♥ Don't worry sweetie i already know♥'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
♥ Don't worry sweetie i already know♥

[ website | ♥click this or die =) ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

How bout them honda's [20 May 2004|10:48pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | theme song from My Scene.com ]

hey, i dont know how to change the background!!!
i need some compuTR tips..
i have to pee!

((manda))-you kids and your so obsessed with in school makeout.. haha
dude im so hanging out with you soon ass face!

yesterday jess kept hitting Hedd so she kicked her and further injured her injured knee. Thats what she deserves.. we've gone through several years of her abuse and SEE WHAT HAPPENS NOW!

so i went to walmart today and i was in the candy isle and well.. i had the sudden urge for jelly beans so i bought three bags.. WHO BLOWS THE ONLY MONEY THEYVE GOTTEN IN TWO WEEKS ON JELLY BEANS?! yep.. me.

i think im going to switch to live journal. me and my blurty are growing further apart.. :(
((its not you, its me))
I've to go to my dads this week i think ill steal some money from my mom to buy something good. Sheesh who would do that?!
*how bout them raiders* FREAK. thuper freak-ay.
shi-at its like almost 11 and im super hyper and not ready for sleepy poo, but its only thursday..

2shattered♥ break my heart.

more surveys [15 May 2004|06:23pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | knife party. deftones. ]

+ Basics +
Are you emotional :::( dont tell anyone
Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few ::eep.
What about movies ::mm hmm sometimes
What emotion do you usually feel ::is stupid an emotion?
+ Sadness +
What does it take to make you cry your heart out ::that one event last summer...
How many times have you done that ::once (last summer)
Where do you cry ::in my room.
Do you hate crying ::no
Do you like it when others cry ::yes
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty ::sometimes
Who looks good when they cry ::julie
How else do you express sadness ::not talking
Are you sad all the time ::well..
+ Anger +
What does it take to make you mad ::when friends ditch me
What do you do when you're angry ::not talk
How short is your temper ::i dont get mad that easily
How long does it take you to calm down ::depends on the situation
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad ::screamed at a friend
Do you freak out when others are angry ::no i try to help
Has anyone ever recommended anger management to you ::no
What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad ::ditch me so much on projects that i failed a fucking class.
Do you anger people ::not really
+ Joy +
How often are you happy ::umm..
What makes you happy ::when i know someone cares about me
What do you do when you're happy ::smile
How optimistic are you ::not really
Do happy people make you mad ::yes
What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy ::rub it in my face
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone ::once or twice
Ever been so happy you cried ::nope. never been that happy.
Do you smile a lot ::not really
Kiss people a lot::yes.. shame on me
Who really makes you happy ::kevin..
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy ::only people i care about
+ Fear +
What do you do when you're scared ::try not to show it
What scares you ::clowns.. amish people.. walking home alone in the dark without a weapon
Do you like scaring people ::yes
Do you like the trill of being frightened ::yes
Does fear accompany anger in your case ::not really
Ever been so scared you couldn't breathe ::nope
How often do you panic ::not often
What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else EVER ::when i thought both of my best friends died two seperate times.
What do you do to calm your nerves ::breathe
Do rollercoasters scare you ::no
+ The strongest emotion +
What song never fails to get your strongest emotions going ::lip gloss and letdown. ASL.
Movie ::A walk to remember
Commericial ::i wouldnt know
Person ::ehh.. who is hurting me but doesnt know it
Thing ::..dont be so vague on that one
Sight ::friends crying
Sound ::silence.
Food ::umm.. i dont know?
Thing you're looking forward to/want ::when i want to hang out with someone (in particular) and they ditch me.
+ What do you do +
When the emotion suck ::get upset.
When the emotion rocks ::smile.
When there's no emotion ::nothing
+ Would you rather +
Never feel again ::no. i like feeling bad.
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life ::yes
Be happy forever and never experience bad times ::no
Cause misery ::yes
Feel misery ::yes
Be alone ::no
Be with everyone you know ::yes
+ Who +
Cheers you up more than anyone else ::someone to kiss
Angers you more than anyone else ::people who continue to think its okay to keep me out of a group for something
Scares you more than anyone else ::elyce
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else ::someone in particular
Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think ::someone in particular (all the same person when i say that)

Emotions brought to you by BZOINK!

day at school:this year? it probably sucked.
kiss:was with someone who i still care about.. just wish the kiss lasted longer.
girlfriend/boyfriend:first real boyfriend? you know, not just having for the sake of having one? was Cj, and now he's like a brother to me
time getting high:was with a few friends, then after we went to someones house after fitting 8 people in a 5 seating car.
time drinking:i cant really remember my first time..
date:i've only been on one "date" if you mean actually going out somewhere with someone you're dating.
time having sex:non existent
time you asked someone out:i can remember the last time, rather than the first. It was in a different language and they didnt understand what i meant. wow thats lame.
time you ate sea food:i dont remember..
time getting in trouble for something really big:recently, getting caught smoking.
detention:not doing homework for two weeks. mrs. redfeild 5th grade
time getting a filling:never.
fist fight:never actually happened.
time you cut yourself:why would they have this question on here? im disappointed.
questioned existance:i was like 5.. i didnt have much other things to think about.

Tell me about your first.. brought to you by BZOINK!

Atreyu vs. Zao:Atreyu
Daughters vs. Charles Bronson:umm
Sparta vs. Billy Talent:Billy Talent
Every Time I Die vs. Give Up The Ghost:Everytime I die
The Mars Volta vs. I Hate Myself:The Mars Volta
Alexisonfire vs. Underoath:this is a hard one.. alexisonfire
The Blood Brothers vs. Cirlce Takes The Square:umm
The Bled vs. pg. 99:ehh?
Saetia vs. Holy Molar:AHH
Q and not U vs. These Arms Are Snakes::(
The Postal Service vs. The Faint:i give up..
Arab on Radar vs. Melt Banana:god damnit.
36 Crazy Fists vs. Glassjaw:glass jaw :) finally.
Modest Mouse vs. Armor For Sleep:ehm.. i like modest mouse, even though they were in Seventeen magazine which kind of throws me off.
Brand New vs. Saves The Day:hmm.. eep! Brand new.. no.. ugh.. i dont know its hard.

