Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in pedro's Blurty:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
5:34 pm	thanksgiving..... (actual date and time: Nov. 28, 2003 12:30 p.m.) Coming home, I realized that I was not in the usual pissed off demeanor I usually was when I would go home. A huge sense of relief swept over me, which was surprising. It was the first time I had been home since the breakup with Erika, but that did not ruin my much-anticipated return home. In Berkeley I was desperate to finally see my family, I craved my mom’s homemade tortillas and listening to my parents argue and lecture me on everything they see fit. Which was good, in some strange masochistic way. Just spending time with my family made all the fighting and fussing worth it. Especially when I got to spend time with my niece, Angelique. (My previous blurty entry will begin permeating into this discussion. The discussion about the meaning of life.) She is the meaning of life. Not specifically her, but it is people and children, like her, that give meaning to my life. People that actually I value spending time with. People that I don’t mind talking on the phone to or instant messaging until four in the morning simply because their responses make you smile *ahem…Yulye…*ahem, people that sincerely appreciate my concerns/advice/time. These are the people that make me, me. The people I meet, my friends, and most importantly, my family all have influences over my goals, dreams, convictions, morals…. basically who I was, am, and will be. So driving into Coalinga I didn’t expect much because Coalinga is nothing but a little corner of the valley where nothing happens, but that didn’t matter….I was relieved. I was actually happy to be home, to be in a place where I no longer felt the despair of being alone, finally I felt safe. When I walked through the front door, a familiar warmth surrounded me. I hugged my mom but quickly walked to each room inspecting it, making sure it was the way I had last seen it. Everything was just fine. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
2:28 am	tons o' fun.... i definitely have to begin this weblog by apologizing to the all the stanfurd-onians and fans of the tree, actually not apologizing but more of a, "YA YOU GUYS SUCK!". ok that was good. so my weekend has been ok, it was really good this afternoon when i found out about the CAL vs. stanfurd game. now i guess i'm just doing ok. i have one question to ask every single person in the online world. what is the meaning of life? i know it's a hypotethical and me saying it sounds really stupid. but i would really like to know, and i do not want anyone to respond with some sort of reply that contains religion or god. religion is so ambiguous and arguments for it can not stand against theories or arguments. so i know all you readers (rozi, cynthia, lloyd, heun, spanx, pris....man that list was short!) let me know something. oh ya and if you read my blurty let me know something, cuz i'm confused and tired. actually i'm really really really tired, but i can't sleep, it's really weird and i think there's something wrong with me...ionno what it is, but it sucks. so i'mma lay in my bed until my eyes decide to close. good nite world. music : enanitos verdes - "lamento boliviano" oh ya, CAL beat stanfurd today in the 106th big game. it was great! F--- STANFURD, GO BEARS! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
2:46 pm	the countdown.... well as i sit here at moffitt library and watch the minutes slowly tick away, i realize that i am nowhere being prepared for this economics midterm. i do not understand how to do anything, ok well actually i do understand some of the concepts but there is just too much to know, and i have no clue what's gonna be one the test. man this sucks! so i'm left here studying random econ. problems, trying to understand planned aggregate expenditures, trying to figure out how aggregate demand shifts in and out, and wondering about market self-correction. see these are concepts i know, but there is too much about them....AHHHHHH! i'm screwed. econ. 1, you have ruined my life! and oh man am i tired, did you guys see the time on that last entry, i was up late last nite. but i'm actually doing better today, despite the midterm. oh man it's 2:51 now, that means i've wasted 5 minutes of studying time! ahhh, i'm starting ot count the grey hairs slowly appearing on my head....=( <--sad guy = me. oh ya and hil, thank you for listening to me rant on and on about the evil and tyranny of the female species. i really needed that! you're like frosted flakes..."grrrreeeaat!" even though i said i was gonna start being an "a-hole" to girls, i think i'll just stick with the nice guy approach. being a jerk to girls just isn't my style, even though some people...*ahem..my ex-girlfriend....*ahem...might beg to differ. but anyways, i guess i'll bury my head back into this economics book and stack of notes. F--- STANFURD! GO BEARS!!! (you'll prolly hear me saying this a lot this week, being that it is big game week and all. and for those living on the moon, the big game is the game between CAL and pathetic stanfurd) music: dashboard confessional (unplugged) - all songs (Comment on this)
