well its been a lil while now an as far as i know wade is still in a coma... but he is off his medication an sorta responding a lil, like moving eyes an fingers etc... but not yyet concience.... poor kid. A few of my mates went in to see him a couple times an i know it was hard for em to see him like that coz they were all close to him....
I think all this is gettin to me as well as my mates.. coz i had a very weird dream last night.. it was allabout this trainstation an the hospital.... weird stuff happened but the one thing that stood out was goiin to the hospital with dwayne an some girl who i know but cant remember an having a nurse tell us wade was awake....
me thinks i need some sleep.....but im at tafe now so thats a lil hard.... oh well, i suppose i better go look like im workin
well fuck, i wasnt expecting this....
Wednesday night... im lying in bed an watchin some tv... i go to channel 2 and come across a show based in this hospitals emergency area (real life) any way after like 10 minutes they had this story about a young girl by the name of kate. she was in her last year of highschool when she was involved in a serious car accident, it left her in a coma, and after a couple days her body gave up and there was no blood to her head.... she died
This in itself was sad.. but looking at her lying there.. she was beautiful, she was smart an had a future ahead of her. Then as the camers moved round her and you saw her from different angles.... i was shocked.. she reminded me of 2 girls from school..... i dunno if it was my head or weather it was real but that freaked the living shit out of me... i didnt move for about 10 minutes coz i was so stunned....
i didnt sleep that night.. i layed awake thinking about it and how i would be if that happened to someone i knew...... now i know
last night (saturday the 1st of november) i was on my way to a party at a mates place.... driving along i had to take a detour because of a serious car crash, as i turned the courner i saw the car and i had the worst feeling deep inside.. but i didnt reckognise the car... so i passed if off as just being nervous due to the ammount of cops and ambulances plus the fire brigade. Later at the party we were told it was a yr 11 from school, and they had died... this was bad enough..... but a few hours later we were told it wasnt a yr 11 but a friend of our's.... and he had serious head injuries and was in a coma. At that moment there was an awkward silence as everyone thought about wade an remembered him from school. He left before most others, but he was a good kid... he was a very good friend of our groups as well.
As of yet i havent heard ne thing more about it, other than he's in a coma, and has serious head injuries, i dont even know which hospital he's in, but i do know that we are all thinking about him and have been for the past hours, and probably will for day to come. I know i speak for everyone when i say to him "wade, what happened is tragic, we all send you our best wishes and hope you pull through this, you are a fighter, and have a very strong spirit, please dont give up on us... we are all waiting for you"
well fuck me.... so much has happened.... even before me last post shit was goin on.. but i wanted to put up that letter for a speacial person....
hmm where do i start... well lets start with one girl i met recently.. she is awesome... we were supposed to go to a party but never got there.. instead we went back to my place an well i ended up sleeping with her..... what a head fuck that turned out to be... 1. coz she still has a bf, 2. coz it was just lust an really didnt means nothing an were supposedly still friends, 3. coz i told this other girl i happen to be in love with (mel for those of you that care) an she didnt react very well at all, an 4. coz im not talkin to the girl atm an its scaring me coz i know what she's goin through an i hope she dun do nothing drastic... coz that'd really fuck me up...
hmm, found out today a good mate of mine crashed his car as well... it was only a Woo but he loved it an i will admit it was lookin good with his new mags an some lil sticker thingy..... but yea.. its gone.. he hit a pole an then as if it wasnt bad enough the pole fell on the car an this pole wasnt nice.. it was one of your 15m light pole type poles... which means it fukken hurts.... so he was fukken upset an prolly still is.. poor bastard..... but there's not much ne 1 can do really.. sept insurance ppl an the gov. but all the gov said was he could keep the poe when he paid for it... FUCK THAT FOR A JOKE!...
i need sleep, i really do.. im wrecked.. an i keep stressin about everything... but oh well... shit happens i suppose... an i rekon i've been changing as a person recently..... i seem to be thinking of thiongs an lookin at things in a different way.. from like a different perspective.. its weird.... an its fucking with my head
an last of all my favourite band has just broken up.... which is gay coz i missed there last show... FUCK!!!!... an the lead singer.. a good mate of mine is moving to england.. like permanantly... that dude rocked.. he even got me in for free a couple times.... he was a legend... but i suppose its okay coz he's gonna send me shit an visa versa... an he'll be happy... an ima get hell shit from his new band....... plus the members of his old band have made a new 1 as well.. cheerin i suppose....
