kiss me   
11:13am 13/04/2004
  wow i haven't updated in a long time. I dont really know what to say either. Friday im not coming to school because im going to Maryland for a vacation. Im acually looking forward to it. Mace Dawg is coming with me. Its going to be oh so much fun. I will miss my Shaunathon very much. I hope he'll be ok without me. I hope i will be too. I get to see him tomorrow. His grandpa is picking him up right after school then coming to my house. He can stay to like 10. WOOOHOOO this excites me. Then thursday he will be at my house right when i get home. But then he has to leave at 5ish. =( i'll have to go a week without seeing him. ARFFF. Some good news, Shaun and i have been getting along very well lately. Im so glad. Dude, hawaii is going to be amazing. can't even freakin wait. You have no idea. alright im just babbling on now.
kiss me on the forehead, angel, im going to sleep
1 ♥ understand?
04:38pm 08/04/2004
  make sure you dont miss. READY..... SET..... shoot it already bitch.  
09:53pm 01/04/2004
  Im dying inside. Im more depressed then ever this year. I basically wanna die. This hasn't happened since last year. I dont like this at all. everyone insists on giving me a really hard time. Lately all i do is sleep. And when im not sleeping or at school, im crying. Depression? i think so.
Thanks shaun for helping me through this. it means a fucking lot. this is one of the times i need you the most and you rather watch tv? and when i hang up.. you dont call me back? shows how much you care.
Tonight i think im gonna go for a looooong ass walk and think about everything. Then tomorrow im gonna figure out whether or not im staying at the shit whole or not. i dont think i'll be going to shauns this weekend. i might go to chelseys house instead. id rather be with someone who truely cares and makes me feel better. oh i love her. i wish i could marry her. hah.
perfect weather.... freezing and raining. woot. maybe ill get sick. even fucking better.

craving for a ciggarette
i hate fat bitches   
12:28pm 01/04/2004
mood: gross
music: Eighteen visions
Well vanessa's sick... and with my luck im going to get sick too. BLAH!!! I can't get sick!!! im going to Shauns house this weekend!! It would just suck balls. I hope Shaun can find me a ride from school tomorrow. Today i just have to go home and CLEAN. all night. hurray for me. I also have to do laundry. AND i have to pack. BLAHH. Were watching the movie abandon. Were almost done... but i dont understand it yet. hah. i prolly wont because im quite dumb. I feel so gross today. I think its because its raining outside. Hmph. I hope tomorrow turns out to be a good day. I need one really badly. Wow im really out of it. This entry makes no sense.

09:30am 27/03/2004
mood: loved
music: none

movie you rented = Seven

movie you bought = thirteen(acually my sister bought it for me, heh)

song you listened to = throwdown - declare your war

song that was stuck in your head = girls just wanna have funnnnnn

cd you bought = a trustkill record cd

cd you listened to = boys night out

person you called = umm prolly shaun last night

person who called you = mom

tv show you watched = i dont watch much tv

person you were thinking of = Shaunieee


you have a crush on someone = of course

you wish you could live somewhere else = hell yeah

others find you attractive = dont know

you want more piercings = YESS YESS

you like cleaning = sometimes

you like roller coasters = yes

you write in cursive or print = print

long distance relationships = i have one. :-/

using someone = I have. no more.

killing people = noooo

teenage smoking = nooooo

driving drunk = nooooo

soap operas = ewwww


ever cried over a boy/girl = too many times.

ever lied to someone = Yes

ever been in a fist fight = Yes

ever been arrested = no way


shampoo do you use = whatever ones my mommmmy buys

shoes do you wear = so many... converse, vans, etnies, hawks, adidas

scared of = being alone


of times I have been in love? = twice

of times I have had my heart broken? = ahhhh 489320482304238942 times

of hearts I have broken? = not sure

of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = None

of scars on my body? = 15 on purpose. :(

of things in my past that I regret? = ahhhh SOOO MUCH! ive fucked up bad


funny = can be

hot = ewwww no.

friendly = Yes

amusing = yes

loveable = of course

caring = Yes

sweet = most times

dorky = very muchly


slept in your bed = Shaun

saw you cry = Shaun

made you cry = Shaun

you went to the movies with = Shaun

yelled at you = mom

sent you an email = mom


said "I love you" and meant it = of course. to all my friends, family, and a few boys.

