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Thursday, July 30th, 2009
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2:07 am - Scared Shitless...
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If I have a choice that no one, and absolutely no one will hate me for taking, I'd choose not to take the Bar this year. I'd deign not to take the Bar AT ALL.
But seeing as I am neither a coward nor a selfish brat, I'm taking the stupid exams. I am going to take it because it's now or never.
I'd have wanted it to be never, but that's not an option.
So it's now...
Shit...
current mood:  scared
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| Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
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11:22 pm - Trying to forget stress...
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I've watched movies...
I've tried reading fantasy books...
I've tried sleeping till noon...
I've eaten Krispy Kreme doughnuts...
I've tried walking my dog...
I've tried listening to classical music...
I've tried crying in the showers...
I've sung my throat out...
I've just about lost ideas...
...to try to fight the inevitable...
It's bloody real now...
I'm graduating in a couple of months and taking the BAR in September...
The Question is: Will I live long enough to see them through considering the stress I just about refuse to recognize?
I'm fucked...
current mood: scared
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
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2:18 am - My Cousins and I
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I love bonding with my Pagdilao cousins! Even if my dad always says that we are such alcoholics because we seldom bond without drinking liquor, I love getting to know them in a way we never get down to when we are sober. I love the yule holidays for this particular reason--that I get to see them again, that we get to laugh about the stupidest of things and contemplate about the profoundest of mysteries. The alcohol-induced stupor though very unhealthy is quite helpful to loosen our tongues and our mindsets so that though we are completely different people, we get to meet at a certain level of thinking that makes us even--that makes us equals.
I am very proud to say that my bonding with my cousins gives me such immense pride to be a Pagdilao...
current mood:  awake
current music: the whirring of the electric fan
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| Thursday, December 25th, 2008
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2:37 am
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2:36 am - Questions
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Why do the most hurtful things always have to come from the mouth of the one you love the most?
Why do the ones you love disappoint you most of all when they never understand the things you're going through?
Why does it always have to be me who explains my side and no one listens?
Why does it always have to be me who understands? Can't I be unreasonably close-minded for once?
Why do the most bitter of tears and the deepest of aches have to be because of the ones you never thought could cause you such tears and aches?
Why do the things you most want to hear never come from the people you thought would say them first?
Why?
Shit...
current mood:  angry
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| Friday, November 14th, 2008
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10:38 pm - Storm
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There's always calm before the storm.
There's always a peculiar smell when a storm approaches.
The smell of wet wood,
and dry earth,
parched and aching for water.
Weather the storm.
Come out whole in the end.
Doubts abound.
But hope is, too.
There is always hope.
That after the storm.
The clearest skies will wake you in the morning.
~~~
Someone once told me that the sky is always clearest after the storm. I know you're right. You have to be.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Celine Dion
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| Monday, August 18th, 2008
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5:24 pm - Random thoughts...
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"Everything will be OK in the end..
... if it's not OK...
...it's not the end."
current mood:  giggly
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| Saturday, August 16th, 2008
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9:58 pm - Something has to be done...
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Even now that I am safely seated on my bed, in front of my laptop which is supposedly my comfort zone, I can't sit still. I am still positively fuming about the postponement of the showing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince I CANNOT believe that Warner Brothers can still claim to love their fans in spite of having pulled the lowest, foulest move known to humankind, Muggle or Magic!!!!
YOU DO NOT LOVE YOUR FANS!!!YOU DO NOT LOVE THE HARRY POTTER FANS WHO HAVE PUT MONEY IN YOUR COFFERS FOR THE LONGEST TIME!!! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT MORE PROFITS!!! YOU DO NOT CARE THAT MILLIONS, AND I MEAN MILLIONS, OF THE HARRY POTTER FANS ARE NOW DISAPPOINTED WITH WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!
You have no idea what you've done. I can confidently say that Harry Potter fans like myself are not going to let this pass. There will be hell to pay. You crossed the wrong people. You never bite the hand of the one that feeds you. And you better believe that whatever success you have with HP is because of little ol' me and billions like me. Iam not alone in this angered reaction--you can count on it!!!!
There are petitions circulating in the Net and I encourage all of my friends, family and everyone who cares about HP to sign these petitions and let them know that we are ANGRY and PISSED and there's something we can do about it!!!!!!