ne way this is all a head fuck an there's other stuff but i cant remember.. i've had like 4 hours sleep in the past 4 days.. nice 1 ey? oh wellz.. for ne 1 that reads this.. hope ya have a good day tomorra or today or whatever
well i wrote this to mela while back an was goin through old stuff today an found it.. an well i thought someone out there might like to read it.. so here ya are...
It has recently become apparent that I have reached a point in my life, I have not reached this alone, I have had help from many friends but, there is one person in particular that has recently changed my whole view on this thing called “life”. That person is you Melissa………..
Sine the very first night we spoke over msn I have felt something… something deep within my heart that draws me towards you, I don’t know exactly how to describe it but I shall try. Since the very first night that I opened up to you and finally released all my feelings and emotions I have been on a ride through the depths of myself, slowly but surely exploring my inner needs and wants…. An I have discovered a strong necessity, and it is to have someone like you present in my life to a large extent.
The morning: As I arise from my slumber and open my eyes, the burdens and the sufferings of the outside world, the reality of life, and the stresses come filtering back into my head and set off a reaction of chaos among my senses. With all the sorrows of life entering my head I am surprised to find that the first real thought of my own is of you, it is of your beauty, your compassion, and the way in which you can make me smile no matter the situation. As the morning proceeds I am surrounded by a blanket of pure silk, a blanket so warm and comforting that it is almost otherworldly, a blanket composed of all my thoughts for you and my inner desires. As I slowly adjust to the world and once again come to grips with this harsh reality I am protected by this blanket and I am reassured of my existence and its importance.
The afternoon: A short time has passed but not much has changed. I am getting ready to leave the safety of my blanket and step out into the world……. With one swift but certain move I am alive and out in the world on my own, but I am always thinking of you, as my thoughts bring me strength and protect me from the world that is. The visions of your smile, the thoughts of once again talking to you and hearing your angelic voice, they fill my head and dance around as if entranced by the golden figure that is you. As the day grows older I am reminded of the joy and the true essence of happiness that enters me as we communicate, weather it be by sms or over the Internet just the link between us as we talk is truly uplifting and it gives me the strength to continue on through the latter part of the day, lunging into the night as if chasing a dream……
The night: As the celestial body of light slowly slips beyond the horizon and the darkness of being alone covers my world I am full with anticipation and hope, that tonight I will be able to talk to the one person that can truly make me feel as if I am in heaven. Dying to read your every thought and feeling, every move I make is accompanied with the thought of you in all your glory standing there along side me, waiting to help me if I fall. Then the night makes its choice…… some nights I get the pleasure of talking to you, others I do not……….
When I am talking to you, or messaging you, or e-mailing you, or just when I am around you Melissa, I get these true feelings of love…. You are my world and you deserve to know it… no one on the face of this planet has ever made me feel so alive and so pure, you are special in every way, every step you take leaves a golden foot print in my world, if you were to cry I would wipe away the tears with a soft touch, and I would try to right the wrong that lead to your tears, as they would be a crime against life itself….. for you I would die, and die happily knowing that it has helped you in some way.
This is just a small part of how you make me feel…… I would love to say so much more but words cannot describe your effect on me, as I have reached the boundary of language itself. As I have always told you I am guided by my true inner feelings and up till this point they have never led me wrong…. Although it does hurt me deeply to not be with you, I do have a sense of the world surrounding and I know that it cannot be… please do not ever feel bad about this pain of mine as it is there for good reason, and will be there for many lifetimes to come, but as long as you are happy I shall stay on the right side of this thin line between serenity and horror.