BAND vs. BAND; take your pick. brought to you by BZOINK!

School or sleep?:sleep
Dad or mom?:mom
Friend or foe?:friend
Girl or guy?:guy
Love or lust?:love
Bald or hair?:hair
Boxers or briefs?:for me or for the guy?
Bike or car?:car
Life or death?:if i picked death then this wouldnt really matter.. so life.
daughter or son?:well, i have neither.. but daughter?
Math or Science?:neither fuckers.
Choir or PE?:PE
Rain or Sun?:i like both.
walking lawn mower or riding lawn mower?:hopefully ill never have to deal with that
Trick or Treat?:treat :)

Vs. brought to you by BZOINK!

break my heart.

surveys. eep. [15 May 2004|06:04pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | pawn shop promises. across five aprils. ]

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::Deftones
Are you female or male::mascara
Describe yourself::lonely
How do some people feel about you::follow
How do you feel about yourself::blind
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::teenager
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::to have and to hold
Describe where you want to be::korea
Describe what you want to be::good morning, beautiful
Describe how you live::kill yourself
Describe how you love::anniversary of an uninteresting event
Share a few words of wisdom::be quiet and drive

Bands // Song Titles brought to you by BZOINK!

break my heart.

trade 19 years.. for 19 minutes.. [13 May 2004|07:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Car Wrecks and Plane Crashes. Acrossfiveaprils. ]

Dear whoever you are or want to be known as at this time,
So this is what you have to say now? But your choice of words, will forever be mine. but words dont come easy. and would it really matter if you had counted the days left with your hands?
You, you left the light on, and theres a chance i might have drempt of you, and you wouldnt hold on...
slowly the pen touches the paper in the guidence of the words you would write, in rememberence of the things we once did.
Did i bother telling you about them, as the words crossed teeth and i crossed your lips?
Smile staged in photographs, here until...
but you were there to hold on. Kill or be killed spill the words from your mouth, ill lay awake for a while, and ill leave the light on tonight, but you couldnt last a lifetime, while the blade goes carving across your heart...
-Johnny

break my heart.

uhh son. [12 May 2004|04:01pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | The Big Sleep.Streetlight. ]

What is your favorite..
gum:big red
restaurant:umm... i dont know..
drink:Vanilla Coke
season:Spring or summer
type of weather:warm but breezy
emotion:love.
thing to do on a half day:create a ruckus with my friends.
late-night activity:see above.
sport:soccer
city:well..
store:um.. PacSun i fink.
When was the last time you..
cried:last night.
played a sport:today i think.
laughed:today when hedd fell out of her chair
hugged someone:today.
kissed someone:today..
felt depressed:current
felt elated:well..
felt overworked:today i think.
faked sick:two weeks ago
lied:probably today.
What was the last..
word you said:random.
thing you ate:poptart at lunch
song you listened to:Pre-Ex-Girlfriend. Five Iron Frenzy.
thing you drank:i.. dont remember.
place you went to:school..
movie you saw:something last night.. i dont remember.
movie you rented:Gothkia
concert you attended:i have some complaints about this one..
Who was the last person you..
hugged:kevii
cried over:myself
kissed:kevii
danced with:chrissy or heather
shared a secret with:elyce
had a sleepover with:chrissy i think
called:they call me babe.
went to a movie with:umm..
saw:my mom.
were angry with:Joycel.
couldn't take your eyes off of:Andy.
obsessed over:hmm..
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:yeah. its great.
kissed someone:do i need a list?
done drugs:well..
drank alcohol:all the time.
slept around:NO
partied 'til the sun came up:yeah
had a movie marathon:way back.
gone too far on a dare:i dont think so.
spun until you were immensely dizzy:yeah.. thats great.
taken a survey quite like this before:unfortunetly

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!

break my heart.

you're gonna have to ask nicer than that [23 Apr 2004|05:20pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Atreyu. A song for the optimists ]

It's been a long week..

Tuesday I was supposed to go to Keil's house so I could go with them and watch the band perform but i never made it.. we drove around for 2 hours looking for his house and then my mom got pissed and turned around to go home. Luckily, I had keil on the phone so he didnt think i was ditching him or anything. Then my mom offered to buy me some food or something but I didnt accept because she started bitching at me.

Wednesday me and Joycelin had a really weird conversation in Social Studies class..
Joycel: yeah.. and then you cock your head slightly to the right
Me: yeah.. its hard for me not to because of the height difference.
Joycel: yeah I know
Me: but.. I cock my head to the left :( .. you cock yours to the right?
Joycel: actually I'm not sure when I cock it..

You can just guess what we were talking about.. its not even a dirty conversation.
I walked home with a bunch of people I wouldn't normally hang out with and then kev left without saying goodbye.. 'tomorrow bitch''s tomorrow was yesterday making it two days out of date making wednesday's tomorrow three days out of date, but nothing actually happened until today. I got sick Wednesday, but im better now..
Yesterday I went to Battle of the Bands
I really didn't like Keith's band at all.. they would've been better if there was actually vocals..
The only good band that I actually saw was Broken Values, but they didnt even win anything.
Corrupted won second place (blah) and i think the only reason why they did was because Josh ran across stage as "Justice Guy" some super hero.

Today Im going to the mall with Chrissy and seeing Chris there.. even though Kev asked if I wanted to hang out tonight.. which I should be doing.. but i guess im not..

(thanks for caring)

1shattered♥ break my heart.

Cassie: [17 Apr 2004|07:34pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | great romances of the 20th century. Taking Back Sunday. ]

Stolen from her journal, which was stolen from someone else's:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the sentence.

Sydney changes the subject. "Look," she says, pointing across the room. "It's the Ghost."


i had to post a little more because i felt the first sentance was too short.
Courtney love is pretty. sorry i just saw her on TV.

Why? Why can't you just answer me already? It's not some fucking hard to answer test question that will determine the rest of your life.. It's a yes or no question.