1:17 am	tunneling towards the center of the universe..... well i'm not really sure what the subject really means. should one take it as a literal idea, where one is actually tunneling towards the center of this blind belief of the universe? can you actuallly physcially tunnel through an enigma? or should one actually think of this as a metaphor for some amazingly basic notion? well i think it's a li'l bit of both. for example, love. or even lust for that matter, can be such a crazy thing in life. we are each instilled with our subjective opinions on these abstract ideas, which makes it SEEM so basic. when we think we are in love/lust the exact definition is glaring at us and we are happy to accept our subjective ideas. yet when something happens, an argument for example, causes one to lose focus on what was directly in front of their eyes. everything goes to the shits, or at least for moments at a time. i think i'd rather live my life behind this John Rawls-ian (he's this one famous philosopher, i just learned about him in my philosophy class, somewhat of an interesting read, but i have learned that philosophers are longwinded and mostly confuse me when they speak, so i try my hardest to catch up, with no avail sometimes) type of notion, where we live behind this "veil of ignorance", but my conception would be a little different. my "veil", would be this life of where one can understand the anomoly which confuses and troubles them the most. therefore i could understand the what hell love/lust is about/for. i'm stumped, at the moment i have no clue nor could any of my convictions come anywhere near a "decent" attempt at the definition, much less a "good" attempt at the definition. i also think that love/lust can leave someone feeling like they are, "tunneling towards the center of the universe". left with nothing in their hands despite the extraneous efforts wasted trying to define this definition-less concept. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i think i'mma give up on a love for a while. love is for the birds. music: radiohead - "high and dry" & "fake plastic trees" (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 16th, 2003
8:56 pm	a beginning, an end, a new me.... well i understand that i haven't been able to update my blurty and allow all of you to keep up with me and stuff. one thing is for certain, i am definitely a new person. i don't know what it is, but i feel new. in an attempt to be a more healthy human being, i have been "cutting the fat" and making my life more "lean" and a li'l more productive that usual. i think one thing i have come to realize is that there are tons of beautiful people in the world (and i don't mean physical beauty) that i have yet to meet, and i have experienced a sort of metamorphosis, due to those people. oh and i also realized that i have no "friends" here in berkeley, so a more healthy lifestyle is a mandatory pre-requisite to make lasting friendships, or just not having someone trying to control your life. so if you thought that my intro. line to this entry had any meaning behind it, well it did. being that i'm a new person and all, i noticed that i could no longer maintain my previous relationship. i guess it was the constant fighting, no trust, natural aging and changing, and trying to control each other's lives is what finally did it for me. after about a week of hanging out with friend teale, i noticed that i don't have any friends, i mean i know a bunch of people, but not people i'd consider friends. which is definitely a problem. i noticed that i don't put myself out there for people to try to be friendly with me. i realized that i'd like to be someone that could potentially have some sort of deep impact on people's lives, and i can't do that with with an overbearing burden upon my back. so after about a month of self-discovery, the trials and tribulations concluded with me realizing that i have grown up. i am a new person, i am more independent, but i hold the ties to family with a little more compassion; i am older, but still youthful and full of spirit; i have made dumb mistakes, but i have gained great wisdom from them. well i know that i've hurt people coming to this realization, but i this is something that i need to do, for a better me and so i could be happy. but i know that i've also made some new friends and become better acquainted with others. teale, thanks for all the chats and listening to my rants. i know they were probably annoying and pointless at times, but they really helped. spanx, our internet chats have become a lot better as of late, or at least i think so, tell heun to stop being a wuss. and yulye, you're awesome and you know it. despite the laziness, you're the coolest person i have met in a damn long time! oh ya and cats are gross, dogs are way cooler! (except for maybe your little kitty, from what you say, i guess he/she could