|Tuesday, April 15th, 2003|
Justin you suck! lol :P
|Sunday, April 13th, 2003|
l went to work today. things was as usual when l am at work. serve ocha(green tea) to the bloody thirsty customer. geez! they drank the tea like they had never drank tea before. its crazy and hell is that tea is so fucking bitter! l don't understand why they like it so much or perhaps it cheap? cost for 80 cent and furthermore its refillable. well the tea are recycle ones so... ha they don't know about it silly people! but hey when l am the ocha girl, l did the tea perfectly worth the money. l always serve the best for the customers. always... l did my best at work. being the best for my boss and stuff. l tried to get along with them even thought l am different races from them. they are all Chinese! they have seen my other side of me. but when l clock out of work, l am myself. the girl who every guy say l am. the cute smile and stuff??? hmm... my bf leave me.. he is still in my mind. l am wearing the necklace that l had brought for his birthday. and his name engrave on it. l will remember him till death. he is my first love and l love so much. l have done more for him. crying and crying... till now l looked at the star tonight. and it remind me of him... l miss you Mark... please come back to me, dear....
today is Mark's birthday. l miss him alot. l send him a greeting today. he is 20 today. l brought him a silver necklace with our name engrave on it last week. its beautiful l have it the same as mine which l am wearing now. but... its over between us. had no idea what to do with it. l chatted with a friend about it. he dont wish to talk about it cos he had his own problems too. l understand that. l am piss cos no one to talk to today. seem like everyone is having their own space...
tears flow from my eyes
thinking about you, darling
still in my mind
it hurts me thinking about
l slit my wrist
screaming in pain
but none of here to comfort me
bleeding, pain, suffering, silliness
that you had cause it
even thought you are far away from me
miles after miles
l still have you in my heart
get it worse to make it better
that's what my friend told me
perhaps he was right perhaps not
l am a sweet young girl
perhaps relationship is hard for me to understand.
l deserve more than that, darling
you had make me miserable again....
thought you would know that
|Friday, April 11th, 2003|
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAYANG! SORRY I DIDNT CALL YOU UP SOME SHIT HAPPEN! BLAME HIM FOR IT. HE MAKE ME UPSET!!
l woke up, without a smile on my face.my cats jump on my body purring for food.her eyes is full of love and me, was lost for love. l cannot remember what time l sleep last night l feel like l slept so long time is 12 noon l slept for more than 10 hours. l never been sleeping this long.
l went to the mirror, gosh! my eyes is swollen. l cried too much, l say to myself. he leave me last night. he dump me for some girl. l don't know who dump who but it was l was thought it will be a great idea that we call it a quit. l didn't cry when l leave him but when it say its over... my heart shatter into a million pieces. l love him too much. Ed told me it has to get worse to get better. perhaps he is right perhaps not. who is his baby? l wanted to know. he is getting marry soon. who is his fucking bitch? soon or later l need to know the truth. from gay to straight? getting marry soon? whoa that is a really change, Mark. you really make me feel unwanted about myself. is that a achievement that you had make huh? thanks for making me feel shit about myself.
|Tuesday, April 8th, 2003|
The pain, the hurt
the words you say stab my heart
it stabs my heart with a knife of hate
the cold metal is going into my body
my blood is flowing away from me
little rivers of life, of sadness.
Why did u leave me here
in this dark cell?
you say you love me
but you never really cared
my life is drifting away from me.
All the pain u caused
i can not see
the walls are closing in on me
i can not breathe without you
please come back to me
but it is too late
my lifeless body lies in my blood
a deep ocean of hate
the end, the death.
death that you make
Feeling alone as I cry in my bed,
My pillow's drenched with the tears that I shed.
I slit my wrists and watch it bleed,
Deep inside me I cry and scream.
Thinking you're gone, it blackens my soul,
Imagining you're flying in the sky with a crow.
My life is falling like the autumn leaves,
Hoping you're up there looking down on me.
This feeling of guilt I cannot bear,
Praying that you'll forgive and care.
I stand here and slit my throat,
I take my last breath and scream my last scream,
And fall on the floor and live in my dreams.
I meet you again, at last you're here with me.
|Thursday, April 3rd, 2003|
l listen to this song, like a stone by audio slave. the words in that lyric make me think about us. your my love till the end and nothing will change that. you hurt me badly with your words and your bf. l waited for you everyday but sometimes you fail to turn up when you promise that you will.
l feel like l am nothing to you but just your "online girlfriend".
l am lost when you told me about your bf.
l tried to forget about it but l cant.
l cried every night cos l cant feel you with me.
l wish upon the star that you will be here.
but... l cant be there for you like your bf does.
l am there for you only in the net.
l feel like your online girlfriend not like a real girlfriend.
leaving you make me weak.
l tried to be strong but l am weak
actually. l am emotionally depressed, Mark
l need someone to be there for me for real.
l feel like l am losing you slowly.
this feeling is killing me. you don't know me much.
l am glad to have you as my "bf".
my ex treated me badly and your the one who treat me with love and care. even thought your far away, l still love you lot.
you know what other people say to me when l told about you, they say your a faggot. but l don't care about them.
l just walked away from them.
your not a faggot to me
but a loving bf that l am proud of.
l don't care if your poor.
l still accept you my dear. l love you Mark.
l am sorry if l am being so mean to you...