My sister is rambling about slipknot. Her only goal in life is to go to a slipknot concert. You know, she might be thinking im ignoring her, but im paying very close attention to her psychotic ranting. Slipknot is so stupid and she acts like they're god. She can't even broaden her horizons because she yells at me when she hears something as little as Lamb Of God. conformity should be a sin.
hey, look, now shes watching lizzie mcguire.

I went through that whole slipknot conversation without looking at her once or saying one thing besides "Shut Up."
slipknot is not my cup of tea.

im gonna go talk to my great friend Andy :)

break my heart.

survey jing [16 Apr 2004|09:05pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Stare at the sun.thrice. ]

(yes ) been drunk
(yes) smoked pot
(yes) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( no) kissed a member of the same sex shame shame :)
(no ) crashed a friend's car
(no ) been to japan
(no) ridden in a taxi
(no ) had anal sex
(yes =/) been in love
(no ) had sex
(no ) had sex in public
(yes) been dumped
(yes) shoplifted
(no ) been fired
(yes ) been in a fist fight
(no.sluts.) had a threesome
(yes ) snuck out of my parent's house
(no ) been tied up (sexually)
(no ) been caught masturbating
(no ) pissed on myself
(no ) had sex with a member of the same sex
(no ) been arrested
(yes ) made out with a stranger
(no ) stole something from my job
(no ) celebrated new years in time square
(no ) gone on a blind date
(no) lied to a friend
(ha no ) had a crush on a teacher
(no ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(no ) been to europe
(yes) skipped school
(no ) slept with a co-worker
(x) cut myself on purpose
(no ) had sex at the office
(no ) been married
(no ) gotten divorced
(no ) had children

*Who was the last person you..
hugged: chris mormon
cried over: Andy and our fight..
kissed: Kev
danced with: chrissy probably
shared a secret with: Chrissy.. or andy
had a sleepover with: Chrissy..
called: chrissy..
went to a movie with: ...probably chrissy..
saw: emma bear
were angry with: andy
couldn't take your eyes off of: keil and his amber =/
obsessed over: poptarts
Have you ever..
danced in the rain: yeah.. especially this week
kissed someone: yes
done drugs: yes
drank alcohol: yessss
slept around: nooo never.
partied 'til the sun came up: yeah
had a movie marathon: not in a while
gone too far on a dare: nope
spun until you were immensely dizzy: fuck yes
taken a survey quite like this before: yes you boring shitfucks

break my heart.

great week [16 Apr 2004|08:52pm]
[ mood | selfish ]
[ music | Black Label. Lamb of God. ]

Never ask someone out in french.. They wont answer you.
Well Im here at my dads bored out of my mind, my music stopped, and the only thing thats occupying me probably more tempting me to fall asleep rather than do much for the environment is the sound of my sister snoring. Whose idea was it to make people snore? honestly, its not like we need proof that they're asleep.

Andrew and I got into an enormous fight today. Last night, I heard from three reasonable sources that Andy was talking about me.. saying that im selfish, only want the whole world to revolve around me, and do things for attention. Nicely put, you get no bonus points bitch.
Thats funny, considering if i wanted attention, would i actually tell people my problems? The only person I do tell is Andy and thats only because I felt like I could trust him with everything.
Anywho, today i said fuck you when he passed me in the hallway, and i repeatively told him to leave me alone and not to talk to me when he tried to. Today at lunch though, when i asked Lou to move, Andy got up and asked if i wanted himt o move too.. i did.. but i wasnt talking to him..
he got up anyway and started mumbling things and then started yelling at me from across the lunch table. He called me a selfish hoe :(
So, Im at my dads house now..
Andy told me never to talk to him again and that he didnt want to be my friend anymore. Dontcha love it when you lose best friends?

I was at the mall here for two hours and i've been sitting here doing nothing for another two hours. More to come. This is my plan.. when i feel like it, im going upstairs and reading. Then, when i dont feel like it, im going to accidentally fall asleep, still wearing my contacts, bitch.

I told kev about my mom and he started laughing.. we havent talked ever since this morning really.
did i tell you i met keils girlfriend? great..
wow im such a selfish hoe..
< / 3..
woot woot

1shattered♥ break my heart.

guilty [15 Apr 2004|04:57pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Deanne The Arsonist. Atreyu. ]

Oh dear.. I hate to say it, i guess i regret it only because im looked down upon by somepeople.. i was drunk all spring break.. it was so much fun, but wrong i guess. It was unplanned, but good while it lasted.

IM SO SORRY JOYCELIN! please please please listen to me! why cant you at least read the note? it explains everything and you'll understand and possibly forgive me. :( Please dont be stubborn you know i hate that.
If you choose never to talk to me again, just please read the note. please. We don't live forever and at this rate by the time you want to forgive me ill be dead.

My mommy is sicky :(
the doctors think she had a heart attack and she was at the hopsical all day today =/

I so hate the way my life is going.. Im so not on the right track.

Chris, sorry about your wrist.. sorry i couldnt come over.. sorry i couldnt come over AGAIN.. sorry i left without saying goodbye yesterday.. wow im a bad friend.. But we can still make that tree house =/

Aww, that's so nice
something I love to see
It's so cute
I love your maturity

She cherishs you
thats for sure
and so do my hands
when they're choking her

shes so sweet
i guess thats enough
you're having a ball
and i hope she falls off

you gotta love that ^ i know i do..