be pretty damn charming) so i guess the "end" is the end of the old me, the person who was really clingy, jealous, and lacked patience. the "new" is me now. a li'l big more wise, definitely some new found patience, and the constant headache has subsided as of late...how weird??? oh ya and how could i forget, i went to the rock show last nite. it was great, eisley, hot rod circuit and brand new was there. hot rod circuit was good as always, and brand new really rocked the house. which i was glad because if you read some of my previous logs then you would have caught me being disappointed in brand new for their sub-par performance on the dashboard tour. it was great, i woke up with a sore neck and shoulders, proof that i had an awesome nite. thank you lisandra for letting me have your ticket, you're awesome for that. but you're still a "cabrona". music: frank sinatra - "it had to be you" ; brand new - "mix tape" ; dashboard confessional - "standard lines" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 27th, 2003
5:14 pm	looky here now.... ok well, the reason i haven't posted in about 30 years is because i wanted to keep all of you attentive readers in suspense. in reality, i probably lost a bunch of people from reading my weblog, but hey i probably only had like 3 readers. so i guess it doesn't really matter. Well today was my last exam for a few weeks. i remember commenting a few weeks back about the results to my midterms. well i'm sure they sucked, and if you see me, don't mention econ. or i'll do something crazy, i haven't decided yet. i've had so much stuff on my mind lately......actually i'll continue this entry later tonite...... ok well i'm back...man i feel like a volcano, ready to explode, i've noticed that my personality has changed and i'm a pretty volatile person. there will be times when i'm cool and lax, but then someone says or mentions the wrong thing, it's mount saint helens all over again. i feel my face burning at time. yet i hide all the anger, passion, hate, tears, ire, all the fire and brimstone....everything is kept behind my ordinary facade. that of a cool and easy going person. i swear, i've nearly broke my cell phone like 3 times since i've had it. -->(deliberate tangent) i actually bought erika and myself new cellphones. if you're curious, or i haven't already mentioned it to you, then they're the new lg vx6000 camera phones. i mean the phone is cool...but i've gotten a few dropped calls and that frustrates me a li'l. man it seems that i can't write about anything else at the moment, except for how pissed i've been getting. i think i'mma get a heart attack pretty soon, it's pathetic, i should definitely try being more relaxed and "chill out" as erika often tells me. ok, well lately i've recieved the results of some midterms. here are the results: econ - shitty, philosophy - B (<-surprised myself on that one), b.a. 10 - i think i'mma cry, my score sucked that bad. ya and school sucks for me right now, just don't tell my parents, they'll get sooooooo pissed. ok, again deliberately avoiding topics that i don't wanna discuss (because i'll give myself an ulcer), i wanna send my condolences and prayers to all my so cal friends/acquaintances/and people in general. i hope and pray that all your families and homes stay safe! also to the firefighters bravely risking their lives, i know a friend who's stepfather is most likely battling those flames, so my prayers go out to them as well. ok well.....ummmm......*struggling for a topic to write about........i went to the cal vs. arizona football game this last weekend, and i can comfortably say that arizona sucks at football........and....i also got a laptop, thanks to the wonderful people at the atdp office. much love goes out to nina and lloyd especially, thank you both so very much! ok that's enough of my rant for now, oh ya, look out for more posts cuz i have internet in my room now, what's cool is that it's wireless, so that means i could join this really cool, coolguy wireless internet club or something. oh ya and for everyone out there, send me some topics or something, unless of course you like listening to me rant and complain about stuff. haha, see ya guys! music: brand new - "seventy times 7" <---thanks to my bro. david, this is one of my new favorite songs saves the day - "all i'm losing is me" new found glory - "hit or miss" brand new - "the quiet things that no one ever knows" dashboard confessional - "saints and sailors" saves the day - "my sweet fracture" the ataris - "giving up on love" brand new - "jude law and a semester abroad" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 6th, 2003
