Blurty for Your Insignificant Other.

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Monday, June 16th, 2003

Subject:You've Got Me RIGHT Where You WANt Me.
Time:2:28 pm.
Mood: chipper.
Music:Taking Back Sunday..
I dont know why I've been so idioticly chipper the last few days. I got dumped, Bryan never called me and some chick made fun of me for being wannabe groupie. And for some reason I DONT CARE? Useless I would piss and moan over these things for weeks but I cant help but be retarded cheerful. I cut my boring plain hair and started wearing bright pink lipstick and now I look like this:

Im trying to smile, but being the moron I am I make it look kind of sick.

Once again I have to do my signature retarded facials.

Well today I went to have coffee and bagels with my mother. It was great. I think Im insanely dependent on coffee because I could barely hold normal conversation before I got it. Anyways Im too jumpy to write. So comment tell me if you like the new hair.

-your chipper useless girl
Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 15th, 2003

Subject:Wasting time go live life.. wishing he'd be mine tonight.
Time:9:45 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:FenixTx: Phoebe Cates.
Kelty is the coolest and her mom finds her t-shirt to die for. Heres a picture of Miss Sexy Kelty in the coolest of her new shirts:

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:Stay What you Are
Time:6:40 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Music:Saves The Day.
Todays been really mellow. I like it. Usually Sundays are pretty boring for me since it used to be my only chill day but now since its summer chill day is everyday. I was going to get my haircut with my mom today but the stupid place was closed so we're going tommorrow. Im getting it cut pretty short, which makes me kind of nervous. How dorky. I got home and tried to tan today. I dont think it worked because I was only out for 30min, I got too gross and went inside. It was fun though. Then I went for a bit of a walk with Kelton and I got to see the pictures from the party. They were awesome. There was one of Kasie, Joel, Alex and me which I really liked. And my wrist got in the best pic of all <3. Heh. Kelton painted my nails bright pink while we were at the park now its cool to watch myself type because its like streaks of bright pink. Im going to change my look and stuff over the summer, im sick of being so simple. I thought about Bryan a lot today which I shouldnt but I do anyways. I wonder if ill see him over the summer. Ugh. Im lame. Speaking of lame I wonder how Lamer's doing in Hawaii. I want to see him too. I got a new photo album thing on Thurs. and I started naming my pictures: and its called "ItsNotSoWellWithoutYou".. That has nothing to do with HLb{DC}. He apologized for being an ass last night but didnt say online to chat. Who cares?

-useless girl.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Time:12:29 am.
Mood: amused.
"Sometimes you make me want to laugh, sometimes I want to take my toaster in the bath"

Apparently I'm a fuck faced whore and HLb couldnt figure out what he saw in me. Dude life is so fucking ironic my problems make me laugh. Gods a funny guy. He really is. Hold on a second while I go commit suicide.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 14th, 2003

Subject:Take your steps. ((Realism at its finest.))
Time:1:35 pm.
Mood: calm.
Music:Jimmy Eat World: CAUTIONERS..
The last two days have been so full of eventful things that it all feels like one big, long day. Let me start with the most recent 'event'. HLB (from now on will be known as DC {Didnt Count}) IMed and told me why he wanted to break up and what not. First he said it was distance, but I caught him on his lie. He said it was because I was too emtional. He was completely right. I need to chill out. I thought about it and it hurt for 5 minutes until I realized its been a week since I've talked to him and its ok.. Its all ok. And the he doesnt matter, he doesnt count. Just one more notch or something. And that I'll never have to see him. So.. there it is, he doesnt count. Im going to go throw away that poem I wrote when I met him, even if it was awesome as fuck.

The next eventful event was BFD, all yesterday and so much of yesterday you could even call it today. We left at about 10:00am and got back at 2:00am. It was pretty much worth it though. Except Joel getting emotional as hell but thats one of those things that cant be avioded. I met AFI, which wouldve been a whole lot cooler if I was a big fan but oh well. It was fun... expensive and crowd but fun. It made me realize how much I dont like big venue shows too. I did get some funny looking All American Rejects shorts because the was the coolest piece of merchandise there.

Ah.. and the last big eventful event was Keltons party. Oh man is she the coolest. Kelton had Dreaming of Eden in her backyard. When Im that cool, I'll fuck myself. I did get to talk to one of them which was awesome except for the fact he'll never recgonize me at the shows .. Im way not cool enough for that. DOE is a very relgious band. They go to church, a lot. I sound like a fool. SFM was good too, but they dont like me so I dont think what I think matters all that much.