6shattered♥ break my heart.

if i gave you pretty enough words.. [29 Mar 2004|09:13pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | water wings. alexisonfire. ]

im pissed. pissed you stupid fuckhole. Did you get that?!
this weekend im supposed to go to the mall with ally and hedd and possibly chrissy.
should i waste my friday night doing that? i mean.. i cant..
should i walk around for like three hours and then go to the mall? yeah..
although im supposed to be hanging with chrissy, elyce, kev, bobby and possibly nick..
fuck what am i gonna do? this sucks asshole. Oh god I curse too much, please forgive me.
oh God this weekend was boring. I was at my dads. Friday: walked home with kate and ally. walked to dustins, then greg's hung with chris and greg. went to dads. nothing. sat home, watched tv, computer.
Saturday: (morning) I cleaned up dog shit. :)
(afternoon) I went to the mall and saw emma thurr. I hung out with (these are all mayslanding people) Chris, Matt, Greg, Adam, "Joe", Chris M. (!!!), Jeff, that kid that i dont know his name.. and then we all went to king pin.. and theres this bar and in the bar there were a bunch of 40-50 ish year old people dressed as pimps and hoes.. it was scary

some wigger called me a trick ass hoe? i just keep finding enjoyment in that because
i dont know what it means you stupid trick ass hoe!

Jess grabbed my arm today and started screaming making everyone realize what was on it.

break my heart.

hey, you hear that too? [21 Mar 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | to awake and avenge the dead.thrice. ]

does anyone ever let go of something and wonder what they're missing? is it one of those things that can't be spoken because its too hard to explain. Mixed feelings. How about not wanting something, but wonder what you'd have if you did want it? Does it just go without saying? Ever think about whats going to happen the next day.. and what you hope is going to happen? Ever look forward to something that you just made up in your head in hopes that you can make it real?

Do you ever do anything or say something to someone hoping that it would make them feel bad for you, but instead it makes them complain about your complaining?

do you ever get worried when someone that you're completely not attracted to does or says something and it always affects you in some way? Do you ever think that someone is lying when they say that they "dont like you like that"?

Do you wish you knew what they were saying behind your back? Do you wonder why someone acts a certain way to you, and then acts a completely different way in front of someone else?

Has anyone ever liked you, but not admitted it because they'd be embarassed, although they're the only ones that dont approve of you..

A r e n't y o u glad you're not m e ?

1shattered♥ break my heart.

i wanna be like heather [16 Mar 2004|09:53pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Falling upon deaf ears. As I lay dying. ]

Heather gets to say what she likes and dislikes about her friends.. so i will too!

Elyce.. I FUCKING LOVE THIS GIRL!! shes the best! i love how she feels compassion but can joke around at the same time. I love how shes the only one that makes me smile when i cry. I love how she blames my mistakes on herself. I love all the trouble we get in together! She's so generous and fun-loving. You cant NOT laugh when you're talking to Elyce. Although shes the best, i think she needs to get away from her mother (that fucking bitch) and not get my mommy involved :(

Chrissy.. SHES SO FUCKING AWESOME! She's funny, yet pretty stupid at times. She's conceited, but in a good way, because its funny. She sticks up for me and looks out for me and wouldnt let anyone lay a hand on me. Her and Elyce are REALLY strong. they can take me down anyway. She takes the fall for most things and does her best to keep me alive :)

Jess.. WOO HOO.. Jess can get SO annoying at times.. but i love her so much! She's pretty funny but says some pretty stupid things. She sticks up for me and wouldnt let no one hurt me. She always has the goodies :)
She's too abusive and too loud.. and she's spoiled. but hey, if i could be spoiled, i'd take the chance. She does things that i dont approve of, but.. whatever floats your boat, right? <3

Hedd.. I LOVE YOU! I love heather so much. She's like the only one that i can stand to tell i love them repeatively. Although sometimes I feel like I cant trust her or feel like she doesnt approve of me.. i still love her!
Heather has all the answers.. She's too generous and we always have our own little secrets! I would get her everything if i could, because she gets me everything that she can. She's so pretty!

Kate.. gets really annoying sometimes but thats when shes the best! Kate is really fun and really skinny. Shes such a little cutie pie! Kates really hyper and its funny. Go katie.. go katie..

Gabby.. I love gabby! but.. shes a slut and she knows it.. its okay dear, it'll all be okay.

Joycel.. :) Joycel has all the answers. Although not responding to certain situations in nothing more than a 'wow', she gives it a good point and i like how she makes my stories sound important with her overexaggerated 'whoa's:)

Cassie! Cassie so has all the answers and is so smart and so helpful and generous. She's an individual even if she follows in others footsteps with the music and poetry and such. She takes an old thing and makes it new and original and i love that. Me and Cass have had some good times, eh CassaMaBob? Sometimes she can be freaky but shes always cheery.. which doesnt help me when im not.

Bobby.. well.. theres nothing good about you.. :)
no, he's a good friend and gives me stuff so its all good.. Although not the best of a kisser, its the thought that counts.

Mark.. I WUV MARK! he's my brother so shup all you losers who make fun of him.. although most of those losers are on this.. Mark always gives me stuff and is so generous although his mother is scary sometimes. Sometimes i think he's lying about things but its okay because when im mad at him, he gives me stuff to buy me happiness :)

Kevii.. Although you probably think im so fucking annoying, which-dont worry- i can relate, i fink you're a big pot of sunshine and a half :) He thinks he knows everything and i can never really tell when hes lying or not. He's an individual who will probably read this and then make fun of it because he's never serious.. but im complimenting him anyway. He makes me laugh a lot and i can never stay mad at him >.<
I guess I dont know the real him and dont know if he's trustworthy, but i like what i see. Life will be boring when he's gone because i wont have anyone else for mrs.peale to see me excite. When i say goal im not looking to score.

Ryan.. please stop loving me, mmkay?

Andy.. Andy always makes me happy towards the end of the fight. Most of the time its over my selfish bitchy ways that basically just want to get reassured that im above okay level. He always cheers me up, by accident most likely. Good music. He gives me higher self esteem? He has too many opinions and does a lot to be recognized. When im ignoring him, i can still see him out of the corner of my eye.

I fink thats all? If I forgot you.. i dont fucking care.

Elyce's mom.. I hate you bitch. Die. You arent my friend.