5:53 pm	MIDTERMS...and a slow paced weekend well in the midst of midterms, i find myself trying to keep my compusure because my economics midterm is rapidly approaching this wednesday. (WISH ME LUCK!) this time i'll actually let you guy's know how i did. hopefully i don't come out of the test crying, that would mean i didn't do well at all. or maybe crying out of joy because i did so well. haha i wish. anyways i found myself in coalinga this weekend, erika and i drove the the drive-in at armona. we watched "once upon a time in mexico" and "cabin fever" i believe. i'm not really sure what it was. but if i had to grade my overall experience at the drive in i'd probably give it a "c-". i wasn't excited about watching movies in a field of dirt, surrounded by plenty of rednecks and t.t., and receiving really crappy movie food. then the actual movies lacked substance, and they seemed to go along with no point. i must say that i was disappointed in rodriguez, his conclusion to the "el mariachi" trilogy was seriously under par. and i wasn't too excited about the fact that enrique iglesias was one of the mariachi's fellow gunslinger. but anyways, whatever floats his boat. i guess that's enough about my rant. miss you babe. music: *music playing in my head "i miss you" -incubus (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 28th, 2003
2:16 pm	"this song is about the best day that i've ever had" -christopher ender carrabba despite the numerous bumps and bruises, THIS LAST WEEKEND WAS THE BEST WEEKEND I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!! it was sooooo awesome. erika's train arrived on friday about a half hour late, but it was fine because i had to shower anyways. when the bart finally got to the amtrak station, erika really loved the rose that i bought her. (awwww cute!) then we had lunch at I.B.'s, which was good too. not long after we got on bart again to san fran., and waited in line for three hours! it wasn't that bad. as erika and i sat on the sidewalk i noticed a familiar face crossing the street...it was the bass player from dashboard confessional (i can't remember his name), but i just froze. then a while after, the lead singer and guitarist from vendetta red walked next to erika and i, i was a bit confused since i had never seen the physical appearance of any bandmember from vendetta red, but i was suspicious and figured that they were in some sort of band. when the doors finally opened we briskly walked to the stage where we found ourselves about eight people back from the front rail. after an hour of pushing and shoving erika and i made it to three bodies from the rail. that's when vendetta red began their set...i must say, in the words of the great homestar runner, "it was fweakin' awwwesome!" the highlight of that set was that the lead singer stage dove into the crowd right next to me, i helped catch him and return him to the security guys. it was cool. then i could swear to the holy spirits that he actually pointed at me while on stage. after them, brand new was up. i was definitely disappointed because the performance was, ummm, uhhhh...lacking, of anything that would be as great as the other bands. much to my disappointment the band finally finished their set and mxpx came on. WOW, these guys had some anal kicking energy. by this time erika and i were completely drenched in sweat. we were both frustrated by what seemed an endless flow of annoying crowd surfers kicking, flailing and begging for us to help them out of the crowd. also the constant pushing, shoving and stubbornness of the other devoted fans got to me, i was pretty angry by the time mxpx finished...but when dashboard stepped up, all that went away. the very first drum 'smack' and guitar 'strum' i heard, seemed to be a magic spell that took all my anger and frustration away. i sung every single song at the top of my lungs, there were times when i could only hear myself, it was great! then at the conclusion of the encore performance, mike marsh (dc's drummer) threw his sticks out in the crowd... i caught one of them! i was soooo excited. then it was finallly over, weeks of waiting and anticipation finally came to a close with the ending of "hands down". erika and i were wet and exhausted. the rest of the weekend was relaxing compared to that night. we barted to s.f. again, and went to the metreon to watch "the rundown" with the rock, christopher walken and sean william scott, it was a kick-ass movie, and according to erika i do this really good impression of sean william when he's trying to pee, she couldn't stop laughing. this morning marked the final hours erika and i would spend together for a few more weeks, it was kind of sad but a little relieving since i have so much homework to do still. we tried catching the 10:27 san jouquin train, but we were 5 minutes too late, so we had to wait for the 1:25 train. unfortunately the train was about 4 minutes early and erika and i had to cut our goodbye short. it's crazy but i miss her already. music: none, i'm in the library. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
