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[16 Aug 2012|09:04pm] |
"I don't know, Dean, I just... I wanted to believe, so badly. It's so damn hard to do this, what we do. All alone, you know? There's so much evil out there in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up... "
"Yeah, well, don't worry about that, alright? I'm watching out for you."
"Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching too, you know? Some higher power. Some greater good. And that maybe..."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe I could be saved."
"Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's - hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that. Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. "
"You never told me that."
"Well, what's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power, there's no God. I mean, there's just chaos, and violence, and random unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm going to need to see some hard proof. You got any?"
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[16 Aug 2012|09:07pm] |
"Maybe maybe maybe. God works in mysterious ways, ours is not to reason why. For a God who seems to want people to believe in him you think he'd offer up some evidence, some proof of his almighty existance."
"That's what faith is Eli, belief in the absence of proof."
"I keep waiting for some small confirmation that there is a God.. that I haven't just destroyed my life for nothing."
"Are you gonna stand there and tell me there was more meaning in your paycheck then in the people you've helped lately? Could you have done any of that without faith?"
"I did all without faith, I did it with, with my law license. The one I pissed on yesterday."
"What about all the things you've learned about yourself? You're- you're father, me. Was that all some coincidence?"
"If that is proof that God is behind everything that's happening to me then it also means that he wanted me to hurt the people who loved me the most. That he wanted me to break their hearts. Break the law. He wanted me to force people out of their homes. I'm sorry man, that is not any kind of God I want to believe in."
"I know how hard this is for-"
"You can't even begin to know! None of this is real, none of this is because of God. It's been my aneurysm the whole damn time and it's gonna stop. I'm gonna find a surgeon and I'm going to get this thing out of my head as soon as possible."
"Eli that surgery could kill you."
"If I don't get it out now I- I won't have anything left to live for anyway."
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[16 Aug 2012|09:10pm] |
"Please, I need to believe in something."
"Don't you get it? There is nothing to believe in anymore."
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[16 Aug 2012|09:12pm] |
"Where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries, when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not doubting, not yearning. That's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here."
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[16 Aug 2012|09:16pm] |
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"Okay, well, Charles, you are a mathematician, you're always looking for the elegant solution. Human behavior is rarely, if ever, elegant. The universe is full of these odd bumps and twists. You know, perhaps you need to make your equation less elegant, more complicated; less precise, more descriptive. It's not going to be as pretty, but it might work a little bit better. Charlie, when you're working on human problems, there's going to be pain and disappointment. You gotta ask yourself, is it worth it?"
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[16 Aug 2012|09:16pm] |
"The search for God is absurd?"
"It is if everyone dies alone"
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[16 Aug 2012|09:18pm] |
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Good morning, Worm, Your Honor!
the crown will testify that the prisoner who stands before you
was caught red-handed showing feelings
showing feelings of an almost human nature
this will not do
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[16 Aug 2012|09:25pm] |
They called me the man with the blood of Christ honesty
But tonight I drink with heathens and our, our finest blasphemies
In wine there's truth but in silence there's surrender
A screaming for the silence in stunned suspicious terror
Built a temple in my life and used God to seal the pillars
After twenty years of fighting young heretics and killers
I watch my temple fall to pieces at the first signs of oncoming weather
Fell to my knees like Jesus in the cave, knew I would die
But my lips could only say; I'm not your son, so why have you forsaken me?
There's a hole in my heart but it just makes me unholy
Crucified that night and I walked away with alter-egos
Like the prison priest who preached his dead and buried gospel
With my faith in ruins my duty still breathes strong
I'm a parrot in a cage saying prayers to belong to a textbook
Of my crying, lying, dying history; a time so full of life that I was anything but me
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