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: like a stone by audioslave
|Sunday, March 9th, 2003|
another boring day
my days is getting boring and dead . basically everyone that I know turn to be a stranger to me. my best friend, I don't know what happen to him maybe he is avoiding me for some reasons. I want to know why. my boyfriend, geez what the fuck happen to him!? everyone is leaving me everyday. and I am lonely again... sign
|Tuesday, March 4th, 2003|
here I am waiting for your arrival, and your busy with your picture with all your precious guitars. somehow I wondered if you serious about me. I waited and waited. this is what I got in return. might as well I go to bed now, right? why am I so stupid? geez... this guy got issue. I began to lose interest over him now. bloody friend. loser!
|Monday, March 3rd, 2003|
I am happy today. went to school with a smile on my face. today... I got my best friend's trust. he is with me now. I love him more than anything else in this world. I enjoyed my time with him. I dunno why but every time when we talked, all of my blues gone. he is the reason I am here or else I wouldn't be here alive. I would have killed myself due to depression. I was totally depressed when he was not around for one week. I miss him so much. I started to turn to drinking smoking late night party. I was havoc. I dunno why I did all that for. now he is here with me, always be. I am glad. "well no need at be depressed I'm here" that's what he say. I am now happy again. :)
Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Winter by Calm
|Thursday, February 27th, 2003|
everything didn't go well as I though it would be
had my common test today
I think I am doom to fail it
the paper was easy but some how I cant think
something else in my mind during that worse fucking paper
I think about my friend
wondering about what he is doing now
why cant he forgive me
it really make me mad at myself for the shit that I did
such a innocent guy
I hurt him
now I hate myself...
|Wednesday, February 26th, 2003|
this poem was wrote by my friend from Boston and me
A poem written on sharkskin, a collaboration by myself and Asura
I want to see you naked.
i want to imagine what your skin
would taste and smell like
and your dark wild hair,
scented by strange soaps.
Let your curves open up to me
as ruddy hued sand dunes.
I'd rest my hard roughness
on your silt down beaches.
The ocean on the sand,
clawing and scratching on the beach.
Your skin would taste like some forgotten spice
memory brings back to me
when smoke crept into my face
through the stench of city streets
and tickled my senses with new and foriegn pleasures.
The smile, inviting and fresh as the gates of a church yard
Fresh as flowers grown on the bodies of dead poets and heroes.
I see hopeful, questing eyes, tired in the dark and I smile.
The smile is still there when talk of death and war comes
and I hear the hush of all the players in the play.
Bring back my youth in our little game.
Games are all we have; love doesn't hold up to scrutiny
and hides as the rabbit in it's safe hole.
A little danger, at the length of a chain, my dear?
"Teach me how to swim. I'm afraid of the water."
Ocean surrounds you and you fear sharks.
Sharks are to be feared but they are blind and go on smell alone.
Always going on the smell of blood, sharks in a feeding frenzy.
Learn to hide your scent, little minnow.
For me it is easy. I am a twin fish, the two-in-one.
Unless you are a girl who seeks the teeth?
the night turns to be a cold
I was wondering why
I was shivering
I cant stand this coldness
I keep on waking up in my sleep
switching position to get myself comfortable
but failed too
I wake up and find that my lil sis is using the PC
I cant think right now
my mind is completely blank
where are you my dear?
been waiting for you every night
wondering if you still think about me
I miss you calling me Hun
please talk to me
my life is in the mess without you
I need you to make my life complete...
|Tuesday, February 25th, 2003|
in the sea of love...
disguise by the mistake that I made
feeling guilty all the times
that someone in my mind
missing him so much
wondering if he ever going to give me another second chances
perhaps he will
perhaps he wouldn't
my life is a mess without him
but I tried to stay strong
I am alone now
the promises that you made
to be here with me always
is gone forever
now that I miss you
in my deep sea of love...
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: 3 Libras- A planet circle
|Monday, February 24th, 2003|
the sun was covered
by the dark, gloomy sky
the warm breeze was exchanged
by the cold, chilling wind
the happy music played
by the sad song in my ear
and the lights just went out
like a candle in the wind
the soft bed had turned
into a hard steel plate
and the cozy room I was in
became a dark, lonely fate
my happy eyes
now filled with sad tears
my glass heart
all because you said
between two love
My heart is torn in two, it's so hard to choose,
because either way one part of my heart is going to lose.
One love too many, one heart too less
but to whom do I confess?
To both I love the same, but what do I decide-
'cause both ways my heart won't be satisfied.
One love is here in my presence, yet the other is miles away,
one love wants me, so to the other what do I say?
One love wants to love me for what it's worth
but to both loves I don't want to hurt.
They claim me with their smiles, and warm me with their embraces
but only one love I am due to face.
One love makes me smile endlessly, whilst the other makes me cry
one love makes me confused, while the other sparkles me
with his lies.
One love lets me go freely, yet the other wants to know
my every move
So that's why it is so hard for my heart to choose.
My heart was broken many times.
And still I remember pieces from my heart scattering
like golden petals everywhere.
I took a glance back and remembered my past;
and time stood still because of you.
You showed me what love felt like;
and yet you still left my heart.
My heart...full of tears and pain.
|Saturday, February 22nd, 2003|
l hate you dude
days goes lonely now
the one that I love dearly is gone
being lied to him 3 times
I am a liar
heart broken into pieces
he don't love me anymore
I cant do anything about that
hope your happy with your loves one
I hate you