5:53 pm	friends....how many of us have them? why is it that life is so complicated? why is it that relationships (not boyfriend/girlfriend) seem to be something they are not? why is it that some people are very naive and judgemental? why are some people hypocritical? these questions have been puzzling me as of late. if you have any comments, responses or you just wanna be funny and make me smile PLEASE post something. ok, about me, well i'm so ancy in in my pancy (or however you spell it) 'cause dashboard is finally coming!!!!! woooohoooooo, despite the fact that they sold out majorly, but hey, the "true" fans always stick around, and appreciate the music. ok and...homework sucks. also i think i'll write a book on how to survive through long distance relationships, i learn new stuff all the time. and if you need advice i'm sure i could help, so drop me a line. anyways i gotta go....bye. p.s. see you at the dashboard concert...i'll be there singing my heart out, and rocking out to brand new! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
5:53 pm	friends....how many of us have them? why is it that life is so complicated? why is it that relationships (not boyfriend/girlfriend) seem to be something they are not? why is it that some people are very naive and judgemental? why are some people hypocritical? these questions have been puzzling me as of late. if you have any comments, responses or you just wanna be funny and make me smile PLEASE post something. ok, about me, well i'm so ancy in in my pancy (or however you spell it) 'cause dashboard is finally coming!!!!! woooohoooooo, despite the fact that they sold out majorly, but hey, the "true" fans always stick around, and appreciate the music. ok and...homework sucks. also i think i'll write a book on how to survive through long distance relationships, i learn new stuff all the time. and if you need advice i'm sure i could help, so drop me a line. anyways i gotta go....bye. p.s. see you at the dashboard concert...i'll be there singing my heart out, and rocking out to brand new! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
3:14 pm	back to school savings at wal mart...! ok well i'm in my third week of school and i guess it's hard. actually it's VERY hard. the thing is though i'm only taking 14 units, seems kinda weird though, but my economics class is gonna kill me, blah! it makes me mad, but the course is so fast paced, it sucks! so crap on that class! anyways i'm also taking business administration 10, which is an cool course, i hope it stays that way though. the professor kinda seems like a jerk, but he's a funny guy. i'm also taking nutritional sciences 10, which is about food and stuff. so those who know me, prolly noticed that i've put on a few pounds, so i took the hint when people started telling me that i look older, rather than just saying i look fatter! who cares it's just muscle anyway...love muscle! and i'm taking this philosophy class, which is cool too i guess...BUT...we have a freakin' midterm this monday already! i thought it was april fool's day when the prof. told us that we had a test, but he was serious. but other than school things are going good. erika and i haven't been fighting as much, and that's something we consensually <--(if that's even a word) came upon. if feels good this way. i'm happy! oh ya and i'm sorry this seems like one of those letters or messages that is really quick and it seems like i'm writing in a person yearbook, that i don't really talk to, <--(soooo highschool, lol) but time seems to slip away from me and all of the sudden it feels like i have 20 hour days. man in the summer it felt like i had 28 hour days...i wish. peace! music: bright eyes - "lover i don't have to love" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 21st, 2003
12:12 pm	FOR EVERYONE WHO FORGOT!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE! (ACTUALLY IT WAS YESTERDAY, BUT STILL) THANKS EVERYONE WHO CALLED ME YESTERDAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY. IT WAS GREAT, I THINK LIKE TWO PEOPLE CALLED. THANKS FRIENDS :( <----(that's me cause i'm sad, and i'm sideways for strange reason?!) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
2:37 pm	a mark, a mission, a brand, a scar well i know it's been a while since i've updated. THANKS! to jesus because he actually posted something on my comment board. you're awesome, i miss you too man, especially all the laughs. ok that's enough of my mtv shoutouts. well first of all i'd like to comment on how amazingly ingenious and tremendously awesome the new dashboard confessional album is. the dvd made me cry :( jk. it didn't, but it was also as awesome. i've watched the dvd like 3 times since i bought the album. damn, i sound like such a groupie...but i can't wait until september 26. brand new, vendetta red, mxpx and dashboard in sf, it's gonna be great! ok, so news from me...i just got back from mexicali. damn what i said in my last entry about the heat in coalinga is nothing compared the heat in mexicali, it was well over 110 degrees. it was ok we first went to drop my mom off about 30 minutes away from erika's aunt's house at my grandpa's ranch. i saw my grandpa, he looks the same, i just hate seeing he situation and how old and sickly he looks. i gave him a long hug and choked back a few tears. then erika and her mom met my grandpa. later that day we went bowling at this place that was cool, i could actually my own alcohol, but i didn't becuase