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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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Goodbye 2 You: Michelle Branch |
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Or three, four and five.You get the point. That's my life now. A small group of people keeping me from going crazy. Tare, Brit, J, Dan and Jake. What's happening to me?
Our groups not doing much of anything. If our single doesn't do well our lable's going to drop us. *sighs deepy and leans against the headboard* They have to do what they have to do. But I don't want that.
All the other guys have things they could do. Angel wanted to do some acting. He's good. That'll take off and he'll be fine. Jacob, *looks over at Jake sleeping beside him* well he wasn't supposed to be in a boyband to start with. Everything about him screams ROCKSTAR, except his relationship with me. *frowns slightly* Guess that's going to have to be kept a secret. Cause he'll be one of those Rock legends like Jimi Hendrix or something. Dan's got the voice, the look, and the personality. He'll be the first one with a solo record. Trev, well he'll have all the chicks, and write a book about the life of an x-boybander, and be just fine.
So, where does that leave me? I'm not the heart throb, or the rebel. I'm not the band whore, or the sidekick. i'm the silent one who comes off as a moody jerk. I'm the one who never seems to be heard, especially when I need to be. Most of all, I'm just Erik Michael.
I keep making a mess of my relationship with Jake. He's perfect, you know? Wonderful. Beautiful. And then here I come with my need to try stuff with Dan. I know I seem like a major ass for that, but I really feel I have to. Dan's got some kind of hold over me. I need to figure it out.
He's clueless. Fucking clueless. Jacob has no true idea what's up with me and Dan, and he doesn't ask. He just keeps doing cute little boyfriend things you don't and wouldn't expect. Like writing out 100 reasons why he loves me. Or buying me flowers. YES, flowers. Okay, so I'm not a flowers type, but still. Janie, how the hell could you walk away from such a perfect man? But thanks all the same.
I miss my momma. I miss the way she knows her baby's hurting, before I even say a word. It's always, " E, honey, tell your momma, and we'll fix it." Of course, her fixing it usually involves kissing my forehead, telling me it'll be alright, and making me some stew. But she's good, God is she. Michele freaked on Jake when he told her about us. She doesn't believe in the 'sin' we're commiting. For one, we havent SLEPT together. Not that that's a sin. For two, you can't help who you love. Do you think I honestly wanted to look at Jake and have my heart tinge evertime I saw him with his wife? *smiles and rubs a hand over Jacob's back* I guess it turned out okay. But how dare Mich, ya know? I know I'm probably the last person she'd imagine with her son, but he's happy. I think. That should make her happy too. I love my momma. For loving me, understanding me, and never questioning me. She just knows my hearts doing what it feels is right.
I feel estranged from my friends. Like everythings falling. Angel and Rachel have their own thing going on, and when it's the two of them I feel like they don't see me. Dan well now with all this tension, I don't know what he wants and that makes me feel weird. Cause I know what I do want. And if those two things are different, I'm going to feel so weird *shakes head and listens to the silence in the house, letting a couple of tears fall before wiping them away* What am I doing to myself?
Britney and J, well it feels like that faded away. They have a relationship and so much going on. I mean, she knows me so well, Nee does. But she has no idea right now *runs a finger over his heart, winces, and pulls his hand away* That doesn't even work anymore. I love her, I love him. I guess I just got used to having them here everyday.
My Tare Bear's not telling me something. Like I've been so caught up in myself that I'm overlooking everything she feels. My beautiful, I'm here for you. *runs a hand over his head*
I feel like I'm drowning. Why exactly, I'm not sure. Things aren't bad. What's my problem? Right now, I feel like Jake's all I got.
*leans over and sings softly, but not loud enough to wake him up*
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me happy, when skies are grey,
You'll never know Jake, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.
*Feels tears build up, leans over closer and kisses Jakes temple softly*
*gets out of bed, pulls on some clothes, finds his keys and leaves, no note, and without telling anyone where he's going*
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