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| 09:32pm 11/11/2009 |
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oh, for my 7th entry tonight in the last 10 minutes,
i will be saying how happy of a person i am, and it is all because of james.
so thank you james veselovsky.
for being the only part of my life i can rely on to not shit on me and to make me feel better :)
i love you. |
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(Pull The Trigger?) |
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| 09:26pm 11/11/2009 |
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i wish other people can give you the answers to your life,
because frankly... i don't know what the fuck to do.
or what's the right choice.
but i guess i won't know until i start making some choices.
stephanie has an idea of moving to queens next summer.
which i wouldn't mind considering i want to live in/near the city anyway.
and going with someone who i'm close with would be nice, so i'm not alone.
since i now am going to be a fashion merchandising major, and wanting to be a stylist~*
i would like to maybe to FIT, parsons, something of the sort.
intern @teen vogue, or with an underground upcoming designer.
i don't know, i don't know.
i don't know what to do with myself anymore. |
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(Pull The Trigger?) |
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| 09:18pm 11/11/2009 |
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all i really want
is
my
camera
back.
it hurts.
i'm so careless.
it hurts.
i really honestly feel a part of me is missing.
this time last year when my camera WAS STOLEN OUT OF MY OWN ROOM [fucking drug addict]
i was so sad, all the time.
i still have my film camera, but i hate getting it developed at walgreens or somewhere like that
and i don't have the money or space to build a darkroom.
and now i'm stuck with a $600 walmart credit card bill, and no camera.
because i am too trustworthy of people around me.
fuck you alyssa for not caring more about your belongings.
for being so stupid to leave your 800dollar camera on someone's table, like someone wouldn't want to take it to make some quick money.
fuck me.
it's been about a month and i try and pretend like i never even had a camera at all...
but it's not working.
it's all i want.
fuck you scumbag whoever took it.. why couldn't you come up to me and do a tradeoff for my wallet?
i would of paid you to get my fucking camera back.
how can someone steal something so valueable to someone else and not think about how they might ruining there life.
because people don't care.
and people are horrible, horrible creatures.
i hate the human race, and i can't wait til my life ends.
i am sick of living it.
it's all my fault why it got stolen i take full responsibility,
but fuck you anyway.
you ruined a good part of my life.
thank you.
i make the worst mistakes, over and over and over again
i will never learn. |
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(Pull The Trigger?) |
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| 09:01pm 11/11/2009 |
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oh, and hybernation is coming soon.. i can feel it.
:| i don't know how james is going to react.
i tried explaining it to him; he didn't understand
how i shut myself out. i never really know how long it is going to last.
or when it's going to start or end.
one day, it just hits me. and i just disappear from the world.
the longest i hybernated was 3 weeks, the shortest was 9 days.
i just feel the need to be alone, and sleep, and sleep, and sleep.
i always think if i'm sleeping, my life will be put on hold and nothing bad can happen...
but then i wake up. |
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(Pull The Trigger?) |
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| 08:59pm 11/11/2009 |
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i need to stop fooling around.
i am not 16 years old anymore.
i am not a little girl,
i am an adult who needs to get there life on the road.
i need to stop waiting for it to start.
because it has already started, and i don't know what i'm doing.
everyones starting to leave, and get accepted into college.
and i'm still in suffolk, treating it like highschool; fucking around.
I NEED TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER.
and figure out what i want to do so i can stop wasting so much on money on a community college.
f me. |
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(Pull The Trigger?) |
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