gone out in public in your pajamas = yeah, i dont care wat ppl think

kept a secret from everyone = yup

cried during a movie = i think so

planned your week based on the TV Guide = Uh....No

been on stage = yes

been to New York = Yes

been to California = nope

been to Hawaii = going for 3 weeks this summa baby

been to Japan = love to

been to Canada = No

been to Europe = love you

been to Asia = love to

been down South = florida

what time is it now = 9:48 AM

apples or bananas = apple

blue or red = red

walmart or target = target

spring or fall = spring

What are you gonna do after you finish this = get back in bed with shaun(hes still sleepin)

what was the last meal you ate = bowl of lucky charms

are you bored = uhhh not really

last noise you heard = Brianne talking to me

last smell you sniffed= the marshmellows in my bowl


do you believe in love at first sight = Yes

do you want children one day & if so, how many = 2, 1 boy and 1 girl (the boy older so he can watch out for his sister)

most important thing to you in a friendship is = Trust


criminal record = No

do you speak any other languages = nope

last book you read = lord of the flies for english

name some of your favorite things in your bedroom = pictures of shaun, bed, clothes, posters

who you love = Shaun, friends and family

who you miss = Anthony

nickname(s) = licie, so many from shaun. heh

initials = AJP

how old do you look = 16

how old do you act = 16, i hope

glasses/contacts = No

braces = No

do you have any pets = 6 bunnies, 2 cats, 2 fish, 1 hamptser

you get embarrassed = yes

what makes you happy = friends, shaun, new stuff

what upsets you = people

i love to...sleep
i miss... my old life
i wish... I had psychic powers
i am... cold
i want to be... In bed right now with shaun
i would never... trust people so easily again
i'd rather... Be at a school with my friends
i am tired of... ericas shit
i will always be... in love with Shaun
feeeeeeling like shit   
05:55pm 23/03/2004
  im sick. i just wanna curl up in a ball and cry. Everything is going wrong with my family. i dont know what to do. Everything thats going on, shouldn't involve me. BUT they all put it on me. G_A_Y! Shaun and i are good. i still love that boy more then anything. Hes doing great. im happy with the way hes been acting. He tells me hes trying soooo hard. Im glad. Yet i think it should be natural. He shouldn't have to try to get along with me. He should have to try to treat me good. oh well.
love me. tell me you want to be with me forever. show me everything will be ok. thank you for being there.
11:33am 22/03/2004
  cramps... they are killing me. I started the patch birth control yesterday. weekend was great. Sunday we had a little conflict. Other then that Shaun and i got along amazing. I love it when its just us. I need to figure out whats going on for this weekend.

Nikkie - funny, nice, fun to talk to, CUTIE!!!!

37 times. :)
10:41am 15/03/2004
mood: tired
So shaun left yesterday to go snowboarding. I got very angry at him yesterday. were ok now. yeah im done.
venting time for the phsyco one.   
04:28pm 12/03/2004
mood: INSANE
im in a REALLLLLLLY bad mood. i wanna fucking beat the shit out of someone right now. or slit my wrist an inch deep. or pull 1/2 my hair out. Im going insane. i truely think ive lost my mind. fuck you, you stupid bitch.

I know there is something going on that i dont know of. Behind my back. ive been so loyal. And you can't fucking afford to mess up again.

Hes gonna go to that party tonight and have a good time. forget all about me. I DONT FUCKING MEAN SHIT TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




i just wanna see your deep red blood on the cracked floor.

i dont even wanna see that ass tomorrow. or ever! for a long time.


2 ♥ understand?
oi oi oi oi ska girl on the run   
09:58am 10/03/2004
mood: worried
music: the blood brothers
Shaun and i are ok. we could be better. I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs. ARGGGG Tomorrow is our 7 months. I wanted to see him. But i don't know if i will. Where will i see him. I only can go somewhere that cost 0$. im poor. And my sister said that she will bring me to Shauns for 5$. The only thing is, i dont want to go to his house because his mom is not being to nice lately. So i dont wanna go and bother her more. Ive come to the conclusion that his mom is trying to break us up. It kills me that she isn't cooperating with shaun and my relationship. I fell sorry for shaun that he has to deal with it. My mom is being ok. which is good. Today i have to call sacred body tattoo to make and app. for my sister and i. My mom said Saturday is ok to get it done. Shes the best. I <3 her. Then my sister is getting her belly botton peirced. Then i have to go to CVS today. DAR. im done with this.
Fuck you too   
02:47pm 09/03/2004
mood: pissed off
music: eighteen visions
im in a very bad mood right now.
Last night shaun told me he didn't wanna see me today. he said he wanted to hang out with Ian instead. As much as that hurt... i tried not to think of it. Then this morning he tells me he will call me if hes home still when i come home from school. When i got home I waited 15 extra min. Then called him... he said he didn't call b/c he was supposed to have been picked up already. ok now thats the first problem..... who cares if ur not suppose to be there. YOU ARE THERE! why couldn't you just call me?? he acts like its a chore or something. I guess i understand now that you dont like talking to me. alright heres the rest of it.... i ask him what hes doing and he said he was going to the mall with Ian, Corrin and some other chick. then going to Ians house later. so i told him i would let him go... and he said alright. so then i hung up. yeah...... thanks for choosing them over me.. so you can go to the mall. thanks for asking me how my day is, like we always do. Thanks for not talking to me till your ride got there. GOD!!!!!! i fucking hate this shit. DAMNIT!
good job fucking up again.
as the saying goes: three strikes your out.. well you only have one left. Use it wisely.
i feel like a stupid peice of shit. And the only person that can make me feel better.... is the person who made it worst.
im calling matt.... and im gonna chill with him later... and i fucking hope he rapes me!
09:07am 07/03/2004
  So yeah the show was oh so fun! i had a good time. other then the situation between shaun and i. but we worked everything out. like always. I got to see lacey, brenda, shaun, chelsey, jeff, kay kay, brit and other oh so cool people.
Yesterday i had a game at 2... thats about all i did. today i have a game at 3. YEEEAP!

