
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3:21 pm - update
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So, went to see MV today at her miniclass. Since TA said I needed to.
Yup. Went there. Yeah. Uh-huh.
....
So MV has broken her toe, which the Paranoid thinks is anthro-professor for "avoiding that annoying fourth year". I gave her a call at home. Left a message. Will speak to her tomorrow OR DIE TRYING, mwahaha. Oh wait, that's not evil.
Damn.
Oh well.
current mood: indifferent
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| Thursday, August 21st, 2003
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12:39 am - Maria maria-- or Why I may not be graduating in the spring
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So Maria forgot, naturally, that I was supposed to be in that tutorial I need.
If I don't have it, I don't graduate. We've talked about this. She agreed. And yet, when I cornered her today, it was a different story:
Me: "Hi, Maria, I just wanted to ask you about the History of anthropological theory tutorial..."
Her: "I'm sorry, but that's only open to the four people who need it."
Me: "I'm one of them. I'd talked to you a few times during the semester. See, I'm graduating this spring."
Her (shocked): "Really? But-- oh, that's going to be difficult. Finding time slot...five students...fit schedule...inconvenience...only for students who were out of the country when it was offered...blah blah. Have you had cultural?"
Me: "I have to take it this year. We had discussed my taking the tutorial concurrently with cultural."
Her: "No, that's impossible. You can't take this without having had cultural."
Me: "Maria. I have to graduate this spring. I'd love to stay, but I do not have funding for a fifth year here."
Her: "Oh, well, I guess we'll have to work something out... Gotta go now bye."
John advises me to try the course and if I can't keep up, stay an extra semester. Tina says I should stay an extra semester no matter what. But I'm a pauper and the job isn't helping that much.
Oh, gods. I am so stressed. I just want to chew my arms off and claim disability or something. I need an appointment at Parkview. That has to wait until monday.
current mood: distressed
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| Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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12:53 pm - Toronto Update
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Rightio. Anna Sousa is on vacation until September, so I'm going to stop waiting around to hear from them for the time being. I've got my eye on Columbia as well-- yet another really great, competitive school that I can't afford and probably can't get into. I guess I'll go plague M., the school's career counselor, some more-- this time about Columbia. :)
In other news, I've been hindering out with orientation week as much as possible. The first years look good this year-- there's a lot of mildly-gothy-seeming people for a change; usually we get preps. There's only one person I've seen who I think really shouldn't be here, and that's because I met him last year at Queer Ball. I think I wrote about it in these pages somewhere. Oh well. There's always one person who is utterly creepy through lack of social skills, and sometimes they turn out better after four years of being ass-kicked through postmodern lit by snide bastards with a flair for analytical philosophy and socialist leanings between classes.
current mood: tired
current music: something by Wolfsheim
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| Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
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4:08 pm - It's all submitted
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It's all submitted, and I should hear back by the end of the week.
If it is meant for me to go to Toronto I will, one way or the other. If no, I will go to New York, or to Brown, or I'll just bum around for awhile and work and make money so I can AFFORD to go to grad school. Or I'll take time off to transition. I have a plethora of options.
I am unlimited. I am powerful. I am empty of desire. I have told the universe my wishes, and it will shape itself to my True Will. I am a God among Men and a speck in the stream of the universe; I am everything and nothing; Toronto is a probability waveform interacting with my probability waveform; I fear nothing.
I fear nothing. I fear nothing. I fear nothing.
current mood: zen. no really. i'm totally the tao.
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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2:03 pm - Remedial Egyptology
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So I talked to my college's career services people about grad schools. I really really want to go to Toronto, but I just don't have the qualifications for the program I want. So M. called their graduate admissions counselor to ask about admissions as a special student, so I can take some undergraduate-level courses to put me on a level footing with the other candidates. She said she'd like to see my transcript, so she can decide whether I could do that or not.
Now I'm just shaking with nerves. I mean, this is the last-ditch option for people who don't have the qualifications for the program. And what if I'm not even qualified for that? I don't know if I could deal being rejected from remedial MA Egyptology. Especially not at the school I want to go to more than anything.
I really feel a little overwhelmed right now. I tried to make an appointment at Parkview, but they're not taking appointments until classes begin, unless I'm "in crisis", which I'm not. Yet.
There is no reason to be nervous about this. I'm really making too much of this. I'm just upset because I feel like suddenly I've ruled out all the other options. I wanted to get into the program and not have to spend my own money on extra year(s) of interim schooling before I enter.
