.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.'s Blurty

Subject:	Survey. Oh come on. You know you love em.
Time:	11:02 am.
Mood:	contemplative.
Music:	" Smooth Criminal" Alien Ant Farm.

1 person you could spend hours talking on the phone with
1) Umm... no one. >.<

2 sports you either play now or want to play
1) I'd love to ice skate and...
2) play baseball

3 tv shows that you watch everyday
1) Gilmore Girls
2) Whose Line Is It Anyway
3) The music match channels. =P

4 places you would dream of living
1) Europe
2) Hawaii
3) If I could get my family to move there: Morganton NC
4) Gatlinburg, TN

5 things you want in a dream guy/girl
1) loyalty
2) intelligence
3) understanding
4) sense of humor
5) romantic

6 favortie drinks (can be alcoholic)
1) Sweetened iced tea
2) Dr. Pepper
3) Chocolate Milk
4) My husbands famous strawberry daquaris
5) Apple Juice
6) Mountain Dew Freezes

7 songs that annoy you
1) "Redneck Woman" Gretchen Wilson
2) "Nothing 'Bout Love" by Leanne Rymes
3) Anything by Tim McGraw cept that new one with Nelly
4) "Forever and Always" by Shania Twain (Stupid masturbating whore. :O )
5) "Drop It Like Its Hot" by the Snoop Dawg, G Homies and company...lol Fo' Sho' xD
6) That one John Mayer song... about daughters or whatever
7) Anything by Christina Aguilera

8 songs you like
1) "Fall to Pieces" by Velvet Revolver
2) "La La" by Ashlee Simpson
3) "Toxic" Britney Spears
4) Anything Maroon 5.
5) Anything Nickelback
6) "Let Me Love You" Mario
7) "You Weren't In My Dreams" by Fool Existence (I think)
8) "Rumors" by Lindsay Lohan (I know.. its lame)

9 things you do when your bored
1) Read
2) Watch tv
3) Sleep
4) Get online
5) Write
6) Bug my husband
7) Write in my journal
8) Play playstation2 (If I'm really bored)
9) Homework

10 things you look forward to in life
1) Life itself
2) Graduating college
3) Gilmore Girls (sad ain't it?)
4) Having kids
5) Spending time with my husband
6) Turning 21
7) Vacation
8) Being successful
9) Talking to my friends
10) The new Foamy episodes...lol!

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Dating again
Time:	10:18 am.
Mood:	cheerful.
Music:	"Without Me" Eminem (Lol its old, I know).

Bonjour, Monsieur Journal Thingy!

Ca va? Moi? Tres bein, merci! Il est un beau jour, au jourd hui! ( How are you? Me? I am very well, thank you. It is a beautiful day, today! If I spelled day right. =))

Anyhow. It really is pretty outside. Our high today is supposed to be in the mid/upper 50's. The sun is shining its little heart out. Aww.

I don't think I have posted to let you in on how my classes are going. I added a minor in psychology so now, I have an extended major (which counts as a major and a minor) another minor, and a certification to teach high school English, which might as well be considered a minor. Blah! I love my two psychology classes this semester. One of them is abnormal psychology with Dr. Lynn Clark. I think he is great. He has all these funny stories to tell about each disorder that we study. (Especially Schizophrenia) My other psychology class is "The Psychology of the gifted and creative" Its actually kind of interesting, and the professor in there is also a very good one. She is Dr. Anne Rinn. I expected her to be old or something, but shes probably not much older than I am, and already has her PhD in the area. Shes a really fun professor, and she knows her stuff. I also have 2 English classes, British Literature and English Language, which basically is grammar (yuck). Anyhow, the semester seems like it will be pretty fun. I'll let you know again when I have to prepare for all 4 finals on the same day. Eww.

Something has come to my attention and it is very annoying. I am afraid that I used to be like this when I was younger, but I seriously hope not. There is this lady who is going to be graduating this year from high school. I have been friends with her for a long long long time, since 2002. (Okay so it hasnt been that long... seemed like forever.) She has an online journal, like me, and she writes these sob stories about how her life is a living hell and how no one appreciates her and everyone hurts her all the time and stuff. Its like she sends people to read her journal just to get their pity. Its so fucking annoying though. >.< How do you respond to someone who constantly looks to you to inflate their ego? I don't know how many times I can tell someone they are great/super/wonderful/beautiful/smart etc etc. She is all that but come on! And she has been through so many boyfriends since I have known her. She will date like 3 guys at a time and proclaim her undying love and devotion for each of them, one after another. Then, when they found out she was cheating, they left her, and she was in a state of self pity because she took them leaving as a sign that she was a bad person. >.< Does anyone else see the humor in that? So she goes through men like crazy, but just one at a time now, as far as I know. So she will date someone for 2 weeks, break up, and you would think she had ended a marriage or something. I might have been bad, but not THAT bad.