33, fuck you.
11:11am 04/03/2004
  today is going by quite slow....GRR. i was ready Kate's Journal.. and i feel TERRIBLE for her. She needs to get out of that relationship now. But i highly dought that she will listen to me.

I feel like i never write how im feeling anymore... i dont know how im feeling ne more. Umm... i still am in MAD love. Shauns more amazing then ever. I just hate not seeing him during the week. BUT i get to see him tomorrow. Makes me sooooooo happy. Were going to a show also. Even though i just want some alicia and shaun time. hmph oh well.

i keep loosing my thoughts. i can't concentrate anymore. i'll try later.
I get to see shaun today   
10:41am 02/03/2004
  im not sure what to say n e more. Things are going very well. Shaun and i are really good. Kim and i hung out yesterday. we went to friendlys and had a talk. Chelsey and matthew broke up. I knew he was gonna screw her over. I told her right in the beginning. hmmm people just dont listen to me. Andrew is picking up Vanessa today so im going with them and Andrew is bringing me to Shauns house. =) makes me really happy. Then this weekend i get to hang out with him allll weekend. YAY! im prolly getting my industrial done saturday. other then all that... nothing is new at all.  
02:26pm 25/02/2004
mood: frustrated
music: HIMSA
people just have the need to write gay comments in peoples journals which i think is hilarious b/c i dont care at all what other ppl think besides shaun and the other ppl i care about. And I bet other people dont either. So If anyone has n e thing bad to say to me. then say it to my face. yep. Stop being gay pussys!


alica. why do you insit on counting the number of times you and shaun have sex on the bottom of your blurty like anyone besides you or shaun cares? that's your personal business, you don't need to tell the whole world about it.

lets think what the point of a journal is.... Its something to keep your PERSONAL thoughts in. It isn't like i put my journal in my profile for the whole world. No1 ever reads this besides shaun and my best of friends(which apperently your not). And if it bothers you sooo much then dont read it. its just that easy.

twenty god-damn fucking eight. (28) 28, 28, 28, 28, 28 GET OVER IT. ITS MY FUCKING JOURNAL.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE(kims journal):

yeah, sean doesn't really like you. he only said he did because he was horny and wanted to hook up with you. he wouldn't get over lauren that fast, he TRUELY liked her, and you're just an easy bitch.