But I know I have academic deficiencies to fill in before I can be competitive in this field. These aren't my fault, except in that I didn't plan to be an ancient history or Egyptology major when I entered college. I am a good student, for all of my slacker-chic. I'm smart, I'm a good writer, I can do research, and I can teach myself. I'm a lazy-ass sometimes, but I get things done anyway, and with aplomb-- nothing improves my writing like a looming deadline.
So, here's what I'll do. I'll ask M. if Anna is expecting my transcript faxed immediately, or if I have time. If I have time, I'll finish the ISP and get them to at least put work all done/evaluation pending on the ISP and tutorial. First I'll finish the ISP however.
I don't know what they'll want of me to be admitted as a special student. When I graduate I'll have the following applicable courses: Survey of Archaeology, human origins and evolution, Greek elementary and intermediate, Latin elementary, a semester of very basic conversational German, basic reading competence in French, myth and ritual, old world prehistory, cultural anthropology, archaeological method and theory, history of anthropological theory, people and culture of the middle east, love and sex in the ancient world, language culture and society, and possibly a tutorial on indo-european languages. I'll also have my month-long ISP in Egyptian and Greek funerary art. More than half of this I have yet to take or finish.
What I have yet to take is Egyptian language, any courses at all specifically dealing with Egyptian history, or ancient civilizations generally, or the ancient near east.
Hell, I might as well take a second BA.
current mood: anxious
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| Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003
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12:13 am - Optimism Spikes
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My level of hope and idealism seems to spike at certain times. I wonder if it's chemical.
current mood: apathetic
current music: my new mp3 player
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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11:35 am - Why I'm changing my affiliation to Democrat
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All right, I admit, after 2000 I registered independent because I was ashamed of the Dems.
The Democratic party in the US has become a sea of robot-clones, yes-things to the Repugnantcans. For the vast majority I want nothing to do with them.
Furthermore the political situation in the US disgusts me. The PATRIOT and Son of PATRIOT fill me with fear and rage, as well they should (and if you don't believe me, research it for yourself). It has been easier to declare my withdrawal from all things having to do with the rampant flag-waving jingoism practiced here than to fight against it, and I've been lazy.
But former Vermont Governor Howard Dean could change that.
He has necessary experience. His experience includes a track record anyone could be proud of: Not only was he the successful governor of Vermont for a decade, before that he served in the Vermont house and was Lietenant-Governor. His policies as Governor of Vermont have shown him to be a common-sense moderate (!) with a sound understanding of the importance of a balanced budget and a healthy economy. This means he has managed to not only eliminate the $70 million state deficit he inherited from his predecessor, he has helped create 41,000 new jobs, helped raise the minimum wage twice, provided new businesses with incentives, AND twice cut the state income tax, proving that a balanced budget and social reform does not have to be a burden on taxpayers.
As an MD, Howard Dean is concerned with the state of health care in the US, particularly for elders and children. He strengthened programs to provide health insurance to all children in Vermont under the age of 18, as well as programs providing low-cost prescriptions to seniors. He has also toughened up consumer protection legislation on the managed care industry.
The Vermont Governor has had a consistently sensible environmental policy. He's safely closed 76 of Vermont's leaking landfills. He's pushed to clean up mercury pollution and power plants. He's created bikeways and pushed for commuter rail service.
He's tough on violent crime, but his sensible position on gun laws appeals to many moderates-- While in favor of keeping existing controls, he feels states should decide on any further gun legislation. This makes sense because some states are primarily urban, and have to deal with more gun crimes, while in more rural states some people support their families by hunting.
He vocally opposed the war in Iraq from the beginning. Howard Dean believes our national security is best served by defusing real threats while improving relations with the rest of the world, not acting unilaterally and unpopularly to create new threats and strengthen existing ones. He has a strong plan for security and defense which protects our civil liberties.
Speaking of civil liberties, his equal rights stance is the one everyone knows-- In Vermont he called for equal rights for gays and lesbians. He signed into law the state's civil unions act. He didn't do this because it was popular. He didn't do it because he has some personal stake in the gay community. He did it because he's seen the discrimination gays and lesbians face, and the undesirable results of this discrimination.
He does not favor legislation which uses the wording "gay marriage" for one reason-- marriage is a word associated in many people's minds with religious institutions. Howard Dean does not feel the government has any business telling religious institutions what unions they must recognize. He does feel that the state must recognize all people as equal in the eyes of the law, and that includes allowing gays and lesbians the same rights as straight people to join in a partnership for love and security.