I really shouldn't make fun of people, or else my own love life will start to crumble.

So, as the title to this entry says, I am going on a date tonight. Its kinda sweet that he is dating me, since we never really dated before we got married. We just kinda sat at the house. :: snore :: My cousin spent the night with my husband last night. They stayed up late playing playstation. Hehe. Its like a sleepover that a 9 year old has... they stay up late and play their little video games, and then they wake up early and play all day till one little boy has to go home to mommy. xD

I was at home last night for like, 5 hours all alone. I was really looking forward to having the house to myself, but when I realized I was there, bored shitless, I was ready for some company. I did, however, watch Vanity Fair, the new Reeses With-a-fork movie (lol for those of you who are slow, thats Reece Witherspoon... or whatever her name is). The night wasnt a total waste, I suppose.

I really really really wanna go see Hamlet tonight at the live theatre. However, I guess I am stuck to just the dinner part of dinner and a movie type dating. Maybe next weekend. :: nods ::

Thats all I can think of. Later, Mr. Journal Thingy.

-Phanta

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Subject:	Rain makes me wanna lala.
Time:	2:06 pm.
Mood:	drained.
Music:	"Lala" by Ashlee Simpson.

Its rainy and I'm getting depressed. Blah. Autumn and Keith are going to be getting off the bus pretty soon, but I don't feel like putting up with their constant bickering. I'm in one of those crappy artistic moods where I want to create something and I'm crabby to anyone around me. They say artists have high suicide rates. Maybe thats just all a conspiracy to cover up their murder. Maybe the people around the artists had to kill the artist to keep themselves sane. Food for thought, eh?

So, I was on MSN Messenger today and this guy that is from England has suddenly appeared on my contact list. I don't really know who he is unless he is someone that Jared had me add or something and I just forgot. Speaking of Jared, I haven't talked to him in a long time. Wonder what he is up to. He was one of the few truly talented online role players left.

I have a few things to get done before I go back to college on Monday. I really need to buy some more binders and paper and stuff, but I'm thinking about just getting one of those notebooks that has the pockets built in. Binders are nice, but they are so bulky. Since I will be carrying about 6 books on my person on Tuesday and Thursday, I guess I need to figure out how to streamline or something, huh? I also have to do something with my cousin. She moved here from Iowa in like... September, and I have seriously neglected her. I can't help it though cause I have a lot going on. Until recently, I was working 20 hours a week, going to college and trying to build my marriage. Contrary to popular belief, it is not my responsibility to drop everything for a friend or family member. If she was dying or just here for a short visit, it might be different. Hell she is older than me, so she should understand that sometimes people grow up and get real responsibilities. Actually, she might not realize because she is more of a party person than a work person. I remember the days when I was a lot like her. The ring on my finger and the want for something in my life changed that though. Actually, before it sounds like I am dissing her, I must say that she has been pretty understanding. I give her props for that.

I also need to pick up some printer paper and figure out what other books I need. Two of my classes haven't announced the books that we will need yet. Pretty sad, isn't it?

I figured out that I really need to start watching my written and spoken grammar. If I am going to speak flawlessly, I better get started now, right? So now the kids are here, and they are being all loud. Isn't that great? See... I want babies, not 8 year olds. :)

My nephew is going to be a very skilled drummer one day. He can keep a beat very well, but... right now, he keeps his beat with a pencil or whatever he can find. Guh!

Ahem. Anyhow. Keith and Autumn are playing darts now. Kinda scary, isn't it? At least the darts have plastic tips. So guess what else? My stupid financial aid check hasn't come yet, and I still have to buy the ridiculous parking permit. See the dumb thing about that is that you pay $65 for the permit to hang in your car, but you can only park in certain places indicated by the color of your permit. My permit will be yellow, indicating that I can only park in the most absurb places on campus. For instance, I can park at a lot that shouldn't even be considered as on campus parking, then I have to board a shuttle to get to class, which costs even more money. I can also park in the parking structure which is no where near any of my classes. Its so fucking ridiculous! Guh! Oh and the best part? Having the ridiculous piece of cardboard means nothing because it doesn't guarantee a parking space. Isnt that a bunch of... bananas?