PETITION NUMBER ONE
PETITION NUMBER TWO
current mood: angry
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| Friday, August 15th, 2008
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12:56 pm - WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!
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It's unfair. I have just heard that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is going to be moved from its November playdate to a July playdate!!!!!!
!@#$#@#$%^&*^%#$##@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Censor yourself, Kimmy! No matter how pissed you are, you must contain yourself. Breathe, breathe.
I am in the Office of Legal Aid as I'm typing this. And instead of working and keeping my focus. I am absolutely seething with rage!!!!! Seething with absolute rage!!!!!!
How could they do this? How could they whet our appetites with a November promise of a spanking good movie only to dash all of our high hopes because we have to wait EIGHT FRIGGIN' MONTHS.
Eight.
All f*cked up.
Friggin'
Months... just to see the sixth movie.
And they said we only have to wait just a BIT longer... Eight months is not a bit. Not for a law student who has ADHD and who is cross-eyed with excitement with each passing day that November 21 gets closer. Which dictionary did they have open when they qualified eight months as a BIT?
LET ME AT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will gladly give them a piece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm not even home yet. And the news hasn't been given ample time to sink in yet. If this is what I sound like like now. I don't want to see myself and hear my rants by the time I make it home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: angry
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| Friday, August 1st, 2008
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11:06 am - Harassed
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Didn't go to my 8am class today because I wasn't feeling well.
I feel tired all of a sudden.
And weirded out.
Can't wait for all of this lunacy to be over.
I hate my internship. I'm tired of explaining to people that their predicament is not my fault.
It was bad enough that I had to spend sleepless nights over my family's problems but it's even worse when you spend them thinking about other people's problems.
I miss my dad. So much.
On a lighter note, I've begun actively participating in fanfiction writing again. I'm just in the middle of applying for a beta position in the internet to enhance my creative writing/editing skills.
Keis was right. It's about time I do what I enjoy and to hell with the consequences. But my dad has nothing to worry about. I'm going to finish what I started i.e. law school and come out alive and hopefully still sane.
I got a 1.75 in my Transpo subject which I took last year. A fairly high grade. It's about time I get grades like this again. I've been missing this. And I think I deserve this. After all the shit I took and am still taking in law school, I should already have a monument in my image for my selfless sacrifice by now.
current mood:  sick
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| Saturday, March 29th, 2008
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12:56 pm
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I hate law school.
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I've never hated anything with a passion.
It deserves every ounce of my hate.
And more.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I loathe it with everything I have and everything I could ever have in the future.
It doesn't deserve my perseverance and my passion and my wisdom.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I'll never stop hating it.
I'm studying it but I...
Hate...
It.....
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^&*^%$#$%^&&!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: angry
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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12:08 am - It's been AGES!!!!!!!!!!
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When was the last time I posted?
Can't even friggin' remember!!!!!!
No biggie. My friends are all used to the fact that I'm not an incessant blogger. I blog when I feel like it. And those who know me can attest to that. I wish I could blog everyday to unload my daily amount of rubbish, you know, but sometimes there are just no words. Sometimes, it's just excruciating to try to put into tangible words all the tumultuous thoughts. Especially my tumultuous thoughts. I'm a crazy-ass bitch. Words, sometimes, are just insufficient to let others know what I feel--hell--words sometimes aren't enough to let me know how I feel.
I missed ranting here!!!!!!! I know that other people couldn't possibly be reading the shit I put here. So it's just me, I guess, and it's really hilarious reading all this shit. It's just plain funny, my psyche. It's weird that I even think about all the things I've written here, and it's nice, too...to know how I am mature but sometimes crazy, shallow and sometimes deep, wise but sometimes nonsensical, cynical but hopeful.
So I guess I'm pretty normal, huh??
This blog has been around for forever and I don't intend to abandon it. I may have countless blogs elsewhere, where more of my crazy-ass thoughts are posted, but it doesn't mean this blog will be forgotten. It all started here, my passion for life translated into words, and so it shall continue for as long as I have the words with which to describe my days that are sometimes no different from the last, but sometimes are loaded with bile, and sometimes are just plain unliveable.
I love Blurty. And who give's a rat's ass that no one comments on my posts? Like I've said somewhere else, I write primarily for my personal enjoyment, so it doesn't matter if someone else reads it or not.
current mood:  hot
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| Friday, January 11th, 2008
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12:30 am - Something New...