His commitment to equal rights, while outstanding in the matter of sexual orientation, applies equally to his commitment to all races. He showed at the NAACP and acquitted himself well. He showed at La Raza and addressed the Hispanic community bilingually. HE opposes racial profiling as the racial discrimination it is. He supports the rights of women to protection from domestic violence and to reproductive choice. He increased the number of women and minorities in the state departments.
Furthermore, I don't just like his stance on the issues. His campaign strategies are unique and refreshing-- he's vaulted from a near-invisible position to become a democratic front runner, on the base of an unprecedented grassroots movement. He's raised more money in the first three quarters than any other democratic candidate ever-- nearly all from small contributors, which means he has more people donating for the dollar amount than other candidates. He's a strong leader, not a wishy-washy liberal, who knows where he stands on the issues and stays there. He uses language differently from Bush-- Bush fills his speeches with emotional fluff, conveniently avoiding making fact-based statements, while Dean speaks firmly and concisely and sticks to the point. Dems have to distinguish themselves from Reps in order to reclaim the Independents like myself, and Dean has an unprecedented capacity to do that.
In short, he's not only a good candidate, he's a very very electable one, and he's got a great shot at the white house in 2004. His challenge now is waking up the sleeping giant of the media, which is only starting to notice him.
http://www.deanforamerica.com
http://www.blogforamerica.com
http://www.deantalk.com/forums
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| Monday, July 14th, 2003
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11:28 am - Working my ass off; accomplishing NOTHING
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It's not the work itself. I mean, technically this is a sweet job. I just sit and make sure the theater gets opened and closed so the people can do their thing. I've got to make sure all the doors are locked at night, and sure, if I didn't and the 40k piano got stolen my boss would have my assmeats, barbecue-style. But otherwise I'm mostly on the computer all day, or I try to get some schoolwork done, or I walk outside. Every now and then there's something that needs my attention and it's usually an emergency, but those don't happen much.
So why am I so irritated about being here so much?
Probably because there are other things I could be doing. Chores at home that need my attention. No matter how good my intentions, I never ACTUALLY get any schoolwork done at work. Or I could be working out, which I'm doing lately.
I'm getting paid, but I have no idea how much because it's entirely up to J. And I need money fast, so I hope he pays me tomorrow like he said he would.
In other news, I'm frustrated by the sheer amount of art and creativity in my head that gets utterly wasted. So many projects I dream of doing, many of which I'll never start, let alone finish. I would like to be an artist. I really could be, I think. Not the drawing or painting type, more the photo or sculpting type. Yeah. I'd really like to sculpt.
But it requires doing physical things in the physical world to make physical objects, and the mental side of it comes much more naturally to me. I think I'm afraid of the process. I've heard so often about the mind-numbing despair which comes with being an artist, seeing the perfect visions in the head transformed into imperfect, flawed mere objects of the physical, that I've come to believe it's more than pretty poetry to uphold the tortured artist mystique. I can't believe in that. Every artist I've talked to who's actually successful has a different story to tell. That art is a process-- a mysterious process, granted, but no more mysterious than architecture, or medicine, or anything else you could think of spending your whole life doing.
Fuck it. Jump.
*splash!*
Oh, and speaking of making things a reality, my cafepress site got linked here, on a website I've liked since the beginning of this androgyny thing. I appreciate the attention and that Stephe likes my designs. A few more should be up in the next week or so, and I may make separate shops for each design so I can have more than one of each item, but that will take longer.
current mood: frustrated
current music: banging of union workers putting a set together
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| Monday, July 7th, 2003
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5:31 pm - Purple everywhere I look
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My sister just had her birthday, and my folks decided to do her a surprise ala "While You Were Out" and those other decorating shows. We pulled everything out of her room while she was at work and painted the walls her favorite color. It was rich purple on the lower half and lavendar on the upper. We also redid the window with purple anime animation cells on the glass, covered over with a translucent panel of lilac rice-paper fabric (courtesy of my run to Jo-Ann's; they didn't have the rich purple I used for my windows but it will do). We also covered the bed with purple and lavendar bedding, including a fantastic afghan my mother found at a thrift store. She claims to have been surprised, but she hid it well, alas.
On Tuesday I left Amarna and Zowie at the train station; I miss them intensely already. In my car I crossed paths with their train as it pulled out of the station, and waved at them from the car while waiting for it to pass. Don't know if they saw me.
I did some swimming today, for the first time in awhile, largely because I finally found something I feel confortable swimming in-- a rash guard and jammers. I look like a wanna-be surfer.