Bryan left me messages yesterday.. while I was gone. I wonder if he's back. Which would be too cool. Since I need a favor. Life sucks, but not too much. Maybe Im being too optimistic or something. Sick. Oh and Im in love with the "Cautioners" {the song..}. I wish I could say stuff like that and have it make sense.

-your useless girl, juleigh.

Like a love movie, without a goodbye kiss.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003

Subject:The Art of Impossible.
Time:9:42 pm.
Mood: distressed.
Music:Taking Back Sunday <3.
"So sick of being tired and oh so tried of being sick. We're both such magnificant liars. So crush me baby, Im all yours." I have a new obcession with Taking Back Sunday...

Just when things start to get so bad that I figure hey theres no chance in hell they will get worse. Check this out, they do. I started a killer fight with my father today. He can be such a jerk. I told him to chill out and go for a walk and then he just snaps at everyone. Then my mom snaps and its just one of those really bad chain reactions. She threatened to leave the house. I told Elena the full story and she said.. "You have perfected the art of pissing your dad off. You do it perfectly." .. Yeah well he does it perfectly back. We're both such horrible people to each other. Its sick, the way we treat each other like crap. So we've perfected the art.. the art of being impossible. ((hence the oh so creative name of this rant)) Now back to my usually crying about the HLB.

I talked to him today, online that it. You think HE'd bother to call even though Elena clearly told him I was upset. No way. I think I subconciously love being treated like I'm nothing. "Well the truth is .. You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt." Wow in a way thats exactly how I feel. Maybe not as intense or something. Yeah.. Umm how many times does this guy need to turn me down until I get the message.

Now Im going to talk about other peoples problems because my own are much over played. Jasmine's going out with Mark. Ha! He dumped Natalia, not that I care much about her.. or her being dumped. This is just a good laugh at everyone I know. Everyone is spreading rumors. Its just too funny. How long will it be until we grow the fuck up? Obviously we have a while. Not the im the most mature, but hey at least im not...

I wrote a poem about how great Joel makes me feel. Haha.. It has a good name, but theres nothing I can say about the rest. Whatever. Im done. Good fight, good night.

((your useless girl))
Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 8th, 2003

Time:1:41 am.
Im so sick of my icon. I would love one with a toaster on it. If only I was capable of making one.
Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.

Subject:I wonder when I wander home.
Time:1:33 am.
Mood: depressed.
Music:the Get up Kids..
I dont remember the last time I cried the way I did a short while ago. As selfish as this sounds I just want something in my life to go right for once. For instance, HLb. Im tired of this he doesnt like me, but he does thing. I'd prefer he be direct and tell me how he feels instead of let me suffer with his pink guitar pick. My head hurts from all this thinking Ive been trying to do lately. I wrote a poem about how much I want HLb, not sexually, It was really good. Im afraid to post it on here because I get called a poser to much and I dont want tons of comments with people disliking it. Im in love with it too much for that. I wrote a poem about my Joel-situation. Im so sick of this.. him.. everything. How much more can I take? Its getting to a point where I am scaried. Bryan offered to talk to him or something. I would love it if someone could just talk to him, but no one could and Bryan would not be the right person for it either. Esp.. since.. Ugh. I think m brain has gone jelliod and leaked out the side of my ear. How conceited am I? And why am I still breathing?
-the useless girl.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, June 5th, 2003

Subject:Faking Faker Fakeness.
Time:6:58 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
Music:Taking Back Sunday: You Know How I do..
Schools over in 5 more days. Finally, Ive had enough learning for one year. Im all learned out. Actually to tell the truth I think I was smarter at the beginning of the year. I realized the other day when someone was talking about how much they hate school, that school isnt really that bad of place. Its the people that make it bad (teachers and students both).. That its not really a horrible place. Learnings a good thing, but the people make it harder than it should be. With all their stupid problems are personalities.. and just simply, crap. Either way, Im gald its almost over. I have finals next week and then I'm finished. Thank god.
Ive some shitty last couple weeks. Joels going to eventually drive me to suicide and if not him then the family will. He has a problem with everything I do. Everytime I talk to or about a guy he practically cries and says what kind of horrible girl I am. Why cant I just live. Even though I know its my fault for breaking up with him and doing this to him. I cant take it anymore. I couldnt be in that relationship. It was killing me. And I know its not right, and its too late to be gracious. I dont think of anyone but myself, im conceited. But at least I can admitt it. As for this Joel situation.. I really dont know why I can do other than make myself disappear.