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This is the first time that I'm typing a blog entry using my new laptop. And while I'm typing, my ears are plugged shut with my new iPod. A lot of things are new in my life today, and yet a lot are just as they were yesterday. Monotonous. Life is like that. A series of changes and stagnation, one after the other. Really.
I miss my dad. He's been gone a whole two months to work abroad and I feel as if I haven't really thought about how long it has been or how much I miss him, hugging him in the evenings and sharing morning coffee with him. I have my sister and we are having a blast. I'm getting to know her again, in ways I never have when my dad was aound all the time. I' not sure how I'm liking it that all of a sudden I'm fully responsible for one headstrong teenager. I'm a parent of a stubborn teen without having to experience first the insufferable toddler. Where is justice?
I love my iPod, so much. Can I just gush?
It's the new year. A lot of things have changed. New stuff and old stuff combine to form a heady concoction. Am I ready to scoop it up and take a gulp?
I love you, papa. I hope you're reading this.
current mood: awake
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| Saturday, November 24th, 2007
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3:28 pm
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UNSEEN
The cold surface burned my palm.
I couldn't see beyond the curtain of tears
threatening behind my eyes.
I couldn't hear the screams
boiling in my throat, rising in my lungs.
I couldn't look anymore;
But I couldn't look away.
I wondered what it would be like
to see myself for the first time
in a way I never have.
For I used to see only you,
only the shackled freedom,
only my stupid wisdom,
only love I could never taste.
Maybe I ought to have burned in hell
a long time ago, then I would have known
how to feel, how to cry out.
Nobody taught me how; nobody ever will.
My heart throbbed, but in a way that
could never be heard.
It suffered in silence. And it will so suffer
for as long as I allow it.
My salvation never came.
Maybe it got stolen along the way.
Or maybe it did, but I never saw it coming.
(c) k!MmY
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| Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
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6:50 am - Dumbledore was WHAT?!?!?!
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It is unofficially the start of my sembreak today. Except for the last requirement [an oral defense of arguments of sorts] for my public international law class that's gonna happen at 2pm this afternoon, I am almost a free person... A free person who's going to fail half her classes in the recently concluded semester... but a free person nonetheless. Tax and succession were such mind fucks that I barely answered the exams. And don't even start on Evidence...
But that's not the reason that pushed me to go here for a ranting bonanza. I just heard news from a late night news program here in the Philippines [SAKSI, GMA-7] that JK Rowling revealed something juicy about Albus Dumbledore in one of her book tours in connection to Deathly Hallows. SHE REVEALED THAT DUMBLEDORE'S CHARACTER IN THE BOOK WAS FRIGGIN' GAY!!!!!!!!! Now, I don't have anything against homosexuals; I have lots of gay friends. Hell, I was almost one in that exclusive private school shithole I came from until I was saved by a glorious epiphany that there are actually boys in the world and that some of them aren't hard on the eyes at all. Anyway, like I said, nothing against gays. But it woke me up from my 12:30 am stupor nevertheless. And now, here I am writing about that shocking thing instead of preparing for my orals that's going to kill me anyway, so why bother, right?
JK [apparently] revealed that Dumbledore was smitten by his rival Grindelwald when they met in Godric's Hollow and planned all of them brilliant "taking over the wizarding world and revamping it" shit. And he never got over it to establish any sort of romantic relationship with any woman... Let me tell you, that caused my jaw to literaly drop in shock.
Wow.
Things you find out about a guy you admire, huh? Especially since that guy was supposed to have kicked the bucket. Too bad for Dumbledore...
So, the question now is: Ya think Harry knew? And if he knew, what were the signs in the book to signify that he might have known about the sexual preference of his mentor? Tell me about what you think. I might have missed the signs on my first three readings of Deathly Hallows [this is a very brilliant excuse to read it again, hehehe!].
So I'm out. Have to read for my blasted orals.
Going to HongKong on the 26th. So I might be able to post some nice pictures when I get back... Cheerio!!!
current mood:  shocked
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| Friday, August 24th, 2007
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2:25 pm - NEW BACKSTREET BOYS SONG!!!!!!!!!!
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INCONSOLABLE
Backstreet Boys
I close the door
Like so many times, so many times before
Felt like a scene on the cutting room floor
when i let you walk away tonight
Without a word
I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling, ohh
If you were here right now, I swear,
I'd tell you this
CHORUS:
Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all i ever wanted, it comes right down to you (to you)
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
I climb the walls
I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no.