So yeah... the parking situation that gives faculty perfect parking, more parking, in fact, than the students who attend and who PAY to attend. Whats wrong with this picture here? The poor faculty might actually have to walk a little bit. Boo hoo! Sorry. Ahem... the tuition for the crappy college is also rising each semester by hundreds of dollars. Plus, they don't offer enough of the classes that I need, so I am forced for the second semester in a row to take a class that I don't need just to keep my status at full time to continue receiving my financial aid. -.-

I know, I have been ranting non stop lately, but I don't want to keep bitching at my husband and currently, there is no one else I can fuss with. I think I might go write a poem or something. Laters Mr. Journal Thingy.

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.
"Daddy's little princess is my little whore."

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Time:	12:34 pm.
Mood:	bouncy.
Music:	"Over and Over Again" by Tim McGraw and Nelly.

Hang on a second, my baked potatoe is finished...

Okay. Sorry about that. It was really good, by the way, until I bit down on something crunchy. I don't know what it was, but I probably won't eat another baked potato for a long long time. So how are you Mr. Journal Thingy? I'm great thank you.

First... I quit working at Save A Lot. Ric (yeah thats how he spells it) was being a bitch about my hours. Its like the people that actually work are the ones that get shit on and the ones that just sit around and don't do anything get promoted. Well, I don't need money enough to let someone walk all over me. So Save A Lot can kiss my ass. On to other things, I was going to hook Missi up with one of my professors but I found out he has a "girlfriend." Luckily I didnt mention that I wanted to get them hooked up. I think shes going to try to call Adonis again though. (Thats his real name, and his sisters name is Athena, isnt that gay?) She was going to take acting classes at the theatre but she can't get there on time. I told her I would take her if I had time but I won't get home till like 6:30 and the classes start at 7. She has a car that someone gave to her for free, but hehe... its not 100% legal.

Sorry... but I'm about to go off on a rant. You know that new Snoop Dogg song "Pop It Like Its Hot" or whatever? Why do people pay him money to tell others how wonderful he is? What the fuck is the point. Obviously, we know he is great because we pay him millions of dollars to talk to a beat. (He hardly ever SINGS) Anyhow, Im off that subject now.

Yeah so I'm going to be friends with one of my professors. Its kinda weird though cause I still wanna refer to him as "Mr. Hislastname" (I'm with holding his name in case he doesn't ant anyone to know.) I got my first email from him this morning. He's part of this "grassroots" thing where they want to destroy or at least undermine the corporate media who controls everything. Its a pretty good idea. So ah... anyhow, enough about him I guess.

You will never guess who I talked to yesterday. Brandon. o.o He just kinda messaged me. Talk about surprised. I was floored. For those of you who don't know who Brandon is, he is my ex... boyfriend/fiance. I think I said something about him earlier... something like we have a mutual friend: Derrick. Derrick loves me more though... mwahaha. I told Brandon that one time and he told Derrick and Derrick told me not to say that again. LOL Its like having a big brother. Actually, Derrick is like a brother to me. I forgive him that he can't play the right music when hes supposed to. :P

Umm so what else? Oh yeah, I start another semester on Jan. 10. Blah. I don't want to go back, though. I have been practicing my home making skills this week. So far, I have washed dishes, taken down Christmas decorations, looked up cell phone plans and made dessert. Oh and I gave the dog a bath. I refuse to wear an apron, unless... well nevermind. I probably won't ever wear one. I'm not that type of woman, I guess.

So guess what else? I have started this new phase where I like pink. It looks really good with my hair color, and I know a lot of people think I'm going all crazy, but oh well. Pink rocks! I got my hair cut up to one inch past my shoulders. It looks pretty good most of the time.

I want a baby and its sooo not fair that everyone else that doesn't even want one is having one. :: stomping her feet:: Its sooo not fair. I had to go back on the pill though cause if I got preggers right now I would have it during the fall semester and I don't want to do that.

I did some more thinking about my novel. This girl who is attending some college decides to take a Literary London semester for her English degree. She has to go with a group of 3 other students and the professor. So as time goes on, she ends up being attracted to her professor and one by one, all of the other students goes back to the states. So since the main character cannot afford a room by herself, she is forced to take the professor as her roomate. So after a few mistakes, the trip is over and they go home, but the professor isn't ready to give up his roomie. So he stalks her and stuff. o.o What do you think? I'm of course leaving out a bunch of information in case someone decides to copy my idea... but thats the gist of the story. It came from Dewayne having a dream that I was cheating on him with one of my professors. LOL! Like I would.