"So sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick"
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 1st, 2003

Subject:So will you tell all your friends?
Time:10:41 am.
Mood: anxious.
Music:"So Happy Together" {punk cover}.
((Stole this from Jasmine's blog))

[my name is] Juleigh

[nicknames] Leigh, Lie, Emo girl, blinkie, Juleighya.

[age] Not very old.

[age you act] five

[height] 5' 1/4"

[thing you say waaaay too much] "Oh man" .. "Oh geez".. "Fuck you".. "OMG HLB" ... "Im just kidding"

[where do you live?] Hell.. err San Ramon.

[do you have a crush?] Yes. Everyone knows about it.

[what are you watching?] Why would I be watching something if I am online?

[bedtime] Dont have one, but I sleep whenever Im tired.

[most embarrassing moment] My life is one big embarassing moment. Most recent one would be when I accidently said something I shouldnt have to a certain someone

[in the morning i am] Irritable and in need of coffeee

[all i need is] HLb, coffee and my music.

[most romantic thing a person has ever said to you or done] "Hey baybeh cakes you've got room for me in them jeans" Ha. That including everything else hlb does. Oh yeah and "the place" curtiousy of Unie, but that was a long time ago.

[love is] Commitment, pain, loss, suffering, not having sex

[the one person who knows the most about you] No one can understand the true complexities of what is me. Lol. Just kidding. I think everyone knows enough.

[if i could see one person right now] HLb.

[i'm afraid of] looking in the mirror, HLb realizing what I really am, living too long, becoming what I hate, rejection

[i dream about] My demise? ( err however you spell it..).. Me dying.

H A V E Y O U E V E R . . .
[pictured your crush naked?] Nope.

[actually seen ur crush naked] Nope, but seeing his face is enough for me.

[been in love] Love is too complex for us to realize we're in it before we're out of it

[cried when someone died] Embarrassingly yes.

[drank alcohol] yes

[lied] hell yes

[been in jail] almost.

[done drugs] yes.

[run away from home] I should

[hit a girl] Nope.

[gone skinny dipping?] Numerous occasions.

[broken a bone] Yes once.

[cheated on a test] Many.

[cheated on a boy/girlfriend] Never thats a fucking sin.

[gotten drunk] Yes.

[been in the hospital] Obviously

[let a friend cry on your shoulder] Yes but its usually me crying

[feel asleep in the shower/bath] No?

[never slept during a night] Lots of times.

[been to camp] I spent a majority of my childhood summers at summer camps.

[sat in a restaurant without ordering] Lots.

[seen someone die] Yeah actually I have more than once.

[didn't wash your hair for a week] Haha probably.

[broken something valuable] Yes.

[thought you were in love] Oh yeah.

[screamed at someone for no reason] Oh man I regret it.

[said I love you and meant it] Stop asking me about love.


[school] should be over soon, thank god.

[where you want to live] Anywhere but San Ramon.

[how many kids you want] None.

[what kind of job you want] cosmotoligist. So I can do rich peoples make up all day

[wedding song] Oh man If I was actually planning on marriage... "Heaven" New Found Glory Cover {original by Bryan Adams}..

[song in your head] "The Cautioners"

T H I S O R T H A T . .

[coke or pepsi] Coca-Cola classic.

[flowers or candy] Neither. I want a gift with emotional significance

[scruff or clean shaven] Scrufy please.

[tall or short] TALL

W I T H T H E O P P O S I T E S E X . . .

[what do you notice first?] SHOES.

[worst things to say] "So whos your friend" .... "Hold on let me call my girlfriend"

W H O . . .

[makes you laugh the most?] Lameness. He is retarded. And HLb but he does everything.

[gives you a funny feeling when u see them] HLb.

[has a crush on you?] Uhh no one?

[easier to talk to: boys or girls?] Guys.

[stupidest person you know] I think you know the answer to that, "child"

[craziest person you know] Thats everyone. We're all fucked in the head.

D O Y O U E V E R . . .

[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to IM you?] Heh...

[save aol/aim conversations] I did once.

H A V E Y O U E V E R . . .

[fallen for your best friend] Elena.. ew that would be gross..

[been rejected] ALL MY FUCKING LIFE

[rejected someone] Nope.

[used someone] Never.

[been cheated on] TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT

[done something you regret] Tons.

W H O W A S T H E L A S T P E R S O N . . .

[you talked to] HLb.

[hugged] HLb.

[you instant messaged] Kelton

[you laughed with] HLb.