i was with erika's family, but it was ok i wasn't in the drinking mood anyway. and i never realized how good of a bowler i was. i mean i never bowl, but i got a 144, which is pretty decent i think, especially for a person that never bowls! the next day we went out shopping for candy and stuff, mostly just hang out and see erika's family. all in all, it was really fun. i could actually say i enjoyed myself, i just wish we could have stayed longer. and it bugged me cuz i wanted to go to san felipe but we didn't (which i got over quickly and i didn't care) but erika decided to say stuff and it kinda bugged me because she kept reminding me that we couldn't go to san felipe and how sorry she was. but i didn't care, we had fun anyways hanging out with her family. yesterday we drove back, we picked up my mom in el centro then drove home. i think we got back around 8 p.m. "Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light. And blinding our hearts with their shining lies, while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live." - chris (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
6:52 pm	it's hot i can't go outside in the middle of the afternoon here in coalinga because i'm afraid of melting. it's so hot that when i go collect the mail around 2 p.m. (which is about 12 steps from my front door) i actually begin to sweat, it's amazing. i think that the weatherman lies when he says it'll be 98 degrees (whoa the boy band!) that it will really be about 10 degrees hotter. maybe i'm just being a little wussyboy but it seems as the sun begns to rip your skin gradually with more exposure. even the southern california weather was hot, yesterday at six flags magic mountain i think i actually got a little burned, who knows? but it was definitely HOT. despite the nearly unbearable weather conditions i had a kick ass time. erika and i tried getting on as many rides possible, i think we got on about 8. hmmm let's see if i could remember....1) viper 2) X 3) roaring rapids 4) riddler's revenge 5) tidal wave 6) goliath 7) scream 8) superman .....i think that's pretty much it. i definitely had a good time. i think X was my favorite ride, or at least the drop was the best i've ever been on. deja vu wasn't operating that day, which sucked but it's ok, just gives us more incentive to go back. scream was definitely an awesome 'coaster because of the high velocities. goliath is huge! and riddler's revenge is classic, it'll always be one of my favorites. it was a long day, we got soaked at times and we also nearly died of heat exposure. at the end of the day we drove back with sore feet, sore backs and empty stomachs. we then stopped at mcdonald's, which was kinda gross. but i wasn't too selective of the food. yesterday would have been a good day...but i had too many run-ins with stupid people, for example: stupid magic mountain employees, stupid mcdonald's employees and just stupid people everywhere. it was somewhat discouraging, i felt my i.q. dropping around such a large amount of dumb people. but i just held back and kept my mouth shut, i didn't want to make the day worse. and it was funny today becasue i actually saw a mcdonald's commercial while i was watching a discovery channel program about six flags magic mountain. the show actually showed the places and exact store when i was confronted by these "stupid people". i didn't really think about it until now, haha, i guess it was kinda funny in a weird way. ok well i better get back to business, i mean i really have to find a place to live or else i'm gonna have to drop out! jk. i woudln't drop out but i really gotta find a place to live. peace! music : dashboard confessional - "standard lines" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
1:17 am	home... well i find myself in coalinga, but i'm not in the usual pissed off mode i am when i come home. i'm actually doing ok. i mean i'm very happy with my current situation, even though i miss the whole CHAH thing, if you could believe it or not. well for the last nite ceremony heun and i did come up with something quite clever. we decided to pay a tribute to our good friend spanx. actually we just reenacted some of the most embarressing times he's had while at CHAH, but the audience seemed to approve. heun and i thought it was a great idea, and it was. well the last nite was pretty fun, the talent show was funny as always. i did a solo act, i played the role of a future teller by smelling people's shoes. spanx's smelly sandal ended up out of the window. it was good, he didn't even expect it. but the next morning i left i wasn't as happy as could be. i actually recieved a letter from an anonymous person, basically saying that i'm defensive and stating the poor job i did while i held my position as staff. also i couldnt' stand to the see the face of my li'l bro isaac. he was distraught when heun and i left. even though erika showed up with my parents and i was happy for that, but the drive home just seemed a little longer and the few tears that managed to sneak by the large lump in my throat went