Anyhow... so thats whats up with me.

-Phanta

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Time:	9:25 am.
Mood:	depressed.
Music:	"Fall to Pieces" by Velvet Revolver.

Eww... its rainy, and depressing. Actually, I cant lie, the rain isnt what is depressing me. Im just depressed about life in general. I mean...I love my husband, my job isnt too bad, my life isnt bad. I guess depression just happens to us all. However, my dog is going to be depressed under my foot if she doesnt quit clapping her jaws on whatever she is eating. (The only thing that is up here that I can think of that she could be eating is something out of the litter box... ::gag:: )

But anyhow... Ive just been so down lately. Nothing major has happened, its just a combination of little things. First off, I have just a few more weeks of school left which usually means that Im stressed anyhow... finals, huge projects due, that kinda thing. Kay, then, I got an 85 on my child psychology test. I know, its a B but I dont like B's. Grr. Anyhow, next, I feel like an obligation to my husband and to my mom. I mean, I cant possibly work more than I already am cause Im trying to get through school with mostly A's. My grades are one thing in my life that I usually have control over. If I cant control that, then I have to start feeling all helpless. Back to the point though, they have to support me almost completely because little 20 hour a week paychecks at a minimum wage job just dont cut it. I dont have a car... not totally anyhow. Ive paid in part for my husbands car and my moms car, which together would have been enough to buy my own car. But still... I cant drive, so I have to depend on them to either TEACH me how, or keep driving me around. Maybe they dont trust me to grow up and learn to drive. What am I gonna do? Run away?

Next, my husband has a hard time around Christmas cause thats when his grandpa died. So he has barely even looked at me or touched me in any meaningful way in like almost a week. Its really starting to hurt my feelings. Cept... the best part is that he didnt tell me about what was bothering him until last night. So i have been stressing myself to death trying to figure out why I am no longer appealing to my husband, and all along, it supposedly had nothing to do with me. And another thing that bothers me, which he has no control over, is that I hate to see him hurting and suffering. I want so badly to take it all away, but I cant. Its impossible.

Kay. Last thing: this weird thing with Melanie and Diane and whoever. I mean, whatever, he has friends... Fine. I have two male friends too, Allen, whom I have been friends with since 7th grade, and Derrick, whom I have been friends with since 2002. Kay... past that, I dont care if he has female friends, just cause I dont wanna give up mine and whatever. But these chicks, Melanie and Diance, that he is friends with just happens to be the SISTER of his ex girlfriend. I dont get all chatty with Cody's brothers or anyone else having to do with my ex's. except for Derrick, and thats just cause he was mine and Brandons mutual friend. Even so, SOMEHOW these people know that he lives here, when as far as I know, they hadnt talked to him since he lived in NC. Whatever though. I guess I just dont like remembering that I am not the only person he has ever cared for. Ive also been in this situation before, and the man I was with ended up talking to his ex, thanks to those mutual friends(cousins in that case) and he ended up cheating on me. Yeah, my biggest fear in the world, and hes showing signs. Talking to his ex girlfriends family (Melanie and Diane are his ex gf's sisters) and not wanting to be intimate with me. Promising, aint it?

So then, after we had this talk about him hurting my feelings over this, and about his grandpa and what not, he still rolled right over and went back to sleep. I dont even know if I can stand to let him touch me now. I dont want him to fuck me cause he thinks he owes that much to me, or cause he feels bad. When Im not in the mood... do you think we just go to sleep? Uh no. I still have to do SOMETHING for him. What did he do for me? Well, he stole the covers, does that count?

So I went to sleep and had this dream that for our anniversary, he threw this big party with all my friends and everyone I hardly even know, and then he lead me to this place and let me watch a movie that was filmed about a club we have been dreaming about opening, "Dirty Little Secrets" There was a man playing him(Lucian), a woman playing me(Porcelain), and a little girl playing our daughter (Jewel). Then after the movie was over, he asked me if I wanted to take a tour of DLS. He had had the thing built and it was in operation. It was HUGE, and magnificent. It was such a sweet gesture. Not cause I really want that to happen (although it would kick ass if it did) it was because he was so intuned to what I wanted. Down to the color of the bedrooms in the apartment over the bar. It was like he had actually been listening when I had told him about wanting that. In real life, I have never really talked much about it. We both would love to open DLS, but havent made out floor plans yet. It was just the thought, you know? I guess I had to make up something like that to keep my heart company while his love for me is in hiding. But even past his excuses, I cant help but think something is wrong with me, or us, or the way he feels about me.