1shattered♥ break my heart.

no one comments in here? =/ [11 Mar 2004|09:17pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Body Of God. Norma Jean. ]

Beavis and.....: jerkball
Run.... Run: testes!
Do you have a......: stopwatch
My name is.....: Gertrude AssHead
I am.....: stupid
My favorite band is.....: atreyu!!
Can I ....... You: grope
..... a tree: screw
..... Lullibies: sing
I play the......: punch in the balls game :)
Pass the......: blunt
Kill me.....: quickly, strongly, violently, harshly, now, please.
Do......: not touch my ass
I have to....: do my homework
I feel.....: like killing myself (sorry God)
I.....you: dont like
Jump for....: fucking joy. bitch.
... me: kill
Love is....: stupid
To be scared is.....: pretty.. cool
I have a.....: peter!
Tick.....: tock?
Ass and .......: butt you lose!
My job is to......: hate myself
Kiss....: my lips?
Blue....: eyed suicide
Don't let the door......: shut.. we'll be locked in!
Mother and......: ..fucker
Siblings......: are fat
Hump.....: a tree
Name some Bands with the letter
A: atreyu!
B: brand new
C: Catch 22
D: Dashboard Confessional
E: Exploited
F: From autumn to ashes
G: Greenday
H: Hatebreed
I: Incubus
J: Juliana Theory
K: Killswitch Engage
L: Lacuna Coil
M: Metallica
N: Norma Jean
O: Offspring
P: Poison the Well
Q: Queens of the Stone Age
R: Rancid
S: too hard to pick.. damn.. Shadows Fall
T: Taking Back Sunday
U: Unseen
V: Vendetta Red
W: Weezer
X: X
Y: Your shapeless beauty
Z: Zeke
Questions
Do you smoke: occasionally
Do you drink: umm.. =/ yes.
Ever done a drug: welp, i'd like to say no, so i will. no.
Have sex: no
How old are you: 14
Do you swear: swear? that im 14? i curse a lot though. habit.
What was the last thing you did: curse
What are you wearing: black pants, checkered belt, red shirt..
How is your hair: brown, short, down and flipped out.
Do you daydream: a lot. i did during the GEPAs today. and woke up drooling.
Have you taken a shower today: yes. this morning around 5 something
How was your day: suckage. I got kneed in the nose by myself. haha. elyce like broke my back. my mom yelled at me, my sister is fat. you know.
Talking to anyone: yes, bobby and johnny
What's on your feet: black socks.
Have any pets: no
Watch movies a lot: no. I cant stand to watch one thing thats longer than a half hour. I usually fall asleep.
Like Music: i love music. I was singing during the GEPA


IVE GOT ONE THING TO SAY. Dick stays inside. Little Dick can run. See little Dick run his little head off.<

break my heart.

you bleed just to know you're alive.. [09 Mar 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | iris.goo goo dolls. ]

I wrote my mom a note that said "Dear Mom, I want lunch money and a therapist. Thanks. Love, Tara" and she got angry. She was supposed to get me a therapist but then she changed her mind saying I didnt need one. She thinks its one more useless thing that she'll have to pay for. Does she know I'm unhappy? Anywho, when she got home she asked me politely what it was about and when i told her nothing had changed she started yelling and so on. She said she's going to try. It took her about 2 months? I guess she thought it.. went away? I dont know why im unhappy i have no reason to be unhappy, i just am. So, thats nice.
Me and Kevii got into el argument today.. something about killing myself or something.

You're treated unfairly, your life sucks, no one understands you and blah blah blah.. you want to be noticed. Make a statement, kill yourself. Then people will treat you equally. Oh yeah, don't forget the sympathy note you stupid fucker.
Suicide. The death maker. -thumbs up- :-)
hypocrite.

that was my response, of course. Whatever. think happy thoughts.
Im dying my hair bluuuuuue..
I feel really bad about getting all pissy with kevii.. he always cheers me up and i was all bitchy like to him. So I guess I have no one to cheer me up now, right?
Mrs.french teacher kept me after today to tell me I looked depressed and wanted to know why i was in a bad mood. I told her i wasnt and walked away. Oh damn well.

*hey beautiful, do me a favor and put that fake smile away.*

bleed for me, bleed.

break my heart.

shame on me. [07 Mar 2004|07:22pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | blood red summer. coheed and cambria. ]

LAST...
Movie you rented = it was like a year ago.. Underworld
Movie you bought = Pirates of The Carribean
Song you listened to = Cherry kiss.From autumn to ashes
Song that was stuck in your head = my mirror no longer reflects
CD you bought = Brand New. Deja Entendu
Person you've called =Chrissy
Person that's called you =uhh.. chrissy..
TV show you've watched = Head bangers ball
Person you were thinking of = Elyce
DO...
You have a bf or gf = no
You have a crush on someone = NO
You wish you could live somewhere else = sometimes i want to be living where its warm and there are hot guys. California..
You think about suicide = all the time. shame on me.
You want more piercings = yes
You drink = water, vanilla coke, iced tea.
You do drugs = nope. peer pressure disgusts me, right elyce?
You smoke = Occasionally on the weekends
You like cleaning = cleaning myself, yes.
You like roller coasters = yes
You write in cursive or print = depending on my mood. both.
You carry a donor card = umm..
FOR OR AGAINST...
Long distance relationships = for
Using someone = Against
Killing people = only bad ones
Teenage smoking = for
Premarital sex = if your in love. you're not in love. so no.
Driving drunk = against.. that means the passengers can be drunk.
Gay/lesbian relationship = for
Soap operas = against
FAVORITE...
Food = poptarts
Song = right now its Jude Law and a Semester Abroad because nick keeps getting it stuck in my head.
Thing to talk about = what if, the past, the future, my depression
Drinks = vanilla coke. iced tea.
Movies = Cherry Falls, Donnie Darko, Run Lola Run, Josie and the Pussy cats
Singers = hmm.. the vocalist of tbs, Davey Havok, Geoff Rickly
New nerdy saying = crackas united..
HAVE YOU...
Ever cried over a guy/girl = two guys in particular. everything else is from depression.
Ever lied to someone = yes
Ever been in a fist fight = yes
Ever been arrested = almost, but never actually happened
NUMBER...
Of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = two or three
Of people I consider my enemies? = one. corky.
Of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = once for honor roll, once for soccer
Of scars on my body? = a lot, especially from my arm going through that glass door.
Of things in my past that I regret? = hmm.. everything happens for a reason, but 2
cutting doesnt count.
FAVORITE...
Disney movie = Shrek
Word = emo.. i dont know why..
Nickname = bitch, or dumbass.. or hot chick
Eye color = gray
color = dark purple. black.
Flower = hyacinth
Turn On = personality, eyes
Turn Off = self-centeredness, dorky hair, rudeness
Piercing = ears, lip for a day but then i got in trouble
Actress = Christina Applegate, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Michelle Tractenberg, Racheal Leigh Cook.
Actor = Jake Gylennhal (fuck i dunno how to spell that)