D O Y O U . . .

[color your hair] Never.

[ever get off the damn computer] Only to pee. JK.. Always.

H A V E Y O U / / D O Y O U / / A R E Y O U

[smoke] I used to.

[obsessive] Dear god yes

[could you live without the computer?] Yeah

[how many peeps are on your buddylist?] 10 its elite. Shut up.

[what's your favorite food?] Lime Jello.

[what's your favorite fruit?] Cherries.

[drink alcohol?] yes

[like watching sunrises or sunset] Sunset.. Omg Im listening to "My Sundown" right now.

[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?] EMOTIONAL

[trust others way too easily?] Nope. Other way around.

F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S . . .

[i want] to be loved.

[i wish] for everything to just work out.

[i love] watching the rain, singing along to my favorite times, laughing till it hurts, being held, protective guys, shoes, sleeping in, coffee in large amounts, pleasent surprises, music, hLb's hair, last night, walking in the rain, being told im pretty when im having an ugly day, tea on cold days, smoke and hair, the feeling of presure, good kissers, and having the right person look at me at the right time. {chance}

[i miss] HLb

[i fear] HLb and the things he does to me. Err not like that.

[i hear] "My Sundown" Jimmy Eat World

[i wonder] what people really think of me, when am i going to finally die?

[how do you know its love?] When you lose them, and you love them, you'll know.

[i am] lost.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject: Take Me Down, with you.
Time:10:04 am.
Mood: thoughtful.
Music:No Use For A Name: Dumb Reminders.
I went out with HLB yesterday. All day from like 3-10. Umm can we say perfection? It was all too cool. I cant even write abot it. I dont think Ive met anyone like him before. Creeps me out. And makes me stupid and clingy. Its all tackishly amazing. Actually the truth is i made a complete fool out of myself by accidently blurting out "i love you"... I had no idea what I was thinking and it just came out. I think that pretty much ruined any hope of him sticking around. I did find a song that makes me think of Joel .. haha "Whats so hard about goodbye. Sorry Im just as kean. Planning a perfect life when im only 19*".(thats the joel song except im not 19).. Alright Im not going to talk about Joel it makes me angry and upset and suicidal. Damn guilt tripper. I want to think about HLB more hope to god he hasnt figured out that all I am is a stupid little lost girl who doesnt know anything. I told him I had an online journal and that I was going to write about him in. I wonder if he'll remember and ask. i doubt it. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO CLINGY? I wish I was normal. I scare people away too much. Hes one of those type of people that makes everything hilarious and stuff just doesnt get boring. Hes one of those people that I'll never....................get. Whatever. Enough complainning. Shut me up. -juleigh

Picture of me before I went to see HLB yesterday. Tell me I looked at least "ok"

Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 31st, 2003

Subject:I dont seem obvious, do I?
Time:8:45 am.
Mood:In Between Myself.
Music:Jimmy Eat World: Authority Song..
Its 8:45AM and its SATURDAY. WHAT THE FUCK am I doing up?!.... Haha I'm way hyper because I might be seeing HLB today.. Ahh.. HLb. Too bad I'm having a super acne-ifed ugly week and my eyebrows are the size of .. china. Oh man. I sound... disgusting. Anyways. I got in another fight with Joel yesterday. Umm Obviously everything I say pisses him off. God knows why he would still be talking to me. =|. Im sick of him calling and making sads noises at me, like everything that could possibly go wrong is my fault. Urgh. Truthfully, it IS my fault which makes it all the more worse. Alright Im not going to ruin my morning just yet.
My mother is attempting to cook breakfast. Im scaried =|. I wish my parents never tried to cook. Obviously they cant. I look so gross right now I should take a picture and post it to scare everyone off from reading this. I just woke up and got out of shower so my hair looks like some animals attacked it. I pretty much look like a rabid rabbit. Arent pretty? I think I'm going to go start getting ready if the slight chances of me seeing HLB cross my path. (nervousness)... Make me Shut Up, juleigh.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, May 27th, 2003

Time:4:46 pm.

Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 25th, 2003

Subject:Dressed by dawn and out the door
Time:10:17 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Music:Something Corporate: I Want To Save You..
Heres something someone told me that I found extremely intresting. Are you ready?
"i don't wanna go there ok thats a dark dark part of me that i don't like 2 visit." this was a reply to a question I asked about past experences and it makes me wonder about how peolple (in general) must be on in the inside if we even need to hide it from ourselves. Eh. just a thought.
I woke up insanely early today. God knows why. I have no plans. I think I shall call Kas and make her go to the stupid Art and Wind festival with me. Haha what a joke.
I went to Natalias thing last night. It was pretty cool. I didnt stay that long though cause I didnt feel good and I went to my grandmas house (Yeah I know Im a dork). We watched "Price is Right". Then I had to fight Serge for the computer so I could talk to HLB. And when I finally got on HLB wasnt there. How cool? Lol. I wont get to talk to him today either. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I dont like this. I want to see him.
Other news, today wouldve been mine and joels 7th months.

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 24th, 2003

Subject:Use me, please?
Time:12:25 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:DashBoard Confessional: Swiss Army Romance.
Wow. I havent written anything worth reading in so long. It makes me feel so lame. Like why have a blurty if I dont write in it? Its cause no one reads it and the reason no one reads it is cause I dont have 'blurty friends' and Why dont I have blurty friends, because I cant make my blurty pretty. Oh well. I'll make Kelp read this or hlb. Although if hlb read this he'll probably think I was insane. And if Joel read it he'd hate me. Me and Joel broke up like last week. It was horrible. I cant believe i actually did it. I almost hate me for it. He hates me for it. Its just I couldnt take being so commited to someone for so long. "Youve been looking up to him as if you've forgotten your own life, forgotten your old face".. ("Better Off Dead"- A New Found Glory). That pretty much sums up how I feel. I just wish it couldve been easier. I can be so naive. Anyways hlb 'blew' me off yesterday. Hopefully we'll hangout later this weekend. My dear little family (Mumsy, Daddy and Anthony) are all gone this weekend . THANK GOD. LOl. So I get be at Serges or home alone. Its all the same to me. I got to have coffee with Bella (mi tia {aunt}) this morning which was kind of cool cause shes hilarious and she tells me what my dad was REALLY like as a kid. Ugh stingy perfectious bastard. Anyways, Unies band has a CD out. Kelp tried to buy one but couldnt which really sucks. I wanted to hear it. Im such a dork. Anyways Im going to try and make my hair look pretty (haha yeah right?) .. <3 eMo.giRL.sHoes.{Juleigh}.

ps. Leave me some comments biatches so I know you know I exist.

pps. Profound lyrics of the moment: "Get out your fake eyelashes and fake IDs and real disasters ensue. Its cool to take these chances and cool to fake romance. And grow up fast"
damn those faking fakers
Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 21st, 2003

Subject:Hilarious Quizzy
Time:9:02 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:Fenix Tx: Threesome.
This test result was hilarious:
I am a rude kitten with a little pink butt

Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 18th, 2003

Time:11:35 am.
Mood: giddy.
Music:Fenix tx: El Borracho.
I felt like everyone should know I had the greatest evening in existence last night. Please be jealous of me =)
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, April 30th, 2003

Subject:Kelton has wounded chicken syndrome.
Time:5:56 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
Music:Fenix Tx: A Song for Everyone.
I decided that Unie should be out of the Fab5. Because no matter how goodlooking and mighty sexually appealing his is I still hate him. I hate him with a strong passion. I also realized that all of the Fab5 is asshole like.. and has failed me in one way or another other than Look-A-Like because Ive never talked to him. heres the chart of failure...

Unie.. he failed me in so many ways i dont know what to write. i hate him.
Skwerly.. dated a druggie whore girl..
Unie Look a like.. makes fun of people (not me) but others and I feel like if i talked to him he would make fun of me too .. and his like unie part 2 except tanner which is quite intimidating when i think about it. ::dies::
and i think the rest are keltons guys so.. yeah.. ive been failed.

I dont know what to do with myself anymore. Im starting to wonder why i like guys who are this stupid. Kelton says its because she has wounded chicken syndrome and thinks she can change them. anyways thank god for guys like Joelsocks. because hes normal and his not stupid and he has yet to fail me. although he could use a bit of a haircut. ..............................
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Monday, April 28th, 2003

Subject:Kats Quiz
Time:9:38 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:Fenix Tx: Katie W.
Kats the coolest and she made a quiz about the group. heres my sign thinger (that rocks):

You Are Juleigh!

Which member of My Group are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, April 26th, 2003

Subject:I am a freak.
Time:11:02 pm.

You are Enid from Ghost World. A
walking, talking quip, you always have
something to say and never bite back your
statement. Like Enid, though, you're a lost
soul and have trouble finding your way around
the world.
You find the good in all things weird.

What Unconventional Movie Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for Your Insignificant Other.

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