But thats life. Maybe Im still dreaming.

But folks, Gilmore Girls is on, so Im off. Laters.

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.

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Subject:	Its like 40 below in my study!
Time:	11:51 am.
Mood:	confused.
Music:	"That I Would Be Good" by Alanis Morrisette.

"Heartache Every Moment"

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I'm lost
And no heaven can help us
Ready, willing and able
To lose it all
For a kiss so fatal
And so warm

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up
'Cause there's no smile of an angel
Without the wrath of god

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you
My darling with you

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I am lost
And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment with you
That's right

HIM isn't as bad as I thought. Its kind of like... a normal less gothy type version of Type O Negative. o.o! Like the title says, its cold here. Brrr. Guess what? I got my paper for LTCY 44 done. Aren't you proud of me? I'm proud of me, so it doesnt matter if you are or not.

Right now, I think my cat would love to know why I keep tapping these keys. (Shes sitting on my desk, turning her head sideways like puppies do when they are confused. Its cuter on cats, trust me) So... I decided to try a new type of music: punk. Maybe I can be like John John and Derrick and be GUNK for awhile. Mwahaha. If Im gunk (which is goth + punk) can I still like Maroon 5?

I came up with an idea today. Maybe, I will just start wearing all kinds of clothes... "preppy" clothes, "goody two shoe" clothes, punk, goth, skater, cowboy, "wigga" all of it. That way, no one can definitively place me in a group with other people that are nothing like me. Whatever happened to being yourself and identifying with yourself, not conforming to any group. (Which is a pretty funny concept for those goths and punks who are part of those groups just cause they don't want to conform... arent they still conforming in a way?) Anyhow... ahem.

What exactly am I? Do any of us really know ourselves? I look back on my old journal, and reflect on those times, and then I look at me now. I keep changing, changing back, changing again. Its like a bad dream that no one can escape. Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with the people who never ever change? Change is good, right?

Right now, I feel like Im going through a teenage rebellion all over again. I mean, I went through this already. SHouldn't I be grown up or something now? Shouldn't I have sucessfully completed Erikson's "identity versus role confusion" stage by now? Hell, I thought I had, and already completed the next stage. What if I am always behind? What if I never know myself? How can I stand sleeping with me when all I know about me is my name. (Does that make me a slut? I just sleep with someone I don't even know?!)

What does it mean to know yourself anyhow? I know the things I like, I know the things I am good at. I don't know myself in the same way that I know other people. I can guess other people's actions, but I cant sit down and say "this is what I would do in this situation" if the situation is complicated. Are we supposed to do that? Maybe its like one of those game glitches where I wasnt supposed to think about this, and now my "game" is frozen. Kinda like on Max Payne where you can shoot the boss chick at the end and the game freezes. Its like shes saying "You bitch, you cant shoot me! Thats not how its supposed to go. I'll just freeze your game up, monkey breath!" Is that how life is? Is life saying things about me behing my back? Oh goodness, maybe life is cheating on me. (Hence the saying "Life screws us all"...how the hell did I get into a relationship with that bastard?)

I know I keep making jokes, but really this is a serious issue. Who am I? Is there someone that can tell me? Maybe there is one person in the world assigned to each person who can tell their partner exactly who they are. I wonder... Is this like one of those chicken and egg jokes? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" "Don't fix it if it aint broken?" "Wanna try combo?" (LOL) Is that what this is? Just a big sucession of ideas and questions that make no sense together. Maybe thats all life is supposed to be. Maybe we are born, we make life what it is, and then we die, and there was no great purpose for our lives. Maybe our only purpose was for God to see how badly each of us could screw ourselves over. What a novel idea.

On to other subjects: Im going to write a novel... and Im going to finish it. I had a dream about this, and I think it would make a kick ass novel and movie. See this college student gets stalked by her professor. Eh? I mean, I have lots of ideas, but Im not giving them all away. We'll see where it goes.

I'm done blabbering. I wish my chem teacher would email me back. Oh well.

"Oh I see your scars I know where they're from
So sensually carved and bleeding until you're dead and gone
I've seen it all before beauty and splendour torn
It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white
Right so wrong and wrong so right

Now

Feel it turning your heart into stone
Feel it piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall"

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.

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Subject:	I love Foamy
Time:	4:51 pm.
Mood:	creative.
Music:	Meowing from my cat, and my dumb assed dog's tail thumping..