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
Funny = yes.. i am. i do. i mean.
Hot =when its warm out. other people think i am.
Friendly = i try.
Amusing = usually by accident.
Lovable = to some.
Caring = sure
Sweet = no. sometimes maybe.
Dorky = not really.
Spell your first name backwards: NO! I WONT!
The story behind your user name= eh.. everybody thinks im emo.. but some think im a freak.. and im a girl, and my favorite number is three.. you see?
Are you straight? yes. most of the time.
Where do you live? in a room. in my house. or in chrissy's or elyce's house.

DESCRIBE YOUR...
Wallet: nonexistant
Hairbrush: white, red, broken and old. but its my favorite.
Toothbrush: green and white
Jewelry worn daily: girly spike necklace.skull ring. plain rings. ball bracelet. rubber bracelets (only green black and purple though.
Room: messy. covered in pictures of friends and pictures of Davey Havok.
Blanket: green. light green. spring-y
Sunglasses: none
Shoes: i've got many different pairs of converses. purple, camoflauge. black. black and blue.
Handbag: pink. dickies. dirty. pink stars on black strap.
Favorite shirt = mr. rodgers. it says "Theres only one you" and its ripping in the arm pits because its too small for my boobs.
What are you wearing now?:pink dickies. black tank top. black socks. black undies. black bra. black tinkerbell hoodie. pyramid stud belt.
Hair: brownish. short. Josie and the pussy cat-looking (Rachael Leigh Cook) flipped outwards. pretty.



EW DUSTIN SHAVED HIS HEAD! HE'S GONNA BE MADE FUN OF AT SCHOOL TOMORROW! HE LOOKS LIKE A KEAMO PATIENT!! THIS SUCKS.

break my heart.

woopie [06 Mar 2004|11:11am]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | cherry kiss. from autumn to ashes. ]

Im so bored.. Im at my dads house and im in trouble. I walked to the mall yesterday from his house and walked back and i got home a half hour late. Oh well.. at home my internet broke and we had some guy come out to fix it until we found out it was only something unplugged. Oh yeah and that stupid guy from that stupid show at mike's house never called me.. I said call if you want to talk.. obviously he doesnt want to talk.. HAHA thats just funny thinking about it. God Im stupid.
i wish kev would bring his grades up so he doesnt have to go bye byes.. but it looks like he's going bye byes..
:(
anywho.. ms.fuckin porrecca counted me as unprepared the days that i was on fucking medical.. dude i was on crutches.. HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PARTICIPATE IN GYM? I like gym but i fuckin hate that dyke. I HATE HER!! GOD..

me:katie, do you have any classes with that new kid?
katie:gym?
me:jim? whose jim? i dont know any jim..
katie: no.. GYM g-y-m..
me:oh..

HAHA that was pretty funny..
shat i wanna go to the mall..
ME AND KRYSTEN TRADED HOODIES!! I'VE GOT TINKERBELL NOW!! WOO HOO!
anywho, I slept over chrissys on thursday and then the next morning chrissy bobby ryan and i walked to mcdonalds because of the two hour delay and we were walking around for so long.. and then we had to go to school.. which sucked. but we've got a new kid and his name is mike. not jim.

DuFFmAnX42: i need to find my pads
x hurt me baby: what?
DuFFmAnX42: for skateboarding
x hurt me baby: HAHAHHA

you need to be a little more specific Matt. HAHA

THIS SUCKS AT MY DADS BUT THATS OKAY BECAUSE IM GOING TO TRY TO GO TO THE MALL AND SEE ALL ME OLD FRIENDS!!
-farewell suckah

break my heart.

information that i have no reason not to answer [27 Feb 2004|03:10pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | without you here.finch. ]

General Info
[my name is]: Tara
[height?]: 5'3''
[in the morning i am]: most likely showering
[all i need is]: to find someone to cuddle with =/
[love is]: something never returned to me
[if i could see one person right now]: Keil.. i forget what he looks like..
[i'm afraid of]: amish people, clowns, sharp objects, being alone. =/
[i dream about]: what i wish my life was like.

-Have You Ever-
[pictured your crush naked?]: yes
[actually seen your crush naked]: nope. always fully clothed. damn.
[been in love]: Yes. it wasnt returned. I guess then I really wasnt.
[cried when someone died]: No.
[lied]: Yes.. usually for friends though.

-Which Is Better-
[coke or pepsi]: neither. unless we're talking about vanilla coke. coke.
[flowers or candy]: flowers.. i'd just sit and look at the candy.
[tall or short]: Tall.
[skateboard or bike]: Skateboard.

-With The Opposite Sex-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes.. usually something that makes them stand out. like eyelashes.
[last person you slow danced with]: never did.. seriously anyway. although it looks like im dancing when i hug Kevii.
[worst question to ask]: Do you love me? (if you ask that, it ruins the silent affection.. also, what if they dont love you? and i hate when I get asked my bra size. Check for yourself.

-Do You Ever-
[Stay on aim, waitin for someone special to IM you]: yes. always.
[save aol/aim conversations]: all the time. when i want to prove something happened.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: only when me and nameless guy were talking about masturbation.. i guess because its easier for them.. kinda looks like a game.
[cry because of someone saying something to you]: i have. especially when its something that starts off with "its not you, its me.."