(my comment) HAHAHAHA that comment up there makes me piss my pants from laughing so hard. Kim didn't like Sean either you stupid fag. She did it for the same reasons Sean did. She was "horny" and i think its sooooo funny that you call kim an easy bitch. if you think a peck on the lips is being easy... you must be a prude peice of shit. HAHAHAHA i still can't get over how incredibly dumb someone like you can be. bitch.
Oh and im not gonna be a Pussy like you and not leave me name.
1 ♥ understand?
fucking up his life. were over   
08:45pm 24/02/2004
mood: torn apart
music: folly - repeat, i repeat, repeat
AJPPIE2: why are you sorry
xXx Ride 413 xXx: because of what i put you through
AJPPIE2: do u really see it. or do u think im over exaggerating? be honest
xXx Ride 413 xXx: i think your over exaggerating the whole your the only one that tries thing..because everyweekend...everytime i think i might be able to get a ride i try even if i know they are going to say no...and i always find a way there and what not. unless i absolutely can't. and i know you don't have many ways of transportation but i still believe your not the only one trying if i go and do that every weeked
AJPPIE2: first of all. dont say ur sorry if your not. Then u always tell me that you try sooo hard. Well ive relized you only try during the weekends. But thats not all that matters. So is it we only have a relationship during the weekend?
AJPPIE2: im not asking to see you during the week....
xXx Ride 413 xXx: i never said that i thought that..... i'm the one always calling you...if you want to talk, call me. seriously if you need to talk call me. if i'm doing something i usually drop it to talk to you
xXx Ride 413 xXx: but alot of times i have so much to do
AJPPIE2: it seems you have to much of a life for me during the week. i feel like you totally forget about me.... oh but at night when ur not busy u'll call me
xXx Ride 413 xXx: i have such a busy life i hate it
xXx Ride 413 xXx: and it's not when i'm not busy...half the time i drop everything i'm doing because i know i need to tlak to you
AJPPIE2: fuck it. im sorry im fucking up ur life. shaun i can't handle this. i need more then u can give me i guess. i can't deal with being torn apart by this. goood luck with your busy life now that im not apart of it.
2 ♥ understand?
09:55am 16/02/2004
  Today is my birfday!!! hurray. finally 16! tomorrow i hope to be getting my permit. which is ultra sexy, huh?
For Valentine's day/my birthday Shaun got me.... A rose, a teddy bear that says kiss me on it. and it has a song. hehe... he also got me a chocolate bear... the blood brothers CD, a ring and a belly ring. hes so amazing. i cried. I can't believe someone would get me all that. We also went to eat at ninety nine and then went to a movie. after we came home drank sparkling cider, lit all the candles and turned the lights off and cuddled... and did it up. Everything was so perfect and amazing.
Lauren's here. I dont know when shes staying till... but shes here. :) makes me super happy.
1 ♥ understand?
03:43pm 11/02/2004
  Fuck me.  
5 ♥ understand?
08:27am 05/02/2004
mood: tired
music: vanessa singing
Im freeezing!! Im always so cold. I need more fat on my body. But i hate fat. i hate being chubby. i wish i could suck out all of the fat in my body... i wish i cant the perfect body. :( the vitamin E im on, it reduces appitite. which i def. can tell. I like it. maybe i'll start loosing weight. =) ANYWAYS...
Last night i had a dream.. It was an awful dream. If felt so real. Ok here it goes... Macy was over my house. And we had this random guy come over. Macy wanted him.... so i had him sleep over. That night after she fell asleep, i went into the room he was sleeping in and i fucked him. Then gave him head. After i was done he goes i dont fucking want you. i used you. And you cheated on your boyfriend. I had forgotten about shaun. Then i relized i cheated on him. I felt sooo bad. i didn't know how i was gonna tell him. I didn't think i could tell him. But then i woke up.... How terrible is that??? jesus. I had sleeping these days. i feel like all my dreams are bad ones. The problem is, i am always so tired.
I didn't get to talk to shaun for long yesterday b/c he went snowboarding. The evil snowboarding. heh. But last night he called me. wanting to talk... but i was sleeping when he called. So i told him to call me in the morning. Which he did... but i still didn't talk ot him.
I also finish reading my book. It was good. I just didn't like how it ended. Now im reading a new one. It called Just hold on. i hope its good.
I hope i see shaun tomorrow. I'll rent a couple movies tomorrow so we'll watch em. Then saturday i have a game at 4. AFter that im pretty sure im getting my belly peirced. =) Then sunday im going to a family party at sum resturant fer my b-day. kim and shaun are coming. Woot. ok ok ok ok im done babbbbbbling yo.
08:09am 03/02/2004
mood: tired
music: GHST
Last night i went to shauns house. I had fun. I love being with him. I love how were so meant for eachother.
The only thing i dont like is how so many girls still want him even though they all know we've been together for 6 months and are in love. If i really need to kick someones Tush i will!!! hahaha. i mean i know he wont leave me for them. Its just i get really jealous/upset that people want the love of my life. It isn't right. Guys are Guys.... And i know shaun is a flirt b/c i see it all the time. But im not gonna be an annoying bitch and make him stop. I let him know last night that it hurts me. I told him all the people that have botherd me n all.... i think i made him upset. I dont like it when i do that to him. i was just telling the truth. im kinda glad i got it out tho. I just want our relationship to be p.e.r.f.e.c.t is that bad?? i dont think so. i think everyone wants thier relationship to be like that. Oh well. all i know is he means more to me then n e thing ive ever have had. And thats A LOT. now just think of me loosing that. It basically means i would lose my life. I can't deal with that. I promised my mom i would let her help me get through the loss of shaun(if that ever happens). ok enough babbling. i hate it when i do that. arrrrrrrrg.
Shaun murphy is my life.
2 ♥ understand?