| Dont Let The Sun Go Down On Me... |
[10 Mar 2003|09:56am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Crazy :K-CI and JoJo |
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*stares out at the horizon, letting the ocean water tickle his feet* That bed was one of the most uncomfortable I've ever slept in. But that's okay. What can I expect from some cheap motel? It was along the water. I couldn't ask for more, and when I got here I didn't care.
I'm a jerk. A major jerk. I wigged out on everyone, because I can't handle the mistakes I made. Even though what I did with Dan was never ever at any point in time a mistake Okay, some of that stuff needed to be said. Like to Trevor. And a little bit of what I said to Dan. But all the same I'm a jerk.
*picks up a handfull of wet sand and lets it run through his fingers* I need my friends. But I also had to get away. Look at all the damage I caused. Look at what I did. I hurt Jacob. I upset Dan. I yelled at Tare Bear. And then I took off. Just like I always do. You'd think I'd of learned by now. Hell, we even have a song about it. *sings to himself* I'm standing here all alone, wishing that you could of know..you just can't walk away..from the damage. I do know it, but that doesn't stop me from always leaving.
*stands up and heads back towards the motel* It's all clear now though. What I want. What I should of done, what I shouldn't of. Dan loves Tara. Tara loves him. They should be together. I love Jake. *nods, thinking to himself* But he isnt Dan. I love Jake. I'll go home in a few days. Let this kind of blow over some. Then make my apologies where they are needed. Tell Dan he should be with Tara. See if I can get Jake to come home and talk to me. And then my focus is going to be back on making everyone else happy. I messed up, now I dont deserve to have things go right for me. And that's okay. I'll all be alright.
*shakes his head, trying to make the thoughts he's thinking go away*
You're not supposed to love two people.
You're not supposed to love one more than the other.
You're supposed to be with him and him only Erik, you know that.
*mumbles to himself* Just because I'm supposed to be with him, doesn't mean that's what I want anymore. But it doesn't matter.
I'll be alright.
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