I memorized the number
So why can't i make the call
Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility (ohh)
CHORUS:
Baby I don't want to waste another day, another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all I ever wanted, it comes right down to you (to you)
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable (oh no no)
I don't wanna be like this
I just wanna let you know
That everything that i hold in
Is everything that i can't let go (can't let go, yeah)
CHORUS:
'Cause baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside it's killing me
Cause all I ever wanted, it comes right down to you (to you)
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable oh no
Don't you know it baby
I don't want to waste another day
I'm wishing I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
~~~
TRISH, this is the new BSB song that we kept hearing in the car, remember? Hope you'd be able to download it. Missing you guys already. I hope you read this. I had the best time with you and Mark, no matter how short it was. Anticipating the next time we'd be seeing each other again. Be good, both of you, OK? Give my love to your mom and dad. I hope you got home OK.
current mood:  bored
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| Saturday, August 18th, 2007
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12:20 am - An unexpected long weekend....
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| Saturday, August 11th, 2007
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12:42 am - But I couldn't cry out...
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My week was such a bitch!!!! It was a difficult week because all I can remember doing was study and mope... tell me about it. ---____---
My relatives from Canada arrived on the first of August and it's already the tenth and I've barely spent time with them. And it sucks that my schedule is a lot harder this time than the last time they were here that no matter how much I want to spend time to catch up with my cousins, I can't spend more than a couple of hours with them!!!!! I know, it's only a matter of time management, but really, have you seen my schedule? Well, you wouldn't want to see it... Because no amount of time management can fix it. It's all whack!!!!! And if someone tells me again that I just haven't been managing my time wisely, I'll show them what's wise.... What's wise is if you lay off my case, because I'm cranky enough as it is.
Just sat for my NEGO midterms and IT. WAS. FRIGGIN. TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!! I found it difficult as everything in law school is!!!! So what else is new, right? But I guess I just didn't expect it to be soooooo mind-boggling!!!! And my remorse that I should've studied harder for it is not going to work this time. In fact, I'm going to make a mental note not to use that *line* again. No amount of studying can sufficiently prepare one to be able to ace a law school exam. And it's about time I recognize it.
I studied for that exam; I know I couldn't have studied it any other way than how I did; I did all I could to prepare myself for it...and if I still fail, then that's it. I failed! Enough about my own personal crap of "Oh, if only I studied harder for it..." Because I'm gonna tell you, there's no other way I could've studied for it but how I did study for it this past week... Remorse is not going to change a fail to a pass.
We cannot hide behind IF ONLYs when we know for a fact that given a chance to re-live the week, we wouldn't have done it any other way. At least, that's what I think. I know I wouldn't have done it any other way. Because if I can imagine myself doing my week any other way, translate that to the rest of my life so far, and you can imagine what remorse would play, say, on my deathbed five years from now [hehehehe!!!]
I cannot let regret rule the rest of my life! And it starts when I acknowledge the fact that: that exam sucked, I studied for it the best way I know how, and I found it difficult, and I'm probably gonna fail it. But at the expense of that exam, I got to spend time w/ my Canadian cousins who I won't being seeing for another five years, no matter how short that time is--I got to hold and babysit my youngest cousin, Baby Echo and I have a new rootin' tootin' portable DVD player!!!! I know I wouldn't have spent my week any other way...
What's your excuse? ^_________^
~~~
I wanna watch RUSH HOUR 3!!!!!!!!! Hm, maybe later. Spend some quality time with my sister... [smiles]
current mood:  relieved
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| Thursday, July 26th, 2007
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11:17 pm - Check it out.
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Since I am voluntarily keeping my silence as to how the Harry Potter book series ended [I won't be posting anything about it for the next couple of days to give you, my dear friends, time to read it and appreciate it for its majesty.] because I don't want to have to post spoilers or any hifalutin praises for which I really don't have the words as of presstime, this post comes with a short story I wrote a couple of years ago for my Creative Writing class. I hope you guys would enjoy it. You're gonna get a rest from my poisonous personality. [smiles]
This is dedicated to Karenn Joy, Trina, Cecille, Lovejoy and Donna I know it's been a long time since I wrote something substantial. I've been feeling a little inferior since I entered law school; it's as if I've just realized that I'm not a very good writer after all.