Foamy, ladies and gentlemen, is the best cartoon in the world. Close second would be South Park, Beavis and Butthead, and Daria, all tied for second, of course. So ah... children are and do crap... did you know that? I didnt. And if any of my faithful readers has not had the chance to watch Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" I suggest that you watch it. Its great. I want to watch Farenheit 911 too. I think its funny that people say "Im not watching that dumb Bush basher because he is going to bash Bush and make me mad. Well, its people like Moore who question things that make society move forward. it is our responsibility to make sure the government and our society isnt screwing everyone over. Wouldn't it be smarter to say "Oh wait, I want to watch this film because I know what I am talking about and am secure enough in my own ideas and values that seeing someone elses ideas is not going to make me less of a person or make my opinion any less valuable to me." Yeah... betcha never heard that before.

So I think I have a chemistry test on Monday that Im not ready for cause I had to go to the doctor with Dew. Oh well. I'll live I'm sure. I also have a test in my psychology class on Thursday. Bleh. Plus lots of end of semester things that I need to be working on. I hate the last month or so of classes. They always suck major ass. This one is no different. As a matter of fact, in my psychology class, I have a test each of the last two weeks of class. I'm going to be a very grumpy, very sleepy and unpleasant person the last two weeks of school. Oh well... my husband will live because he has been through this with me before. My mom doesnt pay it any attention anymore, and I dont really care about what anyone else says. Well I do, but anyhow.

I need to go work on something constructive, and no matter how much fun it is to spend time with you, Mr Journal Thingy, you will not help me pass my classes with A's. Sorry.

Love peace and chicken grease!

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.

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Subject:	Wow its early
Time:	8:42 am.
Mood:	cold.
Music:	" I Miss You" by Blink 182.

Good morning Mr Journal Thingy. Did you sleep well last night?

Anyhow, I got a new dog who doesn't know how to climb stairs. As we speak (as I type, rather) she is sitting halfway up the stairs whining. >.< Anyhow. Her name is Cricket. Believe me, we didn't name her that because I hate crickets. I think she would make a better Athena or maybe Aphrodite. (I love naming pets after Greek gods) She is gorgeous though... fully black... well groomed. (Shes a cocker spaniel) Her previous owners trained her really well... except for her idea of what sit means. And her tail is like a whip... I'm going to have whip welts if she doesnt learn to control it!

My cats think she is Satan. Its funny.

So on the work front, at Slave A Lot, (hehe) I am supposed to be getting my hours back from Tammy the hour stealer. Okay... Tammy has been there about 1 month and already gets every weekend off, plus she gets to work MY hours during the day. But not anymore. My manager said he was giving my hours back. The only reason he has been giving me the crappy hours was because he thought that I could only work from 4 till close every night. (I had to do field experience one week and he thought it was every week) SO I'm happy about that. Being broke sucks ass.

I have lots of work to catch up on for school. I have to finish my teacher reflection for my Literacy 444 class. (I got the WHOLE lesson plan finished though, aren't you proud of me, Mr Journal Thingy?) I also have to completely rewrite my psychology paper because I misunderstood what we were supposed to do in it. Oops. I also am way way behind on my Chemistry notebook. I havent recorded any of our labs in there yet plus I havent caught up the homework with what he is covering in class. Eeek!

"I'm gonna make you dance, get your chance. Yeah boy shake that ass. Oops I mean girl, girl girl girl. Girl you know you're my world."

"Touch my body..."

Ahem. Sorry, my song came on. Speaking of songs, in case you have paid any attention, my taste in music is so weird. I like everything. Rap, country, rock... everything. Not too hot on opera though.

And with that, I have to leave you. My alarm clock is going off. Time to wake up! :p

Have a good day here sitting on your ass Mr Journal Thingy, while I am slaving in Chemistry.

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.

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Subject:	JUst to get to know each other.....
Time:	2:55 pm.
Mood:	crappy.
Music:	"The Reason" by Hoobastank.