I know this is kinda long, but all these thoughts got into me head an I just had to write em down so you could read them…. =)
well fuck... what to say..... not much has happened since last time i updated, how boring!.. well i went to me dads.. that was all right but i had to work and it was upsettin seein me nan an auntie all sick an stuff but oh welll........ so then i came back an had to work way 2 much.. that sukked, but i got paid so that was all right... an me car is finally fixed so there's sumtin i can be proud of, oh yea last Saturday night i was at some strange house at some strange persons party.. that was different... but everyone we didn't know we inside and it was just our group outside drinkin, that was okay... then i finally met seb!.. after all this time... that was kinda weird coz she was diff from what i expected but it was good... an ummmm... oh!... i been on da phone to vicki a lil bit recently.. that's heaps good... i love talkin to her.... she's so funny.. lol... ne wayz... im goin back to me drink...
HOLY SHIT!... last night was a killer...... i have never been that pissed an still been standing! that was nuts..... i killed me bottle and a few beers, an those fukken cigars rocked, an im a non smoker.. dam you dwayne hehehe. an goddam, when we got back to chris's an i had some of that weed then a bit of red wine..... LIGHTS OUT!... i was seeing double for about 10 minutes and then i was just out cold..... ahhh memories but ya can fuck off with this hangover.....arghhhhhhh! oh an i have a fukken mark on my arm from where this girl who kept tryin to steal me drinks (an got a couple) well she bit me.... there's like a bruise and teeth marks... what the fucks up with that!
Ahhh how life can be weird, one day I wanna die, the next I wanna live forever what is with that? Following in the footsteps of a very good friend of mine, I have decided to devote my first post to a few special people, people that are either a huge part of my life, or have changed my life in some way.
He first and most obvious for those who know me is dwayne, that hairy bastard =) from the very first day I met him I have changed and grown as a person, and become who I am today, if it wernt for him I rekon I may actually be dead by now, he’s helped me through so many tough times, an even a couple he prolly dosent realise.. through everything we have done I’ve always had some sorta faith in him, which is weird considerin what he’s like, but they boy always seems to know what he’s doin, and if he dosent, he’ll talk so much shit that ya start to believe he dose know….. very weird and sometimes very funny, but always dwayne.
Yougn timothy, or timmee as I usually call him…. What can I say… in my time of need he just seemed to be there, I had talked to him a few times before and known him for a while, but one night I really felt I could trust him, and he saw a side of me that basically only these ppl mentioned here have ever seen, and from then on I feel he grew a respect for me, which I accepted and returned…. Tim is truly a great friends coz he can adapt to my moods and get along really well weather im being serious or just having a joke…. People like this don’t come along very often, so I will always have a great respect for tim, and for what he has done for me and for what he has made me realise about myself.
Now a very recent friend and very close friend of mine, vicki…… (for those of you who know my family, no this is not my mother it’s a totally different vicki) ne way…. Without knowing me from a bar of soap she put her trust in me and really opened up an expressed herself as a person, and from that first night she has become a very close friend. She is always worryin aout me, not matter how much I tell her not to and she cares and is always there to help me, and I share these same feelings for her coz she is just such a warm caring person. Its strange to think that I am still yet to meet vicki, but hey that makes her influance all the more impressive, but I am gonna get her out at a party 1 night to get nice and hammered with the rest of us =)
And finally, someone who has stolen my heart…. She is deffinetely one of, if not the most amazing person I have ever met, and that’s sayin a lot considerin I got dwayne and vicki just above………. Ahh melissa, where would I be with out you, every time we talk you make me feel like I am in heaven, you always bring a smaile to my face and you are just so perfect. From the very first night we talked there was sumtin about you, and after only a week I felt as if you had changed me…. From then on I have just totally fallen for you……. My feelings towards you were eating me alive and slowly driving me insane, until one Sunday night when I finally let loose with all my bottled up feelings and emotions, and you accepted them with open arms and an open heart, I am madly in love with you and have told you this…..no matter what happens you will always hold a very special place in my heart for you are truly an angel…. I could go on and on about mel, but I rekon she might have a nice big smile on her face by now, so that’ll do until next time we talk =)
These 4 people are not the only people that have effected my life in some way, but they are the main ones in my life at the moment…. For these people and a couple more I would die!, that is the simple truth……. They have been so good to me and I have such a great respect and love for these people that I would give my life for them, and I hope they truly appreciate this……….