Huh, after all of those years that I kept writing for you guys, it's only upon entering law school that I realize that I am utterly talentless. And I guess, that's the reason why I never bothered to write creatively again since then. But I will never forget that you believed in me. You believed... In your eyes, I was one of the best. It's been a long time since I was made to feel that way, about anything I ever bothered to do. I've gotten used to feeling inferior. It's commonplace.
But at least, there was once that time in this sorry existence of mine that you made me feel like there's nothing I couldn't do. This is for you...
TRINKET by KRLPagdilao
A/N: let me know what you think, ok? I miss you.
current mood:  rejected
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| Friday, July 20th, 2007
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10:05 pm - OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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With just hours away from the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I can barely keep my excitement from consuming me until the very edge of damnation!!!!! More than once, I actually seriously considered driving my car off a bridge because of the fast-paced thoughts, a heady mixture of terror and grief, and everything else you can imagine in-between.
Something I stuck to for seven long years is about to come to an end.
I don't know how to explain this to other people. Most may think I'm weird, and some may even think I'm bordering on deranged. But even I, myself, cannot explain why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I cannot explain the emotions threatening to choke me. I feel terrified because something that has been a near-permanent mania, something that had sustained me through the crazy, best, AND worst seven years of my life, is about to come to an end. You don't know how that feels, and maybe you never will. I feel excited because finally the adventure draws to a close; I will finally know who will triumph; who will die; who will end up together and some such shit. I am relieved because now I can direct my attention to other things; finally let other things rule over me as Harry Potter did--and will always do. I feel blessed because I was able to share the brilliant and masterful adventure, was able to follow it through the years, through its ups and downs, closely and watchfully. I feel sad because I feel as if with the end of Harry Potter, there is nothing more to look forward to; there is nothing more to sustain me through the dreary days, the wearisome weeks, the mournful months. There is nothing out there to offer me the same security and the very same joy as Harry had given me.
All these years, Harry Potter is almost a brother, almost a friend, a confidante, a lover who shared my dark days and kept me fighting through everything. He gave me hope, made me believe in magic again, made me reevaluate relationships and life, in general.
Thank You, JK Rowling for giving me the seven years with Harry. Thank You, Harry for giving me magical days.
You were there when my mom died, when my grandma died, when I graduated Magna Cum Laude, fulfilling what I had once thought were only dreams, when I qualified for UPLAW, when I found friends, when I lost enemies, when I got my first 3.0... you were there... through it all...
And as they say, all good things must come to an end. But this is not really the end. This is only the beginning of bigger and better things. And all that has to be done is to open the door and turn on the light to find those bigger and better things...
ALOHOMORA! LUMOS!
~~~~~
With my heavy feeling because of the end of the book series, I failed to post a review of the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix movie. IT WAS BLOODY MASTERFUL AND FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!!!! And my rating [though as an avid and rabid fan, you might not take it seriously] would have to be nine and a half stars out of ten!!!!!!!! ^_______________^
The fight between Voldemort and Dumbledore was so SPECTACULAR that I was at a loss for words for a whole week because of it! I couldn't even post a three word comment about it because THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!!!!!!!! There are no words to describe that scene between Voldie and Dumblie. BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!! See it to believe it!!!!
I have watched the movie a grand total of nine times since it opened, and I don't regret a single screening of that movie. Daniel took my breath away. Can you imagine a drooling adult with her mouth half open almost the entire time, with her tongue practically lolling out and her eyeballs popping out of their sockets? Well--multiply that by a thousand, and that's what I looked like every single time I watched!!!!! Will probably watch again next week.
To all those who haven't seen it.... YOU KNOW WHO I AM REFERRING TO!!!!!! And that is YOU!!!!!! Shame on you! You will be missing half of your life, if you sit this one out. And I mean that! If you're scared because you didn't read the book version, that is NOT an excuse!!!! The movie and the book are two different media!!!!! There was no prerequisite upon entering the movie house that you must have read the book first!!!!! And I would know, since I almost lived in the movie house this past week!!!!
Just step in with a clear mind and an accommodating intellect, and you will enjoy the movie. Don't think too much about the movie; it was created to be enjoyed and, in my case, to be enjoyed immensely.
current mood:  excited
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sad
tired