Name: Sindee
Name Backwards: Eednis
Does your name mean anything: My real name is Cynthia, one of the goddesses of the moon, and I was named after my moms best friend.
Were you named after anyone?: Ahem, my mom's best friend
Nick Name(s): Sin, Sindee, Angel, Sweets, Tindy, Cindy, Cyn, C.J. and way too many others to list.
Screen Name: I have a bunch. On here its .:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:. On MSN its <--- Anarchist ---> on AIM its MoonliteAngel527
DOB: May 27, 1984
Place of Birth: TJ Samson Hospital in Glasgow KY
Current Location: At my desk in my study?
Sign: Gemini
Religion: Christian... non-denominational
Height: 5'5 ish
Shoe Size: 8 and 1/2
Hair color: Chocolate brown
Eye color: Green
Innie/Outtie: Innie
Righty/lefty: Righty
Gay, Straight, Bi, ect: Straight

Who is your...
Best Friend: Derrick and Dewayne
bf/gf: Don't have one. Im married
crush(es): Don't tell anyone but... its... Dew! :: gasp ::
Parents: Yes I have them, thanks.... My mom is a cook at Kids Daycare, Linda Edwards.
Worst enemy: The evil carbs? LOL!
Funniest friend: I don't have friends. :: throws sand in the journals eyes and runs off crying:: Actually... Dew
Craziest friend: Missi
Loudest friend: Missi again
Person you cry with: My mom and my husband

Do you have any...
Sisters: Yes, April and Shannon
Brothers: Tim and Derrick
Pets: Yep. I have three cats: Puss aka Romeo, Punkin and Evil Minion aka Shadow. I might also have a cocker spaniel by tonight.
A Disease: I sure as hell better not have
A pager: Nope
Personal phone #: 1-800-You-Wish
Leather jacket with studs on it: I have a leather jacket, but studs would be tacky
Heroine needle: No... why would I purposefully stick a metal object in my skin?
A pool or hot tub: I have a hot tub when I have hot water in it. :P
A car: Not personally, I own two cars, in part

Describe your...
Personality: I see myself as a farly optimistic person. I like most people, especially people that question everything aroung them. I am a pretty liberal person and pretty easy going on most occasions. I tend to at leatst appear happy, even if I am not.
Driving: LOL!
Car or one you want: I wouldn't mind having an SUV... something black with tinted windows.
Room: Its done in leopard prints. I have a bed, a loveseat, a dresser, a TV, a bookshelf, and an armoir (However you spell that)
Shoes: Which ones? I have my hooker heels, which are very high heeled, I have two pairs of tennis shoes that I still wear (I have 4 that I dont) One pair are navy, blue, silver/gray and black, and the others are my ratty old work tennis shoes that are white New Balances. I have a pair of black "boots" what Dew calls Herbie shoes, and I have a pair of boots that zip up the side. I also have numerous pairs of flip flops and sandals and dress shoes.

School: Its Western Kentucky University, home of the Hilltoppers.
Bed: Its done in leopard prints and its a full size.
Relationship with your parent(s): I love my mom.

Do you:
Believe in yourself: Mostly
Believe in love at first sight?: Nope. You cant love someone until you know them.
Consider yourself a good listener: Yes!
Consider yourself a good friend:I always try to be
Get Along with your parents: What would she do without me?
Pray: Not as much as I should
Believe in reincarnation: Depends on your definition.
Like to make fun of people: Not really, except when we are just joking around
Like to talk on the phone: Not too much.. I used to love it, but now its kinda boring.

Do you....
Like to drive: Not really
Get motion sickness: Nopers!
Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: I never knew chickens had fingers o.o And no I don't
Dream in color: I think so
Type with your fingers on home row: Yes cause I am a dork.
Sleep with a stuffed animal: Only when he ate too much. :P

What Is/Are/Was...
Right next to you: A guest bed, a window and the cat tower
On the walls of your room: An african mask, thearical masks, leopards, lions and pather things.
On your mouse pad: Leopard fur. (Im serious)
Your dream car: See above
Your dream date: Depends on my mood... sorry.
Your dream honeymoon spot: Rome, Greece, London, Paris.. Europe in general. I'd love to sleep in a castle.
Your dream husband/wife: Oh come on... can we say obvious?
Your bedtime: Unfortunately, I usually go to bed way before my bedtime cause my husband and I disagree on when it should be
Under your bed: Carpet
Your bad time of the day: The morning and anytime I spend at Save A Lot
Your worst fear(s): Not being loved/liked, and spiders
The time?: 3:23 pm
The date?: November 5, 2004
The best trick you ever played on someone: I'll have to get back to you on that one.
The hardest thing about growing up: Applying for college
Your scariest moment: When I thought I wasn't going to get into college cause I couldnt pay
The silliest thing you've said: I mess my words up all the time. One time at work, I had been talking to this rude man on the phone for a long time and kept telling him to call back. Finally, he hung up and I waited on a customer whom I told to call back in 30 minutes instead of telling him to have a nice day. >.<
The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: I became someone I wasn't to make him happy.
The worst feeling in the world: Knowing that you love someone to death and that they don't feel the same way anymore
The best feeling in the world: Being in love with someone and knowing that they would give anything for you, just like you would them too