-Have You Ever-
[fallen for your best friend]: yes.. i never told anyone though.. I just accidentally told him today.
[been rejected?]: no. i dont go for guys that i know will reject me. i've been throw out though.
[rejected someone]: yes, but nicely..
[used someone]: no.. this one guy thinks i did.. but i didnt..
[done something you regret]: No. Everything happens for a reason. Everything I do has its own purpose.

-Who Was The Last Person-
[you talked to on the phone]: Chrissy.
[hugged]: Kevii
[you instant messaged]: Andy
[instant messaged you?]: Jon V.. im not responding though.. oh well.
[you laughed with]: elyce.

-Do You / / Are You-
[color your hair]: when its purple or black or something.
[habla espanol]: umm.. when im faking it.
[smoke cigarettes]:not anymore.
[obsessive]: someone called me obsessive before. It kind of hurt. I'm not obsessive though.. i've never been obsessed.
[could you live without the computer?]:no.
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: think. whats the maximum? 200, dumbass. i keep having to delete to add more.
[what's your favorite food?]: -blinks- ... (this would be a good time to run to the bathroom or get a snack while we share a word from our sponsors.)
[drink alchohol?]:yes. yes. yes. When it's available and when my parents arent around.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: Yes.
[what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?]: emotional. it causes people to cry and kill themselves and then people to cry and kill themselves over the people who did before them. Obviously they dont care about physical. I think im going to go cry myself to sleep now.
[trust others way too easily?]: no. I always know when someone is lying to me.

-Currents-
Current Clothes: Elyce's jeans. My "im with the band" shirt. purple and white undies. black bra. Bobby's hoodie. my camoflauge converses. Im cold.
Current Mood: depressed.
Current Music: drink drank punk.anti-flag.
Current Taste: iced tea from an hour ago.
Current Hair: shoulder length and layered. Flipped out like Josie from josie and the pussy cats.
Current Annoyance: gas.
Current Smell: umm.. (see above)
Current thing I ought to be doing: sweeping the kitchen floor.
Current Desktop Picture: My taking back sunday icon.
Current CD in CD player: Brand New. Deja Entendu.
Current DVD In Player: Romeo and Juliet.
Current Color Of Toenails: umm.. the color that they're supposed to be. thank god im fungus-less. -snickers- say that out loud.
Current Refreshment: hmm.. none.. i had iced tea though.
Current Worry: why elyce's jeans make me look fat. what im going to do tonight. if im going alone. who i will see there. who will hit on me. who will hurt my feelings. how ill get home. if anyone is making fun of me right now as we speak... nuff said?

-Last Person-
You Talked to: Chrissy.
You Instant messaged: umm.. cassie..
You Yelled At: Julie.

-Favorite-
Food: -uninterested face- poptarts..
Drink: DIDNT WE GO THROUGH THIS?! vanilla coke.
Color: dark dark purple.
Shoes: any color converses. i have a chuck collection.
Candy: umm.. do i even like candy.. skittles.

-Are You-
Understanding: usually.
Open-minded: i guess.
Arrogant: not really.
Insecure: yes. yes. yes.
Interesting: most people think so.
Hungry: no. im thirsty.
Friendly: to people I love. thats not many that im willing to admit. also to people that give me things. or both. I love Heather. lol
Smart: smarter than some. at least i can say im literate. actually, smarter than most.
Moody: hell fucking yes.
Childish: at times. not to the point where im immature though.
Independent: thats what it says on the hoodie im wearing.
Hard working: when im not sleeping.
Organized: yeah right. i've got all my school papers mixed up.. and to make it worse all my school shit i forgot at elyce's house.
Healthy: -covers chest- yes..
Shy: not really.. just kind of private with some things.
Difficult: yes. depending on who you are.
Bored Easily: yes. i fall asleep easily.
Messy: yes i stepped on something important the last time i stepped in my room.
Thirsty: yes. i believe i mentioned that already?
Responsible: yes. except when it comes to one of those all night parties or something.
Obsessed: not at all. except with Davey Havok.
Angry: yes. i dont know why.
Sad: yes. i dont know why either.
Happy: not really.
Trusting: yes, very.
Talkative: yes, when im happy.
Legal: thats for me to know and you to.. well.. not to know..
Original: Most of the time. Im the trend setter for those who are original though. So once everyone is my original, that makes me unoriginal, right?
Ignored: yes. I dont like it.
Reliable:yes.
Content: kind of. im just very cold.
Optimistic: no. not at all.
Deep thinker: yes.. too deep.. so says every guy that is any form of literate.
Self-disciplined: No.
Sleepy: yes.
Lonely: yes. oh so lonely.

-Who Do You Want To-
Kill: no one.. i dont like corky though. only elyce knows what that means. haha
Slap: julie. or monica. i hate monica. HEY MONICA I HATE YOU.
Get Really Wasted With: Hedd.. she'd be awesome wasted. Kevii maybe.. he'd be.. horny when he's wasted. haha.. i dont even know if he's hit puberty. no offence kev.


Well that was some fun.. who made that up? I didnt like to be mangled and gnawed on by the mind puppets that.. do stuff to my mind..

break my heart.

i never get to enjoy the tea >. [22 Feb 2004|06:14pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | seventy times 7. brand new. ]