hardly noticed. i remember driving home and looking at heun's face. i was somewhat confused by the look, but i knew he was distraught as well, but we all know how macho heun is. seeing that, i turned away and pretended to look at the rolling hills just as one leaves the bay area and comes along into the central valley. that's when i started to remember, remember the times heun, spanx and i shared. all the late night talks, the cheesy sticks, the topless soda run, and everything else. it was too much, and the lump in my throat was the size of a cantaloupe. i felt a few tears run down my cheeks. i closed my eyes and i could see spanx, ordering a "plastic bag...regular", the late nite convo's about the evil and tyranny of the female species, and singing "the boys of summer" by the ataris with heun and spanx. i chuckled, wiped away the tears and looked at heun again. he was asleep. but i knew he was dreaming about our CHAH experience, trying to relive it in anyway possible because the CHAH program was our summer, it was our time. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
1:07 pm	thinking... well, as i sit here in the ATDP office and recollect on the last five and half weeks of my stay, and i begin to wonder what i'm going to do for the ceremonial last-night-"talent show." then i begin to remember my previous summers, and what we had done. generally everyone does skits with blatant innappropriate innuendoes, but funny as hell. i could remember one summer where a group of us had borrowed a skit from about a decade ago, a few friends and i stood with our backs to the audience. we loudly began to shout out how "big, long, fuzzy, etc." our "things" were. then finally a random girl asked us to "whip 'em out". so we turned around and surprisingly showed our belts. haha. so heun and i have been deliberating on what to do this upcoming friday, actually i'm still thinking about it..hmmmm. if anyone has any ideas please post them, i'm so lost, i can't think of anything at moment. hopefully li'l heuny comes up with something. i was thinking we could reenact past CHAH moments that could possibly arouse some laughs, but i wanna do something that will really make people laugh. (long pause) i actually just recieved an idea, it's good, i'm doing it. i'll have to surprise everyone. oh, and we could do a backstreet boy impression and write our own cheesy song, and spanx i know would love doing that. oh another good idea would be to get a costco-sized can of jalapenos and watch spanx chow down! i know he'd probably like that as well. well i guess i'll have to wait 'til friday to post the details, i know there will be a lot to tell. music: none, i'm actually listening to the cars, whiz back and forth on the street through the window. but i'm humming frank sinatra - "fly me to the moon" (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003
2:32 pm	the countdown continues... well as the final week of atdp winds down many feel the despair of returning to a life-full of monotony and loads of work, myself included. i never imagined the imprints left on a person from those he has come in contact with. i know when i return to regular school, i will definitely miss yelling out "STUDY HALL!", well actually i won't, but let's just say to arouse nostalgiac emotions. no really, i will miss being a "mentor", or at least trying to do the best i have done. with this summer and every summer i've been involved with CHAH and ATDP each is a different rollercoaster ride, some more twisted and scarier than others. but finally, having a position as a responsible "head of the household", this summer has definitely been a little more heart-racing than others. coming into this summer i imagined plenty of work and stress, but never did i imagine how exhausted i'd be. i've actually fallen asleep in study hall! which is bad, but the weight of my eyes seems to out-muscle my eye lid strength. so i'll leave CHAH very tired, but with a little more wisdom. here are a few things i learned: 1) raging hormones account for behavioral problems 2) some rules were meant to be broken (i.e. #4) 3) calcium helps burn fat faster 4) vanilla coke is a good incentive to get people to do homework so ya, i know i say how happy i'm going to be as soon as the program ends, but honestly...i'll be very happy! lol but it will be very bittersweet. i've made some new friendships and regained old ones. so all in all, this summer hasn't gone to waste. i've received an education...a unique one at that. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 20th, 2003
