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[30 Mar 2003|01:46am] |
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mood |
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upset |
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music |
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my own crying |
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How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an angel break my heart
Oh my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me
We dont feel the same for each other. I want more than he can give. I love Dan. But he loves Tara...too. And...all those girls are after him..I just....I can't keep up. I can't hold on to something I don't completely have. And I must of fooled myself into ever believing..it was going to be more...to him than it is.
So what do I do? Maybe..it...it's gonna end here. I have to let it end here. He can..be with Tara..or..whoever. I don't care. *nods* I don't care. I can make myself belive that *starts to sob, his whole body shaking* After all..Im not his boyfriend. I was just some..fun.
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
From wanting far too much for far too long
Looking back, I could have done it differently
Won a few more moments, who can tell?
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know, I know him well
Wasn't it good, Wasn't it fine
Isn't it madness he can't be mine
But in the end, he needs a little more than before
Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide
Looking back, I could have played it differently
Learned about the man before I fell
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[30 Mar 2003|03:10am] |
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*sits in his car, crying. trying to get the images of his and Dans fight out of his mind* That didn't just happen did it?
*Hears himself say " YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE SOMEONE" and winces* I guess it did.
*reaches for his cellphone and dials a fimilar number* Ja...Ja..Jake..it's Erik. Please don't ha..hang up *gulps back sobs so his voice will steady* Please..I ....I need you right now.... *starts to cry harder* Yes, and it was a a a bad one. *listens to Jakes soothing voice* No...No..I can drive. I'm sure. Tha...tha..tha...*hears Jake tell him not to thank him and hangs up, unable to stop crying*
He hates me, but he'll drop everything to make this all okay. Why? Why?
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[30 Mar 2003|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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Celine Dion: Just Walk Away |
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*sits at the edge of his bed running his hand across the sheets* Jake made me feel better last night. Not totally, but still. He always knows what to say. Always. Though being around him hurt me. He still has the ring. It was sitting on the table and it just made me feel a pain in my chest. Because I realized that- *stops knowing he shouldn't say that* He's going to come home, which is good. I'm tired of everyone being so hurt by one another in this house. Except.. as much as I want that, I'm watching myself hurt him over and over again. I don't know what to do. *shakes his head, feeling tears forming* Or maybe I do. But I don't want to do this. I can't. I can't do it. *bites his lip* But I have to.
I know I never loved this way before
And no one else has loved me more
With you I've laughed and cried
I have lived and died
What I wouldn't do just to be with you
I know I must forget you and go on
I can't hold back my tears too long
Though life won't be the same
I've got to take the blame
And find the strenght I need to let you go
Just walk away
Just say goodbye
Don't turn around now you may see me cry
I mustn't fall apart
Or show my broken heart
Or the love I feel for you
So walk away
And close the door
And let my life be as it was before
And I'll never never know
Just how I let you go
But there's nothing left to say
Just walk away
There'll never be a moment I'll regret
I've loved you since the day we met
For all the love you gave
And all the love we made
I know I've got to find the strength to say
Just walk away
Just say goodbye
Don't turn around now you may see me cry
I mustn't fall apart
Or show my broken heart
Or the love I feel for you
So walk away
And close the door
And let my life be as it was before
And I'll never never know
Just how I let you go
But there's nothing left to say
Just walk away
*nods his head feeling a gnawing pain in his chest* Please just let me go. Before I get hurt anymore then I already am.
*gets up off the bed in search for his keys* Maybe I'll go to the beach for a while. Try and clear my head.
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