Being on crutches is fun! And I think since Im on crutches, they wont make me go downsturrs for youth group with the junior high.. Thats not even fair though! because i've got a bunch of friends that are in 8th grade that stay in senior high because the leaders think they are older.. but anywho, i guess since im not aloud to go down steps on my crutches, i can use that as an excuse to stay upsturrs! woo hoo! kristyn is gonna buy herself a pair and fake it!
x hurt me baby: nick and charlie saw me when i wasnt on my crutches and they'll think im faking it
x hurt me baby: lol
fortune x fadedx: awesomatic! i wanna try them out
x hurt me baby: lol
x hurt me baby: alright
fortune x fadedx: haha
fortune x fadedx: are you?
fortune x fadedx: lol
x hurt me baby: im not faking it! ... i just didnt want to bring crutches..
x hurt me baby: well there werent any steps to walk up so i did pretty well
fortune x fadedx: hahah
fortune x fadedx: i would fake it
fortune x fadedx: lol
x hurt me baby: i think i might fake it for a coouple weeks just so i dont got to go down to junior high
fortune x fadedx: lol
fortune x fadedx: go0d idea
x hurt me baby: yeah i know
x hurt me baby: you got $25? thats all crutches cost.. you could pretend
x hurt me baby: lol
fortune x fadedx: for real!!
fortune x fadedx: where do you get them!?
x hurt me baby: lol i dont know... the hospital?
x hurt me baby: my mom got them i wasnt with her
fortune x fadedx: hahah lets do it!!
x hurt me baby: lol! yeah!
x hurt me baby: im so serious about this too
x hurt me baby: we can say we collided into each other on skateboards
x hurt me baby: lmfao
fortune x fadedx: aww man that'd be so cool.. we could both be like on crutches!!! hopping around and stuff!!
fortune x fadedx: hhahHahahahhaha
fortune x fadedx: i wanna get a pair!
x hurt me baby: you should!
fortune x fadedx: or even one
fortune x fadedx: lol
x hurt me baby: im serious
x hurt me baby: lol!
x hurt me baby: one crutch HAHA
fortune x fadedx: yahhh
fortune x fadedx: i duno where tho
fortune x fadedx: i ahahhaa
x hurt me baby: im gonna ask my mom where she got her crutches so you can fake it with me!
fortune x fadedx: i cant go all thew way to a hospital to buy them
fortune x fadedx: lol'
fortune x fadedx: okay!
x hurt me baby: omG! she got the crutches at eckerds!
x hurt me baby: since when do they sell crutches at eckerds!
fortune x fadedx: NO WAY!
x hurt me baby: YES WAY!
x hurt me baby: aha
x hurt me baby: ;-)
fortune x fadedx: ahhhhh i want them!!!
fortune x fadedx: ill seriously go out and get them
fortune x fadedx: lolol
x hurt me baby: lol!
x hurt me baby: do it!
x hurt me baby: and dont forget to actually bring them to youth group lol
fortune x fadedx: hahaha
fortune x fadedx: im asking my dad
x hurt me baby: lol
fortune x fadedx: my dad sed no
fortune x fadedx: oh well im goin anyway
fortune x fadedx: lol
x hurt me baby: lol
x hurt me baby: you should
x hurt me baby: just go out and get them
x hurt me baby: without your dad knowing
fortune x fadedx: lolol
x hurt me baby: and put a bandage on your foot to make your injury look real lol
fortune x fadedx: okay
fortune x fadedx: i know!! you rock!
x hurt me baby: haha
x hurt me baby: [check out my away message]
fortune x fadedx: okie dokie

Auto response from x hurt me baby: lol kristyn! we are such fakers! haha

fortune x fadedx: awesomatic!!@&#*%#&#(*# :-D =)
fortune x fadedx: we are fakers.. =)
x hurt me baby: haha
fortune x fadedx: lol
x hurt me baby: yeah
x hurt me baby: well.. i wont be a faker until my ankle heals
x hurt me baby: lol
fortune x fadedx: oh well you can still pretend to be a faker when yer really not faking it but you can say yer faking it but i guess oyu wouldntsay that cause then that wouldnt be really faking if poeple knew you were faking but yeh.. lol
x hurt me baby: lmfao!
x hurt me baby: only i would understand that :-P
fortune x fadedx: hehehehe
fortune x fadedx: of course !

Kristyn i really think you should be blond! I know that saying is SO last year though. lol. but seriously you're so dumb! but i love you! haha

Okay, kris, this is the best plan we've ever come up with! lets hope nick and charlie dont rat us out!

well guess what? i get off crutches by next week anyway, so that'll only be one wednesday that'll ill have to wear them there.. but who knows.. i could hurt it again ;-)

- oh no! i don't know where mark is and im getting worried! He left at 1:30 to go out to lunch with his mom and promised me he would call as soon as he got back so i could come over and he never called me.. I've been calling him for a few hours now and no one is answering his phone. I've called at least 30 times by now! I wonder where he could be! that would suck if he just went to someone's house and his mom is at work or something.. i'd be really mad though-

you write such pretty words
but l i f e s no story book
love is an excuse to get hurt
`a n d t o h u r t
do you like to hurt? i d o ...
s o h u r t m e

break my heart.

hey, you, mrs.idontknowwhatthefuckyournameis [21 Feb 2004|05:34pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | my immortal. evanescence. ]

Me and Elyce are going to freak night tonight.. woOt woOt.. we've been trying to get kevii to go for a few weeks and he's supposed to go tonight if he wasnt grounded but he says he's going to try to come but he NEVER answers his cell phone.. grrr.. its now like.. 6:40 ish and he's all.. still not answering his phone.. I've got to pee!
I dont think Im gonna go yet though.. I can't wait for the summer.. well.. spring first, then summer.. haha do you think mark will take me to Ozzfest?
x hurt me baby: MARK
x hurt me baby: come back
sic 666 DiSeAsE: what
x hurt me baby: you're going to ozzfest and you're bringing me?
sic 666 DiSeAsE: ok
x hurt me baby: i wasnt telling you, i was asking
x hurt me baby: so, is that a yes?
x hurt me baby: MARK?!
x hurt me baby: they sell beer to youngin's?
sic 666 DiSeAsE: no
x hurt me baby: no to the beer or no that you arent taking me
sic 666 DiSeAsE: no to breer
sic 666 DiSeAsE: yes to taking u
x hurt me baby: you said that in sixth grade and you didnt!
x hurt me baby: how can i believe you now!
x hurt me baby: MARK!
x hurt me baby: aw shit i give up
x hurt me baby: but you're still taking me!

i guess i can believe him.. but that doesnt mean i like it!
much wuv to me brother <3

i just turned my head and i felt warm air coming from right next to me.. but theres nothing there.. i feel like theres some..thing breathing on me.. or maybe it just thinks i smell good.. which i do.. WoOt woOt.. damn it manda you got me saying that.. woOt woOt

I feel sorry for the people in the other room because im singing really loud..
alright changing my clothing for freak night..
OVER AND OUT

break my heart.

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