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| Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
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7:47 pm - Happy Canada Day!
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Canada is getting really cool of late.
Decriminalization of marijuana, resisting pressure from the US to go along with an unjustifiable war, legalizing gay marriage... way to go, Canada! I heard a prediction some two or three years ago that Toronto would be the Paris of the new Beat Generation, and that's certainly what it feels like.
In other news, Strom Thurmond has finally kicked the bucket-- maybe the Texas overturning of the sodomy laws was too much of a shock. Canada Day is more important, but this gets a footnote.
I heard a woman on CNN announce recently as a historical fact that "the Democratic Party has always been a haven for traitors and anti-americanism"; I didn't get her name because I demanded that the television be turned off at once. I will never watch CNN again. That's not much of a threat because I rarely had before. The myth of objective journalism has finally been dissolved.
I want to see Howard Dean win the Dem nomination, and I want to see him trounce Bush in the prez elections.
On a personal note, two of my closest friends were visiting for the last week, with the result that I have a new CD-- "To be considered a live album," Amarna informs me. I am very very happy with it, very proud of her for her creativity and talent, and also very happy to get to see her and Z. I've missed them very much, and we had a very pleasant visit all around. They are much less moody than they used to be, and I'm proud of them for that as well. I miss them already.
I'm back at work at the auditorium now. I'm being paid, which is the important thing.
current mood: artistic
current music: "The War of 1812" Arrogant Worms
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| Friday, June 13th, 2003
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2:17 pm - A real update at last!
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I'm still shamelessly plugging because I'm really proud of my cafepress store. I've just put up a whole bunch of new designs, including some pretty funny ones. But other than that I'm doing pretty well. I have a barbecue to go to tonight, and tomorrow or Sunday I'll go visit my parents. It's father's day this week, and while I'd love to get dad something I've no earthly IDEA what.
I really should start working on the things I need to work on this summer, namely my ISP from January and my thesis. But I've felt like slacking a lot. I've been crocheting hats lately, and believe me, the looks I got when I was crocheting while visiting gran in hospital were priceless. One nurse asked me if there was a baby on the way. Fat chance. The hats are because they're neat and I have no hats, and because I look like I have a hedgehog on my head. That's probably not going to fly at work, so I'll crochet at least one that looks nice enough that I can get away with wearing it at work.
Speaking of work, my boss at the school fine arts center emailed me and asked me to work, which is great. I didn't expect him to, because he said there was a very slim chance he might have the money in the budget to pay me since they weren't allowing him a student position over the summer. So I e-mailed him back and said "Great, I'd love to work, here's my schedule restrictions" (which consisted of two times when I would be teaching tai chi classes, in the evenings and spaced well apart). Well, he chewed me out. I'm still not sure for what. He said it wasn't up to me to determine my own schedule and he worked hard seven days a week to keep Sainer open, and couldn't keep changing the schedule for me. So I wrote him back another e-mail saying essentially, I'd love to be able to keep a totally open schedule so I could work anytime he needed me at the drop of a hat, but he himself told me he probably couldn't hire me over the summer and I should look for alternate employment. His next e-mail was apologetic in tone and essentially we hashed out a way I could work the hours he needed. My tai chi students would have been fine with rescheduling the class but that wasn't the point. I can't believe he thought he had grounds to be angry at me.
I need to call the Cabalistic Chef and see if he has a catering job for me, because the extra money would be favorite about now. I'm getting cash for the tai chi classes, but that's mostly going to food and incidentals (incidental being a code word for yarn for crocheting, sunglasses for being able to go outside without stabbing my eyes out with pencils, and friends want to eat out and I must do something social NOW). The tai chi classes are fun. My students are all elementary school teachers, one my ex-mom (mom of an ex with whom I get along almost as well as I still get on with the ex), the others all just as strange and interesting. I really enjoy their company and we spend a lot of time after the lesson just jawing about things. They pick things up really quickly, too.
Landlord put in a new fan in the living room while he was replacing the exploded dishwasher. His electrician's assistant wired it up and installed it. It has one of the oddest features imaginable-- a three way bulb. But that's not what's so odd about it, although I've never seen the point in a three-way bulbon a ceiling fan. The odd thing is that the fan speed and brightness of the bulb seem to be linked. Turn the fan on-- it doesn't go unless the light is on. The light is just as bright as the speed the fan is going. If you ask me, it's crosswired all to hell. I mentioned that to the kid installing it and he said there was no way it could be crosswired, since there were only two wires in it. He couldn't have been that dumb.
Riiiiight.