6:34 pm	last week well i'm sitting in my room pondering on the events that have occurred these last five weeks here at CHAH. i'm beginning to wonder what i have learned and what i will take from this whole ordeal. but i know that it will come to me sooner or later but i know that i have become a little more patient, a little more mature and i have a few grey hairs. i know it may sound a little cold but i just can't wait to not be here. that way i could have the rest of the summer to wallow and be irresponsible. i mean it'll be just like the good ol' days when i was a kid and all i would do in the summer is play baseball, no worries. i wish it was that easy. actually i'm planning a trip to mexico with my girlfriend, erika. yes, for all those who i haven't told, erika and i are back together. so we're planning a trip to mexicali, hopefully it'll be fun but i heard the weather was in the near 120 degrees. WOW. oh ya, heuny. i'm sorry blurty isn't "cool" enough for you. and i'm also sorry that the name "blurty" degrades the concept of a weblog. but to tell you the truth, i would have scripted and made my own page rather than this, but i didn't really have all the time in the world. i just had to write. i mean i've poured out major emotions on some of these blurty entries and i just wanted something quick and easy. i dunno, maybe you could help me do my own page so you could stop being a bitch. JUST KIDDING. lol. ok well today i took a few of the CHAH students (antonio, deserae, sara, and rosa) to the local TARGET. i must say it was exciting. but i just think that the students were just trying to avoid study hall. but hey, i would have done the same. i nearly lost rosa and sara, i swear i walked around the store 5 times. who knows where they went? then at the check-out counter, rosa's spongebob squarepants lollipop came out to be 10 dollars which surprised me. the cashier made a scene about this and left rosa and sara laughing embarrasingly. then by the time we walked back to our dorms i was exhausted. i sat at my desk and stared at my computer screen and listened to several songs from heun's playlist on my computer, shortly after i recieved a call from a past friend. then i called erika. we chatted for a while then i left to dinner. canned beef stew and greasy rice were prepared, mmmm. i never realized how beautiful san francisco's lights could be while floating in the middle of the bay. it was truly romantic, but too bad i was alone and erika was three hours away. if it wasn't for her and my family i would never miss coalinga ever again. it may sound cliche-ish but, "home is where the heart is" and erika has mine. music: radiohead - "fake plastic trees"; aaron lewis & fred durst - "outside" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
12:00 pm	well hello there ok let me resond to some posted comments. isai, yes you're right. i should have directly stated what i was talking about and who the comments were being directed to. just let me explain, if spanx doesn't mind...anyways i stumbled across isaac's weblog and he too, believe it or not, was saying a lot of things that were inappropriate (basically just talking shit). he didn't say it directly and didn't say any specific names, he addressed me and one other person as a group of people, that he wanted to keep "anonymous", but clearly to this other person and myself the remarks were obvious. so i decided to respond to his weblog in the same manner he did. so i made it as general as possible, so if it came off that way, i already apologized for that. to the other staffmember, thanks for your comment, yes it is somewhat embarressing that i stooped to the level i did. but then again i didn't think certain parties were going to respond and blatantly distribute the url just to cause waves. but that's the past, what's done is done. and to the peterhater alias, which may be a group of people or whoever. thanks, not only does that give me more incentive to post more in my weblog, but in a way publicizes my blurty only gives me more readers. so, don't worry, i'm not upset or angry. ok, so back to my journal. i'm just sitting at home pondering on what happened last night. if you're wondering what happened, well it's kinda a long story, but........well maybe some other time. but it concerns....girls. so ya, i'm still unsure of the whole situation but i'll have to clear it up immediately. i'm hoping that this significant other will be able to go to pismo with me today, but we'll see, maybe i'll post some of the details. ok well i gotta go, peace. music: 50 cent "many men (wish death)" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
4:02 pm	who was that yesterday? oh man, i just read my last entry. geez was i steaming. i think the whole mentor thing is finally getting to me. i mean, i never really got too worked up by the kids, but there was so much building up inside of me and there was a sort of implosion, or something. i mean so much has gone on with the CHA house that i'm beginning to get lost amid all the drama and i was beginning to forget why i'm here. good thing i finally realized it. who knows, maybe my good friend rozi will help me out. i know there has been drama between rozi and i but whether she thinks so or not, i've always respected her. especially her intelligence and maturity. oh ya and cynthia, i may have sounded mad but i wasn't really. so i hope you don't think i'm all pissed. i just get worked up easily when people try to tell me how to do my job. so i guess that's it for now, so until next time. (3 Comments |Comment on this)