Blurty for // Aud //.

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Sunday, March 2nd, 2003

Subject:Uh..
Time:8:50 am.

borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Really now..


I pissed Jimmy off last night, so he decides to block me.. oh gee, like I give sooo much of a fuck. Just another dumb ass prick guy. In my opinion, maybe they should all be shot. Or I'm turning lesbian.. I swear.. Yeah, blackmail myself, that'll work.. //scoff// Whatever though. Uh.. I'm bored.. It's Sunday.. dad had softball practice, so everyone decided to go. "Stay home Aud, you gotta watch out for the bird and dogs" Oh yeah, the hellhole that is my house. Zoo half of the time too. Uh huh.. Anyway, I'll just go wait for Rob to get up.. cuz the lazy ass is still sleeping. Tootles.

// Aud //
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Saturday, March 1st, 2003

Subject:Tonite.. blows.. big.. ass.
Time:10:18 pm.
Mood: numb.
Music:Sound Siren -- Unwritten Law.
x br0k3n dream x: i dun want u to goooo
x br0k3n dream x: but ok
x br0k3n dream x: nite.
Dark Sorceror: i'm sorry
Dark Sorceror: i'm just really tired
Dark Sorceror: nite

Mm.. He likes to sleep alot.. He leaves me alot to sleep.. I'm neurotic, but it's okay. Even when I ask him not to leave, he does. I dunno what to think.. oh well.. I'm just gunna go lay down. buh bye.

// Aud //
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:Uh..
Time:9:30 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Music:Rough Draft -- Yellowcard.
We got a parrot and another dog today.. what fun.. the parrot likes to imitate my cough and my laugh.. haha.. now i have someone to talk to that won't get tired of my senseless babbling.


Life's not fair, it never is. I'm tired of not knowing what to say to anyone. I can't be sensetive over the phone with Rob when he needs me to be, much less, face to face with anyone. Life is falling apart again at the seams.. and I can't stitch it up. I just, don't know anything anymore. Like I'm in the bottom of a pit, and all along the walls are just re-runs of everything I ever did wrong in my life. Anyone I've ever hurt, and it's eating away at me. I have to face the people I hurt every day, and see how well their lives are, and then how shitty mine turned out to be. Life can change in the fucking .. blink of an eye. I'm sick and tired of all the loss I've encountered in my life. I've lost Doug,Maggie is just about gone, I've lost Rick, Trevor, Tristan, Ashley. And not all of them are through death. Most of them are just ones that got up out of my life and left. Because I can't do anything right.
It's total bullshit.. everything is. Love is just one big fucking game, and I just keep getting picked as the pawn they always move. I can never stay put, never stay behind the lines that can keep me safe. I wander off, always. and then I end up here, alone, sad, lost. I'm like a puppy, people can hurt me, and I still love unconditionally, even if I never tell them.. I really need to open my eyes, even more then I have, cuz people are still shoving shit in my face. I'm suicidal, I'm fucked up, so what.. It makes life interesting.. "Life what a hopeful word..Strife.. now that's more like it."

breathing in ur skin tonight.. quiet is my loudest cry.. wouldnt want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside.. and if its healthier to leave u be, let ur sickness come and set me free..kill me while i still believe that u were meant for me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, February 28th, 2003

Subject:Dude, today majorly blows.
Time:8:25 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Music:Swing Swing -- All American Rejects.
Alright, I'm going to complain to a computer, cuz I have noone else to complain to.

Rob's sister's on, she's starting to get on my nerves, she like, she acts like maggie sometimes, she'll talk to me when SHE feels like it, and if she doesn't then she doesn't talk to me. It's kinda sad when everyone in your life is a total fake, or flake. It's so stupid..

Didn't go to 6th today. Left at 12:45. Amber, Danny, me and Amber's friend Jessica went to go get her brand NEW fuckin' SUV insured. That fucking thing is like, 45,000, and they paid cash for it. Dude, I want to be rich. Instead of SEMI-rich. We have money and all, it's just the fact that we spend alot of it, on nonsense shit. Like Mcdonalds, Jack in the box everyday.. Kinda blows a 5,600 a month check. We have alot of shit left over, yeah, but my mom totally gives out money to people that don't deserve it.. and this pisses me off too, she's there for all these different people, but yet, when she needs them, they totally blow her off. That's why this world is fucked up. Everyone is out for themselves. Sure, there are some that sacrifice their time, and are good friends and junk, but then there's others, who are out for themselves. Only themselves. They take and take and take frmo you, until you have nothing left they can use you for, then they discard you. Like trash. Human beings, that's all we are, trash. Yep. We're all posers too. Anywho, sorry, I'm venting on people that don't deserve it. My bad. I'm going to just go to sleep.

Oh, almost forgot. I'm getting rid of all my messengers, or either just getting a new name. That I tell to noone but Julie.. woo. The only one that's still there for me. Fuckin' the only one that always will be.

Think about the days, when everything wasn't the same..

<<.. Aud .. >>
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, February 27th, 2003

Subject:Dudeness..
Time:5:33 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Music:Faith -- Limp Bizkit.
Guy is playing.. ICE ICE BABY. Techno version? I don't know, don't care.
He put veggie tales on, and I about killed him.


I'm playin' all that old 90's shit.. rock on..'dude'.

;)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Heyloo. First entry.
Time:3:30 pm.
Mood: confused.
Music:I Feel Fine -- Riddlin Kids.
the cup is not half empty as pessimists say
as far as he sees, nothing's left in the cup
a whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up

a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing and all that he was, was just a tragedy

so he voyages in circles, succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance first got him there

then in violent frustration, he cries out to god or just no one
is there a point to this madness, and all that he was, was just a tragedy

he feels alone
his heart in his hand he's alone
he feels alone
i feel...

then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
and he yelled, and he yelled
fighting frustration, he cries out to god or just no one
is there a point to this madness, and all that he was, was just a tragedy





Yeah. Maggie has my Used cd right now. Grr. She like, forgot to bring it today or something.. yeah.

Metallica boy was bangin his head against the bus window today and we had to turn around and go back to school and they asked him what his name was and he goes " Fucking Gandolf".. It was so funny. Anyway.. I don't have much to say today, wee.

<3 Aud
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Heyloo.
Time:3:22 pm.
Mood: amused.
Music:Far Behind - Candle Box.
I fell down the stairs.. I tripped on my pants and fell. I feel so smart.

<3 Aud
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for // Aud //.

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You're looking at the latest 7 entries.