We'll probably just take the bulb out.
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| Saturday, June 7th, 2003
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1:03 am - This is not a real update
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| Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003
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11:42 pm - Whew, I've been away for awhile again
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Right, so let's see. I went to a wedding, did I mention? It was beautiful. The Prof is in for it now. Everyone is going to ask him to officiate their weddings, and I have the feeling he doesn't feel quite up to that. He did a fantastic job, of course. He worked in a little Christian stuff but it was mostly about the Greek gods and Aristophanes origin of love from Plato's Symposium. And if he wasn't raising power to bless them I'd be surprised. Someone was, and it wasn't just me and it wasn't just Heph. So that was Saturday.
Then Saturday night grandma had a heart attack, a little one, and went to hospital, but I didn't hear about that until Sunday. I spent Monday and Tuesday morning with her, and I've also been crocheting a little. It seems to worry people when they see me with my new mohawkishness crocheting. I get a kick out of that.
Oh, and grandma will be fine I'm sure. They're keeping her for observation. They say she has a little damage, but it was a very small heart attack-- in fact she thought it was indigestion. She's holding beautifully for a 92 year old, I think.
current mood: quixotic
current music: "Einstein on the Beach" Philip Glass
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| Sunday, May 25th, 2003
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11:47 am - Dreams and Graduation PCP
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First, my dream before I lose it:
I dreamed I was a Victorian Age Invisible, living with my mentor on trains in and around London. I would dress sometimes male and sometimes female, but as the dream went on my character seemed to lean more toward tai female identity. At least, in order to be accepted as female in Victorian society (I'm not sure why te would want to do that, in Victorian England, but hey there was a female king) te had decided to marry one of two old childhood friends. Unfortunately, te picked the one who was a psychotic murderer, and the other (to whose perspective I now switched) had to challenge him to a duel for tai hand. I was thinking of them as Mercutio (the murderer) and Benvolio (the decent-hearted non-murdering bloke), but they weren't really anything like the corresponding Shakespeare characters. For one, I really like Mercutio and would never have cast him as a psychotic murderer. Anyway, they started dueling, and it ended with Mercutio assisting Benvolio in burning Mercutio's family mansion with him inside (he must have been remorseful or something).
Graduation PCP (palm court party) happened Friday night. There was much drinking and smoking of cloves and talking to people I haven't seen in a good long while, and I saw Corey and we had dinner before the party at a really outstanding sushi restaurant which does other good Japanese food to whic I simply must take you, Kitten, you'll love it. They have ginger ice cream, which pleases me immensely. I might get a job soon, if all goes well.
current mood: mellow
current music: Aphex Twin-- Boy-Girl
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| Saturday, May 17th, 2003
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7:13 pm - Finished! Well, almost.
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Okay, so I still have one paper and a final, but the papers I was worried about finishing are out of the way, handed in, gone from my life. All is right with the world. Except I may not have a summer job and this summer I need to start reading for my thesis. But other than that everything is grand. I even had a cola Brainfreezy today (normal people call these Slurpees, but that sounds even dirtier than Icysuck). It almost rained. Maybe it did rain, but not very much at our house.
I taught tai chi on Tuesday to fourth-graders. That was an interesting experience. The kids really enjoyed themselves and I did well in containing my dislike of the little bouncy humancubs. Singly, they're okay; even fun if they're really smart. In a group of thirty-- that's a little much. And none of them asked if I was a boy or a girl, though they looked at me strangely at first. It probably helped that their teacher called me by the pronoun I used to go by.
Now that most of the end of semester hell is past, I'll be updating more often. For now, surprise party awaits. And my kitten is coming to see me.
current mood: energetic
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| Saturday, May 10th, 2003
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11:35 pm - Dreams
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In an effort to help improve my dream recall and thus improve my work in general, I'm going to start posting any dreams I remember. I will not be held responsible for the content of my dreams, so be forewarned.
I barely recall this one, from just before waking Friday morning. I dreamed I was on a mountainside, very vivid green and meadowy, sort of alpine. I was there to call the Elk for some purpose. I nestled myself into a little hollow in the land, which fit me perfectly, and began to call in my mind-- don't think I spoke aloud. Though I could see elk down the mountain, none approached, and I began to give up. I turned my head, and there, kneeling right next to me, was Elk, female and horned. I was so startled I leapt back, but she was not disturbed by my sudden movement. I could then speak to her in my mind, but the dream dissolved and I don't remember the conversation.
current mood: contemplative
current music: Cranberries-Dreams
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8:40 pm
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