FAVORITES
Number:11
Color: Black
Day: Saturday
Month: Probably September
Song(s): "Fall to Pieces" by Velvet Revolver and anything by Evanescence
Movie: The Grudge
Food:Party Chicken....mmmmmmmm
Band: Velvet Revolver and Maroon 5
Season: Winter
Sport: Eww
Class: Psychology classes
Teacher: Well, in high school it was Lee Ann Smith and Carmen Martin. In college, I'd say it was David Strahley and James Street.
Drink: Chocolate milk?
Veggie: Potato
TV Show: I liked Mad Mad House when it was on... and Im kinda into Gilmore Girls (So shoot me)
Radio Station:Whatever is playing my songs
Store: I actually like Hot Topic
Animal: Kitty cats :)
Flower: Sorry but I gotta give the standard answer: A red Rose
State: The State of Confusion

THIS OR THAT
Me/You: You
Coke/pepsi: Dr Pepper
Day/night: Night
Aol/aim: MSN!
Cd/casette: CD
Dvd/vhs: DVD
Jeans/khakis: Jeans
Car/truck: Car
Tall/short: Tall
Lunch/dinner: Dinner
NSYNC/BSB: NEITHER
Britney/Christina: If I HAVE to pick: Titney.. I just cant stand Christina
Gap/Old Navy: Old Navy
Lipstick/Lip gloss: Gloss
Silver/Gold: Silver

LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP
Do you have a bf/gf?: No I have a husband
Do you have a crush?: My husband?
If you're single... why are you single?: Im not
How long was your longest relationship?: Off and on for 4 years
How long was your shortest relationship?: About a month
Who was your first love?: Ryan
What do you miss about them?: Nothing really

THE PAST
What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: Working while in high school
Last thing you heard: My niece and nephew fussing about Krista
Last thing you said: "You can come in and play a game or watch TV, but don't be so loud!"
Who is the last person you saw?: Currently I see Keith and Autumn
Who is the last person you kissed?: Dewayne
Who is the last person you hugged?: Dewayne
Who is the last person you fought with?: Dewayne last night cause he made me feel stupid
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: The man from the gas company telling me he was coming to fix the heater
What is the last TV show you saw?: Hannibal

THE PRESENT
What are you wearing?: A WKU shirt and jeans
What are you doing?: This thing
Who are you talking to?: Telling Keith and Autumn how to play Scrabble
What song are you listening to?: "Party for Tewo" by Shania Twain and Billy Currington... how the hell did I get that song on my TV?!?!
Where are you?: Where do you think?
Who are you with?: Keith, Autumn, Evil Minion, Puss and Punkin
How are you feeling?: My back hurts a little and Im a little stressed about getting everything done
Are you in a chatroom?: Uh no

FUTURE
What day is it tomorrow?: Saturday
What are you going to do after this?: Go downstairds
Who are you going to talk to?: Dewayne soon, hopefully
Where are you going to go?: Going to put the Christmas tree up tonight..lol
How old will you be when you graduate?: 21
What do you wanna be?: A high school english teacher

HAVE YOU EVER
Drank?: Yes
Smoked?: Yes
Had sex?: Yes
Stolen?: Other than a few hearts, no
Done anything illegal?: Well seeing that sex for any reason other than procreation is -actually- illegal, I'd say we are all in trouble
Wanted to die?: Yeah...
Hit someone?: I spanked someone. o.o

PHYSICAL APPERANCE
What do you most like about your body?: My eyes and my hair
And least?: Everything else
How many fillings do you have?: None
Do you think you're good looking?: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: Yes
Do you look like any celebrities?: I hope not

FASHION
Do you wear a watch?: No
How many coats and jackets do you own?: 2?
Favorite pants/skirt color?: Blue jeans
Most expensive item of clothing?: I dont know, dont really care either
Most treasured?: Don't have one. I love all of my clothes.
What kind of shoes do you wear?: Dressy boot type things mostly, and tennis shoes, name brand of course
Describe your style in one word: Blah
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): 24 maybe. I dont know
What are your worst qualities: My untrust of people and my ability to forget that people are people unless I know them really well
What are your best qualities: SLightly outgoing and quirky
How long does it take you get ready in the morning: Longer than it should.

Gawd I'm glad thats finished!

.:.[ Phantasmagoria ].:.

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